Harry's Harem
by DylanBlack
Summary: Harry receives a shock from Sirius' Will reading. "Five Wives!" This is a bit of a spoof and a farce. Rated M for scenes and language of a mature matter. If you don't like, then don't read. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: It's been a while since I wrote, or read for that matter, a good goofy Harem comedy. Tenshi Muyo has sadly migrated off my preferred reading and so many people out there just don't have the nerve to write one. Sad, really. I have long thought that our dear Mr. Potter would make an excellent target for such a spoof. So I thought…why not give it a try. I hope you all enjoy.

Chapter 1

Harry fidgeted in his seat in the large conference room at Gringotts. Why did he have to be here and why couldn't he sit next to Professor Dumbledore? The Goblins had insisted that arranged seating was part of Sirius' will, but still it would have been nice to have one adult near him. To have anyone near him.

He thought back to when he and Dumbledore arrived at Gringotts nearly an hour ago. Dumbledore wanted to be early so they would be able to find a pair of eats close to each other to comfort Harry in his grief. To both their surprise, the goblins had placed them on opposite corners of the room, Harry up front and Dumbledore somewhere near the washrooms in the back.

As others were brought in, they were similarly separated due to some seating chart that was supposedly made by Sirius before he died. Harry noted Draco sitting at the other end f his row and his mother seated several rows back. Another glance saw the Weasley twins somewhere in the middle with Ron, Ginny, and their parents sitting close. Remus and Tonks were the two closet to him with only a row between them and him, but still no one was sitting next to him as of yet.

"Excuse me 'Arry." The soft accented voice caught Harry by surprise and he looked up into the familiar eyes of Fleur Delacour. "I 'ave been told to seet next to vou."

Harry smiled and nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. She was a friend at least, though not one he knew very well. As she sat, Harry wondered at what her connection to Sirius was. She had never been mentioned by him. Maybe the Delacours were cousins like Tonks. Harry briefly wondered about how interwoven the wizarding world really was just before Hermione took the seat on the other side of him.

Not long after their arrival, Harry noticed Griphook walk up to the main platform and clear his throat.

"Now that everyone is here," the goblin croaked, "We can move on with the business at hand. I am required by law to state that in accordance with goblin custom anyone who attempts to violate this hearing with an attack on another member of the assembled will be torn to shreds and all their assets will be ceded to the attacked party, their next of kin, or worst case to the Gringott clan holdings.

"I will now read the last will and Testament of Sirius Orion Black. Please keep all comments and cries of dismay 'til the end. You may collect your inheritance at the exit once the will has been completed. Any attempt to contest this will must be done in single combat against the Clan champion Ragnar Skullsplitter per Lord Black's wishes."

The goblin then once again cleared his throat and pulled the collection of documents before him. Harry listened intently as the goblin went on reading the legalese in the beginning of the document (which included a full accounting of his innocence confirmed by the goblins) and some of the minor holdings that were passed to the goblins in payment for their services to the house of Black. As the main body of Bequests began, Harry only mused on a couple largely due to not really wanting to be there. He just wanted Sirius back.

"…To Albus Dumbledore, Letters 2 through 11, a copy of my memoir My Two Knuts , which will soon be on sale with proceeds going to the disbar Albus Dumbledore foundation." //Wonder what made Sirius so angry at Professor Dumbledore.//

"…To the Ministry of Magic, A map, a compass, and the services of a Sherpa for one year. Perhaps now you can find your own Arse. I also leave you letters 13 through 56." //I can't believe he did that…wait, yes I can.//

"…To Fred and George Weasley, Vault 2347. Sorry boys, there's no money in there, just some note books from some pretty notorious pranksters. I believe they were called the Marauders." //Oh god, Sirius. What have you done?//

"…To Draco Malfoy, I give you the greatest gift that is still in my power until the end of this reading to grant. I hereby annul the wedding of Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy. In addition, I bequeath to Draco Black 600,000 Galleons and the offer of transportation anywhere out of Europe. I suggest strongly that you take it as you are of no value to Voldemort now." //Wow, Draco really is a bastard now.//

"…To Nymphandora Tonks, My collection of Muggle novels and 100000 galleons. I also give this piece of advice. Some blokes have to be hit over the head to see what's in front of them. The man you love is one of them." //Tonks is in love? With who?//

"…To Remus Lupin, I leave Grimauld Place. I doubt my Godson will ever want to step foot in there again and the thought of you wolfing out and accidentally shredding my mother's portrait does my heart good. I also leave you 100000 Galleons and the advice I have always given you: Do not let your affliction rule your life." //Thank you Sirius.//

"…To Hermione Granger, 100000 Galleons and Vault 1375. You might find the collection educational." //What did you give her, Sirius?//

"…To Ronald Weasley, 200000 Galleons and Vault 1376. Spend it wisely, Ron. And remember there are more important things than money. "

"…To Ginerva Weasley, 100000 Galleons and Vault 1377. May you find more than you are looking for."

"…To Fleur Delacour, 1,000,000 Galleons and Letter number 57. Please take good care of what I am entrusting you with. I valued it more than my own life." //Wow, I wonder what it is.//

"…To Molly and Arthur Weasley, 2,500,000 Galleons and my family's Northbriar Estate. Thank you for treating my godson as one of your own. And if you don't take this I will personally come back and haunt you. No ifs ands or buts." //Way to go Sirius.//

"…To Severus Snape, 200,000 galleons a month on the condition that he continues to brew the wolfsbane potion for Remus Lupin, and Letter number 12. I also formally apologize for all the antics that James and I played on you. I also admit to being the primary instigator and driving force behind them." //Wow, I never thought Snape could get paler. Better late than never, I guess.//

"Finally to my godson, Harry James Potter, I leave the remainder of my fortune and the title of Lord Black. I also declare him emancipated and legally an adult in the wizarding world-"

Harry was snapped out of his momentary shock by the simultaneous shouting from both Minister Fudge and Professor Dumbledore.

"This is preposterous!"

"He is not even sixteen yet! He can't be allowed to run amok with a wand!"

Harry noticed Griphook sigh and glance at Him. Harry just shrugged.

"Security!" Griphook's cry brought in two large and nasty looking Trolls. Dumbledore and Fudge both quieted down instantly. "Now, as I was saying…I also declare him emancipated and legally an adult in the wizarding world with all the rights and responsibilities that accompany it. Also as the original executor of James Potters will, I will note that he is due to become Lord Potter at age sixteen and receive the remainder of his inheritance on his birthday, July 31st. Finally, I will state that Albus Dumbledore willfully ignored James and Lily's will by putting Harry with her sister who she was sure was mentally unstable.

"As I have given the Ministry all the evidence it needs to remove Albus Dumbledore from any position in manipulating Harry's life, my next duty was to find a suitable guardian. As the only guardians I would find fitting would likely be bogged down in red tape until the 31st anyway, why not just make his emancipation a few weeks early."

Harry chuckled. It was actually only one week early, if Sirius was right. Still, Harry was confused, didn't Dumbledore say he needed to go to the Dursleys. Something about the blood wards that protected him.

"Finally," Griphook growled out, "I leave Harry Letter 1, which will entail everything he needs to know about his new holdings and duties. I am sorry I couldn't tell you this in person, pup. Just like I know your mom and dad wish they could be there for you. All I can say is lean on those who are closest to you. They will never let you down."

Griphook looked up once again. "The reading of the will is completed. All save Mister Potter may retrieve the bequests at the exit. Mister Potter, if you will remain behind, there is some paperwork that I need you to fill out."

Harry smiled nervously and nodded. "Um, can someone stay behind to help me with any questions?"

Griphook stroked his chin. "Within limits, yes. Your godfather made certain restrictions on who could approach you after the will reading."

"I see." Harry glanced around. Sirius obviously had something against Professor Dumbledore, so he was out. Of the Weasleys, Bill would be the best to ask, but he wasn't here. The words from Sirius' will came back to him. _Lean on those who are closest to you. _Knowing Sirius, he wasn't talking about emotionally. Harry glanced at Fleur.

"Would you mind staying behind, Fleur?"

"Not at all 'Arry." This seemed to make Griphook rather pleased. Harry glanced back to see a very upset expression on Professor Dumbledore's face.

The next few hours went by with Harry seeing his total net worth (Seventy Million Galleons liquid as well as several estates in Britain and Europe) Accepting his various titles(Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Pryderi, and Lord Aucoin), signing his Emancipation papers and receiving a thick parcel labeled "Letter 1". After all was said and done, Harry and Fleur went to eat at a small café nearby.

"So, how did you know Sirius?" Harry asked as they waited for their orders.

"I didn't," Fleur admitted. "It was a surprise to moi."

"Well, maybe your letter explains it."

The rest of the meal continued in comfortable silence, interspersed by pleasantries and some small talk. Harry and Fleur agreed to keep in touch and talk later as they finished. Harry made his way to the Leaky Cauldron and met up with the Weasleys as planned then went on with them back to the Burrow. This of course led him directly into an impromptu meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, in which Dumbledore insisted that Harry had to instantly return to Number12 Privet Drive. Others started arguing that perhaps Harry would be better off someplace less conspicuous. Of course, Harry's opinion was neither considered nor solicited.

Finally, Harry had enough. "Quiet!" The shout brought about a stunned silence as everyone looked at Harry. Once he was sure he had everyone's attention, Harry took a breath and continued. "Now, as I understand it I am legally treated as an adult."

"Technically," Remus conceded.

"And as an adult it falls to me to decide where I will go."

This time it was Dumbledore who interrupted. "Harry, we must consider your safety. The Dursleys are-"

"No where near safe." Harry interrupted back. "While spending my summers there, I have been accosted by a neurotic House Elf, my escaped convict godfather, my bullying cousin, and of course a dementor sent by the Ministry of Magic. All the wards protect me from are Death Eaters, which I have fought to a draw every time I've faced them. It seems to me that I am in more danger from those trying to protect me at the moment."

"Harry!" shouted a startled Molly. "How can you say that?"

"Every time I've needed to know something, those trying to protect me keep it from me. Every time knowledge would keep me safe, my protectors keep me in the dark. Aside from Remus and Professor McGonagall, every time I needed to learn a spell to defend myself and PROTECT MY LIFE I've had to hunt down with only the help of other students. Knowledge is power, but knowledge is also safety. By keeping me in the dark you have endangered my life."

The group fell silent at Harry's declaration. He figured they were still trying to process between protectiveness and guilt. He wanted to feel for them, but now wasn't the time. Holding the bundle in his hand he paced towards the fireplace looking relaxed.

"Now as it happens I was shown a great number of places that are warded very well and would take a rather large army to infiltrate. Granted, they do not have my mother's blood protecting me, but I doubt anyone would think to look in a place they don't know exists."

Reflexes honed by years of quidditch and dodging Dudley suddenly sprang into life as Harry quickly grabbed a handful of floo powder and shouted the first name he remembered from the list diving into the flare. "Charmer's Cove!"

Harry stumbled into an unlit room as the sun set outside. From the smell of salt in the air, Harry guessed he was on the seashore. Lighting a gas lamp, he made his way over to a chair and sat down. He looked at the bundle in his hands, gently pulling back the parchment wrapping and setting it aside. The first page only had a couple of lines on it.

The Marauders Guide to Surviving your Inheritance, by Prongs and Padfoot with comments by Lily Potter and some further addendums by Padfoot.

Harry swallowed at seeing what appeared to be a title to a book. Did he really trust his godfather and father with what to do with his money? Well, his mom was adding some comments as well and it couldn't hurt to look. Then there was the nagging part of his mind that went back to thinking about his inheritance. It wasn't all money. There were titles as well. What if this is about them?

He shuffled the page and started reading.

J: "My son, Padfoot and I start this project with some concern, and I hope one of us is there to explain it to you when the time comes. As Sirius is sure he will never sire a child and has insisted on making you his heir, your life is about to become quite complicated. I'm afraid that my family is also partly to blame for this. "

L: "Gee, you think?"

J: "Lily, please. This is hard enough. To speed the process along, we are using a dictation quill and a spell that will allow us to update this from time to time as needed. First, let me say that no matter what you may have done, I am very proud of you. I hope at the end of this letter, you may at least be forgiving of me.

J: "First I must explain a little bit of my family's history. Nothing boring really. You see, the Potters had accidentally gotten involved in a bit of a blood feud with a rival European clan in about the eighteenth century. Over the next couple hundred years we popped each other off when given the opportunity and generally created scenes at parties both families were invited to. My father finally negotiated a peace with the head of the rival family but was reluctant to say how.

J: "That was until your mother and I eloped. It was then that my father admitted to arranging a marriage between myself and the rival's daughter. Well, needless to say there was a shouting match and the end result being Padfoot and I having to make a trip to France to try to fix the situation. Given the situation, everyone involved thought it best for Lily to stay behind."

L: "Fear I'd kill the tramp might have had something to do with it."

J: "As luck had it, my would be wife was actually relieved that I had already married because she was in love as well and this freed her to marry. The Patriarch however was a staunch traditionalist and demanded that there be a union between our two houses. Furthermore, He made us pledge a wizards oath that my son would marry her daughter. It pains me to say this son, but you're engaged to be married to a woman you likely never met.

S: "Addendum. Actually you've met a couple times by now. She was one of your opponents in the Tri-wizard tournament. Fleur Delacour."

Harry sat back and blinked. "I'm supposed to marry Fleur!" After getting control of his breathing, he continued reading, hoping this was just some elaborate prank.

J: "Now before you get hysterical, there were several contingencies put in place by both the lady and myself. Both families' properties and titles would be considered separate. You would not be able to accept the position of Lord Delacour, nor would she be able to be Lady Potter. You would also both be allowed to wed another spouse to hold these titles as this was a purely political marriage. It would be between the two of you as to whether any children would be named Delacour or Potter. The problem is that this would have to be your first marriage."

Harry stared at the parchment. "First marriage?"

S: "Here's where my mess buggers everything up. I am leaving you as the sole heir of the Black family fortune and the title of Lord Black. To fully claim the title, you will have to wed a Pureblood woman from a strong wizarding family. Unfortunately, my bigoted family history defines pureblood so stringently that Miss Delacour doesn't count as her grand mum was a Vela. Luckily for you, there are several marriage contracts that have been offered by pureblood families that would qualify. I would go through these a quick as possible, as they have to be responded to before your seventeenth birthday or you will have to pay a penalty to the family."

Harry sighed. "Great, that means I have to marry two women that I know next to nothing about."

J: Right, so that's three women you have to marry.

Harry blinked. And reread the line. Surely dad must have miscounted.

L: James. You said that wrong.

J: What?

L: the part where Harry could choose to have another spouse in the marriage contract.

J: I did? Oh hell. What I meant to say is that you have to marry a woman to be Lady Potter. And due to some obscure law, it must be different than your Lady Black. So we are up to now three women you have to marry. Did I get it right that time?

L: Unfortunately, Yes.

Harry started whimpering. "Three wives? How the heck am I supposed to keep up with three women? I couldn't even keep up with Cho!" Harry was almost afraid to see what was next.

S: Can we get on with the rest of my family's mess?

L: Of Course, Padfoot. Let's leave my son a drooling idiot.

J: Lily, Harry needs to know what he's in for. Even if he gives up the titles there will be penalties that could bankrupt even him. In fact, I think that was Albus' idea.

S: Yeah, accidentally sterilizing me. Arranging James and me getting those two hereditary titles. And let's not forget how much we paid into the order. I doubt anyone else contributes that much.

Harry blinked. His father and Padfoot paid to be in the Order of the Phoenix. That didn't sound right. Something kept compelling him to read. He had to know all that was going on. He knew this was important and his future was hanging on this document.

J: Right. Continue on Padfoot.

L: And the plot sickens…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: THanks for the reviews. I hope I don't disappoint too badly, but I will give this much away for the future. I have done my best to make this as humorous without going to far off the deep end. So there will be jokes made at the two youngest Weasleys expense. Mostly Ron, because I hate dull witted characters that are only there to make the Hero look that much more inteligent. I also have several chapters of this already written, thanks to my lovely wife's assistance, so this may see some rapid fire updates for a little while. They will slow down over time.

Chapter 2

Harry knocked on the rather ordinary door in front of him, not sure who would answer. When the familiar curly brown hair and chocolate eyes met his, he was filled with relief and despair.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted as she hugged him and pulled the shell-shocked boy inside. "Everyone was worried after you took off. Several people tried to recreate your floo exit but ended up all over England. Where have you been?"

"Five," Harry finally croaked out.

Hermione looked at Harry closely. "Harry, are you okay?"

"Five." This time, fear seemed laced in the word.

Hermione tried to jostle Harry back into reality. "Five? Five what? Death Eaters? Were you attacked?"

Harry shook his head. "Five wives."

Hermione blinked. "Five wives? Is that some type of Inn?

Harry swallowed. "No…the letter from Sirius…I just finished re reading it a while ago…in it…"

"Wait Sirius had five wives? Wow. Did they know about each other?"

"What? No! I'm going to have five wives."

"Harry, no one can really predict the future. I mean, that would only happen with tremendously bad luck."

Harry sighed. "No Hermione. All at once." At that he laid down the bundle on the coffee table and took a seat. "Have a look for yourself."

An hour and a half later, Hermione looked up from the letter. The most evident expression on her face was shock. "Five?"

Harry nodded weakly.

"And you have to choose them before your seventeenth birthday?"

Harry nodded again.

"Can't you just relinquish a couple titles?"

"Not without the ministry fining me substantially. And Fudge would make it his duty to bankrupt me."

"Of course."

They sat in relative silence as the sun started to rise. It was Hermione that broke the silence first.

"So five."

"Seems like."

"And one of them is Fleur."

"Yep."

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"No."

"You're scared."

"Absolutely witless."

"It will work out."

"How?"

"We'll just go thru the contracts and pick the best 4. Then we send rejection notices to the others. After all, how many can there be?"

"Last count? 476 and that's just the serious ones."

"We're going to need some help…."

"NOT Ron."

"Harry, do I look that daft? We need legal help and someone who is familiar with Goblin law."

"Well, I'm about to marry someone who is very intimate with Goblin law."

"Is this really how you want to approach this situation with Fleur? "

"Hermione, trust me, I do not want to be in this situation at all. I'm 15, going on 16 and I'm choosing my future WIVES. Oh yea, and while I'm making these choices, there's a nut case out there trying to kill me. Have I left anything out?"

"Only the Ministry trying to rob you blind and Dumbledore trying to use you as a sacrifice."

"Thanks. I'd almost forgotten. Look, can you just come with me to talk to Fleur? Even if she doesn't want to help, maybe she can suggest someone who will."

"I suppose it will be more entertaining than my original plan for the day."

As Harry and Hermione left the Knight bus in front of the Leaky Cauldron, Harry looked down at the piece of paper in his hand.

"I'm hoping this address is correct. She did write it rather hastily."

Hermione stopped and blinked. "We may not have to look it up."

As they stepped inside they saw Fleur screaming animatedly in French at an older couple with a very distressed look on their faces.

"I wish I could understand what she is saying," Harry sighed.

"No, you really don't," Hermione said as her eyes grew wider with each passing phrase. "Oh my."

"Ok, now you have to tell me what she is saying."

"I'll pensieve the memory later and translate while we watch."

"Deal."

At that moment, Fleur looked over towards Harry and marched straight for him. Stopping right in front of him, she looked more like a goddess of war than her normal pleasant countanence.

"'Arry, come with me."

"Um, can Hermione come too?"

"Of course, we will need a witness."

"For what?" Hermione asked.

At that Fleur turned and yelled at the table, "So I can legally fuck the man I'm required to marry!"

She then stormed out of the Leaky Cauldron with Harry and Hermione trying to keep up.

"Yep," Hermione says. "Definitely more entertaining than my day was going to be."

Fleur's frenzied march thru Diagon Alley eventually came to an end in the Gringott's offices. She rapidly knocked on a door until a very disgruntled looking Goblin answered. Harry swallowed as he realized it was Ragnar.

"What?" growled the clan champion.

"Masseur Ragnar, am I correct in assuming you can perform wizarding marriages?" Fleur inquired.

"You would be, yes."

"Very well. I need you to marry me to this young man."

The Goblin gave a very ugly grin. "Found out about the contract, did you?"

"You knew?!?" she gasped in surprise.

"Of course. I helped Lord Black prepare the documents myself. Have you talked about the other 4?"

Harry leaned his head against the wall. "Oh bloody hell."

Fleur looked accusingly at Harry, "What other 4?"

Harry swallowed, "The other 4 women I'm going to have to marry. I was coming to talk to you about it but you kind of changed our plans."

"Perhaps you should all come into my office," Ragnar suggested thru a chuckle.

Some time later, Fleur sat in stunned silence next to her newly minted Fiancé and his best friend. Harry, who had by now gotten used to the idea was starting to see the humor in the situation, especially when he noticed Hermione counting off the minutes between each of Fleur's changes of demeanor. Finally he couldn't resist.

"So Mione, do you believe my life sent her off the deep end?"

Hermione looked at him for a second before replying. "Actually, I believe she has handled it better than either one of us. Must be a maturity thing."

Fleur slowly shook her head and looked at Harry. "So, I 'ave to share you with four other women."

"Technically," Harry responded. "I mean, if you want we can just go through with the ceremony and go on like nothing's changed between us. I mean I don't like having you being forced into this anymore than me."

Fleur folded her hands and looked down. " 'Arry, I will not be a party to a paper marriage. If we are to wed dan I will be your wife in law and spirit. De only ting I do not like about dis is de fact dat we had no choice in dis. I could find no better man to be my husband dan de brave and humble young man dat saved my sister's life at de risk of his own. So if I must share you, I will."

Harry blinked. "It did turn out that she wasn't in any real danger."

Fleur giggled. "True mi futur mari, but we did not know dat."

Harry chuckled then sighed. "So, do you still want to get married today? I'd actually like time to get you a ring at least."

"Perhaps I can be of assistance in that." Ragnar's voice brought them both back to reality for the moment. They turned to look at the clan champion as he stood and placed two small platinum disks on the table. "Stand up."

Fleur, Harry and Hermione stood in front of the desk the Hermione stepped away at Ragnar's silent urging. Ragnar then pressed a button on his intercom.

"Griphook, I have need of you and a wizard witness on some clan business."

"Should I bring Weasley?" The voice on the other end croaked. Ragnar looked at Fleur and Harry. Fleur merely nodded and Harry sighed in resignation. //well, it was bound to come out eventually.//

"Yes," Ragnar shouted back. "He will do. Though he may not find it pleasant." Ragnar then released the intercom button and looked at Fleur. "This will shatter the boy."

Fleur shrugged. "Eet is for de best."

Before Harry could ask what that was about, Griphook and Bill walked into the room. Without wasting a second, Ragnar started. "Mister Potter, Miss Delacour, point your wands at the disks and answer my questions truthfully and honestly."

As Harry pointed his wand at one of the disks, he felt the gentlest of tugs on his magic.

"Do you walk into this union with full knowledge of what is expected of you?"

"Yes," Harry whispered. To his side, her heard Fleur give an affirmative as well.

"Will you be there for your partner in strong and lean times, in good fortune and in poverty?"

"Yes." Again, Harry heard fleur confirm almost at the same time.

"Will, you aid your partner as they are in need and comfort them in sorrow?"

"Yes." Their voices seemed entwined now, as if they were speaking as one.

"Will you also share their joys and laughter, and celebrate their victories?"

"Yes." With this last declaration, a flash of blue light flew from each of their wands and struck the two disks. Slowly the platinum twisted into two small wedding bands. Ragnar lifted the rings and handed one each to Harry and Fleur.

Harry looked over at Bill and saw the confusion on his face. Deciding that it would be best to get it over with, Harry slid the ring on Fleur's hand.

"With this ring," he whispered, "I welcome you into my family and my heart. Though we had no say in this, I hold you as wife in my heart and first among equals."

Fleur smiled and slid the matching band on Harry's finger. "I welcome you into my family and my heart. Doe we had no say in dis, I hold you as my husband and your house as my own."

Ragnar smiled at this and clapped his hands together. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. May your journey through life be long and profitable."

Harry leaned forward and kissed Fleur softly on the lips, feeling her gentle return almost instantly. They then turned towards Griphook and Bill. Bill looked shattered.

Harry swallowed. "Bill…"

Bill shook his head and straightened up. "So, how long have you two been writing each other?"

Harry blinked. "What?"

Bill sighed. "Well I figured it had to be something like that, seeing as you're at the Weasley house every summer. Or was this some whirlwind thing?"

Fleur shook her head. "Non Willem. Our parents arranged our marriage."

Bill's face went from shock to fury. "Bullocks! James and Lily Potter would never force their son to marry a woman he didn't know!"

Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Well you're half right. According to the letter, mum was right royally steamed when she heard what dad had done."

"Not dat he or my mother had much choice," added Fleur. "My gran papa was le tyran."

Bill gaped. "But why would they even consider this?"

"To end a three hundred year blood feud between the Delacours and the Potters," Hermione spoke up. "How better to make the feud obsolete than by making everyone related?"

Bill leaned against the door still partly in shock. "So, this is why you wouldn't go out with me."

Fleur bit her lip and nodded tightly.

Bill shook his head and pulled himself up once again. "Harry, do me one favor?"

"What?" Harry asked warily.

"Just don't hurt her. Fleur deserves to be happy." With that he walked out of the office.

After the door closed, Harry looked at Fleur. "You lied to him."

Fleur flushed. "I do not want to hurt him. Willem is a good man. It is just I know dat I could never be what he wants."

"What would that have been?" Hermione asked.

"A housewife like his mother. I did not work this hard just to spend my days raising children and keeping house."

Harry cleared his throat and said, "Then what I'm about to say might momentarily upset you."

"What is that?" Fleur asked warily.

"I need you to quit your job."

"WHAT!?!?! You waited until we were legally bound before you said anything! Why would you ask this of me?" Fury flowed off of Fleur staggering even Ragnar.

"Because I need your help with Goblin law and it would be a conflict of interest if you were still with Gringott's," Harry explained. "I would never expect you to give up the life you've built for yourself, just ask you to redirect your talents. I mean, let's face it, being married to me is never going to be boring."

"Just hazardous to your longevity," quipped Hermione.

Ragnar chuckled. "You I like. Ever thought about a career in banking?"

"Well, I do have 2 years of school left. Anything could happen," she answered evasively.

"Being a curse breaker is all I've ever thought I wanted to do," Fleur said quietly.

"And there is every possibility that you will be able to do it again some day soon. Right now, though, if I have to muddle thru all that is going on on my own, we'll be lucky to be able to afford to live in the Shrieking Shack. I really need your help, Fleur," Harry all but begged. He even tried out his best puppy dog eyes on her.

Fleur looked over at Hermione. "Is he always this helpless?"

"No, he usually doesn't have a plan and comes running to me to get his arse out of his latest sling."

"Hey! I usually walk," Harry pouted.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors note: Just to let you guys know, the reviews are really appreciated and have given us some ideas about what is coming up for our hapless hero. Chapter 11 is currently in the works and Raina has asked that I keep the updates to about one a week until we at least get the first part done. THat goes for Jade Potter as well. Luckily, I have a couple other plot bunnies that may show up as one shots to fill in some gaps. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

A short time later the three of them were walking out of Gringott's, each holding a stack of marriage contracts. On their way out of Ragnar's office he handed Hermione an extra packet.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Just some information for you to look over," Ragnar answered with a smile, or what would pass for a smile on a Goblin's face.

"Um, ok. Thanks."

After a stop at Fleur's flat, Harry guided them to Charmer's Cove thru the floo network.

"Welcome to my, er, our home. Well, one of them anyway."

"Harry, how many homes do you own?" Hermione asked.

"37 not counting the chateau in France," Fleur answered offhandedly.

"And how exactly do you plan to keep these homes up?"

Fleur, not knowing Hermione's radical stance on house-elf relations, answered innocently, "House-elves, of course. How else would he do that?"

Hermione turned to Harry, her eyes narrowed dangerously, "Harry?"

"They will be offered freedom and paid if they will accept it. They will also have time off and full benefits," Harry answered quickly.

Fleur looked confused. "Of course they will. What do you take us for? Medieval tyrants?"

"Hermione has a bit of a thing for house-elves. She thinks they all should be freed even though most don't want to be," Harry explained.

Fleur turned to Hermione, "Then you should look into the House Elf Protection Accords. Brittan is the only country that hasn't signed it."

"Really?"

"Yes, the land of inclement weather and passive racism. Can we concentrate on the problem at hand and I promise we'll conquer Brittan after we've vanquished Voldemort," Harry said pointedly.

"Ok, ok. I'll put that on a back burner. Which stack do you want to start with?"

"We should start with the oldest since they will be the first to demand restitution," Fleur suggested. "The oldest families would have put in a contract bid as soon as the news of a male heir was out."

"Ok, let's dig in," Harry sighed.

An hour later…

"Daphne Greengrass," Hermione called out.

"Who?" Harry asked.

"Slytherin girl in our year. Not one of Malfoy's tagalongs."

"Um, no."

"Harry, you can't say no to every Slytherin."

"Ok, put her in the maybe pile. Oh, here's one from the Patil family."

Hermione arched an eyebrow. "Which one?"

Harry grinned, "Both, actually."

"I think not," Fleur replied calmly.

"Seconded," Hermione quickly added.

"What's wrong with the twins?" Harry asked jokingly.

"First off, I don't thing Fleur likes the idea too much, and secondly, they're involved with someone," Hermione explained.

Harry blinked. "Really? Who? Dean? Seamus?"

Hermione sighed, "Me."

Harry stared with his mouth hung open. Fleur looked startled as well and asked, "Familiar du chatte?"

"Oui."

Harry looked between them confused, "Ok, English please."

"Harry, I'm a lesbian."

"Get out! Since when?"

"Technically since birth, but we sort of figured it out the night of the Yule Ball in fourth year. Well, Parvati and I did. We didn't bring Padma in until last year."

"Wait, you're a lesbian and you're dating twins?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Um, yes?" Hermione answered meekly.

"I don't know whether to be shocked or proud. Ron is going to go spare."

"Ok, enough about my sex life…"

"YOU HAVE SEX?"

"I said enough! We have too many of these to go thru to get into this now," Hermione stated firmly.

Harry gave in. "Ok, ok, who's next?"

Fleur said with a questioning tone, "Pansy Parkinson?"

Harry and Hermione answer in unison, "Hell no!"

After several more hours they decide to call it quits for the evening with Hermione promising to return in the morning. As Harry saw her out, Fleur excused herself to change for the evening. Harry reentered the main room and sat down wearily on the sofa, closing his eyes.

He soon felt a gentle pair of hands on his shoulders. "More work than you thought?"

Harry groaned pleasurably as Fleur's fingers worked on his tight muscles. "Not really. Where did you learn that?"

This elicited a soft laugh from Fleur. "A friend taught me in school."

"I need to find a way to thank them," Harry sighed contentedly.

"I think my virginity was thanks enough."

At that Harry's eyes snapped open. "What?"

Fleur continued rubbing. "I am not a virgin, 'Arry."

"Oh."

"Will this cause problems?"

"Well," Harry started then stopped. It really wasn't a problem, was it? Perhaps it was more the fact that his lack of experience was making him anxious. "I guess not. It was just surprising is all."

Fleur stopped rubbing his shoulders and slid her arms down around his body. " 'Arry, what is wrong?"

Harry sighed. "Well, hearing that Hermione was involved and now that you have even…I'm just feeling a bit behind. I mean, is there something wrong with me that my one kiss before our wedding was quite awkward and forgettable?"

Fleur seemed to tense a bit. "You have never been with a woman?"

"No," Harry scowled and shot back. "Will that be a problem?"

"Non, just…all the stories."

Harry turned in her arms to face her. "What stories?" It was then that he realized what she was wearing, or rather wasn't. The single item to allow any modesty was a teal slip, and Harry was staring through the top at Fleur's chest. "Oh."

Fleur returned a soft smile. "Shall we continue dis in bed?"

Harry swallowed. "Um, sure."

Fleur stood and walked around to help Harry up to his feet. "Do not worry. We will take it slow."

Several days later, the number of Marriage contracts had been reduced to a third of their original and Harry had sent a note to Gringott's stating that he was no longer receiving any unsolicited marriage contracts. The trio was in the process of sorting the remaining contracts into four piles ( Hogwarts, Beaubetons, Other Europe, Elsewhere) when Hedwig flew into the cottage window.

Harry gently petted his owl and introduced her to Fleur before removing the not from her leg. Harry wasn't surprised that it was from Dumbledore.

Harry,

It is imperative that you contact me at once. People are beginning to worry. Please come to my office at Hogwarts as soon as it is safe.

Professor Dumbledore

Harry sighed and showed the letter to Fleur. "So, ready to face my world?"

Fleur shrugged in return. "Should we reveal 'Ermione's help?"

"Probably not. I doubt he knows about you yet. This could be fun."

"You have an interesting view of fun, husband."

Harry and Fleur flooed into the Headmaster's office just after noon and in the middle of a rather raucous staff meeting. To Harry's amusement, it was Professor Snape that first noticed them.

"Potter! Where in Merlin's name have you been!"

Professor McGonagal turned and showed obvious relief before turning instantly stern. "You better have a very good explaination for your actions Mr. Potter."

The Headmaster Soon tried to calm everyone. "All that matters is that the boy is safe. And it is likely to this young woman bringing him straight to us."

"Actually," Harry interrupted, "Fluer has known where I was for the last several days. And as to where I was, I was fulfilling my duty as Lord Potter and Lord Black."

"Do not forget Lord Aucoin and Pryderi, 'Arry." Fleur added behind him.

"Thank you love."

"What nonsense is this Beaubeton brat spouting," Snape snapped.

Harry's eyes narrowed. "I would be careful how you address my wife, Snape."

A series of gasps echoed through the room.

Harry smiled darkly. "I guess now I will have to explain my little quandary."

Dumbledore steeped his hands. "Perhaps this would be better in private, Harry."

Harry nodded. "Still, I think it best that my head of house stay to hear what has happened and what you were willing to leave me blissfully unaware. I also think Tonks and Remus should be here."

Dumbledore looked at Harry askance. "Now Harry, is that really necessary?"

"In a word, Professor? Yes."

"May I ask why, Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagal's look had changed from one of shock to curiousity.

Harry smiled at her. "Of course, Professor. Simply put, I trust them."

"And Professor Dumbledore?"

Harry just looked at McGonagal. "I'll let you be the judge after I tell my tale."

The time waiting for Remus and Tonks seemed to stretch as Harry and Fleur sat together off to one side, patently ignoring Professor Dumbledore and being cordially polite with Professor McGonagal. Her questions were answered as shortly as they could be without going too far into details.

"So, you are married?"

"Yes."

"And Miss Delacour's parents know of this?"

"It was arranged before our births. We'll get into that when Remus and Tonks get here."

"Yet, it's still Delacour?"

"Please wait for Remus, Professor. It's really too complicated to piecemeal."

"Oh really, Mr. Potter. How complicated can it be?"

"It involves two Marauders and Albus Dumbledore."

"Ah. More tea?"

"Please."

Remus and Tonks arrived in time for high tea, which Harry insisted on as he recounted his tale complete with the evidence of the letter, which Remus confirmed was handled by Lily, James and Sirius. As he finished telling them about the marriage contracts and what would happen if he failed to answer them in time ordecided to relinquish the titles, Remus began chuckling to himself.

"Something amusing in this, Moony?" Harry shot him a bemused glance.

Remus wiped his eye. "Just thinking how this was so beautifully orchestrated to rob you of your inheritance and Padfoot just as elegantly pulled Albus's shorts over his head."

Remus' remarks earned a snort from Tonks and a small chuckle from both Fleur and Professor McGonagal. Professor Dumbledore was anything but amused.

"Harry, I have done my best to protect you."

Harry glanced at the headmaster. "Really? Then why didn't you call a halt to the marriage contracts right after my parents were killed? Furthermore, why did you put me with a mentally unstable relative?"

Dumbledore folded his hands and looked down towards Harry. "Harry, I have explained about the blood wards."

Harry tapped his chin. "Down and to the left. Darn, you win hon. He was lying."

Dumbledore looked shocked.

Harry continued. "See professor, the problem you now have is that I have been spending the last several days with my wife the curse-breaker. And guess what they teach them about first. Blood Magic. Seeing most curses on dark artifacts have some blood magic woven into them, it really is just a time saving measure. Best to have them prepared right up front.

"Now, of course there is spontaneous blood magic that happens when someone willingly sacrifices their life for another, which is considered 'good' blood magic. This leaves a mark on the being that protects them from harm until they are of an age they can protect themselves. Common folklore states that the individual will be protected as long as they live under the house of blood relatives. Of course anyone who knows a thing a bout blood magic knows this isn't true. But it did make for a good enough excuse, didn't it Professor."

Harry's eyes bored into the headmaster, forcing the older man to look away. "Now, I will continue with the other thing I learned about blood magic from Fleur. I haven't been protected since after the tri-wizard tournament."

Harry noted the shocked expressions on everyone's face save Dumbledore's. "So you knew that one as well."

The Headmaster sighed. "It had occurred to me. I hoped I was wrong when I faced Tom to a near standstill at the Ministry of Magic. Shall I explain?"

Harry nodded.

"Very well, When Voldemort used a ritual to be reborn, he used some of Harry's blood in order to get past his wards. What actually happened was to have the wards released by making Harry the magical equal of Voldemort so they would no longer be necessary."

"In short," Harry interrupted, "Voldemort doesn't have a conduit into my head. I was unconsciously cracking into his. I have copies of all his natural magical abilities as well as a few of my own. The only difference in power between the two of us now is the ability to control it and how we choose to use it."

"Merlin," Remus choked out.

"Imagine him as an Auror," Tonks mused. "Harry'd be unstoppable."

"I'm not going to be an Auror," Harry stated.

This caused several people to look at him. He sighed and placed his hand in Fleur's. "I finally have something to look forward to and I'll be damned if I throw it away chasing badguys."

Fleur smiled at this. "We will find our own path to help others. As a family."

Remus smiled. "Well, it looks like the two of you are off to a great start."

Tonks nudged Remus. "Well at least someone can see a good thing."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note: Short chapter here folks I know you feel a little robbed but I promise to update more often then what Raina wants me to, just be warned if we get caught up that we will not rush and you may have to wait a bit. Oh, and CC: Nice backpedal. ^_^

Chapter 4

Harry slammed the papers down in frustration. "This is hopeless. I haven't even spoken to most of these girls. How am I supposed to figure out if we'll even get along from a 10 page contract?"

Remus looked up from the pile in front of him, "Well Harry, the contracts aren't the only way to handle the situation. You could always just ask a lady that you know. I'm sure that after you explain everything, more than a few would be willing to help."

"Hm, there's an idea. Of course it would have to be someone that I like. Let's see, there's Luna, Katie, Hannah, oh yea, and Tonks!"

"Harry, I don't thing that Nymphandora would be a good match," Remus said slowly.

Harry smirked, "Oh why not? She's pretty, funny, smart, has a great set of knockers…"

"Harry!"

"Well, she does. Is there something wrong Remus?" asked Harry.

"She is six years your senior."

"So, Fleur is three."

"It just seems inappropriate."

Harry, raising his hand, said in a mock serious voice, "I promise we'll do everything behind closed doors."

This last statement made Remus narrow his eyes and growl at Harry.

"Or you could just admit that you fancy her," Harry said in amusement.

"Impudent brat," said Remus with a smile.

"Am I wrong?" Harry asked.

"It's not that simple, Harry," Remus began.

"I think it is. Guy likes girl, girl like guy, guy introduces his wand to her cauldron, nothing blow up, all is good."

"Harry! Language."

"So what is the problem, Moony?"

"Her being associated with a werewolf will have a detrimental effect on her career. I don't want to ruin her life," he said.

"Like I said Remus, she's smart. I'm sure she's thought about that and she still wants to be with you. I don't think she sees it like you do," Harry told him.

Remus shuffles the papers and says, "Perhaps we should get back to your problem."

Harry looked thoughtful and said, "I think you might have given me a partial answer to my situation in this."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry stood in front of the door to the Lovegood's tower trying to compose what he wanted to say. How would Luna take this? After all, he'd only known her for a year, really. With school just two weeks away, here he was going to dump one more headache on her. And then there was the matter of her father. What would he thing of a young man who just shows up one day asking for his daughter's hand? He was just about to panic and turn around when the door opened.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Luna asked.

"I, um, well, have a bit of a problem," Harry stammered.

"You know I'm always willing to help, Harry. Do you want to come in?"

"Perhaps I should. Is your father home?" _Please say no, please say no._

"He's in his office editing next week's edition. Should I go get him?" she asked.

"No, no, that can wait until after we've talked."

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"Well, you know how Sirius died when we were in the Department of Mysteries. In his will he emancipated me," Harry began.

Luna looked confused. "I don't see how that would be a problem."

"By making me an adult, it put the Potter's will into effect and I received my inheritance from them as well. Still sounds good, right? Well, along with the money and property came titles that I have to have a lady for. There are 4 titles and each has to have a different wife." When he finished he waited for Luna to process what he had said.

"So you want my help finding you a wife, or 4, right?"

"Sort of. I'd like to ask if you would be interested in becoming Lady Black?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Harry, have the wrackspurts been playing in your brain again? Why not Hermione?"

"Um, Hermione is seeing someone. Two someones."

"Oh, and I guess Ginny looks too much like your mum."

"Thank you for understanding that. You're a good friend Luna, and if this ends up being a titular marriage only, I'll understand. Hell, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up with 5 women…"

"5? I thought you said there were 4?"

"There are 4 titles. There is a fifth wife to end a 300 year blood feud between the Potters and the Delacours. Fleur and I were married a couple of weeks ago."

"Fleur? Ronald will be heartbroken."

"Bill was. Anyway, would you be interested in being Lady Black? I think Sirius would love the idea."

"Ok, sounds like fun. Should we go to the Ministry now?"

Harry stood there gaping, "What? Just like that? You don't want to talk to your father first?"

"Oh yes, just a second." Luna opens the door to the hallway and yells out, "Dad, I'm going to go marry Harry Potter and become Lady Black!"

From down the hall they hear a distracted, "That's nice. Have fun dear."

Harry looked at her skeptically. "Luna, shouldn't we go explain this to him?"

As she wraps her arm around his she says, "I'll explain it to you on the way and I believe we need to find a couple of witnesses."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

"Let me get this straight," Remus said as the four of them were standing in a waiting room at Gringott's waiting on Ragnar to finish his meeting. "Your father-in-law to be is addled, your newest finance's nickname in school is Loony, they meet all the requirements for her to become Lady Black, and it's no one that Sirius' parents would ever approve of."

Harry looked bemused. "Pretty much."

"Sirius would love it," Remus grinned.

"'Arry, you are so bad," Fleur smiled.

"Yea, but I'm following all the rules, for once," he said.

"I'm just going to be glad that we get our own room at Hogwarts," Luna quipped.

Harry looked confused. "Our own room?"

"Sure. There's a whole tower that is supposed to be used by married students. It wasn't such a novel thing in the sixteenth century for 6th and 7th years to bring spouses, especially families that would encourage marriage contracts," Luna explained.

Harry smirked, "Dumbledore is going to have a stroke."

"And Snape as well, I'd imagine," Remus supplied.

"Why are we at Gringott's and not at the Ministry?" Luna asked.

"Because this way we don't have to deal with the media circus and all the paperwork can be taken care of at the same time," Harry explained.

Fleur then added, "And no one in their right mind would challenge Ragnar's authority."

"Still, won't we need her parent's permission? Luna is underage," Remus asked.

"Oh, I was emancipated last year. Daddy's not be quite the same since Mum died so we thought it was for the best if I could make some of my own decisions," Luna explained.

"We?" Harry asked.

"Professor Flitwick. He's been my magical guardian while I was at Hogwarts."

"Oh. Add one more to the stroke list," Harry said.

About that time Ragnar walked into the room. "Mr. Potter, what can I do for you today?"

"I have found my Lady Black and she wants to get married today."

"Very well. Do you have a ring this time?" Ragnar asked?

"I was hoping there was something in the Black vault that could be used," Harry said.

"Right this way, Lord Black."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Soon the quartet were walking out of Gringott's, Harry with a black onyx band added to his ring and Luna admiring the black onyx with inset emerald on her left hand.

"Luna," Harry said, "you know there were more valuable rings in the vault."

"I know, but this is the right one," she answered cryptically.

"I guess we should go back to your house so we can explain this to your father," Remus suggests.

"Remus, it will not register with him."

"Well, we should still go gather your things since you will be moving in with us," Fleur said.

Harry gulps, "Sorry, didn't think about that part of it."

"Actually, I just need my trunk. I was hoping we could get some new things. All new things in fact," Luna finished with a whisper.

"Luna, what's wrong?" Harry asked. "I thought you liked your clothes."

"That's just it, they aren't mine. They were my mum's. As soon as I started to grow up and look almost identical to her, Dad insisted that it was my wardrobe. I don't think he understood that I wasn't her."

"Shopping it is," Fleur said. "'Arry, would you mind if Luna and I took a few hours this afternoon?"

Harry quickly agreed. "Not at all. This will give me a chance to help Remus out with his problem."

"Harry…."

"It's either this, or I ask Tonks to be Lady Potter. Take your pick."

Remus just growled and followed after him.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's notes: Alright people, I said constructive criticism. The comment by Luna was a joke and Harry will address it soon. Also, could someone please point me to where it says IN THE BOOKS that Susan was a red head? If you are going by the movies or the games, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. I didn't like them. I'm therefore taking some creative license and making Susan a Blond for the purposes of this story.  
Finally, I really want to know why people think that Hogwarts is the only place Harry would draw from. I mean, there are other parts of the wizarding world than Great Britain. Just because JKR confined herself to her homeland doesn't shackle the fanfic writers.

Chapter 5

Harry plopped down in the chair across from Tonks' desk and grinned at her. "Wotcher, Tonks."

"Wotcher, Harry. What are you doing here?"

"You see, I have this bet with Remus that I need your help with," Harry began.

Tonks looked at him dubiously. "Just what does this bet entail?"

"Well, it entails me mentioning he is outside waiting for you and is willing to take you to dinner," Harry said in a loud voice catching several peoples' attention. "All you have to do is go down and accept the werewolf's invitation." This last part drew quite a few more stares. Harry casually looked at his nails as he continued. "Now, Remus said that you would never endanger your career for something as frivolous as a dinner. I, being the romantic, said he was wrong."

Tonks smirked at him. "Harry, you're a clumsy match maker at best. What do you get if I go to dinner?"

Harry sat back smugly, "I get to be the best man and pay for the honeymoon."

Tonks grinned, "And if you lose?"

"Ever consider being Lady Potter?"

"You know I like the beach, right?" she smiled back at him. "And I was planning on quitting soon anyway."

As they strolled out of the Ministry arm in arm, Remus started smiling. Harry leaned over and said, "He probably thinks that he's won."

Tonks replied, "Oh, not for long."

She let go of Harry, marched up to Remus, wrapped her arms around his neck and in full view of everyone, kissed him senseless.

"Hi. Where are we going for dinner?" she asked when she finally pulled away.

Remus said alarmed, "Dora, your job!"

"Fuck it. You're more important than a job I don't really like anymore."

"But…"

"No buts. Get this thru your thick head Remus Joshua Lupin, I love you. I'm not going anywhere and you're going to get this if I have to beat it into your head," she said forcefully.

Behind them Harry chuckled. "Does this mean we need to make another trip to Gringott's?"

Remus looked annoyed. "One marriage a day, Mr. Potter, is all you're allowed."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry flooed into Charmer's Cove in a surprisingly good mood from his foray into amateur matchmaking only to be accosted by a hysterical Hermione.

"Harry! Where have you been! Where's Fleur! Did something happen!"

Harry blinked. "Fleur said she left you a note."

"Gone with Harry to Gringott's doesn't explain anything! That was four hours ago!"

Harry blinked again and looked at his watch. "Wow, time flies when you're setting up a werewolf on a date."

This time Hermione blinked. "You set Remus up on a date?"

Harry nodded. "Among other things."

"With whom?"

Harry pulled off his jacket and sat down in front of the marriage contracts.

"Harry," called the brunette to get his attention back to her.

"Hmm?" he replied not looking up from the contract and trying to hide his smirk.

"Who did you set up Remus with?"

"Oh, Someone nice." Harry couldn't help but think that it was fun picking on Hermione. No wonder Ron always tried to rile her up.

"Does this someone nice have a name?"

"Of course she does." Harry noticed a slight twitch in Hermione's right eye.

"Well."

"Well what?"

"What is her name?"

"Why do you need to know?" Now he could see Hermione was close to full apoplexy. Harry had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

After a growl worthy of Moony, Hermione shot out, "It would be nice to call her something other than the woman shagging Professor Lupin."

"You know he's no longer a professor, right?"

"Gah! You're a prat!"

Harry burst out laughing. "Relax, he's on a date with Tonks. The two of them actually make a cute couple."

"Tonks?" Hermione blinked. "What about her Auror job?"

Harry continued shuffling papers as something caught his eye. "Oh, she quit. What's this?"

Hermione gasped as Harry picked up a file from the other Europe pile.

"She quit? Why did she do that?"

Harry shrugged as he paged through the contract. "Probably tired of the passive bigotry that the place was rife with. Hermione, did you place this file in that pile?"

"Still it is easier to change the system from within. Harry this is serious."

"Hmm, how did she end up in the other Europe pile. She should have been in the Hogwarts pile."

Hermione turned and scowled at Harry. "Harry, this is serious! She's thrown her life away, and you put her up to it!"

Harry closed his eyes and got control of himself. "No, she threw away a job she hated for the man she loved. Now, I'm trying to figure out why this file got misplaced. Are you sure you didn't touch it?"

Hermione slammed down in a seat. "Why are you so calm about this! I thought you liked Tonks!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I do. That's why I am calm. I also find that it is really none of my business how a person who just inherited a large sum of money spends said money. She will be fine for the time being. Now, I need to know how this file got misplaced."

Hermione glared at him. "And why is this so bloody important!"

Harry handed it over to her. "Because it is a marriage contract for Susan Bones."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry and Hermione spent the next hour going through the three remaining piles for any familiar names. At the end, five Hogwarts students in total were found: Susan Bones, Katie Bell, Cho Chang, Lavender Brown, and a second year that Hermione recognized.

"I think that the second year should be refused," Harry stated.

"What the matter?" Hermione teased. "Not into younger women?"

Harry looked at her for a second before continuing. "Cho and I just won't work. I'd be afraid of what I'd catch from Lavender…"

"Boy is that the truth."

"And Katie is a bit too domineering. I really don't think she and Fleur would get along."

"So, Susan is still on the maybe pile?"

Harry paused. "I think I'll talk to Fleur first."

Hermione looked at him. "Thinking she may have done this on purpose?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe. I just want to be sure. I really don't want to upset her or Luna."

"What does Luna have to do with this?"

Before he could answer, the floo flared into life followed by Fleur's voice. " 'Arry, we're home."

"Come give your wives a kiss," Luna's voice joined.

"Wives?" Hermione squeaked.

Harry blushed. "I did say among other things."

"You married Loony Lovegood?" Hermione asked.

"Please don't call Luna that," Harry sighed as he stood to go greet the ladies.

"But Harry…"

"I'll explain the reasons later. Just be nice, ok?" Harry asked plaintively. He walked into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw Luna. She was wearing a long dress that was several shades darker than her eyes that hugged her body down to about her hips. The neckline stopped just before being indecent and it was sleeveless. The bottom flowed away from her body in a subtle ruffle that was slightly longer in the back than the front. On her feet were simple flat sandals that were laced across her feet and up her leg to mid calf with a lighter blue ribbon. There was a delicate chain belt that accentuated a slight curve in her hips which promised to mature nicely and no trace of radishes or butterbeer corks to be found. It took him a minute to be able to speak so that none of the girls would know just how close the sight of Luna came to unhinging his brain. "Um, wow. You look great, Luna. Did you find everything you were looking for?"

"Oh yes! Fleur was wonderful! She even helped me find my style which turns out isn't quite as loony in Paris," Luna gushed as she twirled around the kitchen. She ended up stopping right in front of Harry and throwing her arms around his neck. "Thank you for letting me do this," she said to him quietly. "But I should also say that I'm pretty sure I found what I was looking for before we left." At that, she softly pressed her lips to his and after a brief shock, Harry responded and turned his head slightly to deepen the kiss.

"Ahem," Hermione cleared her throat from the doorway. "Should I leave?"

"Hermione! I didn't know you were here!" Luna exclaimed. "No, stay. We have wonderful things to tell you."

"So I hear."

Luna looked uncertain, "You're not mad are you?"

"Mad, no. Surprised a bit is all," Hermione assured her.

"I just thought that since Harry hadn't had time to tell you that you might be upset that you had missed the ceremony," Luna said.

Hermione said, "Oh, I thought that you thought I was upset that you stole him away from me."

Luna looked thoughtful, "Why would I think that? You don't like boys, do you?"

Hermione looked accusingly at Harry who immediately said, "I didn't say anything!"

Luna then smiled, "No, Padma talks in her sleep sometimes."

Hermione blushed and said, "I'm going to go back in the other room now. Let me know if you want to keep going on the contracts or not."

"Contracts, right. Fleur, can I speak to you a second?" Harry asked before turning to Luna. "We'll only be a few minutes. Why don't you go upstairs and see if there is a room you like?"

"We're not going to share?" Luna asked confused.

"Most likely, but I think everyone should have their own private space as well," he explained.

"Oh, ok. Just come find me when you're done." Luna walked out of the room and left the two of them alone.

"Is there something wrong 'Arry?" Fleur asked.

"Hermione and I found some contracts that seemed misplaced."

"Misplaced?"

"Well, there was one for Susan Bones…"

"The deputy Minister's neice."

"She's also a Hogwart's student. We found her in the Other Europe stack."

"I thought her aunt would have put her in a private school. She is a very visible target," Fleur explained.

"And then there was Cho Chang…"

"The Asian girl?"

"That's why she was in Elsewhere! But what about Katie Bell and Lavender Brown?"

"Katie Bell is the Quidditch prodigy. She's not in school any longer. And I thought Lavender Brown was an American."

"So it was just a misunderstanding," Harry confirmed. "Would you be upset if I asked one of these girls to be one of my wives?"

"Non." Fleur pauses for a moment. "Were you thinking of asking Cho? I know that you were associated with her for a while."

Harry backed up defensively, "No, no, no. That has shipwreck written all over it. I was actually thinking more about Susan Bones."

Fleur nodded and then began giggling, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

"What's so funny?" Harry asked.

"'Arry, you're developing a 'type'."

"I am? What's that?"

Fleur gave him a slow smile, "Blonds."

"Well, let's hope no one puts Malfoy in a dress," he joked. "Let's go find my other wife, shall we?"

They headed upstairs and found Luna in a room next to the Master suite pulling things out of her trunk. She stopped and stood up, holding a small silver locket on a chain.

"Luna? Is everything ok?" Harry asked.

She looked at him and gave him a soft smile. "This was my Mother's. I was going to put the picture of my husband in it."

"Oh, um. I guess I have one somewhere you could use."

Luna laughed. "It's not that. I was just thinking that we'll have to use magic to enlarge the inside so I can carry all the pictures."

"All the pictures," Fleur asked.

"Of my new family."

"Oh, well that makes sense, I guess."

Fleur smiled and whispered to Harry, "Why don't the two of you stay up here for a little bit. I'll go down and help Hermione. We'll call you for tea."

"Thanks," Harry said and gave her a quick kiss before she left.

After Fleur left, Harry walked over and sat down on the bed. "Luna, we need to talk."

Luna came over to the bed and sat down in Harry's lap and twined her arms around his neck. "Ok, what about?"

"Well, um, now this is not a requirement of our marriage, but, well, I want to get to know you better before we do anything that maybe you're not ready for."

"You mean sex, right?"

Harry gulped. "Right. I mean 15, that's even young for the wizarding world."

"So we'll have to wait 2 months."

"2 months? When is your birthday?"

"October 4. That's when I turn 16."

"Oh. Well then. See, I'm learning things about you already."

"I also really liked that kiss. It seemed pretty good as far as first kisses go."

"That was your first kiss?"

Luna nodded. "But Harry, we're not going to get very far with learning about each other if you keep repeating everything that I tell you."

"You're right. What would you like to know next?"

"Well, I'd really like to know what a second kiss is like, and then maybe later you can tell me what you think about what Fleur and I bought."

"I think that sounds like a good way to spend the rest of the afternoon," Harry smiled as he lowered his head for that second kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Hey, here you go a day early. Incelebration of getting another chapy written and one half written. No this does not mean that I am going to speed up my deliveries of the chapters any faster. Also thanks for all the wonderful comments and notes. so without further ado...

Chapter 6

After some snogging, and modeling, and more snogging, and discussions of childhood, and even more snogging, Fleur finally called them down for tea. As they sat around the table Fleur and Hermione seemed unusually amused to Harry.

"Ok, what gives?"

Hermione looked at him innocently. "Whatever do you mean Harry?"

"You both look like the cat that got the cream. What happened while we were upstairs?" Harry asked.

"Well," Fleur said. "I may have found a likely candidate for Lady Aucoin and she meets one of your extra requirements."

"Extra requirements?"

Fleur handed him a folder and on the tab it read Malfoy, C. "A Malfoy in a dress," she smiled coyly.

Harry blinked several times and then busted out laughing. "And she's blond to boot. Well, this just keeps getting better."

"I went to school with her, but I think she's closer to your year. She seemed a bit shy from what I remember but nice," Fleur said between giggles. "We could go talk to her family in the next week if you'd like."

Harry looked at Luna, "What do you think?"

"Well, if they're Malfoys they are probably nothing like Lucius and Draco," Luna said.

"Why do you say that?" Hermione asked.

"Lucius' parents sent him to Hogwarts because of something that happened between him and his brother. Apparently the two brothers have never forgiven each other and Lucius rarely went home for holidays. He's the oldest son, but the least favorite in the family's eye. At least that's what dad was able to find out when he was doing research for the Prophet during the first war," Luna explained.

Hermione looked shocked. "Your Dad worked for the Prophet?"

"Yea, before he went nutters."

"This could be interesting," Harry said. "Entertaining enough for you Hermione?"

"Most entertainment since I started at Hogwarts," she answered.

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

The next morning as they were having breakfast Hedwig flew in with 3 letters. Harry and Luna received their letters for the up coming year, and Fleur received a letter with the Hogwarts seal as well.

Harry quipped, "Taking some extra classes my dear?"

"It's from the Headmaster," Fleur replied. "He wants to offer me a position."

"I offered up several positions this morning. What does Albus have to say?"

"'Arry, he wants me to teach."

"Really, what class?" Luna asked.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Both Harry and Luna shouted together, "No!"

"But 'Arry, we could be together while you are in school."

"I want my wife alive and breathing, thank you very much," Harry stated.

"Fleur, that position is cursed. No one lasts more than a year at it and, with the exception of Professor Lupin, something terrible normally happens to them," Luna explained.

"And the Headmaster has not tried to work around this?" Fleur asked.

"Maybe that's what he's trying to do by hiring a curse breaker," said Harry.

"Well, the easiest way to break a curse is to make it irrelevant," Fleur said.

Harry looked confused. "How do you do that with Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"Theory and practical," Luna said.

"More specifically," Fleur added, "defense theory and dueling."

"Which could solve Tonks' job problem as well," Harry said thoughtfully.

"The three of us make a scary combination," Luna commented.

"How about this. While you and 'Arry go get your school supplies, Tonks and I will go talk to the Headmaster about this little plan. Now, why don't you open your letter, Luna?"

Luna opened her letter to find a small badge drop on the table.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"I've been made a Prefect," Luna said, shock evident in her tone.

"What?" Harry asked. "I mean, not to say you couldn't handle it, but it seems kind of surprising."

"How about yours, Harry?" Luna asked.

When Harry opened his letter, he found the Gryffindor Team Captain's badge. "Oh, just your usual headaches," he said. "But since I won't have to stay in the dorms, maybe I'll be able to keep up with my studies and Quidditch this year."

Fleur nodded. "Speaking of studies, what did you get on your OWLS?"

"Astronomy A, Care of Magical Creatures E, Charms E, Defense O, Divination P, Herbology E, History D, Potions E, Transfiguration E. About what I expected," Harry replied.

"Not bad. What are you going to take?" Fleur asked.

"Well, I was planning on working towards being an Auror, but I don't think I want to now."

"What do you want to do, Harry" Luna asked.

"Trying to keep up with 5 wives won't be enough?" Harry grinned.

"You will go crazy within a week with nothing to do," Fleur said.

"I know, but I don't think I should be expected to know what I want to do for the rest of my life when I just turned 16," Harry said.

"Well let's start with which classes you are going to take," Fleur offered.

"If you and Tonks get your way, I have 2 of them already. I should probably continue with Transfiguration and Charms, and I want to take Care of Magical Creatures. Divination is just out as well as History. I can learn more reading myself than spending another year asleep in Binns' class. Since Snape doesn't accept less than an O for NEWTS classes I'm off the hook for that one," Harry said.

Luna spoke up, "You can help me with my Arithmancy homework in your spare time, Harry."

"Arithmancy? I can barely say it, much less help you with it."

"I can help, and I'm sure Hermione will help as well, Luna," Fleur offered.

"Right. I'll go floo call Remus and Tonks and get everything set up while you ladies get dressed," Harry offered.

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Later that afternoon, Harry, Luna and Remus met up with Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron.

Ginny looked up and said, "Hey Luna, what are you doing here?"

"Harry and I are going to get our books and things for this year," she answered.

"Harry and you?" Ginny asked. "What are you like dating all of a sudden?"

"Oh hadn't Hermione told you? We're married," Luna said.

Hermione winced and looked apologetically at Harry. Ginny blinked and laughed, "Good one Luna."

"It's not a joke, Ginny. Let's all go get a table and I'll try to explain," Harry said.

After a rather lengthy explanation of how he is married to 2 women and still has to marry 3 more, Ginny said, "Ok, I'm in," and was met by stunned silence.

"But Ginny, you look like his mum," Luna said. "It would be kind of creepy."

Harry rolled his eyes. A part of him wished Luna would stop saying that. "Only her hair, really, Luna. Gin, you're like my little sister. I just can't do that," Harry said. "Our personalities don't mesh that way and as much as it pains me to say it, I need someone who would be ok with not having my full attention all the time."

"I can change," Ginny offered.

"You shouldn't have to change, Ginny. There has to be someone out there who is just for you. Besides, um…" Harry trailed off.

"He seems to have a thing for blonds," Luna giggled.

"So, what, I'm losing out to Hannah Abbott?" Ginny accused.

"Susan Bones, actually," Harry quipped. "Come on, Gin, don't be upset. I don't want to lose your friendship over something that would end up making you miserable in the long run anyway. Please?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Harry, I can't stay mad at you because, well, I guess you're right. You are my brother after all."

"Speaking of brothers, Ron, you've been awfully quiet. What do you think?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know whether to congratulate him or feel sorry for the bloke. I mean, five birds to keep up with? He's not going to marry you, is he?" Ron asked Hermione.

Hermione chuckled, "No, we've decided we're better off as friends."

"Well, I can live with that. Would you, um, want to go out sometime?"

"Ron, I'm seeing someone," Hermione said.

"Who, McLaggan? "

Hermione paused, "No. It's not any guys you know."

"Well, we'd better get shopping. We need to meet Fleur and Tonks for tea," Harry said to spare Hermione the interrogation.

After getting their books and supplies, Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley headed off to get new robes for the girls while the rest of the group went to see the twins shop for the first time. As they browsed over jokes and pranks of every shape and size, Ron slid up to Harry and asked, "So mate, who's she seeing?"

"And what makes you think I would know?" Harry snorted.

"Come on mate, she tells you everything."

"Not my story to tell, Ron. Sorry," Harry answered.

"I thought we were best mates!"

"We are, but Hermione is my best mate too. If you told me something that you didn't want spread around, I'd keep it to myself too. Which includes not telling Hermione."

"Oh, yea, right. So what's it like?" Ron asked.

"What's what like, Ron?"

"Snogging two girls and not getting in trouble for it?"

"Grow up, Ron," Harry laughed.

It wasn't long before the ladies arrived with their new robes and Harry, Luna, Remus and Hermione said their goodbyes to meet up with Fleur and Tonks.

"You know, Mione, you're going to have to tell Ron eventually," Harry said.

"I do not have to do anything I do not wish to do, Harry. It's really none of his business," Hermione answered.

"He's going to keep pestering you until he knows."

"Let's change the subject. When are the three of you going to see Collette?" Hermione asked.

"Who's Collette?" Tonks asked?

"A potential Lady Aucoin," Fleur answered. "She is a Beaubaton and we thought it best to visit her before the start of school."

"So how did your meeting with Dumbledore go?" Harry said relieved to not have to explain further yet.

"Very well, actually. He liked the idea," Fleur said.

"So now you have two new Professors who will push you very hard, Mr. Potter," Tonks said with a smile.

Harry, looking at Fleur, said, "What if I brought a shiny red apple for teacher every morning?"

"Sure, I like fruit," said Tonks.

Hermione choked on her tea at that and several others at the table began laughing.

"What?" said Tonks, confused.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's notes: A little risqué content starting here. Also, a couple days back, I tried my hand at fixing a published chapter. Never doing that again. Just be warned. If you spot something wrong and think to tell me, just because I don't fix it doesn't mean I don't appreciate the sharp eyes of my readers.

Chapter 7

Several days later, Harry found himself sitting in the Malfoy study looking across the table at the shy girl from the contract folder. He had just finished talking to her father and explained the rather extraordinary situation he had found himself in. Ironically, the one question Harry thought would be the deal killer had been the one that garnered him the highest praise. _Who would have thought that me hating Lucius Malfoy would be a plus with his relatives?_ Now he just had to talk to the girl.

"So, how's school?" Harry asked.

"I am doing exceptional in all my classes," she answered.

"Any ones you like?"

"Whatever ones you would need for me to help you succeed in your chosen path."

"Ok…Why don't you tell me a little about yourself."

"I have been tutored in the ways of social presentation and keeping a home and my family has also prepared me for what will be expected of me in my wifely duties."

"Wifely duties?"

"Such as bearing children."

"Oh, but that doesn't tell me anything about you. What do you like to do now, what do you want to do after you've finished school?"

"I'm to be a wife to you after school. What else should I want to do?"

"Fleur is a curse breaker, Luna wants to look for rare magical creatures, I don't expect you to give up your dreams just because we are married. In fact, I want to help you achieve them if I can," Harry explained.

"Well, I always did like writing," she offered tentatively.

"Really? That sounds like it would be very interesting, especially if you would bounce your ideas off the rest of us. Who knows where your stories would end up then," he said with a smile.

"So, there will be 5 of us?"

"Yes."

"Would I have to leave Beaubatons?" she asked hesitantly.

"Not unless you wanted to."

"Maybe final year, after we are married."

Harry smiled. "So when should we set the date?"

"Your birthday."

"Well, that will be the longest engagement I've had so far," Harry smiled.

"Most of that will be during school. It should fly by. And we can correspond."

"I would like to have a few days over the Christmas hols so that you can meet my friends and other potential candidates for the other titles. And I would like your input on them as well. Would this be possible?" Harry asked.

"Of course. You asked my father for 2 hours?"

"Yes."

"I can't think of anything else we need to talk about."

Harry chuckled, "Well, is there anything else you'd like to do?"

Collette blushed and Harry decided to take the initiative. He stood up and came around the table, taking her hand so that she would stand. He then leaned down and gently laid his lips across hers. He was quickly rewarded with a small gasp and a whimper. "Is that something like what you wanted to do?"

"More, please?"

Harry smiled and spent the next 20 minutes fulfilling that request. When they finally pulled apart, he said, "Would you like to meet my other wives?"

"Yes, that would probably be good."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

The four spent the next half hour talking and getting to know each other and then Harry, Luna, and Fleur left for home with promises to write as often as possible. Tentative plans were made for the Christmas hols and the wedding date was set for July 31 of the following year. After they left, Harry glanced over at Luna and asked, "So what did you think about her?"

"I think she'd be great," Luna answered.

"You know, she wants to be a writer," Harry said.

"In our house she may end up writing bodice rippers," Fleur said.

When they arrive home, Harry goes into the study to look at the remaining contracts. "Good, now I can get rid of about half of these."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Luna asked.

"Well, I know I'm going to ask Susan so I can refuse the rest from Hogwarts, and since Collette agreed we can do the same with the Beaubatons stack. That just leaves Other European and Elsewhere for the final candidate," he explained.

"You know 'Arry, the wizarding world does not revolve around Europe," Fleur said.

"So you're saying I should ditch the Other European, too?" Harry asked.

Fleur smirked, "Perhaps keep the Swedes and Norwegians."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry walked down the corridor of the train with a purpose. He'd heard that Susan was already on board and was hoping for a chance to talk to her in private. When he reached her, he saw that she was already sitting with Padma and Parvarti and thought that his chances were pretty well sunk. Just then Padma looked up and said, "Oh, there you are Harry. Come on in." Blinking, he complied.

"Hermione asked us to wait with Susan until you showed up. She said that you might want to talk to her in private," Parvarti whispered in his ear as they left. As Padma passed him she mouthed _You owe us_ to him.

After a few seconds Susan spoke up. "Why do I feel like I've been set up?"

Harry chuckled and after warding the cabin for privacy he sat down across from her. "So how was your summer, Susan?"

"Fine, but nothing that requires privacy spells. How about yours?"

"Well, aside from receiving an inheritance that requires me to have 5 wives, pretty uneventful," Harry quipped.

"Ok…and how does this involve me?"

Harry then produced a folder with the marriage contract in it. "It seems that your aunt is worried about your wellbeing."

Susan gaped in horror. "She didn't!"

"Oh yes, she did."

"Oh my God, I am so embarrassed! Harry, you can refuse this and I won't be upset. I can't believe she would do this…"

"Hold on a minute. I was thinking of accepting."

"What?"

"I was wondering if you would be interested in becoming Lady Potter?"

"What?" Susan asked again, still not sure she was hearing him correctly.

"I admit this is a bit awkward and most women don't look forward to sharing their husband with 4 other women, but let me give you some background on what's going on." Harry spent the next hour explaining the intricacies of the inheritance he received from Sirius and his parents. By the end of it, Susan is having trouble breathing from laughing so much. "So, would you like to join the mad house that is quickly becoming my family?"

"Well, I don't know. My aunt always said you should test drive the broom before you buy it," she said slyly.

"Define test drive."

"How strong are those wards you put up?"

"They'll keep out pretty much everybody on this train."

Susan starts unbuttoning her top. "Really?"

"What do you have in mind, Susan?"

"No time like the present," she said as she straddled his lap and kissed him brainless. While Harry tried to catch up, she began working on the buttons of his shirt and working her way down his neck with her lips.

"Oh God," Harry moaned. He finally was able to remember his part in all this and began running his hands up her legs under her skirt, earning an appreciative moan. When Susan's hands ran out of buttons on his shirt she began unfastening his belt and trousers.

"How far do you want to go?" Susan whispered.

"We've got a long train ride," Harry moaned.

Susan smiled and stood, pulling her top off and slowly pushing her skirt and panties to the floor. "Lay back Potter."

"Yes ma'am."

After divesting him of the rest of his cloths and casting the appropriate contraception charms, she straddled him again slowly lowered herself down on his manhood. Both of them groaned with pleasure and soon Susan was riding Harry for all she was worth. Not wanting to let her have all the fun, Harry sat up, grabbed her around the waist and switched their positions, never losing rhythm. After several minutes of frantic thrusting, Harry collapsed beside Susan to catch his breath.

"That was….intense," Harry said.

"That was round one," Susan responded.

Several hours later they emerged from the cabin as the train pulled into the station.

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

At the Gryffindor table, Harry seemed to be in a much better mood than normal and was unusually ravenous. As he waited impatiently for the sorting to be completed, Hermione leaned over and asked how the negotiation went.

"Very vigorously and better than expected."

"So she said yes?"

"Many times over."

"Wait…Harry!"

"It wasn't my idea! She said she wanted to test drive the broom before she bought it. How was I to know that meant a cross country trip?"

"The entire train ride?"

"Well, we did talk for the first hour and spent the last 30 minutes getting cleaned up and changed," Harry said. "And by the way, thank Padma and Pavarti for me."

When the final child had been sorted, Professor Dumbledore stood. "Allow me to welcome you all back to Hogwarts. First, some announcements and introductions. I would like to announce that this year Defense Against the Dark Arts will be divided into two classes. Defense theory with Professor Delacour-Potter, and Dueling with Professor Nymphandora Tonks. Second, we have a transfer student from Beaubatons Academy, Miss Collette Malfoy. Since her former school didn't have houses, she was sorted earlier privately. She will be a part of Hufflepuff House."

Harry blinked, "Collette?"

"Great, another Malfoy," Ron muttered.

Harry glanced at Hermione, "I need to go talk to Susan real quick."

"Why?" Ginny asked.

"I'll explain later," Harry said as he rushed away towards the Hufflepuff table.

"Susan! I need a very big favor from you," Harry said.

Susan smirked, "Here, now?"

"Not that kind of favor. Remember what we discussed on the train?"

"Yes."

"Collette."

"What about her?"

"I need you to look out for her."

"Why?"

Harry leaned in and said intensely, "Collette."

Susan finally understood and her eyes widened. "Oh, right. Oh God. You're really going to have to explain this one Potter."

"I know, I will. I'll send you a message as soon as I find out where our rooms are. Bring her along and we'll all have a talk."

"Our rooms?" Hannah Abbott asked.

"Later," Susan promised.

Throughout the meal Harry picked at his food, now too nervous to eat.

"It will be ok, Harry," Hermione said as she tried to calm him.

"Can we just talk about something else," Harry nearly begged.

"Yea," Ron chimed in, "how about you tell us about this bloke you're dating, Mione."

"Ron, I thought I told you to let it drop," Harry said.

"No, you said it wasn't your story to tell. It's Hermione's. Now tell," he said looking at her.

"Ronald, it's none of your business," Hermione said, annoyed.

"Come on, a guy has to know what his competition is. What does this bloke got that I don't got?"

"Ron you really don't want an answer to that question," Harry said.

"Sure I do. What makes this guy so special?"

Hermione slams her fork down, "You mean besides the fact that they have manners and care about what I want?"

"I can learn to do that." A couple of chuckles are heard from down the table. "What?"

"Ron, let it go," Harry insisted.

"Hey, I'm just trying to find out what makes this bloke so special. What's he got that no guy here in school's got?"

Finally fed up, Hermione looks at Ron and at the top of her lungs screamed, "How about tits, Ron? I'm dating a girl!" She then stormed out of the Great Hall.

"Happy now, Ron?" Harry asked as he got up to follow her, leaving Ron to do his best guppy imitation.

Harry caught up to Hermione on the way to Gryffindor tower and pulled her into a hug, letting her cry on his shoulder.

"Bloody prat! Why couldn't he just stop when you told him too?" Hermione cried. "Now the whole school knows."

"It will be fine, Hermione. We'll get thru this. I'll help you."

"I believe that's my job," said a voice from behind them. They both turned around to find Parvati standing in the hallway. Harry smiled and stepped back, allowing her to take Hermione in her arms and lead her to the tower. As soon as they were out of sight, Harry headed back to the Great Hall.

"Going somewhere, Potter?" a silky voice asked.

"Professor," Harry said.

"Answer my question."

"I'm going to go pound that bloody prat into a sodding paste," Harry said heatedly.

"I think the other Miss Patil has a good head start on you," Snape replied.

"What?"

"I was told to head you off by the Headmaster. He said to give you this note. Apparently you are to be given special treatment due to your current status," Snape said snidely.

"Thank you, sir."

"It seems that marriage has calmed your insolent tongue."

"No sir, just taught me to choose my battles."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry made his way to his rooms as Dumbledore directed in his note. Once inside, he found Susan, Collette, and Luna already there.

"Where's Fleur?" Harry asked.

"Helping to pick up the pieces that Padma removed from Weasley," Susan said.

"She beat me to the punch," Harry remarked.

"Is Hermione ok?" Luna asked.

"She will be. She's with Parvati right now. So Collette, what happened to final year?"

"Surprise?" Collette said meekly.

"Did you understand the part where your father explained that your cousin is trying to kill me? That being around me could be very dangerous?" Harry asked.

"I thought it might be worth the risk."

"Yea," Susan quipped, "it is."

"I hate being underage," Luna grumbled.

"Susan could you please be a bit more modest about it?" Harry pleaded.

"Harry, we went at it for 6 hours. I want to shout it from a mountain top."

"Mon dieu!" Collette exclaimed.

Harry groaned. "Please don't."

"Please don't what?" Fleur asked as she walked in.

"I'll explain later," Harry promised.

"6 HOURS?" Luna exclaimed.

"Yep," Susan said. "Almost non-stop."

Luna began muttering to herself, "Only 33 days to go…."

"I've made arrangements with Professor Dumbledore to allow the two of you access to our rooms," Fleur said. "I assume you have agreed to the marriage contract, Miss Bones?"

"Oh yea."

"I may have to talk to my husband about his interview technique."

"Hey, that wasn't my idea," Harry protested.

"And I'm not complaining," Susan added.

"I would offer to let you stay here for the night but there's been enough excitement for one day without missing students," Fleur said.

"Can we at least get a good night kiss?" Collette asked.

Harry chuckled and obliged both of them, then collapsed in a chair after they had left.

"Rough day, dear?" Fleur asked.

"Exhausting. Then I couldn't eat for worrying about Collette being here and then Ron has to be a dick to Hermione, so yea, rough," Harry sighed.

"Hm, should I give you a back rub?" Fleur asked.

Harry arched an eyebrow. "Our back rubs always end up somewhere else."

Fleur smiled as she helped him back to his feet. "We'll call up for something for you to nibble on."

As they headed for the bedroom they heard from Luna's room, "33 days, just 33 more days," over and over again.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note: Here's the next chapter folks. Hope you like it. We're catching up on the backlog we have on this story so once it's caught up you may have a bit of a wait. We're currently writing chapter twelve and hope to have it finished soon, but it takes us more than a week to write a chapter and we both have full time jobs to work around. Also, sometimes the muse takes us in other directions. Take a look at some of my other stories to see what I mean. also, like last chapter, contains some risque scenes.

Chapter 8

Harry came out of his schedule meeting looking a little more battered than the others he'd seen. He was able to get all the classes he wanted, but could have done without the extra lecture on appropriate behavior with his soon to be spouses. Harry really wasn't sure who was more embarrassed by the conversation, him or Professor McGonnegal. As he was turning the corner out of the office he heard Ron's voice.

"Oi, mate, wait up," Ron said.

Harry stopped, turned around and glared at Ron. "What, Ron?"

"What's the matter?" Ron asked.

"The matter is you couldn't let it drop."

"Well excuse me, not all of us get to have 5 wives."

Harry grabbed him by the front of his robes and slammed him into the wall. "Can you not learn to keep your idiot mouth shut?" Harry hissed. "That has nothing to do with why I'm angry. Hermione has been there for us since first year and all you've ever done is treat her like a walking library and I am sick of it Ron. She is a person with feelings and she is in love, and you are going to respect that and you are going to shut your mouth." The last three words were punctuated with Harry slamming him against the wall with each one. "Now," Harry said, finally letting him go, "I'm going to go see Susan and Collette."

"Collette? The new Malfoy?"

"If I'm done being pissed at you later I might explain." With that, Harry stormed off before he could do more damage to his friend.

He found the girls in the library studying with Hermione. Harry sat down with a huff. Hermione looked up and said, "I know that look. What has Ron done now?"

"Why do we put up with him?" Harry asked in exasperation.

"Ron?" asked Collette.

"Ron Weasley, Gryffindor's resident idiot and their best friend for the last 5 years," Susan explained.

"I'm thinking of amending that last bit," Harry muttered. "He wanted to act like everything was perfectly fine this morning."

"Harry, I don't need you to fight my battles for me," Hermione said.

"Oh no, then he started babbling about our situation right out in the hallway," Harry continued, including Susan and Collette with a gesture. "I rather think he has a brain to mouth disconnect."

"I could have told you that first year," Hermione quipped.

"Enough about Ron. What are your schedules like?" asked Harry. The group spent the next few minutes comparing schedules.

"Hey, we all have Charms together," Susan said.

"Yea, but our Transfiguration class is split. Harry and Collette are in it by themselves," Hermione said.

"Well, Susan and I have Defense Theory together," Harry offered.

"All three of us have that Harry, along with Dueling. The only one not in it is Collette," said Hermione.

"My grades weren't good enough," Collette explained.

"Well, we had a bit of extra help last year," Susan said with a grin.

"Please don't mention the DA," Harry pleaded.

"The DA?" Collette asked, confused.

"Harry taught a group of us some defense charms he had picked up," Hermione explained.

"It was your idea," Harry accused.

"It was our idea and it was a good one," Hermione challenged.

"Yea, right up until we got caught," said Susan.

"You taught defense spells?" Collette asked, a bit awed.

"Yea, I seem to have a knack for them," Harry said.

"Could you teach me?"

Harry blinked, "I walked right into that, didn't I?"

Hermione and Susan smiled and answered together, "Yep."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

After lunch, Harry, Collette, Susan, Hermione, Padma and Parvati all made their way up to the Room of Requirement. Harry walked in front of the wall asking for the room since he was the original creator. When the door appeared, Collette was stunned. "This is not magic the Beaubatons had!"

"Well, shall we?" Harry asked as he opened the door. When they stepped in everyone but Collette was momentarily stunned. This was NOT the room they had trained in last year. In addition to the Sneakascopes and target dummies there were also piles of cushions, stacks of magazines, and some games. There were also a few curtains that could be pulled around the cushions for privacy, if needed. Harry blinked and said, "I asked for a Defense training room. Parts of this look more like a lounge."

Parvati grinned, "Well, I did always say it would have worked better if we had some kind of rewards system."

"I recall your reward system,"Hermione commented. "It would have outed us last year."

"Well, with this group it doesn't matter, now does it?" Padma smirked.

"So Collette, what do you know?" Harry asked, to stop the rewards discussion.

This led to an hour of teaching hexes and counter hexes, followed by some friendly duels which quickly escalated into dare duels. Hermione and Parvarti had just gotten started with a Loser Runs around the Room of Requirement Starkers duel when Harry heard Luna's voice, "Harry, where is everybody?"

Harry spun around, "Luna?"

"Luna's not here, Harry," Susan said.

"I just heard her voice," Harry insisted.

"Well, of course you heard my voice Harry, I'm talking thru the ring," Luna said.

"The ring?" Harry asked.

"Harry, are you feeling ok?" Susan asked, concerned.

"I'll explain it when I get to you. Where are you?" Luna asked.

"The Room of Requirement," Harry answered.

"Oh good, at least you know where you're at," Susan said.

Just then they heard a knock at the door and Harry walked over to let Luna in. "It's almost dinner time and I couldn't find anyone. I thought this would be a good time to see if the ring really worked."

"So you can talk to me at any time?" Harry asked.

"I can talk to anyone that's in our family. Well, alive, that is."

"That's why you said this was the right ring," Harry said.

"Of course. Black and green really aren't my colors."

About that time they heard from across the room, "Hah! Got you! Strip, Patil."

Padma glanced over at Harry and said, "She loves saying that."

Harry blinked, "Um, wow. Guys, it's almost dinner time. We're going to head downstairs."

"We'll catch up with you in about 5 laps," Hermione said.

"Right, let's go," Harry said.

"Can I stay and watch?" Luna asked.

"No."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Everyone regrouped after dinner in the Potter-Black suite.

"Wow, Harry, this is pretty nice," Hermione commented.

"Must be great to have your own sitting room," Padma said.

"Yea, it will be nice to have our own quiet place to study," Harry said.

"Among other things," Susan quipped.

"Would you consider having a sleepover?" Parvati asked.

"Depends," Susan shot back. "Do we get to watch?"

"Susan, behave," Fleur said.

"This is me behaving," Susan smirked.

"Well," Harry added, "unless we do want to have a sleepover tonight, perhaps some of you should head back to your dorms."

"But I'm comfy," Parvati whined as she snuggled in closer to Hermione on the couch.

"I believe you have a bed for that back in the tower," Harry answered.

"Come on lazy bones. Let's get to bed," Hermione encouraged.

Everyone got up and headed back to their dorms and Harry started putting his books together for the next day. When he turned around to hang his bag on the peg next to the portrait hole, he noticed Collette still standing in the room. "Collette, is everything ok?" he asked.

"Yes, I… wondered if I could stay here tonight?" she asked timidly.

"The girls in Hufflepuff aren't giving you a hard time are they?" he asked concerned.

"No, no, they are very nice. I just wanted to…show my appreciation for your taking the time to teach me today."

"Collette, that's not necessary," he assured her.

"I know, but I want to."

"We'll have to talk to Fleur as well."

"And if she says yes?"

"What do you want to happen here tonight?"

"Remember the drawing room?"

"Yes."

She inched closer to him, "I still want more."

Fleur walked out of the bedroom, startling Harry. "I'll bring you some blankets. The two of you can sleep out here," she said softly.

"Fleur, I…" Harry began.

Fleur smiled, "The firelight will make it more romantic. Fitting for a woman's first time."

"You're ok with this?" Harry asked.

"Just make sure you get some sleep. You both start classes tomorrow," she smiled again and transfigured the couch to a bed before leaving the room.

Harry turned back to Collette and cupped her face, pulling her into a kiss. "This is your first time?" he asked when they pulled apart.

"Oui," she said softly.

"Do you want me to take control?"

"Oui," she said, even softer.

"Will you ever want to be in control?"

"Not with you."

"You have to promise me something, then. If ever I do anything that you don't like or are uncomfortable with, you have to tell me," he asserted.

"I will."

With that promise made, Harry quickly cast the contraception charms on both of them and a few privacy spells around the room. He took her hand and led her over to the bed. He had her lay down and he laid down beside her, facing her so he could watch her reactions. He kissed her gently as he ran his hand down her side. Her arms came up and wrapped around her shoulders, pulling him closer. He wrapped his hands around to the small of her back as he deepened the kiss. She whimpered, causing him to smile against her lips. He pulled her shirt loose from her skirt so he could run his hands up the bare skin of her back, causing her to gasp, "More, please!"

He chuckled, "Should I undress you?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Stand up then."

She stood up beside the bed and he moved over so he was sitting in front of her. "Hm, where should I start first?" he purred as he toyed with the buttons over her chest. He then ran his hands around the waistband of her skirt, causing her to squirm. He undid the single button and then slowly slid the zipper down, allowing the skirt to fall to the floor. Beneath he found a pair of white lace panties. He slid his hand along the small piece of lace in the front, causing her to jump at the touch. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head no.

He slid his hands up to the bottom button of her shirt and slowly began working his way up, releasing each button as he came to it. Looking up at her face he whispered, "Look at me, Collette." She opened her eyes and stared into his. "Don't close your eyes," he said. "Don't look away." With that he released the final button and slid her shirt off her shoulders, revealing the matching bra underneath. He then unclasped the front of the bra, letting it slide down her arms to the floor as well. Once again he kissed her softly on the lips before whispering, "Lay down." As she crawled back into the bed, he placed his hands on either side of her hips and gently drug her panties down her legs. Standing in front of her, he slowly unbuttoned his own shirt and removed it, followed by his pants. Collette looked up at Harry in some amazement, trying not to blush. Harry climbed into the bed next to her and began kissing her again. He left her lips and began making a trail down her neck to her breasts, suckling each one in turn while kneading the other. Her gasps turned to moans and her whispered voice calling out, "My Lord!"

Harry gulped. _That was unexpectedly arousing._

Tentatively her hands reached for his head, running her hands thru his hair. "My Lord, please more," she begged.

Harry began kissing her stomach, slowly making his way farther down her body. Her whimpers became more pronounced and she was writhing beneath him. He cupped his hand over her center and felt the heat beginning to build there. He gently parted her folds and brushed his finger over the nub hidden inside. "Mon dieu!" Collette moaned loudly, causing Harry to smile. He then leaned over and replaced his finger with his tongue and began licking her clit like a cat licking up cream. Her moans became more desperate with each breath and when Harry began sucking on her clit she nearly came undone. Slowly he slid one finger inside her and gently stroked in and out while still licking and sucking her clit. Collette's body began bucking off the bed and in a few minutes, Harry could tell by her moans she was getting very close to an orgasm. He began sucking a bit more frantically and after a long, loud moan she collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily. He removed his finger slowly and began kissing a trail back up her stomach, stopping to pay attention to each breast along the way and ending with a long, slow kiss. "Did you enjoy that?" he asked.

"That…that was…there are no words."

Harry smiled. "That was only the beginning."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note: Just a little memo here. I appreciate all your reviews and read them all with interest. That said, I also look at your pages here on ffn not only to know something about the people I respond to but also to see if I can get any ideas. I have only one request to those of you out there. Please tone down some of the hate I see out there. There is no point to it. Spewing some of the junk that I have seen only succeeds in demeaning yourself and painting an ugly picture. People don't like jerks.

As to the person this is directed towards, we're not writing Ron up as a villain. We are writing him as a self-absorbed, small-minded jerk. Unfortunately there are a plethora of these in Britain and America. If you think it is perfectly acceptable to harrass a person about something that is none of your business, then you're one as well.

Chapter 9

Harry woke up the next morning noticing three things. First, there was a lovely blond in his arms. Second, there were two sets of clothes at the foot of the bed. Third, he was kind of sore. "Collette," he whispered, "we have to get up." He was rewarded with a faint whimpering. He playfully nipped at her ear. "If you want breakfast, we need to get up."

Her faced turned towards his. "Can't we just stay here?"

"It's the first day of classes and as Hermione says, if we miss it, we might end up dead, or worse, expelled."

Collette sighed. "Very well. Can I come back tonight?"

"We'll see," he said. Harry then sat up and pulled his clothes to him and started to get dressed. Collette followed suit and they hurried out to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Later that morning in charms Harry flopped down beside Hermione while Collette took a seat next to Susan.

"Not sitting with the future Mrs. Potter?" Hermione quipped.

"Not you too, Mione," Harry sighed.

"Harry, you look a little rough. We've only been here two days."

"I spent the night…with someone."

"Susan didn't get enough on the train?" Hermione asked.

"Not Susan," Harry whispered as Flitwick started to walk in. "Collette."

Hermione tried to suppress her shock but gave Harry an unmistakable _we need to talk later_ look.

Harry merely nodded and began focusing on Flitwick's lesson.

After Transfiguration Hermione met Harry at the classroom door. "Harry, can I speak to you," turning as Collette walked up, "in private?"

"Did I do something wrong?" Collette asked.

"No, it's just about something I'd like to keep between me and Harry," Hermione explained. She then all but drug Harry into an empty classroom. After warding the room for privacy, she turned on him. "Have you no shame what so ever?"

"Here we go again," Harry sighed.

"Taking advantage of a sweet and innocent girl like Collette…"

"Hey, I didn't take," Harry defended himself. "And I was about to send her back to her house when Fleur stopped us."

"Fleur stopped you?"

"Yes. We ended up sleeping together in the living room."

"On the floor?"

"No, no, not on the floor. Fleur changed the couch into a bed. She said the firelight would be more romantic for a first time. And why am I defending myself to you? Why is this such a big deal to you?" Harry wanted to know.

"Well, Harry, you went from having kissed a girl once to being married to two women and shagging two others," Hermione said.

"Whom I've promised to marry," Harry added.

"Yes, yes, but doesn't this seem like a bit of an extreme change?"

"Maybe, but it's not like I planned it this way. Susan was a complete surprise. I did go to that car with the intention of just talking. And Collette…she just makes you feel like you have to take care of her. Not in a bad way, but I think I would hurt her if I turned her away and I wouldn't have meant to."

"Take care of her? You two just shagged last night and you're talking about taking care of her?" Hermione said incredulously.

"We didn't just shag. It was…we…we did, but there was more to it than that."

"Enlighten me, Potter."

"I did everything I could to make sure the night was special for her. It was about her, not me."

"Oh, well. So you…made love?"

"Yes…no…I don't know. Can you do that with someone you barely know? I mean, we set the wedding date for my birthday. I didn't expect to be in her bed until that night. It's all confusing, nothing feels wrong," Harry tried to explain.

"That, I sort of can understand," Hermione said. "When Parvati and I first got together, we snuck around a lot. We'd slip into each other's beds and snuggle up against each other. We knew we were breaking the school rules, but it just felt right."

Harry groaned, "Were you sore the next morning?"

"Sore?" Hermione asked confused, then a smirk grew across her face. "You need to take a rest for a few days, Harry. Probably in your own bed."

"But my bed comes with Fleur," he whined.

"I think she'll understand. Now let's get to lunch."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry didn't get much rest in his afternoon classes. Dueling involved an impromptu duel with Professor Tonks to demonstrate the necessity of constant preparedness. Harry felt like he could barely walk after class. He decided to skip dinner and headed back up to the suite. The next day he was feeling much better. After a light breakfast, he headed off to an uneventful day of classes. By Friday he was back to his normal self and even beginning to wonder how he'd made it three days without having to tell anyone no.

At the end of Defense Theory, Fleur stopped Harry as he was packing to leave. "Harry, a moment, please?"

"Sure Fl-, um, Professor," he said with a smile.

When the rest of the class had filed out, she turned to him and said, "I understand you taught some students last year."

"Well, mostly gave pointers on how to survive, but I guess some of them saw it as a class. Why?" he asked.

"Well, I was wondering if you would be willing to help tutor a student."

"Sure. Who?"

"Collette."

"I've already started teaching her a few spells anyway, so why not?" he agreed.

"Excellent," said Fleur. "If you'll follow me." She lead him back to her office where he noticed two things immediately. One, Collette was sitting on the desk, and two, Fleur quickly closed the door behind him and put up several privacy wards.

"Um, isn't it a little close in here to practice Defense?" he asked.

Fleur smiled. "You misunderstand me. Collette asked me to teach her how to repay your kindness from Monday night."

"My kindness…"

"You sent her to heaven," Fleur explained.

"Oh! Um, it's ok, really. It was my pleasure."

"No, no, Harry. She wishes to learn, so we shall teach her," Fleur insisted. She transfigured a paper on her desk into a thin mattress so Harry would be comfortable and asked him to remove his robe and lay down. He did, if a bit reluctantly, and when he was prone she made his slacks disappear.

"Hey!"

"Harry, we are all familiar."

"I noticed you didn't take my boxers."

"That can be arranged," Fleur smirked.

"No, no, I can do that, thanks." Harry started to remove his boxers to find Collette's hands at his sides.

"You did remove mine. I should return the favor."

Harry swallowed, "Right."

Collette proceeded to pull his boxers down his legs until she hear Fleur say, "That's far enough. Now take him into your hand and stroke gently up and down." She then continued with directions on how Collette should use her hands and mouth to bring Harry to orgasm. For his part, Harry found it rather exciting to hear a running commentary on what was going to happen to him only seconds before it did. At the end of the "lesson", Fleur quietly spoke to Collette in French and sent her on ahead before turning back to Harry. Sliding his boxers back up his legs, she kissed him softly on the lips. "I believe we need to have a family meeting tonight."

"Ok, what about?" Harry asked.

"Finish getting dressed and go on to dinner. We'll talk with everyone later."

Harry looked at her incredulously. "I'm supposed to walk after that?"

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry sat in the living room with Susan, Collette, and Luna after dinner waiting for Fleur.

"So," Harry asked conversationally, "any idea what this is all about?"

Collette blushed as Susan looked away. "Um, yea," Susan replied, "I have a bit of an idea."

Harry was about to ask what she meant by that when Fleur walked in. "I would like to set some ground rules," Fleur stated, "for the use of this room and how we are to conduct ourselves outside it. Harry, I have spoken privately with the heads of house and Professor Dumbledore and let them know that you have accepted marriage contracts from both Susan and Collette. This does not mean that you can display yourself brashly. You can be affectionate towards one another, but remember we are in school. Next, there will be no overnight visits during the week and only one permitted each weekend, so the two of you will have to decide who is staying when."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Harry asked.

Fleur turned to face him, "You seem to have an acute inability to say no, which while adorable, is very hazardous to your heath."

"So you're going to make decisions for me?"

"No, just limit the opportunities for such decisions to come up," she replied.

"I can't believe this," Harry said indignantly.

"Harry," Fleur said gently, "it took you three days to recover fully this week. If we don't start putting limits on ourselves now, you'll be in the hospital wing by Halloween."

"And possibly the morgue by end of term," Susan added.

"Fine," Harry sighed. "But what am I going to do with all that extra time? I mean, even NEWTS don't require THAT much study."

"Well, Harry, amongst other things, you are going to learn how to talk to your wives," Fleur replied.

"You mean etiquette?" Harry asked.

"No, Harry, I mean French," Fleur answered.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors Notes: Wow. So many things to respond to. let's try to take them in order:

Jabarber - Of course they took showers! Just because I don't write it doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Pointer - Ron is about to fall pretty far off the friend's list, so I doubt they'll tell him anything beyond to do some things that may be anatomically impossible.

Solitaire - I haven't shown it too much yet, but Hermione is rather possessive of the twins, and isn't too keen on the "sham marriage" idea. As we have seen from the get go, Fluer is very much against it.

So, without further ado, I give you the next chapter.

Chapter 10

The next afternoon, during a very frustrating first lesson in French, there was a knock on the portrait door. Before anyone else could react, Harry was on his feet and halfway to the door.

"I'll get it!" Harry exclaimed, seeming to run from the French text book. He opened the door and was surprised to find Professor Snape waiting outside.

"Mr. Potter, the Headmaster requires your presence."

Harry looked confused, "Why?"

"Do I look like his assistant? It's bad enough he's having me fetch you like some errand boy."

"Oh. Will you be there, Professor?"

It was Snape's turn to look confused, "Why?"

"I just thought you'd like to see that you're not the only one that I'm cheeky with, sir," Harry grinned.

"Come along, Mr. Potter. I'd hate to keep you from your harem any longer than necessary."

As Harry closed the portrait door, he glanced back at Snape and said, "You do realized that's Dumbledore's fault, right?"

"Professor Dumbledore has always looked out for the welfare of the students and has been overly indulgent in you in my opinion."

"Really? Was that when he sterilized Sirius or when he maneuvered to have my entire fortune stripped out from under me," Harry asked sarcastically.

"What are you blathering about, Potter," Professor Snape asked impatiently.

Harry smiled, "We have a long walk ahead of us, Professor. Why don't I tell you a story along the way?"

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

By the time they had reached the Headmaster's office, Harry noticed that Professor Snape was having difficulty keeping a straight face. Harry looked up at him and said, "Go ahead and laugh, Remus and Tonks did."

"I can see how it would be...amusing," Professor Snape choked out. " I do not find it appropriate to laugh at another's misfortune, unlike some others."

"Yea, my Dad and Sirius were a couple of prats, weren't they?" Harry asked.

"I assume you are talking about your invasion of my privacy?"

"I apologize for that, sir," Harry said sincerely. "It did, however, give me another's point of view of my father and Sirius."

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow, "And?"

"Frankly sir, it disgusted me." Harry then turned to the gargoyle and spoke the password, missing Snape's startled look.

They rode the staircase in silence and before Harry could knock they heard Dumbledore's voice.

"Enter Harry."

"You wanted to see me sir?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I was thinking it was high time we addressed your increased ability."

Again, Harry looked confused. "Sir? I'm not sure I understand."

"Harry, one with your power level should have additional instruction in how to control it properly," Professor Dumbledore explained.

Harry thought for a second before answering, "And I'm guessing that you think you should be the one to teach me."

Dumbledore smiled, "Would you have another suggestion?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Since I would hate to take up so much of your time for myself, might I suggest that each of the heads of house instruct me in their specialty, with extra time devoted to Professor Snape, since I was less than studious last year with our studies," Harry said.

"I'm not sure that would be such a good idea, considering your past with Professor Snape," Dumbledore began.

Professor Snape spoke up at that, saying, "I believe we are beginning to overcome some of our differences, Headmaster."

Harry added, "At least he has a reason to hate me after all the things you let my father and godfather get away with doing to him. I told you over the summer I would not be lied to and I would not be manipulated. If you want me to be properly trained, then I will need to be trained by people I trust, and frankly, I don't trust you sir."

Dumbledore looked over his spectacles, the near constant sparkle in his eyes now gone. "I'm sorry you feel that way Harry. Everything I've done…"

"Stop," Harry interrupted. "I don't want to hear again about my best interests or the greater good. I'll make the arrangements with the heads of house. Good afternoon, Professor." Harry turned and walked to the door without another word.

Professor Snape nodded to the Headmaster and followed Harry out of the office and down the stairs. When they were well outside of the office he smirked and said to Harry, "20 points to Gryffindor…for cheek."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry spent the next few weeks training and studying harder than he ever had before. Professor McGonnagal began teaching him how to be an animagus, Professor Flitwick started with advanced Disillusionment and disguise charms, and Professor Snape picked up with Occulumency again. Since Herbology wasn't something necessary for his part in the war, he used the time for extra defense work with Fleur and Tonks, with Professor Sprout's blessing. Interspersed with this was the continued study of French that was becoming more and more maddening to Harry by the day. The day before the first Hogsmead weekend of the term, Harry was once again attempting to conjugate verbs when Collette walked into the suite.

"Hello Collette. How was your day?"

Collette brightened up instantly and smiled at him. "Quite well. I see that your studies are improving."

Harry smiled at her, "Everything but this French. I just can't seem to pick it up."

Collette blinked, "Harry, you're talking to me in French right now."

"That's, impossibl…." Harry stopped and listened to what he was saying. He then began rattling off random words and realized that even though he was thinking in English, he was speaking in French. "Bloody hell, when did that happen? And how do I make it stop?"

Collette came up beside him and asked, "Has this ever happened before?"

"Sort of. Before I started at Hogwarts, I found out I could talk to snakes. And I'm not talking about Slytherins," he smirked.

"You're a parseltoungue?" Collette's voice held curiosity, not the fear that normally came thru when people asked him that.

Harry blinked, "Most people freak out a little when they find that out."

"Well, it is a rare talent, but no more evil than any other. And it does have some advantages," she said.

"Such as?" Harry asked.

"Such as being able to pick up other languages just by hearing them spoken. Unfortunately it won't help you to read them, but you will be able to converse," she explained.

"So I can speak French now?"

"Yes, and your accent is…somewhat exotic."

Harry grinned, "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

Collette grinned back, "Oh it's definitely a good thing and I'm glad this is my weekend with you."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Since the first Hogsmeade weekend was just before Luna's birthday, Harry asked Susan and Collette to go with him to find her a present. He figured it would help to have a couple of girls along when buying for another girl. They were also allowed to do a little shopping for themselves. When they were getting ready to leave, Luna looked a little put out that Harry hadn't asked her along.

"Luna, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if you were there when I bought your present, now would it?" he asked.

Luna pouted, "But I already know what I want from you for my birthday, Harry."

Fleur held her face in her hands and said, "Luna, a little decorum please."

"What? I didn't say what it was that I wanted and we are still in the suite," Luna said.

Susan piped up, "Yea, it's not like she said she wanted a 6 hour broom ride."

Harry, blushing furiously, groaned, "Let's get going, shall we?"

After a couple hours of shopping they finally found Luna's present and headed over to the Three Broomsticks for some lunch. Eager to get their own shopping, the two girls rushed Harry thru his meal and then all but dragged him out of the pub. Harry noticed Hermione across the way looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged and followed along, hoping that his two fiancée's weren't plotting something like he suspected.

Harry was almost relieved when the actually did lead him to the clothing store. How much trouble could they get into in there? He thought. As soon as they walked inside, Susan went off to secure a changing room as Collette began browsing the racks. Harry found the "boyfriend chair" stationed outside the dressing room and made himself comfortable. He didn't really notice that both girls went into the same dressing room. He was distracted by a Quidditch magazine when he heard Susan's voice.

"So Harry, what do you think?"

When he looked up, Harry nearly dropped the magazine along with his jaw. Susan and Collette were both standing in the same dressing room door in what could only be described as muggle "club clothes."

"Um, wow," he stammered.

"Thanks, I think that covers it. We'll be back out in a minute."

The next half hour or so was punctuated by the dressing room door opening to reveal outfit after outfit that gave Harry a new appreciation for women's fashion and made it difficult to sit still. Finally they came out in the clothes they wore into town, ready to make their purchases. A few items he wasn't allowed to see. Susan said they were saving those for later and winked at him as the shop keeper bagged the rest.

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H  
The trio returned to the suite to find a furiously pacing Hermione and an equally livid Luna.

"Did we miss something?" Harry asked.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley is a mindless prat and Seamus Finegan and Dean Thomas are a couple of opportunistic, self-serving, limp-dicked arse holes!" shouted Hermione at the top of her lungs.

"I highly recommend we feed them to blast ended skrewts," Luna added. "One piece at a time."

"What happened?" Harry asked cautiously.

"They started a bloody betting pool on who you would marry next!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry's eyes darkened. "After I told him to keep his mouth shut, he has to tell those two. What's the penalty for killing 3 fellow students?"

"Oh no, Harry," Collette spoke up from behind him. "If you kill them they do not learn. I believe there is a lesson to be taught here."

Everyone turned to look at Collette, intrigued. "What exactly did you have in mind?" Harry asked.

"Is there someone you could trust to make a wager on your behalf?" she asked smiling.

Susan looked thoughtful. "Hannah would be too obvious, but what about Neville?"

Hermione grinned evilly. "He's the one that told me. Been livid at them since it started. He'd be more than happy to help."

Collette nodded. "Now, the obvious choice right now would be Susan, but surely there is some way to sway the betting to another?"

Harry grinned. "Hermione go get Neville and Hannah. I think I feel a prank coming on."

"I'll get Ginny too. Let's muddy the waters as much as we can."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H  
The next morning the normally quiet Sunday breakfast was interrupted by two voices screaming at the top of their lungs.

"What is your problem, Susan?" Harry demanded just before he slammed the doors to the Great Hall open.

"What's my problem? She's my best friend! How could you?" Susan screamed as she gestured to a sheepish looking Hannah who was trying desperately to disappear into the floor.

"I'm not the one who went around talking about 6 hour broom rides! She was curious so I satisfied that curiosity!"

"I thought you were different, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Put a ring on a girl's finger and she thinks she owns you. I'm 16 years old, Susan. An opportunity presented itself and I took it."

Susan pulled the ring off her finger and tossed it at him. "Well you don't have to worry about me thinking I own you now. It's over."

"Fine!" Harry shouted as he caught the ring. He then turned on his heel and headed towards the doors. He knew he couldn't stay in the Great Hall and keep a straight face. From the quick glance he got at the faces as he turned around, everyone had bought their performance completely, even a few of the professors.

"And I'm keeping the clothes!" Susan shouted as he passed over the threshold.

Harry waved his hand in a "whatever" motion and nearly ran from the Great Hall. He barely made it back to the suite before he collapsed in laughter.

Luna looked up from her Arithmancy book. "I take it all went well?" she asked.

"An award winning performance," Harry chuckled. "Even Hannah managed to look appropriately guilty."

Luna smirked. "And now Padma, Parvati and Ginny will ensure that the rumor mill is in full swing. You know, Collette really does have a devious streak to her."

Harry finally got full control of himself. "Yeah, if she ever liked being in control, it might be dangerous."

Luna looked curious. "You mean she likes being told what to do?"

"Not exactly. She prefers for someone else to make the decisions."

Luna grinned. "Even in bed?"

"Especially in bed," Harry replied.

"Interesting," Luna said as she turned back to her studies.

Harry glanced at her. "You're ok with this plan, right? I mean, it does cut into your birthday a bit. We'll have to be back earlier on Sunday than we originally planned."

Luna looked up from her book again. "Harry, I see this as a win-win situation. Not only are we getting another marriage out of the way, I am finally getting my honeymoon with you. A few hours won't make that much of a difference, I'm sure."

Harry grinned. "Do you think Susan was exaggerating?"

"Merlin, I hope not."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Monday found Susan leaving Hogwarts for a week at home. The story was that the stress had gotten to be too much for her and she needed some rest and quiet away from the students. The truth of the matter was that she was making the necessary preparations for her and Harry's wedding on Sunday. Even though they were to be married at Gringott's, there was going to be an actual ceremony, not just the civil service.

Meanwhile at Hogwarts, Harry was acting as if nothing was wrong, which was easy for him because nothing was wrong. Where it truly got complicated was with the other players in the game. Hermione and Fleur had to act like they were livid with Harry. Fleur even managed to take a few points to make it more convincing. Both Hannah and Ginny began making noise about the possibility of them becoming Lady Potter. Collette distanced herself feigning confusion over Harry's actions and Luna had the hardest job of all. While clearly disappointed with his recent choices, she still remained loyal to Harry, since he was her husband. That just left Neville. Even though his part in all this didn't take place until Saturday night, it was perhaps the most import part of all.

Thursday night a knock was heard at the portrait to the suite. When Luna opened the door, no one was there.

"Hello?" she whispered.

"I come bearing the head of Ron Weasley," Neville's disembodied voice answered back.

Luna giggled and stepped aside to let Neville in. As he pulled off the invisibility cloak he smiled at his co-conspirator. "Harry's cloak is brilliant! Any chance he'd let me borrow it in the future?"

"Depends on what you are planning, Neville," Harry chuckled as he came into the room.

Neville smiled shyly. "You never know."

"Alright," Luna said. "Let's go over this one more time. Fooling Ronald is easy. Seamus and Dean, on the other hand, are far too suspicious."

Neville nodded. "Right. I'm to go up to Dean and make a wager with my 'birthday money' on Susan Bones because I have a feeling."

"What if they ask you about Sunday?" Harry asked.

"I was there. I was as shocked as everybody else, but I just have a feeling. And it's not like I'm going to need all this money my grandmother gave me. I mean, I don't need any more sweets and my supplies are bought thru the hols. I might as well do something fun with it."

Harry grinned and tossed Neville a bag. "75 Galleons. Your grandmother must really like you."

Neville grinned back. "I am her only grandchild."

Luna nodded. "Right, just remember, you can't do it before 10:30 on Saturday night. That will give Hannah, Hermione and Professor Snape enough time to make a grand exit, shifting all the betting to Hannah."

"It will also give Ginny time to show that she is heartbroken over not being chosen. Have you figured out how to get Collette out?" Neville asked.

Harry smiled. "She's going to have a counseling session with Tonks all morning. They will Floo out with Remus from their quarters."

"Great," Neville said. "Does that cover everything?"

"Everything except what you're going to give me for my birthday, Neville," Luna giggled.

"How's 3500 Galleons sound?" Neville asked with a smile.

Luna squealed. "Oh Harry, he stays on our Christmas card list permanently!"


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Okay folks, Here is where it may start getting spread out a bit. Hopefully, we'll have chapter 12 done by the end of the week. If not, you'll get it when it's done. As to Albaholly's remark, I co-write this with my wife and choose my battles very carefully. We already get into wars over comma usage and All the bloody over punctuation. I barely won the battle over putting numbers in place of writing them out.

Chapter 11

Harry awoke that Friday morning to Luna's voice singing the most amusing song. "Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I'm going to be shagged silly. Happy birthday to me." Harry burst out laughing as the last line came out almost as a purr. He could feel Fleur's body next to him likewise trembling with laughter.

"Oh good," Luna chirped as she walked into the master bed room, "You're awake. Did you like my song?"

Harry could tell that Fleur was trying to regain control of herself. He could tell that this was going to be a long but amusing day. "Yeah," Harry choked out between laughs, "It was…inventive."

Fleur glanced at him. "Very diplomatic, my husband."

Harry grinned at her cheekily. "I think diplomacy is going to be one of my survival skills from now on."

Luna rolled her eyes as she crawled into the bed with them. "So how do we handle today?" she asked while snuggling up next to Harry.

Fleur playfully scowled at Luna, earning a giggle from the girl. "You both still have classes today," the older blonde started, "So I would recommend you keep up the charade through the day. We will be leaving just after your last class Luna, so I hope you have everything packed."

Luna smiled. "I packed last night. Though I don't see why I needed two changes of clothes. I mean, a dress for the wedding would have seemed to be enough."

Harry smiled. "I thought we'd see some of the sights in Paris tomorrow."

Luna pouted playfully. "I can see them just fine from our hotel room window, thank you very much."

Fleur laughed and stood. "I'll prepare breakfast. You two have a couple hours before classes start. Remember 'Arry, keep everything above the waist for now."

Luna looked confused. "What did she mean by tha- Oh!" Luna's question was cut off by the feeling of Harry's lips on the nape of her neck. "Oh." The word slipped from her lips as she felt his teeth run lightly along her collar bone. As his mouth traveled along her upper body, kissing and lightly nipping at her soft flesh, only one other phrase exited her lips. "Oh Merlin."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry tried to keep from chuckling as he watched Luna from the corner of his eye. Throughout lunch, she fidgeted and kept shooting glances in his direction. He could only imagine what she went through in morning classes. Well not really, seeing as she kept a running monolog with him through the ring all morning.

"That was…wow! You're going to do that again, right? I mean, that was…Oh Merlin! I'm still tingly. And we didn't even…Oh wow…I'm not sure I'm ready for this now, Harry… "

Harry almost snorted into his drink before thinking back to her. _Oh no my little moon, you will be fine tonight. I will make it even more special than this morning._

Harry was pleasantly rewarded with Luna turning a pleasant shade of pink. Harry went back to his meal only to have a rather dark shadow descend upon him from behind. The look from Neville's face across from him instantly told Harry who it was.

"How can I help you Professor Snape?" Harry asked as he pulled back from the table.

Snape sneered at him. "As you are leaving early, we must go over your private study before you leave. I have made arrangements with Professor Tonks. She seemed relieved not to have your presence in her class."

"Why is everyone so mad over me breaking up with Susan Bones?" Harry grumbled as he stood.

"That reminds me, ten points from Gryffindor for philandery."

Harry gaped at the Professor who held his normally grim face, but could note a sparkle in the man's eye. "Unbelievable," he mumbled as he sulked off with the professor.

Once they were well out of earshot and in the safety of Professor Snape's office, Harry smirked at the professor. "Just couldn't resist, could you."

Snape smiled. "An opportunity to take points from Gryffindor and not be harassed by Professor McGonagall? Even one as restrained as I have their weaknesses, Potter."

Harry crossed his arms and sat across from the professor. "So this was just to take the Mickey out of me since we reviewed my private study yesterday."

Snape looked at him for a second before noting no humor in Harry's eyes. Harry caught the brief nod from the professor that confirmed his suspicions. They had been followed. "Actually Potter, Professor Dumbledore asked that I review the standard decorum one is to abide by while outside Hogwarts property." Snape touched his wand to a keystone and soon a recording of his voice was detailing in gory violence what would happen to Harry if he would decide to embarrass Hogwarts in any way.

As the recording continued, Harry stood and followed the Professor into his private study and waited as Snape cast privacy charms. When Snape turned his wand back towards Harry. "Who Killed Sirius Black?" The Professor asked in a soft tone.

"Bellatrix cast the curse but my recklessness was what sealed his fate," Harry said sadly.

Snape grunted before continuing. "I have information that you may find troubling. The Dark Lord is planning an attack this weekend."

Harry scowled. "Do you know where?"

Snape shook his head. "Only that he won't cross the channel. So your little birthday trip will be safe. I was able to convince him that you were going to one of your heavily warded estates in England."

Harry nodded. "Have you told Dumbledore this yet?"

Snape shook his head. "No, but I have penned a letter that awaits your signature to Amelia Bones. Perhaps you should call off the second half of this weekend's events."

Harry asked, "Why are you telling me this before Dumbledore?"

"Because I do not want to see the son of someone whom I was fond of die a needless death," Snape explained.

"You hated my father. Not that it wasn't deserved…"

"I hated your father, but I loved your mother. I swore on her memory that I would do everything I could to keep you safe."

Harry gaped. "That's why you're always protecting me. Why you agreed to help us with this plan."

Snape glared at him. "No, Potter. I agreed to this plan so that someone representing your mother would be present for this travesty. The very same travesty I'm asking that you consider postponing."

Harry smirked. "Not happening. Besides, I feel sorry for anyone who tries to raid Gringotts."

Snape looked momentarily shocked. "You are having a goblin run ceremony?"

Harry nodded as he read the letter. "Third one in a row. Professor, I can't sign this. It's basically telling her to have the entire nation on high alert. Besides, no one outside of you, Dumbledore, Ron, and Hermione know about my link to He-Who-Must-Not-be-Sane. I haven't even talked to Fleur about it."

Harry looked up to see a very Pale Severus Snape. "Professor?"

"Potter," Snape choked out, "Do you mean to tell me that you have had two goblin weddings and are about to have a third?"

Harry blinked. "Yes sir. Is there a problem?"

Snape sat and summoned a bottle of Fire whiskey before motioning for Harry to do the same. Shakily pouring two glasses of the amber liquor, he then handed one to Harry. "Mr. Potter, you may not realize a few points that I need to explain to you. First, a goblin marriage is for life. They have no concept of Divorce. If you marry Ms. Bones and later find the two of you incompatible, there will be no backing out of it."

Harry nodded. "That's fine. I've always thought of marriage as 'til death do us part."

Snape raised a finger. "Second, by going with Goblin ceremonies, you have completely cut the Ministry out of the loop. This may be inadvisable given the current state of affairs in the wizarding world."

"Actually Professor," Harry clarified, "It is only the state of affairs in wizarding England that it affects. As I will likely be spending as little time as possible in wizarding England after I graduate, I still don't see the problem."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. "The third part of this, Mr. Potter, is that a goblin marriage binds the magic of both parties together. In essence, you are no longer separate beings in the eyes of magic, but one being with two or more separate consciousness' and bodies."

Harry blinked and looked at his drink. "What does this mean exactly?"

Snape shook his head and belted back his own drink. "It means, Mr. Potter, that we will have to rethink your entire course work and how to include both Ms. Black and Ms. Bones in it after your ceremony. "

"Feel free to ridicule my ignorance, but why?"

Snape looked at him more than a little forebodingly. "Because Harry, if one of you dies, then you will all die."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

"I can't believe you kept this from me!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. Fleur and Luna sat on the couch together, both looking slightly worried.

"'Arry," Fleur tried to soothe him, "we did not want to worry you. We knew that you would be upset, but thought it for the best."

Luna nodded. "We even talked it over with Susan and Collette, Harry. They are alright with it. We were going to tell you soon, it's just that we didn't want you focusing on death so much and you were finally seeing something worth living for."

Harry sighed. "Now I'll be risking four lives every time I step out the door."

Fleur scowled. "'Arry James Potter, what madness are you speaking of?"

Harry took a deep breath and slowly recited the words he had first heard a few months prior. "_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..._" Harry looked at both his wives as he finished.

Fleur looked stunned but it was Luna that was the first to speak. "Harry, how terrible. That is what has scared you so badly. A prophecy about you and Voldemort."

Harry just nodded as he turned towards the fire. "Basically, I kill him or he kills me. Only I'm supposed to have this power that he doesn't know. Now, not only will I die if I can't figure it out but the two of you and possibly Susan. It's not fair. At least not to the two of you. I should have told you both sooner, but I didn't realize, and now…"

Fleur stood and wrapped her arms around him. "And now you have found that which Voldemort knows not, my husband. The unconditional love of four women, and the boundless love and trust that you have shown each of us."

Harry looked into her eyes. "I never wanted to put any of you in danger. I should have told you up front. "

Fleur kissed him gently on the lips. "And I should have told you about the bond of a Goblin marriage. I have already forgiven you. Can you forgive me?"

Harry smiled. "There is nothing to forgive," he whispered, "But if you still want to apologize after we get back we can work something out."

Luna soon joined the hug. "Can we make it a group apology then?"

Fleur chuckled and swatted both of them playfully. "We need to leave soon if we are going to meet our portkey reservations."

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Dinner conversation at their Paris flat had turned into a more pleasant affair as the three were waited on by Dobby and Winky, who were happy to serve a proper wizarding family even if they had to be paid a whole Galleon a week at their new master's insistence. Harry sighed at the fact that Winky absolutely refused the days off until Dobby had suggested that she could use it to learn how to better help him.

After a second serving of Chocolate Gelato, Harry thanked the two house elves and sent them back to Charmer's Cove for the weekend. He then produced a small box and handed it to Luna. "Happy Birthday, My moon."

Luna carefully undid the wrapping and peered inside the box. Gasping, she pulled out a silver chain with an opal crescent moon pendant holding setting places for five stones, four of them already filled.

"The insets represent us," Harry explained, "ruby for me, diamond for Fleur, yellow topaz for Susan, and a pearl for Collette. The fifth spot is for whoever we bring in last."

"It's beautiful," Luna whispered as she hugged him.

Fleur smiled at the couple before handing Luna an envelope. "And this is from me."

Luna opened the envelope to find a velum invitation written in scarlet ink.

_Lady Black nee Lovegood,_

_You are cordially invited to attend a personal fitting and design consulation with Arceneau Gravois. You will be expected at nine sharp on the fifth morning of October. Failure to arrive promptly will result in the forfeiture of you deposit. I look forward to meeting you._

_Arceneau Gravois_

Harry was sure he had some permanent hearing damage from Luna's resulting squeel of delight. A smile still crept across his face a she watched Luna enthusiasticly hug Fleur.

"How did you manage?" Luna asked out of surprise. "I mean, Gravois is the most reclusive shoe designer in Paris, wizarding or otherwise."

Fleur smiled as she returned the hug. "Arseneau has been a friend of my family for generations."

Harry's smile instantly fell. "Generations?"

Luna turned and smiled at Harry. "Mr. Gravois is a vampire, Harry. Though he doesn't feed on humans anymore."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course, a Vampire cordovan. Now I've heard of everything."

Fleur looked at Harry crossly. "I expect you to be polite, my husband. Arseneau is as good as family. He is, afterall, Gabrielle's godfather."

Harry held up his hands in capitulation. "I'll behave, so long as he keeps his fangs to himself. I mean, it's not like I'm wanting for enemies."

Fleur's demeanor softened. "I know 'Arry. It is just that he is very dear to me and I want this to be special for Luna."

Harry smiled at her. "I will be on my best behavior."

Fleur smiled back at him then turned towards the guestroom. "And now I believe it is time for us all to go to bed as we have an early day tomorrow."

Luna blinked as she watched Fleur close the door. "But it's only seven, why would we go to bed so- Oh!" Harry kissed Luna's neck, promptly stopping the question. The first kiss was soon followed by a second and his hands began traveling lightly up her stomach. "Oh Harry."

Very slowly, and never removing his lips from her neck or his hands from her stomach, Harry steered Luna towards the master bedroom. When they crossed the threshold, Harry whispered to Luna to open her eyes. What she saw took her breath away. There was a large, 4 poster canopy bed with cream colored gossamer curtains in the middle of the room. Across the bed and scattered on the floor were rose petals in many different shades of pink ranging from nearly white to fuchsia and it seemed that every flat surface was covered in candles.

"Oh my, Harry..."

"Tonight is just for you, my moon. Even the stars come down for you, if it's what you want," Harry whispered. He released her only to pick her up and cradle her in his arms as he carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently and climbed in the bed beside her, his eyes never leaving hers.

Luna licked her lips before responding. "Anything I want?"

"Anything," Harry promised.

Luna tugged on the top button of Harry's shirt. "I want to see you. All of you."

Harry smiled and stood up beside the bed again. He began to unbutton his shirt and let it fall to the floor. He then reached for the button on his trousers and noticed that Luna had begun to blush, but couldn't take her eyes from the path his hands were following. When he was completely undressed, Luna had sat up on her knees in the middle of the bed. She made her way over to the edge of the bed, studying him the entire time.

When she was in front of him she began to reach out and stopped. Luna looked up at Harry and asked, "May I?"

"Whatever you want, Luna. The only thing I want from tonight is to know that I was able to bring you as much pleasure as possible."

Luna smiled up at him and then placed her hands lightly on his shoulders. She began running her hands slowly over his chest and arms and when she ran her fingers across Harry's stomach, she noticed him shudder. She looked up at him again and asked, "Is that wrong?"

"Oh no, far from wrong. I must warn you, though. If you go much lower with your explorations I'm not going to be able to stand for long," Harry said with a smile.

"Oh, ok. Well then, why don't you join me on the bed? I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

When Luna started to scoot back on the bed, Harry took her hand and stopped her. "It's my turn. I want to see you, too." With that, he began to undress her slowly, kissing each new bit of skin as it was revealed. By the time he had removed her top, Luna had collapsed, weak-kneed, onto the bed. Harry continued to remove her clothes and kissing her skin until she was clad only in her bra and panties. He then lay down beside her again and turned her face to him for a long, slow kiss. Luna wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her hands in his hair. She broke the kiss and sat up, reaching behind her to release the clasp on her bra.

"I've suddenly decided that I have on entirely too many clothes," she said, smiling coyly as she dropped her bra off the side of the bed and shimmied out of her panties. She then lay back down on the bed and drew Harry to her until he was nearly on top of her. "Now I want to _feel_ all of you."

"As my lady wishes," Harry said with a smile.

H H H H H H H H H H H H H H

Harry couldn't place why Arceneau's shop made him so uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the fact of meeting a vampire for the first time or the way Mr. Gravois gushed over Luna's feet before whisking her off into a backroom for fittings. Of course it could also be the fact that the entire room was done in shades of lavender and teal with a big picture of someone reminiscent of the men on the cover of Aunt Petunia's paperbacks labeled "My Puppy" taking center stage.

"Something wrong 'Arry?"

Harry turned to look at Fleur. "I'm not sure. When I wrapped my head around a vampire cordovan, I was expecting something…I don't know…More somber?"

Fleur chuckled. "I doubt Arceneau's lover would allow such a travesty. Cliché as this place is for their lifestyle, it is as far as one can get from vampire chic."

Harry looked confused. "Lover? Lifestyle?"

Fleur merely pointed to the painting. Harry looked at it for a moment before it all started clicking. "Oh, he Arceneau's …Oh Arceneau is…" Harry paled. "Oh."

Fleur chuckled. "I told you that Luna was perfectly safe."

Harry chuckled nervously. "Um yeah, I see that. Now I just have to worry about my own."

"Harry," Fleur scolded, "He has already promised not to bite any one of us."

Harry looked a little meek. "I'm not worried about biting right at the moment Fleur. More about…other things."

Fleur laughed. "You can relax on that as well, my husband. Arceneau is a serial monogamist. Only one lover at a time."

Before Harry could respond, Luna came dancing out of the back room holding a box to her chest. "Thank you so much Mr. Gravois. These shoes will be perfect for tomorrow."

"Think nothing of it my dear, and please call me Arceneau. Your shoes will be delivered by the end of the week and the other order will be ready in time for winter holiday."

Luna nodded smiling. "Thank you, Arceneau."

After Fleur had said her farewells to Arceneau and they were walking out the door, Harry felt compelled to ask. "Other order?"

Luna smiled coyly. "You'll see."

Fleur laughed. "It seems that all your wives are becoming sneaky on you, 'Arry."

"Are you saying I've become a bad influence?" Harry's grin took any venom out of the question.

Fleur laughed. "I believe I shall take the diplomatic route and go see my sister while we are in the neighborhood. The two of you should enjoy the day together."

Harry extended his arm to Luna. "Well, where would you like to go, my lady?"

"Right now, how about a cafe? I'm famished! Who knew designing could take so much out of you?"

Harry laughed as he took her arm and steered them towards a cafe they had passed on the way to Arceneau's shop. After lunch, they spent several hours in the Louvre with Luna telling Harry amusing stories about some of the paintings and their wizard creators (Who knew that the real Mona Lisa could wink at wizards?). They then strolled towards the Eifel Tower, stopping for coffee and a snack along the way. By the time they arrived, they boarded the last elevator to the top level to see the sunset.

Harry stood behind Luna with his arms wrapped around her waist as they both watched the sun sink below the western horizon. "It's so beautiful," Luna sighed.

Harry turned her around in his arms so they were facing each other. "Yes, it really is," he said as he gazed down at her. "But there is no comparison to you."

Luna smiled and laid her head on Harry's chest as he began swaying them to music only he could hear. They stayed there, dancing above Paris, until the attendants ushered them into the elevator.

HHHHHHHH

When they arrived back at the flat, Fleur was already there making arrangements for dinner. The three of them relaxed with a cup of tea and recounted their afternoons after they had separated.

"So, how is Gabrielle?" Harry asked after his sister-in-law.

"More than slightly miffed that I have robbed her of her chance to..._thank_ her hero," Fleur smirked.

Harry blushed. "Well, yeah, um, right."

"Save a child from a grindylow and she wants to jump your bones. What is it with him?" Luna asked Fleur.

"A 13 year old, no less," Fleur chided. "'Arry, have you no shame?"

"What? Like it's my fault they come after me!" Harry tried to defend himself.

Luna got a thoughtful look on her face. "Perhaps you're right. We'll just have to protect you."

Harry made a face. "Let's not get carried away here."

"No, no. Luna is right. Your wives should protect you from the world of eager adoring maidens who want to show their appreciation. I recommend we lock you in a room where the five of us are the only ones with keys," Fleur teased.

Luna bounced happily. "That's a great idea! Of course, he'll try to escape so we'll have to chain him to the bed..."

Harry scowled. "Ok, I think this joke has gone on long enough and we have to be up early to return for the wedding. How about we all head for bed?"

"Harry?" Luna began hesitantly. "It's still my birthday, right?"

Harry glanced over at her. "Of course."

"And I can have anything I want?"

"Yes..."

"Could we go to bed together?"

"I was planning on spending the night with you Luna."

"No, Harry, I mean all three of us."

"Wha...?"

"You, me and Fleur in the same bed."

"Sleeping right?"

"Eventually."

Harry stood there, mouth agape, blinking slowly, trying to process what Luna had just suggested.

"Luna, I think you broke him," Fleur chuckled.

"That's ok. We have all night to fix him," Luna giggled as she took Harry's hand to lead him to the bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note:YAY! I finally finished Chapter 12! well almost. There was a bit more that I wanted to put in this, but figured it would be better for the next chapter. Therefore it is a bit short. Still, enjoy.

Chapter 12

Harry was pacing in the small waiting room the Goblins had let him use while Susan was getting ready for the ceremony. No one seemed to understand the seriousness of his need to speak with her before they got started. Amelia had expressly forbidden him from seeing the bride before the ceremony. He had just decided to force his way in, destroying the door if he had to, when the door to his room opened.

"Harry?" Susan's voice called out. "Are you in there?"

"Susan!" Harry shouted as he ran towards the door.

"Don't come out here! You're still not allowed to see me but Aunt Amelia agreed to let us talk as long as the door remained between us. She even sent witnesses to make sure I obeyed."

Harry stopped. "Who?"

"Hermione and Hannah."

Harry sighed. "Alright, they might as well hear this too, although Hermione is probably going to want to rip me apart."

Harry slowly went over the prophecy with Susan all the while hearing gasps and sobs from the other side of the door. He told her that Fleur had theorized that the power Voldemort knows not was their love for each other and finished off by apologizing for not telling her about all this sooner.

"I understand if you don't want to go thru with the wedding now," Harry whispered.

It was Hermione who broke the silence. "I'm going to kill him. No, worse. I'm going to castrate him."

Harry blanched. "Um, Hermione, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but is that really necessary?"

"What? Oh, no, Harry. I'm talking about Dumbledore. How dare he drop something like this on you," Hermione fumed.

"I think Professor Sprout would lend us a couple of plants to feed him to," Hannah offered. "That way we won't get expelled. It would look like an accident."

"Susan?" Harry prompted, realizing that she still hadn't responded to his comment about the wedding.

"I'm going to have to have my makeup redone. You've got an extra thirty minutes to pull yourself together and meet me at the altar." With that she pulled the door closed.

Harry gaped for a second before saying to himself, "Um, yes ma'am. Now, I just need something to occupy those thirty minutes before I go barmy in this room!"

There was a knock on the door and Griphook let himself in. "This isn't a bad time is it, Lord Potter?"

"No, Griphook, not at all," Harry replied. "What can I do for you?"

"There are just a few final touches before the ceremony. I've already given your best man the rings. Now, will you be needing the family arms?"

"Family arms?" Harry asked.

"In case someone protests the wedding. Goblin custom is to fight to the death."

"Um, I don't think that will be necessary, but speaking of Goblin customs and death, why wasn't I told about the terms of a Goblin wedding ceremony before?"

"Which terms are those, Lord Potter?" Griphook asked.

"The ones that state that when I die, my wives will die with me," Harry growled. "It seems like a pretty important thing to know ahead of time."

"Oh that," Griphook responded casually. "That means nothing. We simply began telling the scheming pure bloods that to keep them from axing their wives, literally."

"Oh, so it's just hogwash?"

Griphook winced. "Not exactly. Your lives aren't bound together but your magic is and it will increase your magical ability in some ways."

"How so?" Harry asked.

"It would be easier if I gave you an example. Take the Patils, for instance. The men in the family have been known in their schools to be average wizards. Yet by marrying powerful witches they have increased their abilities so that they are now one of the strongest families, not only magically but politically as well in wizarding Europe. Multiple marriages being common in their culture, often a young Patil male will have two or three wives, each wife adding not only her power, but her specialties into the mix. Does this make sense?"

"I think so," Harry replied. "But then tell me this. What would happen if a very powerful wizard married a Gringots curse breaker and three pure blood witches at the top of their class, all with Goblin ceremonies?"

Griphook seemed to turn slightly green. "Well, Lord Potter, I would have to wager that the wizard and his wives would be the most powerful magical beings in the wizarding world."

"You mean among the most powerful, right?"

"Considering the wizard and the curse breaker both competed in the most recent tri-wizard tournament and said wizard won the tournament, I would have to stand by my earlier statement."

Harry looked into a nearby mirror. "Oh bugger."

HHHHHHH

As Harry stood at the altar waiting for Susan, outwardly he looked like the typical nervous groom. Inside however, he was a complete wreck. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts that he couldn't seem to get under control. _What if she doesn't come? She said she would, but what if she changed her mind in the last thirty minutes? I should have went and told her what Griphook said. Not that it makes me feel any better. Stinking Goblin marriage. Now instead of having targets on us for the next few years, every wannabe dark lord is going to come gunning for us. Well, they'd be doing that anyway, but this just makes it worse. And where is Snape? I thought he wanted to be here for this._

Harry turned to Remus. "Hey Mooney, where's Snape? I thought he wanted to 'witness this travesty' as he called it," Harry said in his best Snape impression.

Remus snorted. "He got called in for a…special duty. Don't worry, he wouldn't miss this. And stop fidgeting. You're making me twitchy."

Harry was about to protest that he did not fidget when the processional began to play. He turned back to see the doors opening to Hannah begin her walk down the aisle. The dress Susan had chosen for her complimented her skin and figure perfectly. Susan had wanted her best friend to look good and feel comfortable on this special day. As the doors shut behind Hannah, Harry caught a teasing glimpse of white before the doors closed completely.

Taking a steadying breath, Harry relaxed a little. _Oh good, she didn't run out on me. She's just going to tell me no to my face. I shouldn't think that. But it's not like I was her first. This all probably sounded like a lark until she found out about the whole Goblin marriage thing. Then I had to go and dump that blasted prophecy on her. Serves you right, Potter, you boneheaded, short-sighted-_

The music then changed to the wedding march and the doors opened to reveal Susan in a white gown that showed off every curve. Harry's last coherent thought as she began to walk down the aisle was _Potter, you are the luckiest man on the planet._

When his brain engaged again, he finally realized why he hadn't seen Snape since he'd arrived. He was escorting Susan down the aisle. Instead of his normal unrelieved black, Snape was actually wearing an elegant set of deep green robes with bits of silver trim. As he handed Susan over to Harry, instead of his usual snarl, Snape had a look that could almost be defined as reverence. "I trust you to take care of this precious jewel, Mr. Potter," he said.

Harry smiled. "I will guard her with my life."

Snape nodded in reply and then stepped back to join the other witnesses.

HHHHHHHH

Harry all but dragged Susan into the side room after the recessional. Pressing her body up against the wall, he kissed her passionately and began trailing kisses along her neck.

"Harry," Susan whispered, "We…oh Merlin…we need to go back out there…"

Harry continued kissing her along her bare shoulders, his hands sliding behind her back . "You still came," He whispered back. "After being told everything, you still wanted to be with me."

Susan stifled a moan. "Of course I did. I love you. But… oh damn…" Her eyes rolled back as Harry's teeth grazed her collar bone. "Harry please… we have to go back out there… the guests…"

"Just give me five minutes," Harry murmured against her neck.

"Harry, we haven't been able to keep it to five minutes since we've been together. We need to go back out there now. We'll have all night for you to show your appreciation."

Harry whispered into her shoulder, "But I don't want to wait."

Susan stifled yet another moan as Harry took her earlobe into his mouth. "Harry, we have guests, including my Aunt. You know, the head Auror?"

Harry sighed. "Fine, you win. You know, you were more eager when we were at school."

"At school, my Aunt wasn't waiting for us on the other side of the door. She scares me."

Harry chuckled and stepped back. "Shall we, my dear?"

As they entered the room where the reception was being held, a disembodied voice was heard over the quiet conversations. "Now presenting Lord Harry James Potter and Lady Susan Abigail Potter." Everyone turned to watch and applauded them into the room.

Harry and Susan smiled and accepted congratulations from around the room. As they were making the circuit, Harry noticed Hermione and Ragnar in conversation. Hermione seemed to be listening intently while Ragnar explained something. When they walked up, Harry just caught the end of Ragnar's comment.

"…you would be a valued associate. Why would we care about what you did with your private life?"

"Why would you care about Hermione's private lifeanyway?" Harry asked.

Ragnar turned to Harry. "Ah, Lord Potter. I was just offering Ms. Granger an intership over the summer with a possible permanent position after graduation."

Hermione smiled. "And I'm going to accept."

Ragnar and Harry answered in chorus, "Really?" Ragnar seemed even more surprised than Harry.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, it would be a great opportunity and I would be a fool to pass it up. And I'd also like to thank you for the advice you gave me as well."

Ragnar chuckled. "Think nothing of it, Ms. Granger. Now, Lord Potter, I must take my leave. May your swords stay sharp, your victories final, and your foes headless."

Harry blinked, unsure of how to respond. "Um, thanks, I think."

Hermione chuckled. Before Harry could ask what was so funny, he noticed another Goblin come in to address Ragnar. He seemed to be relaying something very animatedly and then Ragnar turned back in Harry's direction.

"Ladies and Gentelemen, may I have your attention please," boomed the Goblin's voice. "There seems to be a disturbance in Diagon Alley. You are all currently safe here in this room and I recommend that you stay here until the disturbance is over."

"What kind of disturbance?" asked Auror Bones.

"Those grey cloaked miscreants you call Death Eaters are attacking innocent civilians and attempting to rob several businesses."

Amelia turned to the guests. "I will temporarily deputize anyone who is willing and able to help put an end to this."

Harry was the first to respond. "I'll do it."

Fleur, Susan and Luna each volunteered right after. Hermione also stepped up, as well as most of the guests. Auror Bones turned to Professor Snape. "What about you?"

Before Snape could respond, Harry answered for him. "Professor Snape would be risking too much if he were present. Perhaps he could go back to Hogwarts and summon assistance from there."

Harry received an impressed nod from Professor Snape. "Well thought out, Mr. Potter. I will leave immediately."

Harry turned towards the door. "Right. Let's get going." He was stopped by Fleur.

"Ragnar, would you please retrieve the Potter and Black arms?"

Harry scowled. "Fleur we don't have time to go down to the vaults to retrieve some ceremonial weapons…"

As if in response to Harry's comment, Ragnar snapped his fingers and a long silver sword and a round black shield appeared. Harry blinked. "How?"

Ragnar smirked. "As account manager, I can instantly access any items in my client's vaults at their request."

"So what's with the roller coaster ride then?" Harry asked.

"Perhaps we enjoy watching wizards lose their lunch," Ragnar replied.

Harry shrugged as he took the arms. "I always found it fun."

"Harry, focus," chided Fleur. "There is much you need to know about these arms. The sword will impart the ability to properly wield it if you do not already posses it. You will be able to cast spells as if wielding your wand. The shield will deflect any curse as well as Occlude your mind while it is on your arm."

"Wicked. Why don't more wizards use these?"

"Aside from the fact that they are only usable by heads of house, wielding a weapon of such magnitude tends to draw unwanted attention," Fleur explained.

"Besides, they are very old magic, and very expensive. You can't just pick them up on your next stop to the Alley," Auror Bones added.

Harry nodded. "Right. So now we go?"

HHHHH

The scene would be reinacted as the turning point of the war. Historians would long tell the tale of the dramatic battle of Diagon Alley. It would always start with how the evil Death Eaters committed countless atrocities and later years those atrocities being magnified on a grand scale. The one thing they all got right was the wave of wizards and witches that decended out of Gringotts firing hexes, led by a sixteen year old boy with messy black hair and emerald green eyes, wielding a shining sword and mighty shield.

As he reached the foot of the steps, firing hexes all the way down, Harry spotted the leader of the Death Eater party. As he ran towards her he shouted a challenge. "Lestrange! Face me!"

The shout had the desired effect as Death Eaters stopped and turned to look at him. Bellatrix Lestrange gave a manic grin as she summoned her own sword. "Baby Potter wants to play with sharp and pointies, eh? Let's see if we can send him to his mommy and daddy."


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's notes: Wow, my first flame. Only read the first chapter? Really? And I guess the comment in the description about this being a farce was lost on them as well. Oh well, on to the useful feedback. Andor: just remember that power does not equate to skill. It is a lesson that Harry is about to find out. Jabarber: How right you are, but our Harry bless his heart (that southern talk for the boy's an idiot) tends to act first and think second. Gundum M: I think it would be useful. Thanks for the advice.

Chapter 13

_The stories of that fateful day that was afterward seen as the turning point in the second wizarding war normally follow along the line of many epic battles. Our brave hero faces against the cold and cruel lieutenant to the dark lord and after a dazzling display of martial and magical prowess, our hero bravely and dramatically slays the villain and her small group of followers flee or surrender if not already defeated. _

_While this story is an enjoyable one and very inspiring, I must look to my mothers example and strive to portray history as accurate and honestly as possible…_

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger._

H H H H H

Harry ran at Belatrix wielding the Potter sword and at the last minute brought his sword down in a momentum fueled ark of death. An ark of death that only managed to kill a bit of the pavement as Bellatrix expertly deflected it.

Harry blinked as Bellatrix stood there laughing at him. Harry tried to strike at her again, and again the blow was expertly deflected. Harry began swinging furiously, letting the blade direct his blows for maximum effect and impact. Every time, the blow was turned away or caught with little apparent effort on Bellatrix's part. Harry backed away panting and confused.

Bellatrix continued her mad cackle. "What's the matter baby Potter? Did you think every wizard and witch relied on just their magic? Daddy made sure I practiced three hours every day until I cut his throat."

Harry swallowed. "Well, that certainly changes things."

The feral grin her face took sent a shudder through Harry. "Now it's my turn baby Potter."

Harry had barely enough time to brace before her onslaught. Her blows, even buffeted by the sword and shield felt like hammer blows to him. Even with the training that the arms provided him and the protection from magic, Harry was barely able to keep his feet.

_This is bloody ridiculous, _He found himself thinking. _I'm supposed to be this powerful wizard and I am getting my arse handed to me._

"_Didn't anyone tell you that a wizard is pants in a straight up fight?"_ Luna's chiding tone only made Harry groan more. It also provided the minute distraction that Bellatrix needed to knock his shield free and slash open his arm.

"Tut tut," cooed Bellatrix mockingly. "Baby Potter needs to pay attention to Aunty Bella."

Before he could respond, Harry was again being pounded by Bellatrix. His muscles screamed in pain from the relentless assault and his wounded arm burned. Just as he was about to buckle, Harry felt the tide of the battle shifting around him. It was as if he was seeing the battle out of another pair of eyes. It didn't take him long to realize that was exactly what he was doing.

The startled revelation once again left him open to Bellatrix's attack and he found himself falling to his knees from a well placed kick to the back of his leg. Another swift blow sent his sword skittering across the ground. Bellatrix then pulled his head back by his hair and laughed.

"This?" She shrieked in glee. "This is what is supposed to defeat my dark master? I expected better from you baby Potter. Any last words before I send you to mommy and daddy?"

Harry felt Luna whispering in his head and smiled. "Yeah," he chuckled. "I wonder what it would feel like to take three reductors to the chest."

"What are you- oof!" Bellatrix had her question cut off by a well placed elbow into her stomach. This had the dual effect of her letting go of Harry's hair and keeping her from deflecting said three reductors that were now sailing towards her chest. Bellatrix was unable to answer Harry as to how it felt as her head was sent sailing several feet away.

Harry slowly sat up and began wiping off the bits of his former adversary that he had been splattered. Looking around, he saw that the entire battle was an effective route with several death eaters caught completely by surprise and were now either stunned or had rather decorative holes blown through them. Needless to say, this was a major set back for the self proclaimed Dark Lord.

"Harry!"

The young hero turned to see his new wife Susan running towards him. Harry smiled and slowly stood to embrace his wife…and was rewarded with a skin stinging slap.

"Ow!"

"Harry James Potter," Susan rounded on him, "That was the most foolish, idiotic, reckless display I have ever seen anyone display! 'Lestrange! Face me!' Did you even think before you said that! Of course you didn't! Typical Gryffindor machismo! You could have just shot her in the back and been done with it, but no! You have to play the dashing hero! You have three wives to take care of now, mister. You want a big happy family, then you have to start being responsible for that family. You can't just keep throwing yourself into harms way like that! If you get yourself killed I-I-I Kill you myself!"

Harry blinked. "Um…wouldn't that be a little redundant?"

Before he knew what was coming, Susan had slapped him again. "You just don't get it, do you? Well, speaking of not getting it…"

Harry blinked and his eyes went wide. "Wait! Susan, I'm sorry! I won't ever pull something like that again, I promise!"

Susan crossed her arms over her chest and turned her back on Harry. "Do you have any idea how we felt watching you almost die? It's ok to want to help others, but not at the expense of your own life. Especially not now that you aren't the only one with a vested interest in that life."

Harry swallowed. "Um, Susan, about the Goblin marriage…"

She leaned back into him. "Harry I already know it's a bunch of hogwash. Aunt Amelia's marriage was a Goblin ceremony as well. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

"Oh, yeah, I guess you're right."

Before anything more could be said, the streets suddenly filled with Aurors led by a certain pink wrapped toad-like individual.

"Oh bloody hell," Harry muttered. "Why did it have to be her?"

"Arrest those juvenile delinquents for violation of the Under Age Magic Usage Act!" Umbridge cried out.

"Delay that!" shouted Auror Bones. "They were working under my auspices as temporary deputies."

"Your auspices?" Umbridge huffed. "Am I to take it that the head Auror is supporting vigilantism?"

"I acted in the best interest of the common welfare at the time. Rather convenient that my Aurors didn't show up until after the fight was over."

"They are not _your_ Aurors. They are servants of the Ministry of Magic and further more we were not aware of the actions until it had been brought thru proper channels."

"Proper channels? What proper channels? You mean the ones that would have allowed Diagon Alley to be completely wiped out before you got here? Or the ones that my urgent message was lost in?"

As the two women argued back and forth, Harry rubbed his temples to try and forstall the impending headache. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed something odd with his vision. There seemed to be a black halo around Umbridge's person with a wider, more intense area around her left forearm. Squinting in concentration he slowly started to make his way towards them. Whatever it was, it seemed to be giving Umbridge some discomfort.

"Something wrong with your arm?" Harry asked.

Umbridge glared up at him. "I hurt myself this morning. What business is it of yours?"

Harry nodded to Auror Bones. "Perhaps she should have it checked. It seems to be bothering her quite a bit."

Auror Bones looked at Umbridge. "Delores, lift up your sleeve."

"I will not! It is not any of your business what happens to me in my own spare time."

"If it begins to affect you during your working hours, then it is our business," Auror Bones said.

"It's just a little sore is all. I'll be fine," Umbridge protested.

"Auror Bones," Harry began. "If she doesn't want her sleeve raised perhaps we should let her have her way."

"Well, I'm glad to see someone thinking clearly…" Umbridge mumbled.

"Besides," he continued. "You don't need to raise a sleeve that's not there to begin with." At that, Harry raised his wand and with a softly muttered phrase, made Delores' sleeve disappear from the shoulder down. She quickly tried to hide her arm against her chest, but not before Harry and Auror Bones got a look at the familiar skull and serpent tattoo on the inside of her forearm.

"Well," Auror Bones quipped. "That explains a few things. Delores Umbridge, you are hereby charged with being a Death Eater in the service of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Gentlemen, please escort her to a cell to await trial."

Harry shook his head. "She'll be out in a week."

Auror Bones looked at him. "Do you have a better suggestion?"

Harry tapped his wand to his lip thoughtfully. "Perhaps I do." Pointing his wand at Umbridge he muttered a soft incantation and before everyone's eyes Delores started shrinking and changing colors to a strange pattern of red and gold. Once the transformation was complete, a small red and gold tree frog was squatting where Umbridge had stood. Harry then summoned a cage from Eyelops and scooped the small frog into it. Closing the cage he declared, "There we go, safe and sound."

Auror Bones' lip twitched as she tried not to smile. "You know, Mr. Potter. It's illegal to permanently transfigure someone."

Harry grinned. "Oh, this isn't permanent. Just until she goes to trial. Can you think of someone who would be suitable to watch her?"

H H H H H H

The following day at Hogwarts was a riot as soon as The Daily Prophet owled its way into the hands of eager students and teachers. In amongst all the cursing about being had, there were three very vocal declarations directed towards Seamus and Dean as to what would happen if they did not pay Neville his winnings.

As predicted, the two boys turned their anger on their third business partner and escorted Mr. Weasley out of the great hall for a "business meeting". Harry, being a keen observer of at least these three individuals behavior, waited with two of his wives in the one hall they were sure to take. It wasn't long before he was rewarded.

"I swear Seamus," Ron pleaded as they entered the hall, "I didn't say anything. Neville must have tipped them off or something."

"Right," Dean drawled. "Then why didn't he come to the tower to pummel us right then?"

"Hmm," Harry pondered as he stepped out of the shadows. "Perhaps because I wanted to get the lot of you at once and teach you a lesson at the same time? Of course, you do have to thank my lovely wives from stopping me when I did find out."

Dean and Seamus visibly paled when the saw Harry and tried to head the other direction, only to be stopped by Luna and Susan. "Going somewhere?" Susan asked, her wand arm laying casually at her side.

Seamus turned to Harry smiling apologetically. "Harry, Mate, this is all just a big misunderstanding."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Really? Which part? Making bets on my private life or gambling that I wouldn't find out?"

"That we could trust Neville not to spill the beans," muttered Dean.

"Oh it was Ginny that told Hermione," Luna offered. "We brought Neville in to the plan."

Seamus gaped then looked at Ron. "We were sold out by your sister!"

Ron swallowed then looked at Harry. "Come on mate, cut us some slack. It's not like we're the only ones that were running a betting pool. The Slytherins were doing it as well."

Harry crossed his arms. "And how would they have known to run a betting pool if you had done what I asked you to do?"

Ron winced and slid back against the wall. "Oh yeah…heh…well it was bound to come out anyway. Did you see the Prophet?"

Harry growled and raised his hand, causing all three boys to shrink back. "It's taking every ounce of my self control not to trounce the lot of you. As it stands, however, my lovely wife Susan has come up with quite the fitting punishment."

All three boys closed their eyes in anticipation of whatever horrible curse they were going to be forced to endure. So it came as quite a shock that all they heard was something that sounded like a coin hitting the floor.

Seamus was the first to open his eyes and see the Gryffindor team captain badge resting on the hallway floor. He looked up to see the cold dark stare in Harry's eyes that made his smile seem all the more sinister. He looked back down at the badge as if trying to process what just happened and as realization hit, Seamus heard Harry speak again.

"Find someone else to carry your sorry tails to glory. I'm done."

Harry walked past the stunned trio and headed back towards breakfast. As Luna and Susan joined him, he heard one of the sweetest sounds he could imagine: Seamus, Dean and Ron dissolving into three simultaneous full blown panic attacks.

They entered the Great Hall just in time to see Hermione approach the professor's table holding Gryffindor's sword. "Oh," Luna gasped, "she's going to do it now."

"Do what?" Harry asked.

"Pay attention Harry," Susan giggled. "You are about to become back page news."

Harry watched as Professor Dumbledore looked at Hermione with some concern. "Ms. Granger, why pray tell are you wielding Godric's sword at this moment?"

Hermione solemnly placed the sword at Dumbledore's feet and knelt before speaking. "In accordance with completing feats that few if any before me have ever accomplished, namely achieving the most OWLs of any person in the last century and defending the wizarding world numerous times with only my allies and heading into danger which other wizards and witches have feared to tread, I humbly ask knealing before the symbol of my house that this assemblage grant me the title of Magus with any rights and responsibilities that it may entail."

Harry blinked and noted the amusement on some of the professors faces. As he turned to look at Snape, Harry saw a glint in the professor's eye and a small nod of approval.

Dumbledore seemed extremely amused by the request. "Ms. Granger, there hasn't been a Magus in over three hundred years. I am afraid it is a rather archaic and outdate title. I doubt there are any responsibilities still attached to the title."

Hermione kept her face solemn. "It is still my right to request it."

Dumbledore sighed and looked to his fellow professors. "Do any of my esteemed colleagues have an objection to Ms. Granger being referred to as Magus Granger?"

All the assembled professors shook their heads.

"Do any of you have objection to allowing her the rights and responsibilities of the Magus?"

Again, the assembled professors shook their heads.

"Then rise Magus Granger, and be accepted as a symbol of the magical realm and be recognized."

Hermione stood to the applause of the seated professors and the vaguely disinterested students eating their breakfasts. She then marched over to the Gryffindor table and knelt next to Parvati, taking a small package out of her pocket.

Parvati looked down at her. "Does my Magus need a favor?" She teased.

Hermione simply smiled up at her. "Yes, Parvati, I need a favor but not one to be taken lightly. When I was humiliated, you came to comfort me. When I was hurt, you came to heal me. When I was lost, you came to find me. Through the last two years, you have been my lover and friend." Hermione then opened the small package in her hand to reveal a ring. "I would ask that you add wife to those titles, if you would have me."

Parvati's eyes widened as she stared at the ring. "But Hermione, we can't. In the wizarding world you still can't marry the same sex."

Hermione grinned. "Ah, but I'm no longer considered male or female. I'm Magus Granger, and thus able to wed whomever I wish. So will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Parvati began to tear up and nod furiously. "Yes."

Hermione slipped the finger on Parvati's hand and hugged her.

Harry blinked and grinned. He looked up at the assembled professor's and saw stunned and shocked looks on all their faces. All the faces that is except one very smug Severus Snape. "He knew," Harry laughed.

Luna giggled. "He was there when Ragnar told her about it, but wait. She's not done yet."

Hermione stood and helped Parvati to her feet. They then made their way to the Ravenclaw table and once again Hermione knelt, this time in front of Padma. She looked up into the other twin's eyes and smiled.

"I told you once that I could never choose between you and Parvati as you both filled my heart. I will not be made a liar. I would have you also as my wife, the woman who struck out at my attackers, the woman who made me laugh when I felt like crying, the woman who was my match in ways that I didn't realized I missed until I was made aware of them with your presence. Will you be my wife, Padma Patil."

Padma nodded. "But only with my sister's consent."

Parvati wiped a tear from her eye and laughed. "Like I could deny Hermione anything. Of course you have my consent."

Hermione then slipped a ring matching Parvati's on to Padma's hand and hugged her, bringing them both to their feet. This gained applause from all the houses, not to mention quite a bit of sputtering from the professors table.

"Ms. Granger!" came a bellow from the Headmaster. "While this is all very romantic and dramatic, just who are you planning to perform this travesty and besmirch the traditions of the wizarding world!"

Hermione smiled coyly. "That is Magus Granger, professor. And as to who will perform the celebration of our love, I have already retained the sevices of Clan Chief Ragnar of the Bonegrinder Clan. He said he would be happy to discuss how this is all perfectly in accordance with the Law."

Harry caught Snape trying to conceal his own glee at his employer's sputtering and pale face. Harry also noted that he was having a hard time keeping his composure. Casting a quick glance to Fleur and Tonks revealed that both ladies were quite calm about the situation, though Fleur seemed to be explaining the intricacies of the event to Tonks.

"Wow," Susan commented, "this is the most excitement that has happened in a day around here."

Harry grinned. "Want to keep the room spinning?"

Luna looked at Harry. "What are you planning Harry?"

Harry seemed not to hear her as he walked towards Neville. "Hey Nev," he called out. "Pretty exciting day isn't it."

Neville looked up and chuckled. "Definitely not your typical day at Hogwarts. What drags you out of your suite at this hour?"

Harry sat down next to him. "Oh the usual: Turning Ron, Seamus and Dean in gibbering lumps, quitting the Quidditch team, watching Hermione outsmart the professors."

Neville smirked. "You do realize that there are others that are not going to like that middle bit."

Harry shrugged as he poured a glass of juice. "Well they can blame the Gryffindor git club. Besides, I didn't come over here to talk about that."

Neville nodded and went back to his meal. "Okay, what did you want to talk about?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "I need to know how to present a present in wizarding society. I'm talking like one house to another. I know there is some formality to it, but all the books I've found assume you already know the ceremony."

Neville nodded. "Yeah, it's normally something you are taught by a parent. Gran taught me since my folks are…well you know."

Harry smiled. "So you could show me?"

Neville stood. "Of course. What are friends for?" Neville then withdrew a large purse from his robes. "The Ancient and Noble house of Longbottom would like to present the Ancient and Noble house of Potter with a token of our esteem and fellowship. May they know that we are allies through times hale and lean and should ever they need us our arms are at their call."

Harry stood and accepted the purse from Neville. "The Ancient and Noble House of Potter thanks The Ancient and Noble House of Longbottom." He then turned to his side and whispered, "Dobby, bring the box."

With a pop, the house elf appeared holding an ornately wrapped box before him. "Here is Mr. Harry Potters present for the Longbottoms, sir."

Harry nodded graciously and picked up the box before handing it over to Neville. "The Ancient and Noble House of Potter would now like to present the Ancient and Noble house of Longbottom with a token of our esteem and fellowship. May they know that we are allies through times hale and lean and should ever they need us our arms are at their call."

Neville blinked and cautiously took the box. Setting it on the table, he then unwrapped it. As he lifted the lid, Neville found himself staring into a pair of lifeless, though hauntingly familiar eyes. He looked back at Harry before reaching into the box and pulling Bellatrix's head out. This had the effect of several people gasping audibly and at least one professor swearing audibly.

"Mr. Potter!" Professor Dumbledore shouted. "What is the meaning of this?"

Harry turned towards the teachers table. "I apologize professor. I am simply righting a wrong left uncorrected for fifteen years."

Neville nodded, staring at the head in his hand. "My parents have been avenged!" He shouted and turned to Harry smiling. "Harry, I don't need to ask my Gran to know this. We were allies and friends before, but now I consider you my brother. Let anyone know that where ever the Ancient and Noble House of Potter leads, The Ancient and Noble House of Longbottom will always be at their side!"

Harry blinked and looked around, thinking he would see a few snickers and giggles. He knew this was something important when not even the Slytherins were smirking. It came into sharper contrast when he saw disgust on Dumbledore's face.

"I take it that the house of Longbottom condones murder then," Dumbledore announced with a scowl.

Before Harry or Neville could respond, Fleur was on her feet. "I assure you headmaster, that there was no murder. Madam Lestrange was killed in an act of defense of a loved one. It has been documented in the report filed by Auror Bones and testimony has been given in corroboration."

Dumbledore turned a patronizing eye towards Fleur. "Mrs. Delacour-Potter, we must hold ourselves to a higher standard than our enemies. This display is making a trophy out of a fallen person. That is simply unacceptable. The taking of a life, any life is a tragedy."

Fleur sneared. "So much better to make a trophy and a murderer out of and orphaned boy? Oh yes, Professor. My 'Arry has told us about the prophecy you saddled him with. Made by a woman who runs into walls on her way to meals. A woman that reputable seers have declared a fraud. Is this the higher standard of which you speak?"

Everyone was once again silent. Harry looked back to Tonks to find her looking at him in shock. His gaze then shifted to Professor McGonagal to see horror in her eyes as she stared at the man she thought she knew. Professors Sprout and Flitwick were likewise stunned. Professor Trelawney of course seemed completely out of it. Then there was Professor Snape.

Snape held none of his normal scowling persona. Though his posture was stoic, his gaze seemed calculating. Harry wished very hard that he could know what was going on in the professor's mind. It may give some insight into what happened today.

"_Potter was already a political force in the Wizengamot before this,_" Harry heard the whisper like voice of Snape comment. "_Now with the Longbottom votes, he could run interference to anything that Dumbledore wanted to do. Bones would also likely fall in step with her niece's husband, and with so many seats on the Hogwarts board of governors, he could oust Dumbledore at a moment's notice._"

_Professor? _Harry thought to himself and was rewarded by Snape looking directly at him.

"_Potter!"_ Snape mentally hissed. _"How did you get inside my head?_"

Harry shrugged. "_Beats me? What did you mean seats on the board of governors?"_

"_Later,_" the professor responded. "_I believe the situation is about to break._"

Harry turned back to see Dumbledore looking at him. "Mr. Potter," the headmaster called out in a strained voice, "It would be advised that you refrain from any more grandiose gestures for the foreseeable future."

Harry wasn't sure why, but he didn't like the headmaster's tone. "No disrespect sir," Harry cautiously began, "But why would that be?"

Dumbledore stared directly at him. "You have the welfare of many people to think about." The professor's tone sent a shiver down Harry's spine. "Your family, your friends, many people are looking to you for guidance. It would be a tragedy if you were to lead them astray."

Harry growled. "So there it is, Albus." Harry's voice was barely above a whisper. The room began to cool. "We have come to veiled threats? Thinly veiled at that. I can assure you that I will not lead anyone astray, as I will tell them to follow their hearts and not the empty platitudes of a man that says that in war we can not kill. Even in self defense. Especially when that same man wanted to turn me into a murderer or a martyr. No professor, I will not ask anyone to do anything their conscience will not let them do. Can you say the same?"

Harry turned and walked out of the great hall without waiting for a response from Dumbledore. True to his word, Neville was at his side almost immediately. By the time he reached the portrait to his room, Harry turned to see two dozen students (Not counting Susan, Hermione, Collette, Luna, Neville or the twins) Professors Snape, McGonagal, Sprout, Flitwick and Tonks, Hagrid, and Fleur. He stood there, stunned and speechless. Just what was going on?

Susan, Luna, Fluer and Collette were the first to move forward. Fleur opened the door for them and ushered the girls inside. "Whatever you decide 'Arry," she whispered, "Your wives shall support you."

Harry blinked as Hermione and the Patil twins followed them in. "Do you even have to ask Harry?" Hermione quipped as she passed him.

Neville chuckled and patted his new brother's arm before walking inside. "In for a penny…"

"In for a pound," Tonks finished the quote before following Neville inside.

Professor Snape nodded at Harry. "I took an oath on your mother's memory to protect you."

Harry nodded back. "Right now I need your guidance."

Snape snorted. "Now the brat sees that," the professor snapped as he passed.

Professor McGonagal looked at Harry sadly. "I didn't know. I should have, but…"

Harry shook his head and hugged her. "It's okay. You need to get back to the students. They need you." He then looked at Hagrid and Professors Sprout and Flitwick. "I'll talk to all of you soon. I promise."

It was then that he saw Draco come up and hand him a pouch. "This is yours Potter," the blonde teen said gruffly.

Harry cautiously opened the bag to find it full of Galleons. Harry looked back at Draco warily.

"It's the money from the Slytherin pool," he commented. "This doesn't mean we're friends. It just means that I know what my chances are. Your lot beat my aunt Bella, and considering she used to crucio my dad for fun I know who has the best chance of winning this war."

Harry laughed. "How touching, Malfoy. Now tell me why I should trust you."

Draco shrugged. "You shouldn't, but I'll still help wherever I can."

"You and who else?"

"Probably just me and Blaise," Draco commented half-heartedly. "The rest only followed me because of my father's money."

Harry nodded. "Okay, you can go in for now. But If I figure out you're up to something-"

Draco raised a hand in supplication. "I'll find my head next to Aunt Bella's." Blaise followed Draco inside as Harry turned to the rest of the students.

"Alright!" Harry shouted at the assembled students. "If you are fifth year or below, you'd better get to class! That goes for you too, Ginny."

Ginny scowled playfully as she walked along with about half of the assembled group of kids. Harry had to concentrate to keep a straight face. He then looked at what remained. "Hannah, you can go in." She nodded and walked past him. He then looked at the remaining seven students.

Ernie Macmillan and Zach Smith walked up to him. "We haven't always gotten along," Ernie muttered, "but what Malfoy said was essentially right. We're still D.A. members if you'll have us."

Harry shook his head. "Get in there you two."

Lisa Turpin and Su Li walked up next. "I'm with you, Potter," Su Li announced.

""Me too," Lisa agreed. "We're not too good in a fight, but we're good at figuring out wards and runes. We could be support. Hermione could vouch for us."

"You do realize that I'm not looking through Hogwarts for anymore of my wives right?" Harry drawled.

Lisa looked momentarily crestfallen, then brightened again. "Is Neville seeing anyone?"

Harry rolled his eyes before stepping aside. "Get in before I change my mind."

The final three walked up and Harry glared at them. "No."

Seamus blinked. "But Harry, we want to help."

Ron nodded. "Look mate, we admit we screwed up. Can't you just forgive and forget?"

Harry laughed as he entered the portrait and closed the door on his former friend. "Forgive, Ron? Maybe someday. Forget? Not on your life."

H H H H H H

End Notes: I guess it is time for a Harem count.

Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black , Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

Magus Hermione Granger

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Neville Longbottom

? (He did after all ask to borrow the cloak in the future.)

Sorry, the chapter got a little carried away from me. Next chapter will be on what happens in the suite and possibly some stuff after.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note: I had a couple direct questions about Abhilasha Granger. As you can see below, she is going to be a recurring character. It is a name I came up with on the spur of the moment. You'll get more of her story in the planned sequel to this story. Also, wanted to let you guys know that there are no juicy bits in this chapter, just boring plot development. Ah, but Halloween is just a couple chapters away.

Chapter 14

_Likewise cloaked in mystery has been the famous meeting of the Hogwarts seventeen. How Lord Potter-Black came to choose those he took into his council and just what was discussed in that secretive meeting. Thankfully, I had the benefit of having three relatives in that meeting, not counting the various adopted aunts and uncles that were also in attendance. What many historians have mythologized into the great Harry Potter creating a war council had a much different image from their perspective…_

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger._

H H H H H

Harry leaned on the door for a few minutes to compose himself as he looked over the admittedly motley crew before him. Fleur, Susan and Collette had taken up the main couch, with Luna sitting on the floor in front of them. Hermione and the Patil twins had likewise taken their favorite seats: Hermione in an overstuffed chair and the twins on either arm. Professor Snape had made himself comfortable in Harry's favorite high-backed chair and Neville, Hannah, Lisa, and Su Li had taken up the second couch. Draco and Blaise were off to the side, under the very attentive watch of Tonks. That left Ernie and Zach leaning against the floo.

For the most part, Harry knew there were only two people he couldn't completely trust in this room. Not one to really like unknowns, the first order of business was to get the answers from them that he needed. Nodding towards Luna, Harry walked towards the center of the room.

"Well," Harry started casually, "seeing as we've had some unexpected surprises today and it's not even ten am, I guess this will have to be a bit informal. First things first." Harry and Luna seemed to move as one, quickly and silently binding both Ernie Macmillan and Zach Smith before anyone could so much as twitch.

"What the hell!" Hannah burst out.

"Calm down Hannah," Neville soothed. "I'm sure Harry had a good reason. You did have a good reason, right mate?"

Harry nodded casually. "Actually, yes I did. Everyone else in here I know that I can trust." Harry held his hand up casually to forestall protests. "Let me clarify. I can trust I know how they are going to act. Fleur, Susan, Collette, and Luna are loyal to me without question and Hermione, Parvati, Padma and Neville are the closest I have to brothers and sisters at the moment. Snape is here out of his love for my mother and an oath he swore on her memory. Tonks is my friend and loyal to a fault. Hannah is Susan's best friend and not going to do anything to hurt her and Lisa and Su are both hoping to hook up with a hero."

"Hey!" both girls shouted in indignation.

Harry smirked at them. "Am I wrong?"

Both girls scowled then shrugged. "It just sounds so indecent when you say it like that."

"That's because it is indecent," drawled the potions professor.

"What about Blaise and I," Draco asked, breaking attention away from the main circle.

Harry smirked. "Draco, you are a self-centered, egotistical jerk. I trust you to do whatever serves your own selfish purposes and your boyfriend right there is likely to have your back for largely the same reason."

Draco gaped. "How did you-" The blonde stopped himself at Blaise's sharp gaze.

Harry raised an eyebrow at both boys before continuing. "That just leaves these two," He continued casually, walking up to Zach and Ernie. "They made a big deal about being in the DA. Problem is, Zach was only there to keep up his defense studies and Ernie was there because Susan begged him. In fact, Zach pretty much told me to my face that I was full of shite."

"So why were they so eager to join us in here?" asked Hannah.

Harry smiled brightly at Hannah. "That was exactly my question, Hannah. Of course, if I just cornered them outside, the trio of impulsiveness might have jumped them and caused more harm than good trying to get back in my good graces."

"Trio of impulsiveness?" Su asked.

"Ron, Seamus and Dean," Hermione offered. "They tend to leap before they look."

"More so than even Mr. Potter," Snape added.

"I'm working on that," Harry replied indignantly.

"Work harder," Snape and Hermione said in unison, garnering several laughs.

"Right," Harry scowled. "Back to the matter at hand. Since I know that neither Zach nor Ernie are particularly eager to die heroic deaths, and Zach pretty much hates me, it is likely to assume that either these two are imposters, or think to dig up some dirt to hand over to Dumbledore." Harry then waved his hand over their faces allowing them to respond. "Okay, speak."

Ernie was the first to respond. "What? Can't a guy have a change of heart?"

"Yeah," added Zach. "It's not like we're not all in this war-"

"Together." Ernie finished and then winced. "Crud, and we were doing-"

"So well," Zach continued Ernie's comment. "Oh well. You got us Harry."

Harry groaned. "Fred? George?"

They both meekly nodded.

Almost everyone else in the room erupted in outrage as the two young men cringed as best they could. Harry called almost everyone off immediately, letting Susan and Hannah get in more than anyone else before affixing the twins with a death glare worthy of their mother's.

"How long have you been impersonating Ernie and Zach?" Harry asked coldly.

The twins swallowed nervously as the charm they had been using slowly wore off. It was Fred that answered. "Well, we've sorta been doing it since the start of school. You see-"

"Zach and Ernie signed up to be test subjects," George continued. "They'd try out our new sweets and-"

"We'd pay them about twenty galleons a week. It was really a –"

"Win-win situation all around. That was until the Blueberry-"

"Bombpops. That was a right disaster."

Harry blinked and paled. "You didn't. Oh lord guys, please tell me you didn't."

Both twins blinked then gasped in realization. "No!" Fred shouted. "No, their fine-"

"More or less," George continued. "Though they're being treated at St. Mungo's-"

"Under assumed names. They didn't want anyone seeing them like they were-"

"Seeing as the skin dying charm doesn't seem to want to wear off."

"Or the hair dying charm."

"Or the-"

"Alright!" Harry Shouted. "I get the picture. So you two, in order to cover both your arses decided to pose as Ernie and Zach until they could come back to school and hopefully no one would be the wiser. So, why break character and follow me?"

Fred and George looked at each other before turning back and answering together. "Marauders forever."

Harry, Hermione and Tonks each blinked before bursting out into laughter. Snape simply scowled as everyone else looked on in confusion. Once he had composed himself, Harry released the two.

"Professor," Harry addressed Snape, "I don't suppose you could lend your expertise to help these two delinquents out of their predicament."

Snape crooked an eyebrow. "And just what would be in this for me?"

"Aside from the fact that two Gryffindors will owe you a debt," Harry began. "I'm sure they would be willing to cut you in on a profound percentage of the profits from this particular prank."

"Wow, try saying that three times fast," Susan quipped.

As the twins began to protest giving up part of their profits Harry gave them a stern glare, warning them into silence.

"How big a percentage?" Snape asked cautiously.

"Thirty percent," Harry offered.

"Thirty! Are you out of your mind?" George screamed.

"Fifty," Snape offered back.

"Fifty!" Fred shouted. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Thirty-five and you keep the patents," Harry countered.

"Forty and they promise not to test on any more of my students."

"Deal," Harry said and then turned to the twins. "And next time I'll hex you myself. Now on to the second bit. Hermione, what's this mess about being a Magus?"

"Well, it's really quite straight forward, Harry," Hermione said as she leaned back in her chair. "By taking on the title I effectively become gender neutral and can marry whomever I choose."

"What about that bit about duties and responsibility of the office?" Harry asked.

"Due to the historical lack of Magi in the last hundred years, the only duties they have been left with are largely ceremonial. I might be asked to cut the ribbon on a new Ministry building."

"But why do it then?"

Hermione cocked her head. "Harry, I'm sleeping with two beautiful women. I'd really appreciate it if their father didn't sell them off in some marriage contract."

"Good point. Now, Neville, what is the significance of calling me your brother?"

"Well," Neville began. "It pretty much means that when our houses vote in the Wizengamut, we'll vote as one."

"Vote as one?"

"Your votes and my family's votes will go to whatever issues we agree on."

"What if we don't agree?"

"We don't have a disagreement on the floor. We work it out behind the scenes."

"And just how many votes does this entail?" Harry asked.

"Roughly half the votes in the Wizengamut," Snape offered.

"What?" Harry gaped.

"As well as three votes on the Hogwart's board of Governors," Snape continued.

"Four," Draco called out.

Snape looked at him. "Excuse me, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco smirked. "I currently hold my father's voting privileges. Potter currently holds four votes on the board of Governors."

"But why would you give me your vote?" Harry asked.

"Politics," Draco replied.

"Translation, saving his own sorry arse," Hermione quipped.

"How?" Harry asked, confused.

"It shows that he has allied himself with the side of the Light, namely you, Harry. And also distracts the attention of those who simply want to tie themselves to the Malfoy name, allowing him to pursue his own interests."

"And what interests would those be?"

"Is he always this dense?" Blaise growled.

"I'm not dense…wait…what…you? No, I don't want to know. Next topic, please," Harry all but begged.

"I believe the next topic should be what to do about Albus Dumbledore," Snape offered calmly.

"Since politics aren't my strong suite, I'm opening this up for suggestions," Harry said to the room at large.

"We could have him removed as Headmaster," Draco offered up.

"As well as set up a vote of no confidence in the Wizengamut," Neville added.

"Not to mention having his accounts frozen for all the money he's taken from your inheritance," Hermione chimed in.

"And then there is the Order of the Phoenix," Fred suggested.

"Right," George concurred. "Most of them won't continue to follow Dumbledore after they find out how he's treated you."

"We could also put that muckraker Skeeter to good use and drag his name thru the mud," Susan suggested.

"Children," Snape drawled. "You are all going for the obvious targets, where his power lies. And while I commend you on outright viciousness and highly recommend that Harry go thru with all these actions, you have not truly hit Albus where it will hurt him the most."

"Oh? And where would that be?" Harry asked.

Snape grinned evilly. "Perhaps I should tell you about a business that your father invested quite a bit of money in."

H H H H H H H H

Three days later Harry was enjoying a cup of tea when he heard a furious pounding on the door of his suite. He calmly walked towards the door, steeling himself for the confrontation he knew was about to happen.

Dumbledore's tirade started the second the door was opened. "How dare you? Of all the impulsive, rash decisions! Of all the childish vindictiveness! You dare to make me look like a fool?"

Harry tapped his wand to his chin. "Is this about the vote of no confidence, the upcoming vote to have you removed as Headmaster, or the freezing of your accounts?"

"This, Mr. Potter, is about your indictment of my honor and integrity."

"Ah," Harry responded. "The chocolate frog cards then. What do you know, he was right."

"Who was right?"

Harry smirked. "An enterprising co-conspirator that believed you would care more about your ego and fame than about the course of this war we are in. This is why I had to make a public break with you, Albus. If we are going to win this war it can't be done with empty platitudes and half hearted attempts. If you cannot see that then perhaps it's time you retired."

"I earned the right to be on those cards," Albus continued to bluster.

Harry blinked. "Did you even hear a word of what I just said?"

"What you fail to realize, Mr. Potter, is that we are fighting a war for the hearts and minds of the wizarding world."

"No," Harry responded. "We are fighting a war of spells and death with a megalomaniacal freak. The war for the minds and hearts won't start until after the bloodshed stops. The best way to end this war is as quickly as possible."

"And what about the ideals that the wizarding world is founded on?"

"Hm, intolerance, bigotry, and hatred? I'll pass on those, thanks."

"I was referring to cooperation, civility, and the value of human life," Albus clarified.

Harry looked at Dumbledore for a moment before breaking into laughter. "That's a good one, especially coming from a man who wants to turn me into either a murderer or a sacrificial lamb. The only lives that the wizarding world values are their own. They could give two wits about the magical creatures that are dying right beside them. Perhaps when all this is over we can have a truly united society. But we can't have that now, and we definitely can't have it under you. Good day, Professor." And with that, Harry quietly closed the door in Dumbledore's face.

H H H H H H H

It was later that same evening when Harry flooed into Grimauld Place with Draco. The two quickly set about arranging chairs and clearing space for their soon to be arriving guests.

"I still say this is crazy, Potter," Draco snarked. "Why didn't you have Granger or the twins accompany you?"

"What can I say, I like your sparkling personality," Harry quipped. "Besides, they're going to come with Tonks."

"I still don't get it," Draco grumbled. "What's so important about this Order of the Phoenix?"

"If we're going to defeat Tom, we're going to need an army. Better to start with one that's already pre-built."

"Who's Tom?"

"The true name of the scaly arse your father kisses. Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Sane."

"That can't be right," Draco murmured. "I don't know of any pureblood families named Riddle."

Harry sighed as he vanished the table. "That's because it's a Muggle name. Tom was a half-blood orphan."

"But the Dark Lord hates half-bloods as much as he hates Muggleborns."

"Not surprising, really, if you look at history. Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao Tse Tung. People tend to hate others that they see embodying the weaknesses they fear that they themselves have. People in power tend to destroy things that make them feel weak or inferior."

Draco nodded and continued to set up the chairs. "Wait, who?"

Harry chuckled. "Nevermind. We'll set you up with a Muggle history lesson later. Our guests are about to arrive."

Arthur, Molly, Bill, and Charlie were the first to arrive followed by Remus. A few minutes later, Tonks tumbled out of the fireplace followed closely by Hermione, Fred, George, and Neville. After hearing a couple of soft pops, Alastor Moody and Kingsly Shacklebolt came in thru the front door. Draco turned even paler after seeing Moody. Finally Professors McGonagal and Snape arrived, rounding out the meeting.

"Ah, Minerva," Moody shouted. "When's Albus going to be here?"

"Professor Dumbldore will not be attending," Harry said softly. "I was the one who called you all here."

"You?" Moody all but growled. "Why are you calling the order together?"

"I called you to give all of you an option. I have frozen all of Albus' accounts and by the end of the week he will be removed from both the Wizengamut and Hogwarts." Harry paused to let the gasping and cries of dismay subside. "I intend to fight this war but I will not be doing it hampered by a man who wants us to sit and do nothing while our friends and loved ones are being murdered. Your choice is this: side with me and we take a more active stance in this war or you stand by Dumbledore. I will not judge you either way, but if you side with Dumbledore you do so with your own resources."

"Just what does that mean, Harry?" Kingsly asked.

Harry smirked. "Albus has been using the Potter family fortune to fund the order. That stops now. Further more, you'll notice that Mundungus Fletcher is not among us. He's currently in the custody of the Aurors for stealing from the Black estate. I'm finished with suffering fools and thieves. Now, I believe you all have a decision to make so I'll leave you to it."

Before Harry made it to the door he heard a soft voice behind him.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I can't," Remus whispered. "Too much of my life is defined by violence as it is. I have to believe there is another way to win this than what you are proposing."

Harry nodded. "I understand and I hope you're right, but I can't take the chance and sacrifice more innocent lives."

Remus nodded and walked towards the floo. "Coming Dora?"

Tonks shook her head. "I've already agreed to stay and help Harry."

Remus looked momentarily shocked, then only nodded again as he activated the floo and left.

Harry sighed. "I'll be in the sitting room if anyone needs me."

H H H H H H H

Harry sat staring at a key in his hand when Moody entered the sitting room. He glanced up and acknowledged the retired Auror. "I take it everyone has made their decisions," he said evenly.

Moody nodded and sat down across from him. "Molly and Arthur left not long after Lupin, but their boys stayed. Kingsley's a good lad and has been ready for a fight since the beginning. I guess you know about all the others."

Harry snorted. "Constant vigilance."

Moody nodded again. "Did you really expect me not to notice how they didn't seem surprised by your announcement? Also, Minnie and Severus are always bickering about something when they come to the meetings."

"Ah. So do I need to ask what your decision is?"

Moody grinned. "I'm always up for a good fight. What's that in your hand, lad?"

Harry handed him the key. "It's the key to the liquor cabinet. I was debating whether to have a drink or not."

Moody raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a bit young to be hitting the bottle?"

Harry shrugged. "I haven't. Yet."

Moody grimaced and pocketed the key. "Probably best if you didn't start now."

Harry sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Standing, he replied, "Well, we'd best be getting back."

Moody grunted as he followed Harry out of the sitting room. "So what's your plan, lad?"

"You're kidding right?" Harry commented. "I'm making this up as I go along."

As they reentered the kitchen Harry noticed immediately that several small groups had formed. Off to one side was Charlie talking to an obviously upset Tonks, Professor Snape was talking quietly with Draco, Professor McGonagal was riding roughshod on Fred and George for what had happened over the summer, Hermione and Bill were in deep discussion about something, while Kingsley and Neville sat waiting patiently for Harry's return.

"The more things change," Harry muttered to himself. _How am I going to get all these different personalities to work together? And we still need more people._ "Ok, it looks like we're it, for now. I won't pretend to have any idea how to lead this type of group on my own so I'm going to be relying heavily on everyone's talents and expertise. So, where do we begin?"

"I have an idea," Hermione spoke up. "Professor Snape knows which people are Death eaters and Bill is in with the Goblins. Why don't we get the Goblins to freeze their accounts? It would be a financial blow to their side."

"It's the good beginning of a plan," Snape commented. "However, if all accounts are frozen that will bring suspicion back towards me which would ruin my effectiveness as an agent. I suggest we freeze only a handful. Enough to cripple. Also, freeze mine to alleviate suspicion from myself."

Harry thought for a second. "Professor, how effective would it be to freeze the accounts of people who are in contact with Delores Umbridge?"

Snape blinked. "Quite effective. It would most certainly slow them down."

"You and Bill work on that. Kingsley and Moody, how would you go about setting up capture teams for this list?" Harry asked.

"Well," Kingsley began. "We'd have to be sure we could trust the team and we'd defiantly have to have a place to keep them. There's no way we could get a fair trial until after You-Know-Who is gone."

Harry nodded. "Charlie, we'll need some help at Hogwarts to make sure everything is safe. Do you think you could work with Hagrid as a fellow groundskeeper?"

Charlie grinned. "That depends. Is the board of governors going to allow us to have more pets?"

Harry smirked. "I think that could be arranged. Fred and George, you are going to be what I call special projects. I come up with an idea, you make it work. You come up with an idea, if we think it will be effective, you make it work. Draco, you know most of the students who either plan to take the mark, or are being pressured to. We need to neutralize that. I'm not talking about killing them, just getting them to change their minds or getting them out of the way. I'm putting Hermione with you to work on that."

Draco shrugged. "Makes sense. And seeing the two of us working together might be enough to sway some of fence sitters to our side."

"Tonks," Harry continued. "I need you to get Neville up to speed. Not just him, but Luna, Susan, Hannah, the Patils, and there will be others. We know the war is coming to Hogwarts. Anyone who is willing to fight to save the student body needs to be trained to be their best. Neville, I'm putting you in charge of organizing them."

"I believe that leaves me, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagal spoke up.

Harry sighed. _Yep, too much sighing._ "Professor, I haven't forgotten about you. I need you to a most thankless job and one you are probably going to hate me for in a couple of years. I need you to take over as Headmistress of Hogwarts."

H H H H H H H

It was Saturday before Harry could meet with the remaining Professors to discuss the changes that were being made. In an attempt to ease tension he decided it would probably be best to invite them all to tea.

"As you all know, the board of governors has appointed Professor McGonagal as Headmistress of Hogwarts. She will continue her teaching duties until we can find a suitable replacement. As for what happened earlier in the week, I only want to say that I intend on taking the fight to Voldemort." Harry paused for a moment for the gasps that he expected to follow that statement. "This is not a fight that I expect any one of you to take part in. All I do request is that you protect the students to the best of your ability. Hagrid, the board of governors has hired Charlie Weasley as an assistant grounds keeper. He will help you maintain the magical creatures we currently have as well as a few additions."

"Additions?" Hagrid asked.

"Yes, Charlie thought it would be…interesting to expand your curriculum a bit. The board of Governors is reviewing his suggestions."

Professor Sprout spoke up. "And if others of us have suggestions for improvements to the school?"

Harry smiled. "The Board of Governors will review any suggestions brought before it. However, I have a feeling that the new board will be more accepting of improvements than previous boards have."

"Just out of curiosity," Professor Flitwick asked. "Who is currently sitting on the Board of Governors?"

"Five young, forward thinking individuals," Harry answered.

"And I take it one of those forward thinking individuals is you?"

"Both House Potter and House Black have seats on the Board of Governors."

"And Mr. Malfoy?"

"Yes, I recall he has a seat as well. However, speculation as to who is holding those seats is somewhat pointless seeing as we have all agreed that any status we have here at the school should be separate from our duties as governors."

"That's rather mature, Mr. Potter."

"Actually, it was rather practical. I still have a lot to learn and I can't have my professors scared I might fire them. So the hiring and termination of staff has been handed over to Professor McGonagal."

Professor Sprout smiled. "Quite a prudent choice."

"I'd say," Harry smirked. "She's already brought in an exorcist to sack Binns."

H H H H H

End Notes: Harem count time.

Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

- Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

- Luna Black , Lady Black (Wife)

- Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

- Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

Magus Hermione Granger

- Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

- Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Neville Longbottom

? (He did after all ask to borrow the cloak in the future.)

Draco Malfoy, Lord Malfoy

- Blaise Zabini (Partner)


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors Notes: Alright, here we go. More fun at Harry's expense. As to a few questions still running around out there, I'll do my best to answer. We won't be seeing Harry wife number five until Christmas time in the story. Draco isn't good per say. He's more looking out for his own best interests. I hate to say it, but similar with Snape. There is not an unrated version of this somewhere else. Sorry, we tried to write the sex scenes out and couldn't stop laughing. It takes a disciplined mind to write a good sex scene…and we write fanfiction. With out further adieu, on with the show.

H H H H H H

Interlude

Percy Weasley proudly polished his name plate before sitting it back on his desk. It had only been two weeks since he had been asked by Auror Bones to take the newly minted position he was being placed in, an appointment that had been suggested by none other than Harry Potter.

At first he thought it was some kind of joke. She told him that he was going to be a warden of a very special prison. He had puffed up with pride until he saw the small glass cage with a red and yellow frog inside. It took him several minutes to calm down enough to find out that the cage contained none other than Delores Umbridge.

It was then explained to him that Percy's devout loyalty to the ministry and Harry's high opinion of him that had confirmed that he should be the one to handle this delicate and potentially explosive situation. He would of course be paid a full warden's wages even if he could not talk about his promotion until the war was over.

In fact, even the one stipulation on his acceptance of the job wasn't even that hard to swallow. Harry had made it on the day he came by to visit. That was of course after he gave Percy a piece of his mind that was louder than any howler that his mother had ever sent. Percy still winced when he thought about it. What was worse was the fact that everything the sixteen-year-old had said was undeniably true.

Standing, Percy patted the cage holding Umbridge and then moved past the two others that had just been brought in that morning. He stepped out of his nice large office and locked the door behind him. He then turned and smiled at his Secretary/Fiancée and said, "If Amelia or Alastor needs to get in touch with me, I'll be in Misuse of Muggle Devices."

Penelope smiled back. "It's about time, Percy. I'll make sure not to mention to either Auror that you called them by their first names."

Percy grinned and headed toward the elevator. After a short trip to his father's floor and down to the afore mentioned office, Percy paused before knocking on the door. It was barely a moment before he heard his father's muffled "Enter."

The look Arthur Weasley gave him would have looked civil to any other person. Percy, however, saw the sorrow and hurt that only he or his siblings would be able to pick up. He saw the look of loss and disappointment in his father's eyes. "What can I do for you Mr. Weasley?" Arthur asked as casually as possible.

Percy sighed and shook his head. He had deserved that. He knew that this was going to be hard and that Harry was right to force him to do this. Penelope had been badgering him for months to try to patch things up with his parents. He knew it was the right thing to do, just why did it have to be so hard?

"It's just Percy dad," He whispered. "That is if you can forgive me for being a prat for the last sixteen months."

Arthur looked speechless. Percy closed the door and sat down. He didn't even look up at his father before continuing. "I'm sorry I didn't see what was right in front of my face. Harry may have been a troublemaker up there with Fred and George, but he's not a liar. I just saw it as my chance to make something of myself. I wanted you to be proud of me like you were of Bill and Charlie.

"Then you said that Fudge was using me, and I got upset. It was like you were saying that I couldn't do this with my own abilities. So I dove into my work to try and prove you wrong. Then when Harry's trial came along…" Percy fought to get his emotions under control. He could still see in his mind's eye his father encouraging Harry through the door. He was so fixed on his own inner turmoil that he almost jumped when he felt his father's hand on his shoulder.

Arthur looked into his son's eyes and smiled. "Welcome home, Percy. Your mum and I have missed you."

Percy blinked back a few tears and smiled up at his dad. "You better thank my brother, for making me see what was right in front of my face."

Arthur chuckled. "I will. So which one of them got you to see that we still cared about you? Bill? Charlie?"

Percy shook his head. "Harry. I might as well admit it. He's a Weasley in spirit if not in name. Guess I just didn't want to see it for fear of getting lost in the crowd."

Arthur nodded and chuckled. "I guess he is. Perhaps we should all get together for Sunday dinner."

Percy agreed then blushed. "Would it be alright if I brought Penelope as well? We um, need to talk some things over."

Arthur nodded absently. "Of course son. What sort of things?"

Percy braced himself as he let the words out of his mouth. "We're going to get married soon. Really soon."

Arthur chuckled. "You do realize there is no rush, right Percy?"

Percy winced. "Oh there is actually quite a big rush. Like sometime in the next nine months rush."

Arthur nodded absently as he looked at a clock. "Well that seems to be a bit of a severe… Wait, nine months?" He turned and looked at his always responsible, never mischievous, rule abiding son in shock.

"Congratulations," Percy said meekly, "You're going to be a grandpa."

H H H H H

Chapter 15

Harry smiled as he woke up that Monday morning. Of course what guy wouldn't smile at waking up between two blondes who he just happened to be married to? The two blondes in question were of course Luna and Susan and a quick scan of the room found Harry staring up at a stern looking wife number three with her arms crossed. Harry smiled sheepishly at her. "Want to crawl in? I think I can get them to make room."

Fleur raised an eyebrow. "'Arry, it is five a.m."

Harry tried to process that statement without much success. "Pardon me for being a bit dense, but I don't follow."

Fleur shook her head and laughed. "You and your two bed mates are due with Nym in about twenty minutes. That is unless you enjoy a wet bed."

Harry blinked and groaned. "I forgot. Susan, Luna, you have to get up." Harry gently tried shaking both of them and then tried to rise himself to no avail. "I'm pinned," he groaned plaintively.

Fleur giggled and went about getting dressed. Harry watched as he tried to get the duo that was effectively holding him down to wake up or at the very least move. He had to admit, watching her putting her clothes on was in some ways just as sexy as her taking them off.

"Fifteen minutes," Fleur teased as she slipped her professor's robes on.

Harry sighed and was about to try tickling his lovely wives when he heard Susan growl. "Do it and lose a finger."

Harry shook his head. "I don't find ice water a great way to start the morning," he shot back.

Susan eyed him. "Do you really think she would do that?"

"Tonks? Absolutely."

"She'll probably be late," Luna responded without opening her eyes. "I saw her with Charlie Weasley last night."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Charlie? What about Remus?"

Susan yawned and sat up. "The tosser broke it off with her. Something about irreconcilable differences."

Harry growled. "I'll rip his damn head off."

Luna sat up on the other side of the bed. "Good luck finding it. I think Tonks hexed it into the lake. Then she slept with Bill."

Harry turned his head so fast to look at Luna he heard his neck pop. "Ow! Wait, when did this happen? And how did I miss it?"

Susan snorted. "You were in the faculty meeting. And then there was that bit about Malfoy's safe room."

Luna cocked her head. "is putting him in with the Hufflepuffs really keeping him safe?"

Harry smirked. "Blaise is with him."

"But Ernie's back," Susan responded, "and very homophobic."

"What does the fear of homonyms have to do with anything?" Luna asked.

H H H H H H H

"Ten more laps!" Tonks yelled across the room. She was answered with a series of groans and a couple of colorful expletives.

Harry and Draco matched each other's speed in the front of the group. The rest sorted themselves by varying degrees of fitness. Everyone seemed to be doing ok except for the Creevy brothers. Dennis was visibly panting and Colin was holding a stitch in his side. After 5 more laps, Tonks took pity on the two and pulled them to the center before they were lapped by Harry and Draco…again.

"Poor Colin and Dennis," Harry laughed. "I think I would have kept on going to save the embarrassment."

Draco smirked. "The difference Potter, is that you're on a Quidditch team. Those two probably haven't done a lick of exercise ever. The embarrassment factor for you would be far higher than theirs."

"True, true. Draco, I have a question. Why are you still going by Malfoy? I mean, Padfoot annulled your mother's marriage."

Draco smiled. "It's quite simple really. My father was a dick and not the kind I like to play with. I am the sole heir. Therefore, I am the sole person who has access to his money, but only as long as I carry the Malfoy name. As soon as I drain every last knut out of that bastard's coffers, Draco Black and his Italian stallion are headed for the colonies."

Harry nearly stumbled at the description of Blaise. "And the 600,000 galleons?"

Draco smirked. "I plan a long life of leisure and anonymity."

"All right, that's enough," Tonks yelled out. "Take a breather and cool off while I set up the room."

Everyone headed for the side of the room where there were tables with water and towels. There were also cubby-style shelves for anyone wanting to bring a bag along. After grabbing a towel and some water, Harry headed for his bag for a dry shirt. He was pleased to see that he wasn't the only one who came prepared since there were several bags on the shelves. After pulling his shirt over his head, he noticed Neville follow suit beside him. Behind them the room fell silent and the two turned around to see what was going on. Everyone, well, all the women at least, seemed to be staring at Neville so Harry turned back to him for a closer look.

"Bloody hell, Neville! When did that happen?"

Neville had turned a bright pink from his scalp to his pants. He quickly pulled his dry shirt over his head before answering. "Over the summer. I was tired of being the slow one, the one everyone made allowances for. I talked Gran into going to Muggle London for some sight-seeing and picked up some books on physical training."

"He was keeping pace behind you and Draco during the entire run so I guess it worked," Tonks said as she worked.

A soft "and how" was heard from the group somewhere and Neville blushed all over again.

"Right," Tonks said, taking the attention away from a very thankful Neville. "First thing we're going to work on is overcharging a spell. By doing this, you can make a relatively simple spell much more powerful. It's normally not taught at school because it can have dangerous side effects. That being said, the lot of you have proven yourselves to be fairly competent and we are not going to use any dangerous spells. We'll start with overcharging a Lumos spell. Hannah, why don't you start us off?"

The next hour was spent with everyone taking turns blinding everyone else. Finally Harry stood up to try his hand at it.

"Ok, Harry, just like everyone else, push as much power as you feel comfortable with into the spell," Tonks coached. "We're just going for a brighter light."

Harry nodded and concentrated on the spell. It sounded simple enough. All he had to do was push some extra energy into the spell. Supposedly he had plenty to spare. He visualized the energy flowing from his center, down his arm to his wand and said "Lumos." A blinding flash, a sharp cracking sound, and a twinge of pain in his hand later, Harry was holding a ball of light in place of his wand which was now in splinters at his feet.

"Ouch."

The rest of the room gasped. Tonks' Auror reflexes had taken over and she was crouched down, almost in an attack stance. "Bugger, that's new," she said from the floor. "How did you do that, Harry?"

"Ouch," Harry responded. He could definitely feel a part of his wand digging into his hand but was unsure of what to do with the ball of light. Could he put it down somewhere? Could he pass it off to someone? How did he shut it off?

"I think he's in shock," Blaise offered up.

"He's in shock?" Draco responded. "I may need a change of pants after that."

"Can someone please take this bloody ball of light from me so I can dig the bloody splinter out of my hand?" Harry all but screamed.

Hermione blinked. "Right. Um, well, I guess just hand it over?"

As Harry handed it to her, she got a surprised look on her face. "Wow, it's really li…not as heavy as it looks."

"Good cover," Ginny snarked. "I think you fooled Dennis."

"Nope," Dennis responded. "Not even a little."

Harry carefully pulled the splinter out of his palm. "Well, now what do I do? I'm out a wand and I don't have a spare."

H H H H H H H

Olivander looked up from his desk when the door chime rang and was surprised to see his most famous customer being escorted in by Hogwarts illustrious potions master and the school's new assistant grounds keeper.

"Mr. Potter, what can I do for you?"

Harry smiled sheepishly. "Well, Mr. Olivander, um, I kinda had an accident with my wand."

At this, Severus snorted. Olivander noticed a very amused look on the potion master's normally very dour face.

"What kind of accident? I'm sure we'll be able to repair it."

Harry gingerly placed a small box on the counter. The wand maker noted it was not long enough to hold the wand he had sold Harry so many years ago. As he lifted the lid and saw the contents, a small whimper of pain and despair escaped his lips.

"How?"

Harry swallowed. "Advanced combat training."

"Was it hit with a Reductor?"

"Um, no. It was an overcharged Lumos. A twelve inch ball of light is still floating around the school."

Olivander groaned. "Holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches. One of my finest creations blown apart by a Lumos spell. I'll be the laughing stock of the wand maker community."

"Sir, I won't tell anyone. I just need a new wand."

Olivander looked at him. "My boy, if I sell you a wand I have to declare it, along with the reason your wand needed to be replaced."

"Surely there's some way around that. I mean, I don't see Death Eaters confessing they got their wands broken in a fight."

"Well, of course not. They likely…that's it!" Olivander exclaimed and stood up. "Come with me, Mr. Potter."

"Wait, what's it?" Harry asked as he followed the wand maker towards the back of the store.

"The way they get around it is the same way you will get around it. You'll make your own wand, but unlike them who are floundering about on their own, you'll have me to guide you."

Harry gaped at the old man's back. "Make my own wand? I didn't know that was possible." He looked back at Professor Snape for confirmation. Snape merely shrugged.

"Right, right. Now, here we go. Close your eyes, Mr. Potter and reach out with your magic towards that pile of wood over there. That is what you will be crafting your wand out of."

Harry did as he was told and soon felt something hard and smooth hit his hand. Opening his eyes he found a block of wood that was two distinct colors wound around each other. One was so dark it was almost black, very much like Professor Snape's wand. The other was ivory colored. It looked like someone had twisted them together or that they had grown wrapping around each other, becoming one.

"Fascinating," Olivander whispered. "An ash and ebony grown on the Dragon Reserve in Romania. The only one like it."

Harry nodded, not understanding what Olivander meant in the least. Charlie, on the other hand, was very familiar with this tree and gasped. "The Axis! What happened to it? How did you come to have a piece?"

"Calm down, dear boy. The tree itself is fine. There was a storm and it lost a limb. There were several wand makers who wanted a bit of it and so they put us in a drawing. I was the lucky one. Now, Mr. Potter, we have to choose the core." The wand maker then lead Harry to a wall of drawers. "Once again, reach out and allow your magic to choose for you."

Harry closed his eyes and once again reached out with his magic. After hearing two drawers open, something that felt like a long string landed in his hand. He opened his eyes to find silver and crimson hairs in his hand.

"My, my, a double core as well. Unicorn and Nachtmare. The two symbolic elements of magic, power and control. Quite a daunting task you have ahead of yourself, Mr. Potter. Gentlemen, I suggest you get comfortable. We're going to be here a while."

H H H H H H H

Several hours after the sun had set Olivander finally pronounced Harry finished, much to everyone's relief. Snape had returned to the castle around lunch time to resume his classes leaving Charlie to escort Harry back to the castle. When the two hadn't retuned by the time dinner was over in the Great Hall, Snape had gone back to the wand maker's shop to see what the hold up was. Charlie was asleep in the chair he had chosen when they arrived and Harry and Olivander had been in deep concentration. He decided then to wait for them to finish since Harry looked like he wouldn't be able to stand for very much longer, much less make it back to the castle without some help.

"Well, Mr. Potter, it is complete," Olivander said at last. "Why don't you give it a try?"

Harry nodded. "Lumos," he all but whispered. He was surprised at the brightness of the light since he was dead on his feet, but it seemed that the wand was working properly.

"Splendid, splendid. This wand should serve you even better than the first."

"Thank you, Mr. Olivander," Harry returned tiredly. "No offence, but I hope we never have to do this again."

"None taken, my boy. Now off with the lot of you. An old man needs his sleep, you know."

Olivander showed them out and closed up the shop behind them. Harry was not looking forward to the walk back to the castle after they flooed back to Hogsmead. Much to his surprise, Professor Snape had other ideas. When they reached the Leaky Cauldron, he stopped Harry and Charlie before they could take any floo powder.

"I will return first and open the wards to my quarters so we may return directly to the castle. It is too late to be walking back from Hogsmead. When it is ready, I will return and escort you through."

"Thank you, Professor," Harry nearly gushed. "I wasn't sure how I was going to make that walk."

"This is purely self serving, Mr. Potter. The way danger and calamity follow you I had no desire to fend off whatever would surely find us during that journey." Without giving Harry a chance to respond he disappeared into the green flames.

"He's still a right git sometimes, isn't he?" Charlie grinned beside Harry.

"Yeah, but right now, I'll take it. I was about two steps from asking you to carry me on your back," Harry grinned back.

"Oi! I was there as long as you were!"

"True, but I didn't get to take a four hour nap!"

The flames roared green again, interrupting their good natured argument and Snape escorted them through to his quarters. Harry was so tired he barely noticed the décor of the Professor's rooms. He only wanted to get to his so he could collapse. Charlie walked with him to his suite and then headed off to the small house that had been added near Hagrid's.

Once inside the suite, Harry hesitated on his way to the bedroom. It was very late and he didn't want to wake anyone up. Not that he didn't want to see his wives, but they would want to know all about what had kept him and he just didn't have the energy to answer right now. He summoned a pillow and blanket from the closet and settled down on the couch for some much needed rest.

H H H H H H H

It registered in Harry's brain that someone was saying "Harry, get up," but it didn't seem all that important. Next he heard "Harry, it's time to wake up," but he was so tired that he decided to ignore it. That same voice chuckling was the only warning he got before he heard "Aquamenti Articus" and was doused with freezing cold water. That definitely got his attention.

"Merlin's ballsack!" Harry screamed an octave higher than normal. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?"

Draco did his best to control his laughter. "Tonks (snicker) sent me to wake you."

"Why didn't she send Luna or Susan?"

"Really, Potter. She sent me to wake you so you could come to training. If she had sent Luna or Susan after you had spent the night on the couch, how likely would it be that either of you would have made it back? Tonks may be clumsy, but she's not stupid."

"You have a point," Harry reluctantly agreed. "She could have sent someone more agreeable, though."

As Harry turned towards the bedroom to get changed he heard Draco snicker, "At least I'm blond."

Harry spun back around. "There's only room for one Malfoy in my bed and she's far more agreeable than you."

"And she must have Helga's patience to put up with the likes of you," Draco shot back. "I'm going to head back up, unless you need me to help you dress, Lord Black?" Draco sketched a mock bow.

Harry scowled. "I could have you disowned, remember."

"You could also have me flogged out in the quad but I doubt you'll do anything I'd want you to do."

"True eno…wait…What?"

Draco grinned. "That's one point for me, Potter." Without waiting for a response he walked out.

"Pain in my arse," Harry muttered. "Need to remember to change the password. Can't have just anyone wandering in and out of here, especially not him."

Shortly there after, Harry walked into the training as everyone was finishing their laps. Tonks looked at him. "Enjoy your nap?"

"Could have been longer," Harry returned. "All I did yesterday was make a wand."

"Make a wand?" Tonks asked. "I thought you were just going to get another one."

"So did I," Harry snarked. "Apparently a Lumos blowing up your wand is a black mark on a wand maker. I had to save Mr. Olivander's reputation and make my own."

"Well partner up with Mr. Zabini and let's see how well it works."

Harry walked over to Blaise. "Your boyfriend is a dick."

"And good morning to you, too. I take it Draco didn't wake you in the pleasurable way he normally wakes me up?"

"He did walk back in here, didn't he?"

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Potter."

"I know more than I need to know about your love life, Zabini. What are we doing today?"

"Overcharging Amicitia Compulsi."

"I've never heard that spell before."

Blaise rolled his eyes. "It's a friend spell, Potter. Of course you've never heard of it. It's not something that you would have ever needed."

Harry scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're rich, you're famous, and unlike some well to do individuals, you're not a complete pain in the arse. People want to be your friend without any encouragement."

Harry grinned. "Draco, on the other hand…"

Blaise smirked. "Actually, Draco has quite a bit going for him."

"Ok, far enough down that path. Do you want to go first so I can see how the spell is done?"

"Fair enough. It would probably do you some good to know how to brush it off as well."

After about three or four passes, Harry felt he was comfortable enough to try the spell himself. Still being somewhat tired from the night before, he didn't put much effort into overcharging the spell the first time, just to see how well it affected Blaise. The light blue bolt left Harry's wand and hit Blaise in the chest. Blaise looked momentarily unfocused before looking straight at Harry.

"Did I do it right?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, let's find out," Blaise said softly and then launched himself at Harry, grabbing Harry's head and pressing their lips together fiercely. Harry was so shocked all he could do was stand there and let it happen.

Dimly, Harry heard Luna shout, "Draco, control your boyfriend!" followed by Draco saying, "But it's kinda hot." This was enough to bring him back to himself and begin to extricate himself from Blaise's onslaught.

"A little help here, please!" Harry was finally able to get out between unwanted kisses.

"Finite," shouted Hermione and soon Blaise was staring at Harry's face in confusion.

"What just happened, exactly?" Blaise asked slowly.

Hermione was the one to respond. "You were molesting Harry and Draco thought it was hot so he didn't want to end the spell. By the way Harry, just how much power did you push into that?"

"Um, honestly? Not much at all. I'm still kind of nackered from last night and it was my first try."

Susan walked towards them smirking. "So, either your new wand works exceptionally well, or Blaise here has some unresolved issues where you're concerned."

All eyes turned to Blaise, who promptly removed his hands from Harry and took a couple of steps back. "It's got to be the wand," was all he'd say.

Harry just shook his head and said, "Moving on. Perhaps I should work with Draco."

Draco smirked. "That wouldn't be a good idea, Potter. I may have unresolved issues of my own."

Blaise snickered. "But at least you're a bottom."

Harry plugged his ears with his fingers. "La la la la la la! This is not something I want to know!" Unplugging his ears he said, "Never mind, we'll just continue. Now that I know what to expect I can just stun him before he gets to me."

"And hope my reflexes aren't quicker than yours, Potter," Blaise drawled.

Soon, a dueling circle had formed up around the two. Harry and Blaise took spots opposite each other and Harry once again started casting the spell. As he let the spell go, Blaise eyes widened and he threw up a quick shield. The light blue bolt ricocheted off the shield and smacked into Hermione.

Blaise sighed in relief and said, "I figured out part of the problem. It's a clockwise turn, Potter, not counter-clockwise. You're basically casting a lust spell and that's why I couldn't throw it off."

Harry glanced at Hermione. "Are you ok?"

Hermione blinked a few times and shrugged. "I think so. Let's see. Parvati, smoking hot. Padma, mortal goddess. Harry, good friend with icky dangly bits. Yeah, I'm good."

Harry scowled a bit. "My dangly bits aren't icky."

"I happen to like his dangly bits," Luna chimed in.

"Ok, ok, if we're all finished talking about Harry's dangly bits," Tonks interrupted.

"I'm never finished talking about Harry's dangly bits," Susan quipped with a smirk.

Tonks just rolled her eyes. "I think that's enough for today. Go get cleaned up and head to breakfast."

Harry turned back to Hermione. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Hermione raised her hand solemnly. "I swear I'm fine, Harry. At most, ready for some shower time with Parvati. You didn't hurt me."

Harry nodded and turned towards his cubby hole. "Well, if you start to feel strange just let me kn-YEOW!" Harry spun around holding his backside only to see Hermione walking out the training room door. "She…did she? She wouldn't have…would she?"

H H H H H H H

End Notes: Updated Harem count.

Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black , Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

Magus Hermione Granger

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Neville Longbottom

? (He's defiantly getting more looks now.)

Draco Malfoy

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

Nymphadora Tonks

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Percy Weasley

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors Notes: I know, another chapter of Harem before an update on Jade. Sorry, she's fighting us on this one. Here we have the beginning of the much anticipated Halloween party. Anticipated by me at least. We did not describe the costumes worn by Tonks, Fred, or George. As we still have more of the party to write, we are open to suggestions as to what they would be wearing. Suggestions for other party goers will also be considered. Enjoy!

Chapter 16

All in all it had been a very long day. After that morning's training session Harry still had a full day of classes and was doubly saddled with make up assignments from the day before. His private studies with the heads of house didn't fare any better. Though charms was coming along smoothly enough, he was still no closer to finding his animagus form and was to the point of thinking that it might not exist. Likewise, his Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape had simply left him with a dull headache. After a grueling defense theory session, Harry's one hope was to get some rest before dinner. Instead, he opened his door to find two of his wives and his fiancé arguing among themselves.

"We are ladies," Luna asserted. "This is part of our social obligation."

"I'm just not sure this is going to be in good taste, Luna," Susan countered.

"Perhaps we should ask Harry," Collette offered. "After all, it's also an obligation for him."

"Ask me what?" Harry grumbled.

"Luna wants us to throw a party," Susan responded tentatively.

"Ok," Harry said cautiously.

"Off school grounds," Luna chirped in.

Harry nodded. "And, I'm not seeing a problem so far."

"Well, she wants it to be unsupervised, with the exception of Fleur, of course," Collette added.

"Still not seeing the problem."

Susan licked her lips. "She wants to do it on Halloween."

"Ah." Harry seemed to frown a bit. "I see."

"Is that going to be a problem?" Luna asked.

"I'm going to lie down for a bit," Harry responded. "We can talk about it more when I get up." Without waiting for a response he walked into his bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him.

As he drifted off to sleep, he heard the faint sounds of music. Strangely, as he began dreaming the music got louder. He focused on the music and soon the blurry image in front of him started to take shape. He found himself in a drawing room sitting next to an old phonograph. As he began to familiarize himself to the room, he saw a robed individual kneeling in front of him wearing a skull-like mask. _Great,_ Harry thought. _I'm in Voldemort's mind again._

"Tell me, Murphy," Voldemort hissed. "Just why shouldn't I kill you?"

The Death Eater was obviously sweating. "My Lord, I followed your plan thoroughly. I did everything in my power."

"And yet you still failed."

"Mercy, my Lord"

Harry could feel the sickening glee and knew what Voldemort was about to do.

_No!_ Harry shouted in his mind as the Dark Lord raised his wand. Suddenly, Voldemort stopped.

_Well, didn't expect that to work, _Harry thought.

"My Lord?" the Death Eater known as Murphy asked timidly.

_Crap, now what do I do?_ Harry wondered. Almost like an echo he heard Voldemort whisper, "Crap, now what do I do?"

Murphy slowly raised his head. "What do you mean my Lord?"

"You heard that?" Voldemort asked uncertainly.

"Yes, my lord. What would you have me do now?"

_Bollocks, Harry, think fast. _"Just get out of my sight before I change my mind," Voldemort said, dismissing the Death Eater. "That goes for all of you. I'm sick of the lot of you."

Not questioning their good fortune, the Death Eaters quickly left the drawing room. When the room was empty except for him, Harry stood and walked around the room. _Ok, think Potter. You're controlling Voldemort. How are you controlling him?_

"_That is what I would like to know!" _said a very angry voice in his head.

Harry turned to see a very livid Voldemort staring at him.

"_Well hello Tom! Fancy meeting you here," _Harry snarked.

"_Why are you in my mind, Potter? And how did you take over my body?"_

Harry smirked. _"I guess it's monkey see, monkey do, Tom. Boy, you really are a good teacher! You only showed it to me once and I picked it up just like that."_

"_I showed you how to do this?"_

"_What? You've forgotten the Ministry of Magic already? When you tried to have Dumbledore kill me? Are you sure your memory isn't going? That is one of the first signs of old age, you know."_

"_I AM NOT SENILE!" _Voldemort shouted back.

"_Hey, hey, hey, no one is using the s word here, Tom, although you just gave me a wonderful idea."_

"_I just gave you an idea?"_

Harry grinned. _"Yeah. What do you think would happen if your followers thought you'd went 'round the twist?"_

"_What are you scheming, Potter?"_

"_Give me a few days and I'll let you know, Tom. Be seeing you."_

H H H H H H H

Harry ran down to the dungeons after dinner and knocked impatiently on Professor Snape's door. After the third round of staccato bursts the door flew open.

"For Merlin's sake what?"

"Have you heard anything about the last meeting?" Harry asked breathlessly.

"What blasted meeting, Potter?"

"The Death Eater meeting where Voldemort spared Murphy's life."

Snape blanched. "That happened not an hour ago. I just found out about it myself."

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed. "It worked! It really did happen!"

"What are you on about, Potter?"

"Inside, inside! We can't talk about this in the hall or to anyone else. Not yet."

In the safety of the professor's office, Harry explained what had happened during his nap. With each sentence, Snape got progressively paler. Once Harry had finished his story, he waited excitedly for Professor Snape's reaction.

"You had control of the Dark Lord?" Snape asked.

"Yep."

"And you let it go?"

"Yep."

"Did it occur to you that you could have ended this war right then and there?"

Harry looked thoughtful for a second. "Yep."

"Why didn't you?" Snape asked incredulously.

"Professor, wasn't it you that taught me to hit them where it really hurts?"

"What does that have to do with this?" Snape nearly yelled in exasperation.

Harry grinned evilly. "If I just kill him, some Dark Lord wanna-be will just take his place in a few years. However, if I discredit him, make everyone think he's a blooming idiot, and completely discredit his beliefs, then where will anyone have to start from?"

Snape sat back in contemplation. "That's almost Slytherin of you, Potter. And just what are you planning to do?"

Harry chuckled. "Just make sure I find out when every Death Eater meeting is that you are summoned to. Then just sit back and watch."

H H H H H H H

As soon as Harry walked into the door of the suite, Luna pounced on him. "Can we talk about it now?"

Harry blinked. "Talk about what?"

Luna pouted. "The party, of course. You've already forgotten?"

Harry groaned. "No, I hadn't forgotten. Luna, do you realize why I may not want to celebrate Halloween?"

Luna pulled him to the couch and sat down. "I'm not stupid, Harry. I know that it's the night your parents died. Still, I have reasons for wanting to throw this party, if you would just hear me out."

Harry sighed and sat down beside her. "Very well, Luna. Give me your reasons."

Luna then proceeded to straddle Harry's lap. "Alright, reason number one. Susan and I are, whether we like it or not, are supposed to be ladies of society. As the ladies of our houses we are expected to host events on occasion. The sooner we start doing this, the more readily people are going to accept us as your wives, and I really want people to accept us as your wives." Luna accentuated that line of reasoning with a subtle grinding against Harry's lap.

Harry swallowed. "A valid argument," he choked out.

Luna smiled. "Reason number two. You have said we can not let Voldemort win by taking things away from us, yet, you have let him take this holiday away from you. It would be a good example to show people that we should not be afraid of him." This was partnered with her combing her fingers thru Harry's hair, eliciting a groan of pleasure from him.

"Again, valid argument," was about all he could manage. _Why exactly are we arguing, again?_ Harry thought to himself. _Oh, right, Halloween. Focus, Potter! _"Still, I think it may be a bit in poor taste. Celebrating on the day they gave their lives for me."

Luna looked thoughtful for a second and then began unbuttoning her blouse. "Reason number three. Your parents would want you to be happy and I can guarantee, Harry, that if you let us have this party, you will be very, very happy." The last three words were punctuated by the opening of the last three buttons on her shirt.

_Oh, bugger, _Harry thought. _She is so not playing fair. _Harry swallowed again. "How h-h-happy?"

Luna reached up and unhooked the front clasp on her bra. "Very," she purred.

"And if I still say no?"

Luna shrugged and began to re-dress herself.

"Ok, ok, you win, you win!" Harry groaned in defeat. "As if I ever had a chance of saying no."

Luna grinned triumphantly. "And now I get to thank you for being such a nice, gracious husband."

"Thank me?"

Luna just smiled softly and slid off his lap to her knees on the floor. All Harry's questions were answered with the sound of his zipper lowering.

"Oh, oh. Well, you're welcome."

H H H H H H H

The invitations went out rapidly with almost everyone replying yes. The only refusals were from Cho, which Harry was grateful for, and a few others who were never very close to any of them to begin with. Harry was quite surprised to see that Daphne Greengrass had accepted, as well as her sister, mainly because he couldn't remember inviting them. It was Fleur that explained.

"They are a powerful house and it would be best for them to be on our side than against us."

"I'm still not sure about inviting another Slytherin to the party," Harry groused.

"Now you're starting to sound like Ronald," Hermione mumbled from the table where she was working on homework with Susan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked indignantly.

Hermione put down her quill. "You pair me up with the ferret to pull people off the fence, you make a show of working with Blaise and Draco, yet you don't want to socialize with these same people that you want on your side. You can't have it both ways, Harry. You have to show them that they will be accepted if they throw their lot in with you."

"Really, Harry," Susan scowled. "It's not like we're asking you to marry her."

"This time," Hermione snarked.

"This time?" Susan asked.

Hermione grinned. "She was one of the marriage contracts, and hers included pictures."

Susan raised an eyebrow. "And where are these pictures at?"

"In my room," Hermione responded without missing a beat.

Harry looked at her in shock. "Hermione!"

Hermione shrugged. "They're good pictures, and she's an attractive girl and I'm not blind, Harry."

"She's got a point," Susan muttered.

"Right," Harry sighed. "Any other surprise guests I need to be made aware of?"

"Only that Nym invited the twins," Fleur offered up.

"The twins?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Fred and George."

"Why would she do that?"

"Trying to complete the set," Hermione quipped.

"Wait, what se…Oh, I did not need that image, Hermione," Harry groaned and began massaging his temples.

"Then how about me, Parvati, and Padma in belly dance outfits?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

"Really?" Susan perked up.

Hermione nodded. "We owl-ordered them yesterday. What about you, Susan? Any ideas on a costume yet?"

"A couple," she answered coyly.

"I was thinking of the naughty school girl," Fleur offered up, giggling. "I even asked Gabrielle if she would send me one of her uniforms."

"But you're nearly four inches taller than her," Harry responded. "Won't it be too short?"

Fleur smirked. "Why do you think they call it a naughty school girl, my husband?"

Harry nearly collapsed from the sudden redirection of blood flow. "I…I think I need to sit down."

"Personally," Susan smirked. "I like what we're doing for Neville."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Neville? And who is we?"

Susan joined her husband on the couch. "Well, I convinced Neville to dress as Count Dracula and then leaked it to Hannah, Lisa, and Su Li."

"Ok…I don't quite get it."

"To compliment his Dracula," she continued. "Hannah is going as Mina, Lisa is going as Lucy, and Su Li is going as…well, there's not much material to Su Li's costume, but it will give Neville something to suck on."

Harry still looked confused. "What?"

"Seeing there was no other female lead in the novel, Su Li is coming as a succubus. A sex demon, Harry. A nude sex demon."

Harry blinked. "She's just going to throw herself at Neville?"

Susan laughed. "No, Harry, they're all going to throw themselves at Neville. At once. In tandem."

Harry gasped in surprise it all finally clicked for him. "They are going to kill the poor boy."

Hermione snickered. "But he'll die happy."

Harry, desperately trying to change the subject, looked at Fleur. "Has Luna or Collette said anything about what they are planning to wear?"

Fleur smiled enigmatically. "They said they wanted it to be a surprise for you."

Harry groaned. "Why am I suddenly afraid? And what am I expected to wear?"

"That depends," Hermione quipped. "How do you feel about tights?"

H H H H H H H

Harry was quickly becoming tired of the constant talk about the party. Everywhere he went there was someone talking about what they were going to wear, who they were going with, and a few times just what they were going to do. He still had no idea what he was wearing and every time he asked one of his wives about it he got the same response.

"What every billionaire playboy aspires to be," said Luna airily, and frankly, Harry was getting weary of it.

It seemed everyone was enjoying the news of the upcoming celebration except Harry. That was before he got accosted by Seamus, Dean, and Ron.

"Hey, Harry, why didn't you invite us?" Seamus asked.

"And why would I invite you?" Harry asked with a scowl.

"Come on, mate," Dean chimed in. "We said we were sorry. How long do we have to apologize?"

Harry tried to look thoughtful for a second. "How about until three days after Voldemort gives up and joins the Red Cross?"

"Harry," Ron pleaded. "We were a bunch of prats but this is just unfair."

"You're right," Harry said. "It is unfair. It's completely unfair to my wives who wanted to hex you into oblivion. It's unfair to Hermione who said I should have you expelled from school for casual cruelty. It's unfair to every Slytherin here that you've treated like dirt just because they are Slytherins. And most of all it's unfair to me to have such fair-weather friends that will abandon me on the slightest inclination. So yes, Ron, you're right. It is unfair but I don't hear anyone who it is unfair to complaining about your sorry arses still being here. So count your blessings, shut your mouth, and do your time."

As Harry walked away he heard Ron mutter, "What a prat."

When asked about it later, he never recalled pulling out his wand and gluing them to the wall. He also didn't recall taking pot shots at them with a paint ball spell. But that's where Filch found them several hours later, still stuck to the wall in the fourth floor hallway with multi-colored paint splatters all over them and the wall. When they accused Harry of being the culprit, no one else could recall him doing any of this either. In fact, Professor Snape said he was in the middle of an art project at the time.

Harry was personally just glad for the stress release. As he sat across from Hermione for his regular lunch, he was feeling somewhat calm. Still unsure if he had expressed his displeasure enough, he called Dobby and Winky to him.

"Yes, Mr. Harry Potter, sir," Dobby said as he popped in. "How can Dobby and Winky be of service?"

Hermione looked disapprovingly at Harry as he addressed the house elves. "I've been informed by Mr. Weasly, Mr. Finnigan, and Mr. Thomas that I am being unfair to them."

"That's a laugh, coming from them," Hermione interrupted.

"Exactly, Hermione," Harry continued. "I would like you and Winky to show them just how unfair it can be here. You're only limitation is that you cannot harm them or send them to the hospital wing."

"Harry!" Hermione scolded. "That's absolutely barbaric! I like it."

"Thought you might," Harry grinned.

"Dobby be getting on it right away, Mr. Harry Potter, sir," Dobby saluted and popped away.

"And Winky make sure Dobby doesn't get carried away," the female house elf said before following.

"Have you noticed how close they are getting?" Hermione mentioned.

Harry winced, recalling an earlier encounter. "I am disturbingly aware of how close they have gotten, Hermione. Let's just leave it at that."

Hermione looked at him inquisitively. "What do you mean?"

Harry groaned. "Trust me, if I told you, you'd want to obliviate yourself. I considered it."

Hermione blinked in thought. "Harry, how bad could it…Oh, ooh. That's just wrong. Don't tell me you walked in on them..."

"Hermione, I said I didn't want to talk about it."

"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry." Hermione's face was a mixture of remorse for pushing the issue and horror at what he must have seen.

"Can we just please drop it?" Harry begged.

"Of course, of course," Hermione agreed. "How about a change of subject? Have they told you what you're going to wear yet?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "No and the party is in three days. Personally I think Luna is getting a perverse glee out of it."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure they wouldn't do anything too over the top."

"Hermione, have you met Luna? Or any of my other wives for that matter? Nothing is too over the top for them."

"You don't think Fleur would reign them in a bit?"

"She's wearing a school girl outfit that's two sizes too small for her. Without knickers. What do you think?"

Hermione blushed. "I think it's very lucky that I'm not a boy. I might have trouble standing up right now."

"Not helping, Hermione."

"This might not help either," Hermione added. "I understand that the Greengrass girls are still trying to get your attention. They're going to come as huntresses of Diana."

"What does that entail?" Harry asked warily.

"Oh, a very short toga with nothing underneath it."

Harry groaned. "Anybody we can push them off on?"

Hermione thought for a second. "I think Dennis or Colin could get Astoria's attention but I'm not sure about Daphne. There's always other Slytherins but that would be more up Draco's alley than mine. Of course, we're not even sure she's truly into blokes. She could be doing it for the security of finances and being on the right side of things."

"You could try hitting on her," Harry offered.

"After my very public marriage proposals I'm sure that I would not be taken seriously. Besides, have you not noticed how possessive Parvati is? I'd be in my own bed, alone for a week!"

Harry just looked at her. "My heart bleeds for you, Hermione, really. Two lovers, how ever do you do it?"

Hermione swatted at him. "Oh shut up!"

Harry chuckled and picked up an apple. "Come on, we don't want to be late for defense with Tonks."

H H H H H H H

The day of the party arrived and Harry was down to pacing across the sitting room completely at a loss not only as to what he was wearing, but also what his lovely wife Luna and his fiancé Collette were wearing. The only good news, in his opinion, that had come with this party was the age restriction that the Headmistress had demanded. No one below fifth year would be allowed to attend. While this had devastated Astoria, Harry was relieved that the depravity could not go too far. He thought about adding his own limit of 16, but was shot down by Ginny.

"Who gave you authority to make decisions about this?" Harry asked half amused.

"Luna did," Ginny replied. "I'm the food and drink coordinator."

Hermione looked up from her book. "Why am I suddenly scared?"

"And why do I feel the need to call Dobby and give him some restrictions?" Harry added.

"Relax," Ginny said. "Luna said nothing alcoholic or overly hallucinogenic."

"It's the overly that has me worried," Hermione quipped.

Harry glanced at the time. "Well, I guess we better go get ready. Fleur said we needed to floo out about seven."

Hermione and Ginny left to go back to Gryffindor Tower and Harry headed towards his bedroom. On the bed he found a black silk pajama set and a burgundy paisley silk smoking jacket. On the floor there was a pair of man's leather slippers. Harry stood there looking at the items in confusion as Fleur walked in.

"Something wrong, my husband?"

Harry turned to her. "Where's my costume?"

Fleur smiled. "On the bed, of course."

Harry looked back at the outfit somewhat incredulously, then back at Fleur. "I'm supposed to look like Uncle Vernon on poker night?"

Fleur blinked, then burst out laughing. "No, no, 'Arry. Merlin no. I forget though you were raised by Muggles you have not experienced much of their culture. The man you are going to emulate is a wizard who has influenced both worlds and assisted many a young wizard through adolescence."

"Really? Who is it?"

"'Arry, you have never heard of Hugh Hefner? The man who produces Playboy and Playwizard? This is his signature attire."

"Him? Wow. Wait, he sells to both wizards and Muggles? And my uncle tried to copy him?"

"Apparently, my love, though I assure you, you will do a much better job."

Harry busted out laughing. "Oh, this is great. I have to write Uncle Vernon and let him know. He'll have a stroke."

Fleur smiled. "Perhaps later. Right now we have a party to host."

H H H H H H H

Harry waited patiently at the floo as his guests arrived. As each guest arrived at the suite, he showed them the address of the party written on a piece of paper by Luna. He spent the time trying to figure out what everyone was wearing by the small glimpses he got at the top and bottom of their robes. Luna had instructed everyone to wear robes over their costumes until they got to the party site. Harry was sure that this had made some people bolder in their choices than they normally would have been. Finally Hermione and the Patil twins arrived, signaling the end of the caravan of guests.

"Finally, I can go see what is under all those robes!"

Hermione giggled. "What a lecherous comment, Hef!"

Harry smirked. "I do have the next issue to think about. You ladies wouldn't be interested in a side project, would you?"

Parvati cocked an eyebrow at him. "Where are we supposed to go, gigolo?"

Harry sighed and handed the paper over. "After you, ladies," he said with a mock bow and arm sweep towards the floo.

Harry chuckled at the name of the manor house as he stepped into the green flames and called out, "Painin Thearse." He'd only found out about the manor's short and humorous history a couple days before. An engagement gift from his father to his mother, it was aptly named not only for the pain in the arse his father had made of himself in order to get Lily to say yes, but also as his mother had written, it was a pain in the arse to keep up as well.

Harry stumbled out into the receiving hall, just catching himself before he fell. "There has got to be a better way to travel," he grumbled as he brushed the ashes from his jacket. As he looked up he saw Hermione and the twins hanging their robes in the coat closet. He had to admit to himself a bit of remorse that the three weren't the least bit interested in men.

The three had come to the party dressed as belly dancers, but Harry had not expected them to look like they did. On their feet were sole-less sandals that connected to anklets with small silver bells on them. Their billowing harem pants were split on the side seams and showed an enticing bit of leg when they turned. Over their pants were panel skirts made of richly decorated sari fabric and belts and hip scarves with bells and coins that jingled as they walked. All three wore bra-tops decorated with jewels and beaded fringe with a short, stretchy top cut to showcase said bras. Sparkling necklaces, dangling earrings and henna tattoos that covered their hands and snaked up their arms completed the look.

Parvati glanced back and smirked. "See something you like, Potter?"

"Well, yeah, I'm not blind," Harry responded.

Seeing the wicked gleam that came into all three girls' eyes after they exchanged a glance with each other made him reconsider the wisdom of that come back. As a unit, they sauntered back to where he stood and draped themselves on him, a Patil on each side and Hermione behind, and led him into the ball room.

_I am so dead,_ Harry thought to himself. _But I will die happy._

As they walked through the entrance to the ball room, they were greeted with the site of a gothic night club. Black velvet curtains with gilt trim hung from the many windows and dark metal chandeliers and sconces provided low light for the room. Heavy red drapes created secluded alcoves around benches piled with pillows of sumptuous fabrics. Deep jewel tone satin covered the furniture and tables scattered around the room. At the far end was a long buffet table offering sweet and savory treats as well as an assortment of beverages. As the three stood there taking it all in, they were approached by a vision…with bunny ears.

Susan had opted to be the bunny to Harry's playboy. She wore the traditional black satin strapless body suit with attached white powder puff tail. Sheer silk stockings covered her legs and she wore black three inch heels. Her hair was curled and fluffed so that it fell around her shoulders and the ears were perched on top of her head. She smiled at Harry's suddenly awestruck face and did a slow pirouette for his, and the girls', benefit with a little shake of her "tail" half way through.

"Scouting for talent, Hef?" she purred. She embraced Hermione and the Patils in greeting and then wrapped her arms around Harry's neck. "Thanks for getting him here in one piece ladies. I'll take over from here."

"Don't forget," Hermione whispered to him as she walked by. "You promised me the March centerfold."

Harry gaped and was about to protest when he saw another one of his wives. "What the bloody hell is Luna wearing?"

"It's a wig, Harry," Susan giggled. "Don't worry, everything is covered, mostly."

Harry groaned. "What does she think she's doing?"

"A fairly convincing rendition of Lady Godiva, minus the horse."

"I'm not sure how I feel about everyone ogling my wife in her natural state."

"Harry," Susan playfully scolded. "In a couple of hours everyone's attention will be on their respective partners, if it takes that long. All the guests know that we are hands off."

"Still," Harry grumbled.

Susan rolled her eyes. "Can you try to relax for a while? You'll need your strength for later." With that she began to lead him through the crowd.

Harry idly noted some of the costumes as they walked around the room. Neville had definitely taken a more romantic approach to Count Dracula. A flowing white silk poet's shirt replaced the tux shirt and tie and seemed more appropriate since he was currently ravishing Hannah's Mina. Lisa and Su Li were both trying to gain his attention and Harry could have sworn he heard Neville whisper, "Be patient. Your turn will come soon."

As they came closer to the beverage end of the buffet, they saw Draco and Blaise lounging on one of the sofas. Seeing their choice of costume, Harry couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment.

"A Priest and an altar boy? A bit predictable isn't it?" Harry smirked.

"Ease of access," Blaise quipped back.

"So, Malfoy, what does the Father give for oral sex?" Susan asked with a wicked grin.

Draco looked thoughtful for a moment. "Normally a shake and a bag of crisps," he replied with a grin. "Sometimes a Coke if I was really good."

Blaise scowled. "Not the normal salty treat you're begging for, now is it?"

"On that note," Harry declared. "I think we'll go find my other wives."

After grabbing a cup of fairly blood-like punch Harry made his way towards Fleur with a giggling Susan trailing behind him. He found her talking to the Weasley twins while Tonks feigned attention and subtly groped her dates. Harry chuckled at the uncomfortable expressions on Fred and George's faces.

"Shall we save them, my dear?" Harry asked Susan.

"But Tonks seems to be having so much fun," Susan replied.

"I meant from Fleur when she realizes that they are perving on her breasts."

"It would be a shame to lose our two top scientists."

Harry walked up to his other wife and pulled her into a mind blowing kiss. As they pulled apart he whispered, "Hi."

Fleur smiled back at him. "Hello 'Arry. What were we talking about?" she asked when she turned back to the rest of the group. It was then that she noticed Tonks' not so subtle molestation of her dates. "Apparently it's not important anymore. Remember Nym, you have room number 4."

Harry chuckled as he led his wives away. "You know, I've yet to see Collette. Is she feeling well?"

Fleur sighed. "She allowed Luna to talk her into a costume that she is less than comfortable with. I believe she has sequestered herself in our room."

"How bad can it be?" Harry muttered. "Luna is practically walking around starkers. Neville is over there all but shagging three girls and Tonks is groping the twins right out in front of God and everybody. Did I miss anything?"

Susan looked thoughtful. "Just Draco and Blaise pontificating on the joys of oral sex and Ginny being the meat in a Hufflepuff sandwich."

Harry looked confused. "A Hufflepuff sandwich?"

Susan pointed. "She's over there being undressed by Zack and Ernie."

Harry looked the other way. "I just do not need to see that…is that Colin and Daphne splitting a bottle of scotch?"

About that time, Luna glided up to the group. "There you are Harry! Can you please help me convince Collette to come out and join the party?"

"That depends," Harry drawled. "Exactly why is she so uncomfortable?"

"I haven't the foggiest. She's more covered up than me."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "That wouldn't take much, you know. Everyone but Su Li is more covered than you are."

Luna looked around Harry. "Better make that Su Li and Ginny."

"I am not looking. I am not looking," Harry chanted like a mantra.

Fleur giggled. "And Ms. Turpin."

"Oh Merlin," Harry groaned. "Let's go find Collette before there's not a party left for her to come to."

Luna led Harry and company up to the master suite. Harry knocked softly on the door, trying to not startle his fiancé. "Collette? Are you alright?"

"I'm not coming out."

Harry looked at Luna. "She doesn't want to come out."

"But Harry, she's beautiful! She has to come out and show herself off sometime," Luna whined.

Harry sighed. _Yes, definitely too much sighing._ "Collette, I'm coming in."

"That's fine, but I'm still not coming out. I look ridiculous."

Harry opened the door and found Collette seated on the bed. A pair of white wings stretched out behind her and Harry could make out hundreds, if not thousands, of gold lines running down her arms and across her body. As he stepped closer he could see that the lines were actually fine gold chains. Small gold medallions created more solid areas over her breasts and Harry could just make out a very short, shimmery gold skirt covering her bottom half. He cautiously sat down next to her.

"You don't look ridiculous," he whispered. "I don't think it's possible for you to look anything other than stunning."

"I feel uncomfortable and gaudy," Collette muttered.

Harry smiled. "You look like my own personal angel in chains. Gaudy is Draco Malfoy in altar boy robes, which he is wearing right now, by the way."

This elicited a giggle from Collette. "It's so exposed."

"Have you looked at Luna? And wait until you see Su Li. She didn't bother with anything but the wings and high heels. Trust me, you are one of the more covered women here."

Collette leaned over and kissed him. "I am to be your wife. I should only expose myself to you."

"Then we should need to be very careful and only tease them with what may be underneath," Harry whispered back.

"Couldn't we just stay in here?" Collette pleaded.

"As much as I would love that," Harry replied. "We are the hosts of the party. We do need to stay with the guests for a little while longer."

Collette sighed. "Very well, I guess. I hope Christmas is nothing like this."

Harry chuckled as he helped her to her feet. "Trust me, my love. This is the last party Luna plans without all of our input. It may be the last party she plans, period."

End Notes: Updated Harem count.

Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be married) Future Lady Aucoin

Magus Hermione Granger

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Neville Longbottom

Hannah Abbott (Perspective Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Perspective Mate #2)

Su Li (Perspective Mate #3)

Draco Malfoy

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

Nymphadora Tonks

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Percy Weasley

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

Author's End note: Just thought I'd put this down here for future reference. I do this gtratis. mostly at home where I do not have access to the internet. I will not be able to catch every niggling detail which is why these are AU and FAN FICTION. If you don't like then don't read. you do not need to tell me you are going to stop reading, just stop. If you want to make yourself obnoxious then I will make you stop in the way of banning you. I don't like it but I will do it.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors Notes: Here's a new chapter, folks, and an answer to Still Free Me's question. How did Sirius know about Fleur before? The comment that you're referring to was an addendum to the original document. Obviously Sirius would know about Fleur from the Tri-Wizard Tournament, seeing it was in every wizarding paper at least in Europe, if not around the world. Sirius was also there when the agreement was brokered and knew that the Delacour family was the one that had the feud with the Potters. So, once he knew his godson knew his bride to be, the dogfather simply made a provision in the instructions to the Goblins for his will reading that she would be present and seated next to Harry. Hope that clears up any confusion.

Chapter 17

As Harry, Collette and Luna stepped into the ball room to rejoin the party, Harry was accosted by a highly upset and obviously drunk Daphne. Her toga was coming apart and in danger of becoming nothing more than a skirt and her once elegant up-do was nothing more than a few stray pins and a memory. She got right up in Harry's face, allowing him to ascertain just how good a bottle of Scotch she and Colin had split.

"Potter!" she shouted inches from his face. "You're a hero. Do something about this! It's a travesty!"

Harry leaned back, and coughed a bit, afraid he would become intoxicated just by breathing near her. "What is a travesty, Daphne?"

"That nice boy," she began pointing at Colin, "is pining away for that red haired floozy who won't give him the time of day. And who has she passed him up for? Hufflepuffs! Where's that Gryffindor loyalty we hear so much about? That tramp!"

"Red haired floozy," Luna muttered. "Do you think she means Ginny?"

Harry bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing in Daphne's face. "I'm fairly certain that's who she's talking about. And Daphne, Gryffindor's aren't known for their loyalty. They are known for their courage. Loyalty is a Hufflepuff trait. And what makes you think Colin is pining away for Ginny?"

Daphne looked momentarily confused. "Well he kept talking about this…girl that he…was in love with…and that she didn't even know he was alive…and how pretty she was…and almost every girl here is attached so I just thought he had to be talking about her."

Collette looked thoughtful. "But Daphne, you're not attached."

"Me? No! I'm a Slither…Slyfer…I'm a snake! Gryffies and snakes don't go together!"

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "Gryffies?"

"You know! You're the do gooders…and we're…we're…"

"Really great in bed!" Draco shouted from the other side of the room.

Daphne's face brightened at that. "Yeah! No! Wait, I mean…Do you really think it could be me?"

"Well," Luna offered, "he hasn't stopped looking over here since we started our discussion and he did share his Scotch with only you."

_Everybody is looking over here right now,_ Harry thought. _And for the second part, I'm very glad she's the only one he shared it with._

"Really?" Daphne's voice sounded almost hopeful.

"Really," Harry said. "Why don't you two find one of the alcoves and get to know each other a little better?"

"Yeah! We should do that. By the way, fabulous costume, Collette." With that, Daphne turned around and wove her way back to Colin.

"See!" Luna shot at Collette.

"Luna, she's drunk," Collette responded. "I don't think her opinion counts for much."

Harry leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Well, how about the fact that Hermione and the Patils can't seem to stop staring at you?"

Collette blushed. "Really?"

Luna rolled her eyes. "Oh, my and Harry's opinions don't matter, but the second three honey-dippers ogle you, everything is fine."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Honey-dippers? Just how much have you had to drink, Luna?"

"Maybe a snifter of brandy?"

"Luna!" Harry admonished. "This was supposed to be a dry party."

"Well, I had to work up the courage to come out here pretty much starkers! If it weren't for the sticking charm, I'd be showing all the goods."

"And whose idea was this?" Harry asked, thinking he knew the answer.

"Um, mine," Collette offered weakly.

Harry spun around to face Collette, gobsmacked.

Collette crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "Well, I only offered it in jest! I did not think she would actually take me seriously!"

Harry stood there for a moment, unable to respond. Finally, he just gave up. "I need a drink. Ladies, would you like to accompany me?"

Before they could take a step to cross the room, Winky popped up in front of them and offered Harry a bottle of butterbeer.

"Thanks, Winky. Where's Dobby?"

"Dobby is making sure Mr. Weazy has appropriate Samhain."

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "Does this mean I'm going to be scraping Ron off the floor?"

"Oh no, Mr. Harry Potter, sir."

"Oh that's good."

"Mr. Weazy may be needing scraping off the ceiling, but no floor scraping will be necessary."

Harry made several abortive attempts to respond to that before giving up and taking a long drink of the butterbeer. "Thanks for the butterbeer, Winky."

"Winky is happy to be serving Mr. Harry Potter, sir. Now Winky be going back to her other job."

Winky disappeared before Harry could ask what other job she was talking about. He turned back towards the crowd in the ball room and finally got an eyeful of what the twins were wearing. They were both dressed as Las Vegas style Elvis in white sequined jumpsuits and poofy black hair. Tonks, on the other hand, was in a noble-woman's dress from sixteenth century Italy and had her hair long, black and flowing down her back. Harry made his way over to them having to get the whole story.

"Nym, dear," he began, "you are a vision. Your companions, however, are a spectacle. What happened?"

Tonks snickered. "We had this plan, Harry, that I was going to be the Elf princess and they would be my Elf guards."

"Alright…" Harry acknowledged. "So far so good."

"Well," Tonks continued. "My escorts decided to pay a little extra and go to a Muggle costume shop."

"Yeah," Fred added in. "We walked in and told them we wanted to be elves."

"This is what they gave us," George continued. "Muggles have a weird idea of what an elf looks like."

It took Harry all of thirty seconds to figure out what went wrong. _Should I tell them?_ he thought. Then he caught the mischievous glint in Tonks' eye and decided no. "Well, enjoy the party."

As the night went on, Harry noticed that a large number of people seemed to be inebriated. He was increasingly more and more relieved that no one under fifth year was allowed at this party and slowly began to wonder if he was old enough to be here. Neville had disappeared with his three ladies, parts of their costumes being left behind. Most of the alcoves were curtained off, some with silencing charms and some without.

Eventually, Harry felt it was safe for him and his wives to leave the party and escorted them back to their room. He thought that all in all it had been an entertaining evening, though it was probably time to get some rest. Five minutes and two sticking charms on his wrists later he realized he wasn't going to get much rest.

"Just for the record," Harry asked as he looked up at his four loves, "if I said I wasn't really up to this would it matter?"

The four witches looked at each other briefly before replying in unison, "No."

"That's what I thought."

H H H H H H H

The next day, Harry limped down the stairs to find the ballroom in what could be best described as disarray. What caught his immediate attention was a queen sized four poster bed that he was certain wasn't there the night before and a pile of pillows that had suddenly sprouted the nude upper half of Daphne Greengrass.

"Creevy?" Daphne asked groggily. "What are you doing underneath me?"

"Um, hoping last night wasn't a scotch-induced dream?"

"What are you-" Daphne's eyes widened in horror. "We didn't, you didn't…Please Merlin tell me know a contraceptive charm."

"I know of them," Colin confessed with a blush. "I've never needed one before."

"You mean to tell me that I deflowered a Gryffindor and he may have knocked me up?"

"Relax Daph," came Draco's voice from inside the curtains of the bed. "When I realized how you two would end up last night I cast one on you and him. Your welcome and you owe me one…you naughty girl."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Daphne turned in shock, accidentally flashing Harry. "Potter!" She looked at Harry, then down at her bare chest, then back at Harry before diving back under the sheets, much to Colin's delight.

Harry chuckled before addressing the room. "All four of you need to be dressed and decent in an hour. We do have to get back to Hogwarts sometime. That goes for everyone I don't see as well." After hearing several muttered acknowledgements, he went in search of the kitchen.

After turning down a hallway off the entrance he caught the smell of coffee and bacon and the sound of singing. Curiosity nearly overcoming the desire for caffeine had him quickening his steps toward the source of all three. Pushing thru the door to the kitchen, he found Winky manning the stove while Tonks supervised last nights dishes washing themselves in the sink.

This would seem to be an entirely normal affair if not for the fact that it appeared all Tonks was wearing was an oversized t-shirt. _Ah bugger,_ Harry thought to himself. _Doesn't anyone I know own clothing?_

Tonks turned and looked at him grinning. "Wotcher, Harry. See something you like?"

Harry quirked and eyebrow. "What part of four wives don't you women get? I'm lucky to be walking right now, much less anything more strenuous."

Tonks cocked her head. "That's really too bad. I know I'm too late for Lady Potter, but seeing as you still need another wife, I was hoping for at least a broom ride."

Harry just shook his head. "I'm never going to hear the end of that one. Sorry Tonks, I'm a little booked up right now with the war, four wives and the search for another. Let's not mention trying to finish school and run the school, sort of, as well. Besides, what kind of challenge would I be? I'm just a hormonal teenager. Might as well go after Ron."

Tonks pulled a face. "I've reached my limit on Weasleys, thank you very much. And I wouldn't say you were just a hormonal teenager. You must have more stamina than your average boy considering your situation. Plus, if the rumors are true…" Her eyes traveled down towards Harry's crotch causing him to squirm and blush.

"Funny," Harry snapped. "I see why you're a teacher. It must be entertaining to make kids uncomfortable. Have you been taking lessons from…that's it!"

Tonks blinked. "What's it?"

"Someone that would be a real challenge for you," Harry said with a grin. "Someone that wouldn't just fall into bed at a swish of your hips."

"Oh really? And who might that be?"

Harry seemed to ponder his statement for a moment. "On second thought, never mind. He's probably way out of your league. He'd see through you before you even started."

Harry could tell that Tonks' curiosity was piqued. "Who?"

Harry grinned. "Severus Snape."

Tonks looked stunned for a moment and then burst into laughter. "Snape? Good one, Harry. You had me going there for a second."

"Why do you think I'm joking?"

"Oh come on," Tonks sobered. "It's Snape. Why would I want to go after the dungeon bat? It'd be like hitting on one of my father's friends."

"First off," Harry began, "he's the same age as Moony, so that's no excuse. Secondly, he's a very intelligent and articulate person with a wicked dry sense of humor. And thirdly, I told you he was out of your league so there's no point in continuing, now is there?"

Tonks raised an eyebrow. "Why are you bothering to tell me how great he is if you think I have no chance? What's your game, Potter?"

Harry put on his best wounded face. "I was defending a man who has become a trusted advisor to me. As for telling you how slim your chances are, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Hurt? How very _noble_ of you, Lord Potter."

Harry smirked. "It's Lord Black, and I'm required to look after my family as such, Nymphandora." He quickly gathered his coffee and hurried out of the room before she could throw anything at him.

H H H H H H H

All during brunch Tonks glared daggers at Harry, much to the young lord's amusement. Once everyone was finished, they helped Winky and Dobby tidy up and then made their way to the entrance hall. Upon arriving in Harry's suite back at school and seeing Tonks flash Harry with a very rude hand gesture before storming out, Draco couldn't stand it any more.

"Ok, Potter, what did you do to her?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Harry asked with a smirk.

"Tonks looks ready to hex off your bits and wear them as earrings. Did you turn her down?"

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, yeah, of course, but that's not what she's upset about. I think it was the hit to her ego that did that. Or maybe calling her Nymphandora."

Draco shuddered. "First she married a Muggle, then she named her only daughter _that_. Aunt Andy must be a bit barmy."

"Well," Harry offered, "after so much pure-blood in-breeding, things are bound to happen."

Draco shot him a look. "Are you referring to the 'round the twist, or the limp wrist?"

Harry snickered. "Any way I answer that will get me in trouble."

"So how did you wound her ego?"

Harry's snicker turned into a full blown chuckle. "Oh, just told her that someone was out of her league. That should keep her occupied for a few weeks."

Draco looked confused. "Who?"

"It doesn't really matter, Draco. I doubt she'll actually go after him. But keep your eyes open. If she does, you'll know soon enough."

As if thinking about the subject summoned him, Professor Snape's great horned owl swooped in through the window and perched on Harry's shoulder. The owl held out its leg for Harry to remove the attached letter and then flew off, nearly taking part of Harry's flesh with it. Harry looked down at the simple note.

_Tonight. 8pm._

Harry grinned. "Well, looks like things are going to get interesting."

"What's that about?" asked Draco.

"Independent study," Harry replied quickly. "I'm doing a project on mentally unstable wizards."

H H H H H H H

Ron Weasley was in hell. Just ask him. Every night since Harry stuck him to the wall, he and his two roommates had been visited a new misfortune. Ron was beginning to long for the days when people just hated him in the hallways. The previous night had been by far the worst. Each time he laid his head down, a terrible screeching echoed through the room. Whenever he tried to locate the source of the sound he came up empty handed.

Sometime around 2am he gave up and tried to go to sleep. That's when the rain storm erupted over his head. Fed up, he went over to his bunkmates to find out how they were coping with the disturbances. What he found had him escaping to the couch in the common room for the rest of the night.

When party goers finally started trailing in, they found Ron still on the couch, muttering in his sleep. Ginny stopped behind the couch and reached over to shake him awake and send him back to his dorm. Her touch startled him and he fell to the floor in a confused heap.

"No! I didn't see you cuddling with Seamus!" Ron shouted from the floor.

Ginny arched an eyebrow. "Of course you didn't. I wasn't even here. What are you on about?"

"Um, nothing," Ron blinked sleepily, "still asleep I guess. What time is it?"

Ginny shrugged. "Sometime after noon. What are you doing out here?"

"Had to escape the moaning, I mean screaming!"

"Moaning? Screaming?"

Ron grimaced. "That nutter house elf kept me up till all hours with his pranks. I had to finally come out here to get any sleep!"

Ginny snorted. Ron's red-tipped ears told her there was more to the story, but he wasn't talking. "I'll see if I can get Dobby to leave you alone for a couple of days. Why don't you shower and change and we'll meet up for lunch in a bit?"

Ron nodded. "Sounds good."

As they neared the stairs to take them to their separate dorms, Ginny stopped Ron dead with her next comment.

"Oh, and tell Dean the moisturizer he suggested for chaffed cheeks works great and thanks for me, ok?"

"WHAT?"

"For my cheeks, Ron. You know how I'm always complaining about windburn after Quidditch games. Dean told me about one that his cousin uses when they go skiing."

"Oh, right. Sure thing."

"What did you think I was talking about, Ronald?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. I'll see you in a bit."

Ginny smirked at his back as Ron trudged up the stairs. She imagined that his education was being broadened more than he ever expected.

H H H H H H H

As Harry's vision cleared, he found himself once again looking through Voldemort's eyes. Surrounding him was a sea of black cloaked figures in death's head masks. One in particular caught his attention, standing stiffer than the rest, as if waiting for a sign that all was not well with his Lord. Voldemort was once again berating poor Murphy. Harry waited in bemused silence, calculating the right time to strike. When Voldemort raised his wand to cast the Crucio, Harry jumped in. Instead of writhing in pain as was expected, everyone was witness to the fact that Murphy sounded like a pre-pubescent teen girl when giggling.

"Murphy, Murphy, Murphy," Harry said in Voldemort's voice, "I'm really more disappointed than angry with you. You can't even _laugh_ like a man. Now watch Rastaban…" Again, Harry raised the wand and cast a tickling hex at LeStrange, sending him to the floor with deep belly laughs. "See? That's how a real man laughs. I call this meeting to an end. Murphy, McNair, Nott, Goyle and Severus, stay. I wish to discuss some things with you."

After everyone else had departed, he led the smaller group into a parlor down the hall. "What's the name of that house elf we have here again?"

"Crowley, sir," Severus offered.

"Crowley?"

As he spoke the name, the elf appeared. "My Lord?"

"What a positively dreadful name. No one should have that dreary a name. From now on you shall answer to the name….Twinkle! Yes, that's much better, more festive don't you think Severus?"

Severus arched an eyebrow. "Whatever pleases you, my Lord."

"Quite right," Volde-Harry continued. "We need refreshments for this meeting. Twinkle, bring tea and…cakes for us. Not plain old scones or biscuits. I want something…festive…with icing…and sprinkles."

As the house elf popped away to fulfill the order, the rest of the group was glancing nervously at each other. It was one thing to witness the Dark Lord's strange behavior in a large crowd. Quite another to be in such close proximity.

"Please, sit, sit," Volde-Harry insisted. "There is much to discuss and I don't want to take any more of your time than necessary. And please take off those masks. You can't enjoy tea and cakes properly with a mask on."

Slowly the Death Eaters removed their masks and sat around the table. Volde-Harry took his place at the head of the table, smiling at all of them. "Now you may be wondering why I asked this particular group to stay behind. Well, it really is quite simple. I've been noticing a lack of enthusiasm in our outings. Why, I've even seen Greg seem not quite up to hexing a Muggle. Come on Greg, admit it, it's true. I feel we have lost our direction, our purpose. I mean just why are we fighting this war, for the second time? I've asked myself, if it didn't work then, what makes now any different?"

Murphy nervously raised his hand. "Don't we have to fight to protect blood purity?"

Volde-Harry looked at Murphy askance. "Oh pish-posh. I'm a half-blood. That doesn't make much sense, blood purity, now does it? Now, I think it's a bunch of wand envy. That's all spell duels are, really. To see who has the bigger wand, and blokes like Rodolphus have to pick on those without wands. Makes them feel more like a man. And when you're married to one of those Black women, you have to take the opportunity to feel like a man anytime you can."

The house elf returned with the tea, giving everyone a much needed break to try and absorb what they were seeing and hearing. Harry noted that Nott and Goyle looked decidedly uncomfortable while Murphy was just confused. Severus was maintaining his mask of indifference, but Harry could see some strain there as well. _Time for stage two,_ Harry thought to himself.

When the elf had left them alone again he continued on with his rant. "Have any of you spent any length of time with Bella? I heard she liked to Crucio Rodolphus while they were _doing _it. And if Lucius were here, he'd likely tell you something equally as odd about Narcissa. Them Black womens is crazy!"

Harry noted that both McNair was desperately trying to contain a laugh and failing miserably. Nott and Goyle were staring wide eyed and fish-mouthed at him, while Murphy was unfortunate enough to have taken a drink just as Volde-Harry finished his speech. Severus was spared an Earl Grey shower by mere inches and superior reflexes in his wand hand. Harry also caught Severus hiding a smirk behind his tea cup.

Volde-Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "But getting back to my early statement, I believe it's about wand envy. What wizard hasn't looked over at his companions in the loo and wondered how they would measure up? I'm sure little Greg and Vince have glance at each other's wands, as well as the young Malfoy boy. Why, I hear that young Malfoy likes looking at other wizard's wands quite a bit." Volde-Harry paused, taking a sip and waiting for the right moment to continue. As Severus brought his cup to his lips, he struck. "Severus, have you ever looked at Potter's wand?"

The spray of tea and a shattered cup would long be a favorite Potter pensive memory. Severus recovered quickly and after a quick cleaning spell he said, "I beg your pardon, my Lord?"

Volde-Harry feigned annoyance. "His wand, Severus. Have you ever looked to see what we're up against? It's always a good idea to know as much about your opponents as possible. If this is all about wand envy, we should know if we should be, well, envious."

Severus paused for a moment as if to gather his thoughts. "I haven't seen it recently, my Lord. It seems he blew up his old wand and had to get a replacement. I shall endeavor to catch a glimpse at the first opportunity."

"I'll bet he was polishing it too much," Volde-Harry mused. "See what happens when you over-polish your wand? It blows up and you have to get a replacement and those aren't easy to come by, let me tell you. That 'wand picks its wizard' thing is no joke. If you were a wand, would you want to pick a tosser that just blew up his last one? Now, where were we?"

Murphy, ever helpful, tentatively raised his hand again. "Wand envy, my Lord?"

"Ah yes. My, Murphy, you seem to be awful eager about this subject. Is there someone's wand you've been eyeing?"

It was Murphy's turn to impersonate a guppy this time. "No! No, of course not!"

"Of course there's nothing wrong with that," Volde-Harry continued as if Murphy hadn't said anything. "I mean, that's why we're here, isn't it? A bunch of blokes, sitting around, having tea and cakes, with sprinkles, talking about wands."

Harry heard in the back of his mind from Voldemort, "_I hate you so much, Potter_."

_Well, that's enough for a test run,_ Harry thought. "I would like for the lot of you to take the measure of your fellow Death Eaters so we can get an average of where we stand. I want you to check out every wand and have the information ready for when I ask for it. And Severus, I am tasking you personally with getting a good look at Potter's wand and any other big wands that you might see working for their side. Now away with you and be ready for my summons."

Once the last of the group had left and it was just him and Tom, Harry decided to have a little chat.

_Alright, Tom,_ Harry started. _I'm sure you're coming up with about a hundred different ways to dispatch those who just witnessed this scene. I'm going to tell you why that's a bad idea._

_Oh, enlighten me, Potter, _Voldemort hissed.

_Well, first off, I made sure to choose one of your top spies. You kill him off, I don't have to worry about hiding what I'm doing at Hogwarts anymore. Second, I've already proven I can take over your body. What's to stop me from walking you off a cliff? I can always escape back to my body and we've proven that you can't control me. And then there's number three, my personal favorite._

_And what might that be, Potter?_

Harry grinned. _Your followers are starting to suspect that you might be insane. Any attack on those five will only confirm it. Face it, Tom, right now you're damned if you do and damned if you don't so you might as well play along. Now I'm going to go and enjoy an evening of making love to my wives. Have fun polishing your wand._

H H H H H H H

End Notes: To make the last scene more personal, we wanted to use the first names of the Death Eaters when Tom referred to them individually. We tried to find a first name for Goyle Sr. but came up empty handed so we made him a true Sr. As for Murphy, he's not an Inner Circle member so Voldy isn't that personal with him…yet.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter**, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Prospective Prey)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Dean and Seamus**…more to come!


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Authors Notes: This chapter is dedicated to Leslie Nielsen who recently passed away.

Interlude: Jailbreak

Percy Weasley and several Aurors frantically ran around the floor of the Ministry of Magic where Percy's office was located, gathering up dozens of rats, frogs, hamsters, and other small woodland creatures. Percy cursed for the fifth time over what seemed like such an innocent mistake. One hook on one cage had been left undone and somehow the rat in that cage managed to free nearly all the other captives. What many people on the floor thought was an amusing scene caused by an "eccentric" Percy Weasley, was actually a catastrophic nightmare that only he and the Aurors understood the extent of. Just as he caught the toad that was in actuality Dolores Umbridge, a loud hrumph caught his attention, causing him to turn and come face to face with Minister Fudge.

"Weatherby," the Minister roared, "what is the meaning of this?"

Percy swallowed and tried to look innocent. "Whatever do you mean, Minister?"

"Are you responsible for vermin running amok in the Ministry?"

Percy just looked at the Minister for a moment before replying. "I believe that's the fault of the voters, Minister," he said calmly and returned to collecting his charges.

Chapter 18

Harry was awakened by a loud banging on the portrait entrance to the suite. He glanced at his clock to see that it was 2 am. "What the hell?" Harry slipped quietly out of the bed so as not to disturb Fleur and made his way to the door. As he neared the painting, a very irate young man and his companions informed Harry that Professor Snape was on the other side in a bit of a snit.

"Shall we allow him entrance, sir?" the young man asked.

"No," Harry answered. "I'll go out to him. There's no need for everyone to be awake."

Harry pulled the portrait open just as the Professor was about to begin knocking again. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Mr. Potter, I am fully aware of the lateness of the hour. However, I felt it was imperative to ask some of the questions that were on my mind."

"And what questions are so important that they couldn't wait until a decent hour of the morning? You don't even look like you've been to bed."

"I haven't," Professor Snape growled. "I was only recently able to extricate myself from Goyle and McNair's presence."

"Well," Harry sighed, "if these questions are so important, perhaps you should ask them so we can both go to bed."

"Very well. Have you recently hit your head?"

"What? No!"

"Any history of mental illness?"

"What are you on about?"

"I'm trying to ascertain what madness brought on your little display earlier."

Harry blinked, then chuckled. "Severus, I'm sixteen years old with four wives. Most of what's on my mind is sex and crude jokes. Tom's just giving me an outlet for them. Now is there anything else, Professor, or can I please go back to sleep?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I recall the Dark Lord ordering me to try and get a look at your wand."

Harry snorted. "Sorry, Sev. The only people I show my wand to at this hour reside behind this portrait."

H H H H H H H

Harry was enjoying lunch with Susan. Luna, and Collette when he heard a sound he had grown quite used to not hearing: Ron Weasley's voice.

"Harry! Mate!" Ron called out. "I need your help."

"Doesn't he ever learn?" muttered Collette.

"What is wrong with him?" Susan asked. "How many times do you have to beat him before he figures it out?"

"Can I pick out the paintball colors this time?" Luna quipped.

Harry stifled a chuckle before turning to face Ron. "What is it now?"

"Harry!" Ron whined. "This is important! Halloween I was being tortured by some psychotic spirit so I went to go ask Dean or Seamus if they would help get rid of it and…and…"

Harry was confused by Ron's horrified look. "And what, Ron?"

"They were spooning! Naked!" Ron blurted in and exaggerated whisper.

Harry didn't know whether to wince at the tone of Ron's voice or laugh at his distress.

"That's what couples who are sleeping together normally do, Weasley," Susan said in a knowing tone.

"But…but…" Ron stammered, "they're both guys."

Collette rolled her eyes at him. "How very observant of you."

"Collette, be nice," Luna chided playfully. "Ron can't help he was the twins' number one test subject."

"This doesn't bother you?" Ron nearly shouted at the group.

"Why should it?" Harry asked.

"They're…they're…they're blokes, and we lived with them here for 5 years and we're just now finding out that they…"

"No, Ron," Harry cut him off. "You're just finding out. The rest of us have known for a while."

Ron looked stunned. "Why didn't anybody warn me?"

Harry looked disgusted at his former best friend's narrow-mindedness. "Warn you about what? I assure you Ron, you have nothing to worry about. I do believe you would be their last choice."

"But…but…"

"No buts, Ron. This is exactly why you weren't told," Harry rounded on him. "We all knew how you would react and didn't think they needed to deal with that. Now, don't let me find out that you're giving them a hard time about it or Halloween night will seem like your best night ever." With that Harry turned back to his meal, effectively dismissing Ron.

Once Ron was out of earshot, Susan leaned forward. "So how did you find out about them?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't, but it wasn't hard to figure out after the way he reacted to Hermione. Plus, now he'll wonder what else everyone is keeping from him because we all know he's a hot head. Should keep him busy for a while."

"So, Susan," Luna chimed in, "I take it you found out during your prefect duties. Did you find them snogging in a broom closet?"

Susan wrinkled her nose at the memory. "Broom closet, yes. Snogging, no. Dean is apparently a bottom."

H H H H H H H

That evening when Harry returned to the suite, he walked into a shouting match between Luna and Fleur. Bewildered, he looked around the room to find some explanation for the argument. Nothing seemed out of place so he turned his attention to his two wives.

"It's not fair, you big bully!" Luna shouted indignantly. "I'm Lady Black."

"Luna you're being irrational and childish," Fleur countered. "I told you before this is not about houses or titles. Susan is not even helping with this event."

"Of course not," Luna shot back. "You bullied her into letting you run everything, too."

Harry looked to be at a loss. "Um, what's going on here?"

Luna turned. "Oh Harry, you're here! Good! Fleur's being a meanie and not letting us help with the party."

"What party?" Harry asked hesitantly.

Fleur rolled her eyes. "Really 'Arry. The ball where you are supposed to meet your potential wives. You have been going through the remainder of the contracts, have you not?"

Harry's eyes widened followed by a string of expletives that would make any sailor proud.

Fleur raised an eyebrow. "I take that as a no."

"No," Harry confirmed. "I've been a bit busy."

"Harry," Luna chided, "it's November! We have to send the invitations out at least four weeks in advance."

"Right," Harry conceded. "Perhaps I should get started then."

Fleur rolled her eyes yet again. It seemed she was doing that a lot lately. "Luna, could you help 'Arry focus on his task while I finish setting up for our guests?"

"Guests?" Harry asked.

Luna pouted again. "Hermione is coming over to help Fleur plan. Hannah, too. Why can't I help?"

Harry smirked. "After your last party, you're grounded."

Luna huffed. "Fleur can't ground me."

Harry swatted her on the behind. "Who said it was Fleur that grounded you?"

Fleur laughed at Luna's outraged squawk. "Actually, the answer is a bit more practical. As I told Susan, this party is about picking Harry's fifth wife, and the offering of that accompanying title. It would look amiss if someone who already has a title tied to Harry were to be a hostess, or even help with the planning. Also, while Hermione is Harry's best friend, she also has the advantage of being a Magus, giving us the appearance of a more auspicious occasion."

"Ok," Luna conceded. "What about Hannah?"

Fleur winced. "'Annah was a compromise."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Compromise?"

"Contrary to Luna's opinion," Fleur explained, "I did not bully Susan into not participating. After I had given her my reasons she was willing to accept that she should not be a part of the planning of the event. However, Susan did insist that 'Annah be included to represent her interests."

Luna brightened. "I want someone to represent my interests!"

Harry scowled. "Not Ginny."

Luna deflated. "Oh poo."

Harry guided her to her room. "We'll get started on those contracts."

"How many do you have left?" Luna asked.

"Oh, um, around forty," Harry chuckled.

Fleur spun around to face him. "You haven't touched them since August?"

"Like I said, I've been busy. It shouldn't take long to narrow them down. How many do I need to choose?"

Fleur glared at him. "You have one week to pare that stack down to ten suitable candidates."

"Fair enough," Harry said.

"And no sex until you're finished," she qualified.

"WHAT?" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh, that's just punishing us," Luna complained.

"Then help him choose wisely, sister-wife, so none of us have to suffer for long."

H H H H H H H

After two hours of diligent research, Harry and Luna had chosen five of the ten candidates. At Luna's insistence, he brought the contracts out for Fleur's inspection. The candidates were Alena Morozov from Russia, Tara Butler from America, Marcena Acosta from Argentina, Myrtia Savalas from Greece, and Kimura Saika from Japan.

Fleur looked over the contracts and nodded. "Only five more to go. I suggest you continue another night so your studies don't get behind."

Harry quirked and eyebrow. "Does this mean I can sit in on the planning meeting?"

"Of course, but again, so long as your studies do not suffer."

Hermione looked up and said, "Although, we almost have it all planned out."

"It's going to be a beautiful ball," Hannah chimed in.

Harry scowled. "I'm not sure I like the idea of my future fifth wife being chosen in a two hour ball."

Fleur grinned mischievously. "Well then you'll be happy to know that it's a five hour ball."

"WHAT? Five hours! I can't dance! What am I going to do for five hours? And what are we going to do, knock off one every half hour?"

Fleur looked at Hermione. "You were right, dear. He is very gullible."

Hermione chuckled. "Relax Harry. We're only getting rid of five of them at the party. I figured you'd want to try to get to know some of them before making a final decision so we've planned for a week."

"A week?" Harry repeated, confused.

"Yes, Harry," Hermione continued. "We'll send one home each day except the last two and you can make your choice on the last day of the week."

Harry looked thoughtful. "Well, that sounds fair. What about the other festivities of the hols?"

Hannah perked up. "We planned for that, too. Susan's Aunt has a gathering on the Solstice, Fleur's going to try and patch things up with her family, you're going to Collette's on Christmas Eve, and you end up on Christmas Day at the Weasleys."

Harry nodded. "So that leaves one day before Christmas that we can have our family get together, or Boxing Day."

"No," Hermione responded, "you need to have Boxing Day clear. At least during the morning."

"Why is that?" Harry asked.

"Well, that's when I'm marrying Padma and Parvati."

Hannah blinked. "Isn't that a bit short notice?"

Hermione crossed her arms. "Things got pushed up a bit seeing as their parents disowned them. Plus it made a little bit of logical sense. One stop really. We get married by the Goblins that morning and return any gifts that we don't want that afternoon. No muss, no fuss."

Harry scowled. "Surely you can't be serious."

Hermione grinned. "No, Sirius is the reason you're in this mess and don't call me Shirley."

"Hermione," Harry groaned, "how are you going to support them? You're not even out of school yet."

The grin never left Hermione's face. "Well, my parents agreed to let them move in until we've graduated and I start a summer internship with the promise of a full time job when we graduate. It has excellent benefits which cover myself and my wives from the second my full time position starts. It has a highly competitive salary within either the Muggle or wizarding world."

"With whom?" Harry asked speculatively.

"A highly respected multi-national corporation," Hermione said, her grin spreading.

"Doing what?"

"Essentially doing the work of a file clerk and legal aide."

"Does this company have a name?"

Hermione giggled. "Of course it does. It would be kind of silly if this company didn't have a name."

Harry was beginning to feel a tick behind his left eye. Maybe this game wasn't so much fun after all. "And that name is…?"

"Why is it important?"

"Hermione," Harry shot back, almost out of patience.

Hermione burst out laughing. "Relax Harry, it's Gringotts."

Harry crossed his arms. "She tells me to relax and then informs me she's going to work for Goblins."

Fleur tried to look stern. "They are very generous to their allies and employees. They're only vicious with those who cross them."

"Like most wizards," Harry shot back.

"And unlike most wizards," Fleur retorted, "they judge the person for their own merit, not the entire group as a whole."

Harry scowled. "Point."

"And," Fleur continued, "this will also mean she can make her own way with her own family and not worry about being tied to the house of Potter."

Harry's scowl deepened. "Point."

Fleur's stern face turned to a grin. "Of course this means that you will not be able to hand her the personal assistant position that you and Moony had created for when you turned seventeen."

Harry gaped. "You knew about that?"

Fleur held up a key. "You should really lock your desk better, my love."

It was Hermione's turn to scowl. "I don't know whether to be grateful that my best friend was trying to look out for me or offended that he didn't think I could find a job on my own."

"No, it's not that," Harry responded. "I'm just used to you digging my arse out of the fire. I'm not really sure what I'd do without you."

Hermione chuckled. "I believe there will be five level-headed women that will be more than capable enough to deal with whatever chaos comes your way."

"Well," Hannah added, "four and a half."

H H H H H H H

The rest of the week went fairly smoothly with Harry choosing the remaining five candidates. These consisted of Jalbala Koli from India, Svana Dahl from Norway, Olivia Martin from Australia, and two more Americans: Courtney Kelly from Van Nuys, California, and Ella Morgan, a Muggleborn from Seattle, Washington. Ella's was the most unusual contract of the bunch, not simply just because she was a Muggleborn. It was also the thinnest file, holding only basic biographical data and a single headshot. When asked why he chose her, Harry's only response was to say, curiosity.

The invitations were sent out and positive responses were received from all the candidates. Harry's classes went well for the remainder of the term except for his animagus training. The sad fact was that he was ready to call the whole thing a waste of time and was in the process of explaining this to Professor McGonagall when Professor Snape appeared in the doorway of her classroom.

"Minerva," Professor Snape addressed her. "I have need to speak with Mr. Potter in private."

Harry raised an eyebrow as Professor McGonagall responded. "Certainly, Severus. We were finished here anyway. Mr. Potter, we will revisit this topic when you return from holiday."

Harry sighed. _Yep, _he thought to himself, _still too much sighing._ "As you wish, Professor." He then turned to Professor Snape. "Lead the way."

Snape led him down the corridor to an empty classroom. After entering, the professor warded the room and door with every privacy ensuring spell imaginable. Once done, he turned to Harry, glaring. "I must ask again, Mr. Potter. Have you completely taken leave of all your senses?"

Harry was taken aback. "Severus, what are you talking about?"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did you or did you not convince Nymphandora Tonks to pursue me in a romantic fashion?"

Harry blinked and then doubled over laughing. When he regained control of himself, he attempted to explain. "In my defense, I told her not to bother, that you were way out of her league."

"And you thought that would stop her?" Severus exclaimed.

"Look, the only reason it came up was to deter her from myself and Neville. I thought she would chicken out before it ever became an issue. I knew you would see past her ploys and she would have to work to gain your attention."

"What on Earth possessed you to think that I would be at all interested in a sex-crazed metamorphmagus?"

Harry looked offended. "That's being a little bit harsh, don't you think? The Weasleys were more a rebound from the way Remus rebuffed her like he did. You know, you really don't know her any more than she knows you and yet she was willing to take the chance. I mean really, what's so bad about Tonks? Are you afraid?"

Severus crossed his arms. "I believe you said it best, Mr. Potter. Them Black womens is crazy."

Harry laughed. "I wasn't my self at the time. Come on Severus, give her a shot. You might find out that she's not as bad as you think. And there is a way I can appeal to your darker nature."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "And what would that be, Mr. Potter?"

Harry grinned. "How do you think Moony will take it when he finds out you're taking his girl to the moon?"

H H H H H H H

End Note: The candidates names were created from baby name generators and common surnames for their countries. Any likenesses to real individuals is completely unintentional.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Prospective Prey)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's notes: Why are people thinking this story it abandoned? We even updated it just after thanksgiving. Trust me when I say that there is plenty low brow silliness to come. Also, I left a bit of a test on my profile page over the hols. It's no longer there, but the sad news is all my grammar nazi's failed. So, from now on I want to hear nothing about my spelling and all trolls will be promptly fed to my pet dragon. Now on to some comments.

First, our Severus isn't so much a racial purist as a man trying to make the best of his situation. He fell in with the death eaters because they were the same people that protected him from the Marauders. He doesn't dislike Remus because he's a werewolf rather because he took part in torturing him for a good part of his life. In that case, romancing a rival's ex-lover and making them forget about the man that hurt them is a pretty sweet revenge.

Second as for the Patils, the tradition would hold that they should go by Parvati and Padma no-name. However, Britain has a social registry service similar to the Social Security System that the United States has. Its name escapes me at this writing, but it does mean that their names are registered with the government as they are British citizens. Anyway, on with the story

Chapter 19

Harry was in the process of floating his wives trunks out to the front hall when he was approached by a very disheveled Remus Lupin. "Harry," Remus approached warily, "may I have a word?"

Harry sat down the trunks and turned to look at him. "Of course Mooney. What's the matter?"

Remus let out a breath before continuing. "I was worried you may be cross with me over mine and Dora's split."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I was disappointed in you," Harry commented, "but you are both adults and your personal life is hardly any of my business. What can I do for you?"

Remus motioned to a classroom and after both of them had entered warded the room for privacy. "Arthur, Molly and I are having a bit of a problem with Albus," he started. "Ever since he was forced to vacate Hogwarts, Albus has been acting…off."

Harry blinked in surprise. "Off? Off how? Off his game? Off the Mark?"

Remus sighed. "Actually, more like off his rocker. I mean it's not like he's screaming into the night or violent. He's just getting more…addled. He spends his days coming up with all sorts of overly elaborate plans about getting you back. He's even talked about how you are some great martyr that will come back to life after Voldemort kills you again."

"Jesus Christ," Harry muttered.

"Excuse me?" Remus looked at him puzzled.

Harry blushed. "Sorry. Muggle expression. Seemed rather appropriate."

"Anyway," Remus continued, "He's begun causing Molly no end of stress and I have had to move him back into Grimmauld with me. I was hoping that you would talk to him."

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'll talk to him at Christmas when I stop by the Weasleys. I have quite a bit to finish up between now and then. Is there anything else?"

Remus looked a bit uncomfortable. "I suppose it would be a stretch of our friendship to ask how Dora is doing."

Harry frowned a bit. "Somewhat yes," he answered, "but seeing as you have shown some concern about her welfare I will tell you she is doing well."

Remus smiled. "I'm glad to here that."

Harry smirked. "With her eye on Severus Snape."

"What!" Remus paled with shock.

"And Severus has become quite taken with the idea," Harry continued smugly. "Some wizards can appreciate it when they are presented with something beautiful and special."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "Why do I feel you were match making again, Mr. Potter?"

Harry laughed and held up his hands. "No match making. Merely deflecting the attentions of a very amorous witch."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall you wishing to make her Lady Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Come on Remus, I only did that to get a rise out of you. Not only am I her head of House, but I'm sure a cousin of some sort. It just seems inappropriate."

Remus shook his head. "But Severus Snape?"

Harry smiled sheepishly. "In my defense, I told her not to bother trying."

H H H H H H H

Harry had barely resumed his trip to the main hall when he was once again stopped, this time by one Draco Malfoy. "Is it true that you are riding the train?" The blonde wizard looked somewhat concerned.

Harry shrugged. "It is. I thought it would help reassure people that we are taking the students safety as seriously as our own. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm keeping a group of very lovely witches waiting."

Draco held his hand out stopping Harry again. "Wait," he murmured, "I have something else to ask."

Harry groaned. "Can it wait 'til after the hols, Draco? I've a really long day ahead of me."

Draco shook his head. "No, it can't. I'd like some time over the break to meet with your family. Granger too. I'm not asking for much, just a couple hours. I promise after that you'll never deal with Draco Malfoy ever again."

Harry looked at Draco. "You're sure?"

Draco shook his head. "About what I'm intending, not really. But I am sure that I need the meeting. Will you talk to Granger for me? I think she still has a bit of a grudge against me."

Harry laughed. "Gee, what ever could have caused that? I'll talk to her and owl you with a time and place."

Draco smiled slightly. "Thanks, Potter. You won't regret it."

As Draco ran off, Harry muttered to himself. "I better not, Malfoy. I better not."

H H H H H H H

By the time Harry made it to the compartment set aside for his family, he had been stopped no less than twenty-seven times. Between well wishers for a Happy Christmas to faculty and staff asking for some input on the Hogwarts board of Governors to a very detailed report from Headmistress McGonagal to the usual rock cake Christmas present from Hagrid, Harry was already knackered and was certain a similar gauntlet awaited him at Kings Cross. He flopped down on the coach seat across from Susan and closed his eyes. "Wake me when we reach King's cross or the train derails," He muttered, "which ever comes first."

Susan chuckled and handed him a potion. "I'd like to comply Harry," she whispered affectionately. "I really would. However, Luna and Collette have plans for the trip back. You might want to drink this."

Harry looked at the bottle then back at Susan. "Do I want to know what is in this?"

Susan grinned. "Something from the twins. They were trying to find a more potent Stamina potion and stumbled across a happy accident."

"Happy accident?" Harry asked.

Before Susan could respond, Luna and Collette entered the compartment and began warding it closed. Luna looked at Harry as they finished. "Drink up Harry," the young with ordered as she began undoing her robes.

"Not until I know what this is," Harry responded, "And just why are you disrobing?"

Collette giggled as she also began disrobing. "How else are we going to enjoy our special train ride?"

"Special train ride?" Harry glared at Susan. "Just what has been plotted behind my back?"

Susan bit her lip and smiled. "Fleur said she'd need a bit more time to get the house ready. That's why she went on ahead. We're supposed to help you relax. So, we worked it out where we'll each spend some time with you alone and in tandem over the next couple days while we're going to the chateau."

"Next couple days?" Harry gaped. "I don't recall it taking days to get to France."

"We're going by boat," Luna chimed in as she slipped out of her skirt. "We won't get there until tomorrow night and Fleur said we could stay on the boat until morning."

"Actually," Collette demurred, "She said she would stay with us on the boat until morning when we arrived."

"Ah," Harry said. "And the potion?"

Susan smiled. "It's a fourteen hour stamina potion, with the side effect that it makes you randy at the slightest provocation."

Harry blinked then looked at the now nude Luna and Collette before him. "I'm sixteen. Do you really think I need that?"

"Harry," Luna whispered as she knelt before him. "Collette, Susan and I have already drunk ours and intend on not stopping until we collapse."

Harry looked at the three witches as they nodded in turn and then downed his own dose. "Right. Now what?"

Luna began undoing Harry's trousers. "Now Collette and I pleasure Lord Black while Lady Potter enjoys the show."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Show?"

Susan leaned back and got comfortable. Harry watched as she began fondling herself. "I got the last train ride," She murmured. "This one, the only person that I'm touching is me."

H H H H H H H

Harry staggered out of the compartment buttoning his shirt. He glanced back to see the girls pulling down long sweaters over leggings and sliding their feet into ballet flats, not looking rushed at all. "How is this fair?" he muttered. "A little suggestion about wardrobe would have been nice."

As Susan came up beside him, she leaned over to whisper, "How about this, once we get to the boat, you won't have to worry about wearing anything until we leave the boat."

Harry instantly felt the effects of the potion still in his system. "Right. And how long will it take to get to this boat?"

Luna giggled behind him. "About a half an hour, but Fleur said she'd take care of transportation from here to there."

Harry shrugged into his jacket before he stepped off the train. He was just heading towards the area to gather their trunks when he saw Dobby pushing a cart already loaded up. "Mister Harry Potter, sir, Mistress Flower said Dobby should make sure family is taken care of when train comes."

Luna bounded up from behind Harry. "Hi Dobby," she said, crouching down so she was eye level with the elf. "Can you take these to _The Potter's Wheel_? It's at the Queen's Land Docks, slip 10 ¾ N."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "10 ¾? Really?"

Susan looked over at him, raking her eyes down to his crotch and back up to his face with a smile. "Well, you know, it's not far off the mark."

Harry blushed and started for the exit into the Muggle station. _Yep, I walked right into that one._ "Can we go find our transportation, please?"

A few minutes later they found themselves standing in the pale December light looking at a very uncomfortable Kingsley Shacklebolt dressed in a chauffer's uniform, holding a sign that read Potter. As they approached him, his eyes narrowed. "Not one word, Potter."

Harry chuckled. "I was just wondering if this was some new form of punishment that Moody came up with or if you lost a bet."

Kingsley rolled his eyes. "Can we just get going? Where are your trunks? No one said anything about me having to get them from the train."

"No worries, Shack. Dobby's already taken them to the docks," Harry reassured him.

Soon they were cruising along in the wizard-space car, heading for the docks. The outside looked like a regular black sedan for hire, but inside was enough room for everyone to be comfortable as well as for Susan to demonstrate alternate techniques to guarantee oral satisfaction for one's mate. _Thirty minutes is not long enough for that subject,_ Harry thought as he once again tried to make himself presentable before stumbling out into public.

When Harry looked up at the "boat" he blinked in confusion. "This can't be right," he said. "This thing looks like it should be in a museum, not on the ocean."

Susan laughed. "Well, it has been in the Potter family for 500 years."

Harry glanced dubiously at the ship. "Who's going to operate it? I don't know anything about sailing."

"It's completely automated," Collette replied. "Hermione looked into it to be sure. All we have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride."

H H H H H H H

After a light dinner, Luna and Collette decided to take off by themselves and explore the ship. That left Harry and Susan alone in the dining cabin to enjoy their dessert. Harry was trying to decide if it was actually the _way_ Susan was eating her ice cream cone that was so sexy, or if it was the influence of the potion. After she dipped out the last bit of ice cream from the bottom of the unbroken cone with the tip of her tongue, he decided he didn't care which it was, he was just going to enjoy it.

Susan purred, "I really love chocolate."

"I can tell," Harry chuckled. "Wanna see if the kitchen has chocolate sauce and find new uses for it?"

Susan licked her lips. "The most common way people use that, I really don't need, but I'm up for experimentation."

Without further urging, Harry dashed to the kitchen. When he returned to the dining room, he found Susan standing by the door to the hallway completely nude. "Eager, are we?" Harry asked.

Susan smiled back. "Says the man who went for the kitchens at a dead run. Come on, Lord Potter, let's find our state room before your dessert grows cold."

They made it about half way down the hall before deciding that any room would do for the moment. They pushed open the first door that promised to have a bed behind it only to find that it was already occupied by two very nude, very involved witches. Apparently, Luna and Collette had remembered to cast the silencing spell on the bed, but forgot to lock the door.

Harry quickly shut the door with a muttered, "As if I couldn't pound in nails already."

Susan let out a low groan. "That is so not fair."

Harry grabbed her hand and pulled her to the double doors at the end of the hall. "I don't care what or who is behind this door."

Susan nodded. "And tomorrow, we show them our appreciation for that visual."

H H H H H H H

The next day, though not as influenced by potions, was no less amorous for Harry and company. Compounded by the fact that none of them wore a stitch of clothing all day, every room seemed set up for some kind of adventure. As evening approached, the two ship elves, Dinghy and Tug, provided everyone with dressing robes and slippers so they would be at least semi-properly attired when the ship docked. When the ship pulled up to the pier, Harry looked out to see Fleur standing there in her own dressing robe, waiting to board. She seemed to glow, as if standing in a spotlight, and Harry realized she was not repressing her limited Veela powers as she normally did. "Oh hell," he muttered. He turned to Susan. "Do we have any more of that potion?"

Susan seemed to be transfixed on the end of the pier. "I certainly hope so," she whispered.

Luna was the first to greet Fleur when she stepped onto the deck. After a deep, lingering kiss, Harry heard Luna whisper, "You were right."

Fleur smiled and handed Luna a couple of vials. "I trust you and Collette can occupy yourselves for the evening?"

Luna and Collette both smiled and nodded and walked off hand in hand to the room they had claimed the night before. Fleur then stepped over to Harry and pulled him into a kiss. "So my husband," she asked, "did you enjoy your trip here with my sister-wives?"

"Uh, yeah," Harry answered dumbly. "It was the best trip home from Hogwarts of my life."

She smiled, then turned to Susan. "And you, my sister-wife? Did you enjoy the experience?"

Susan grasped the rail as her whole body shuddered. "Oh Merlin, can you do that all the time?"

Fleur pulled Susan to her. "It's a part of my ancestry that I normally keep suppressed, though it is doubly effective on those I share a romantic bond with." To demonstrate her point, she kissed Susan's neck, earning a low, throaty moan from the young witch, and a groan from Harry.

"Perhaps we should get to the state room," Harry muttered.

Fleur drew away from Susan and took Harry by the hand. "Of course, my husband," she said as they turned to go below decks. She paused and looked back over her shoulder at Susan. "Coming, sister-wife?"

Susan blinked. "R-really?"

Fleur only nodded as she held out her hand containing three vials. "I'm far from done with either of you."

H H H H H H H

End Notes: How many votes for the best holiday trip home, ever? My wife had both hands and both feet in the air so it's time for me to go. Enjoy!

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter**, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife)

Collette Malfoy (Engaged to be Married) Future Lady Aucoin

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Engaging Paramour)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note (courtesy of Raina): And finally, the holiday party! Well, the first one, anyway. The one everyone has been waiting for. It does sadden us that no one caught the joke about the boat slip. My husband was rather proud of that one. There's plenty of bawdy humor in this one as well and a brief appearance by none other than Victor Krum. Enjoy!

Chapter 20

"And the morning started off so well," Harry muttered as he stepped out of the shower. After waking up between Susan and Fleur, great thing, they were joined for brunch by Luna and Collette, another great thing. Then Fleur decided she needed to make out with Collette and Susan began making out with Luna, all at the table where Harry could watch, really great thing. That's where it stopped being great, though. Susan and Luna got up, saying they were going to help each other get ready and Fleur and Collette followed soon after leaving Harry all alone…with a raging hard on and no one to help him get ready. He just didn't understand how that was fair. Who needed four hours to get ready? He had to finish himself off in the shower and he still had plenty of time to see if he could do anything with the disaster that was his hair. He needed to find wife number five quickly. This "leaving Harry out of the loop" thing just could not continue.

Harry walked into the master bedroom and looked at the outfit Fleur had left laid out on the bed for him. He thought his dress robes from fourth year had been sharp but they had nothing on this. Harry marveled at how a Muggle tailor could out-do Madam Malkin. The trousers and jacket were wool in a deep black that even Snape would be proud to wear. The shirt was silk and the tailor had called the color "currant." Harry just thought it was dark red, but if Fleur's reaction was anything to go by, he looked really good in it. His dress shoes were shined and she'd even picked out his socks and underwear. Sometimes life was just too good.

"Hi Harry-Oh Merlin!" Harry heard from behind him. When he turned around, he saw Hermione in his mirror, hand over her eyes, fingers not quite together, and blushing a very Weasley shade of red. "Why are you wandering around like that? Put something on!"

Harry gaped. "Hermione! What are you doing in my mirror?"

"It's a mirror call, Harry. I'd be more comfortable explaining this if you were at least covered, preferably clothed."

Harry grinned wickedly and put his hands on his hips. "What's the matter? I thought you didn't care about my icky dangly bits." As he said the last part, Harry began to twist his hips so said dangly bits began to sway back and forth.

"Please, Harry. It's…it's indecent!"

"Okay, okay," Harry laughed. "Give me a minute and I'll pull on some trousers." Harry rummaged around in the closet and came up with a loose pair of sweats and a t-shirt. "Better?"

"Much. Thanks."

"Now, what was so important that it interrupted my personal naked time?"

Hermione's blush, which had begun to recede, came back full force. "Harry! You're such a boy!"

Harry cocked an eyebrow as if to say, "Well, yeah."

Hermione huffed and continued. "Fleur said I should mirror call you when we were ready to floo over. Padma, Parvati, and I are at Charmer's Cove. "Should we wait for anyone else?"

Harry scratched his chin. "I believe Fleur gave Neville a direct connection from his place and Severus said something about enjoying and afternoon ferry ride. Draco and Blaise are going to portkey over and only the Weasley twins are coming and they're apparating so you should be good to come on through."

"Will there be someone there to greet us?"

Harry looked at the time. "You might want to give us another hour. I'm not sure how much more the ladies have to do."

Hermione smirked. "Fine, but make me wait too long, Potter, and I'm having Indian on your dining room table."

H H H H H H H

That evening as the guests began to trickle in, Harry stood with Draco, Blaise, and Neville trying to keep himself from pacing. He had a ton of nervous energy and nothing to do with it, so he fidgeted, much to Draco's annoyance.

"Stop it," Draco muttered as Harry began rapidly tapping his foot, again.

"Sorry," Harry responded automatically, stopping, only to start the tapping again moments later.

"Potter!" Draco hissed through clenched teeth.

"Right, right. I'm sorry! I really am trying."

A few minutes later the tapping started again eliciting a snort and a chuckle from Blaise and Neville, respectively.

"Draco turned and growled at Harry. "What in Merlin's name is wrong with you? It's not like you haven't done this three or four times already."

Harry looked at Draco incredulously. "Excuse me? Fleur and Luna didn't give me time to get nervous or think for that matter, Collette was more nervous than I could ever be, and Susan shagged me senseless for six hours. So, no, I haven't done this before."

Draco blinked and then smirked. "I thought she was exaggerating."

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Almost the entire train ride."

Blaise let out a low whistle. "You have to teach us those privacy spells."

Before Harry could respond, they heard a loud commotion in the main hall. The four young wizards dashed out to find a very irate young Indian woman and her escort shouting in Hindi at Hermione, Parvati, and Padma.

"What is going on?" Harry shouted over the noise.

Hermione glanced at him apologetically. "It seems one of your prospective wives is first cousin to my future wives."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Dobby!"

The elf popped in next to Harry dressed in a footman's uniform with the Pryderi coat of arms on the chest. "How can Dobby be of service, Lord Pryderi?"

Harry was momentarily impressed by Dobby's attire. "Please escort Ms. Koli and her guardian to the apparition point with their things. They won't be staying."

The shouting stopped immediately at Harry's announcement. "But Lord Pryderi," Ms. Koli's guardian began. "You haven't had the chance to properly meet my niece."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Your niece has shown me all I need to know of her true self in the way she treats her family. Magus Granger has proven herself more loyal than my blood. If you can not be respectful to my chosen sibling, then you have no place in my house." Harry then turned to the rest of the guests. "Please excuse the unfortunate interruption. The party will begin momentarily." With a small nod to Dobby, Harry returned to the ballroom and headed straight for the drinks table.

Draco offered him his personal flask. "One down, four to go."

"Please tell me I handled that right," Harry muttered as he took a swig and then gasped. "What in the hell is that?"

Draco shrugged. "Something Snape came up with. Not really alcoholic, but gives you that pleasant buzzy feeling and calms your nerves."

Neville took a whiff of the flask. "What's he call it?"

"Harlot's Kiss," Blaise supplied.

Harry ran his tongue around his teeth. "Yeah, I feel like someone shoved their tongue down my throat."

Blaise rolled his eyes. "One bloody time and they never let you forget it."

"Anyway," Draco said, interrupting their musings. "I think your display out there proved how serious you are about everybody getting along. You shouldn't have anymore problems tonight."

Before Harry could respond, Fleur entered the room. "Are you ready to meet our guests?" she asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Harry sighed. "I need to tell you, though, that I already had to send someone home."

Fleur's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? Who?"

"Ms. Koli and her Aunt from India. It seems that she is first cousin to the Patil twins and decided to voice her displeasure with their life choices in our main hall."

"Completely understandable. Your choice, that is," Fleur assured him.

"How about the severe urge to hex them into next week?" Harry asked.

Fleur looked thoughtful for a moment. "Perhaps you should hold off on that until their anniversary. It's always hard to buy for a multiple marriage."

After giving their introductions and opening up the ballroom, the herald hired for the evening began announcing the guests as they entered. Harry watched as each person came in, trying to fix a name with the face. When the herald spoke Ella Morgan's name without a guardian or escort, Harry muttered to himself. "Curiousier and curiousier."

"What's that?" Fleur asked.

"Ms. Morgan's unescorted," Harry replied. "That seems quite…odd."

"Perhaps we should have Luna befriend her tonight," Fleur offered.

Harry shook his head. "I don't want anything forced, but she's definitely made my list of the final five."

Fleur raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Harry grinned. "Sorry, I can't resist a puzzle."

Fleur was about to respond, but stopped. She slowly turned her head as if listening to something. Harry, trying to follow her line of sight, asked, "What's wrong?"

"I believe I see the next person to leave," Fleur responded in French.

"Really?" Harry replied in a similar fashion.

Fleur nodded slowly. "Just ahead of us, Ms. Acosta and her Uncle."

Harry frowned in confusion. "What are they saying?"

"It seems Ms. Acosta is rather convinced she is going to rule the house once she has wed you."

Harry snorted. "Confident, aren't we?"

Fleur aimed a serious look at Harry. "She intends to use a love potion on you tonight."

"Well, that's rather brazen, talking about it out in the open like this."

Fleur smirked. "They're speaking Spanish. They think they're safe."

Harry grinned. "Some people just have to learn the hard way. Dobby?"

Dobby popped up next to Harry again. "Yes, Lord Pryderi?"

"Ms. Acosta and her Uncle will not be staying. Deposit them and their belongings at the apparition point, please," Harry requested of the elf.

"Is Dobby needing to be gentle?"

Harry looked at Dobby. "They intended to drug me tonight so I would choose her over everyone else," he said conversationally, but loudly enough that those around them heard. Turning to his guests, he continued. "I introduced my wife, Fleur Delacour-Potter. What I failed to mention is that she is fluent in seven languages besides French and English. I also have a potions master in attendance so I suggest that any thoughts of improving your odds be quickly dismissed."

Before either of the Acostas could protest, Dobby grabbed their wrists and they were gone with a pop.

"Damn," Draco muttered. "Two down and the party hasn't even really started."

"Certainly is entertaining, though," Neville commented.

Blaise looked thoughtful. "Wonder what it would take to get him to drop the next one in the channel?"

The next little while passed by without incident. Harry talked briefly to most of the other candidates and several of his friends he hadn't seen in a while. As he was walking away from his introduction to Courtney and wondering how someone could say "like" that many times and not draw a breath, he found himself embraced from behind in a great bear hug.

"Harry!" the familiar voice of Victor Krum thundered in his ear. "How is great champion of the Tri-Wizard tournament?"

"Would be better if I could breathe," Harry gasped. "Victor, ribs!"

Laughing heartily, the Romanian seeker let Harry go. "You look better than last I saw you. Stronger, healthier."

Harry grinned. "Trying to keep up with four women will do that to you."

"And yet you go for a fifth? You amaze me, my friend."

"Familial obligations and having practical jokers for a father and godfather. Though I wouldn't give up any of them now, I don't think I would have ever set something like this up for myself. What of you? Anyone special?"

Victor shook his head. "I was hoping to meet up with Hermione tonight. You haven't seen her, have you?"

Harry winced. "Um, Victor, there's something you should know. How do I put this…"

Harry was saved from floundering through an explanation when Fleur returned to his side. "Good evening, Victor. I believe what my husband was about to say rather badly would be better explained if you just look over your left shoulder. That is Magus Granger in the blue dress and the lovely ladies with her are her fiancées, Padma and Parvati Patil."

Victors face fell as he turned back to Harry and Fleur. "Such beauty, such strength," he said just above a whisper. "I should have paid her more attention after the ball."

Harry just grinned and shook his head. "We both lost out that night, mate. Hermione spent the night after the ball in Parvati's bed. Parvati was my date."

Victor opened and closed his mouth several times, as if searching for something to say. Harry just slung an arm around his shoulders and said, "Let me introduce you to Fred and George. They'll know a good girl to fix you up with."

Before they could get more than three steps away, their path was blocked by a very buxom chest that Harry was eye level with. When he looked up to her face, he saw that it was Alena from Russia, one of the candidates he hadn't gotten to speak to yet. "Oh, hi. Alena, isn't it?"

"Yes, I am Alena Morozov," she began in very accented English.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Harry said politely. "This is my friend Victor Krum."

Victor took her hand and began to lean down to place a kiss on the back when he found himself maneuvered into a handshake instead. To Harry, it looked like a brief battle of will and strength to see who's greeting would win out and he wasn't altogether sure who would. When they finally let go of each other's hands, she turned back to Harry.

"I would wish to be your Lady Pryderi. I have studied western relationship customs thoroughly and would make you many strong children."

Harry was momentarily stunned. The rational part of his mind thought how similar it was to what Collette had said only four months earlier. That, of course, was not the part of his brain that controlled his mouth. That part made him blurt out, "I'm not ready for children yet."

Alena looked confused. "But I would make you many strong children."

Harry was at a complete loss as to how to get out of this on without the giant woman crushing him. He was just about to call for Dobby again when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Relax, my friend," Victor said in a low voice. "I will take care of this one for you, yes?"

"Yes, splendid idea!" Harry all but collapsed in relief. He turned to Alena. "Alena I have…things to attend to. Victor will…he will keep you company." He then took off as fast as decorum allowed for the drink table once again.

After downing something that looked fairly alcoholic and extremely stout, he heard Snape drawl behind him. "The Potter eloquence and silver tongue are as practiced as ever, I see."

Harry frowned at Snape. "That woman was scary, admit it."

Snape smirked. "I must admit she did seem a bit…formidable, but I believe Victor should be up to the challenge."

"More power to him," Harry muttered. "So, this is the first time I've seen you this evening. Did you bach it tonight then?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Not that it is any of your business, Mr. Potter, but I was able to find suitable companionship for your little soiree."

"Anyone I know?" Harry asked.

From behind him he heard, "Da, comrade." Harry ducked and spun around, nearly crashing into Snape. In front of him he found Tonks nearly doubled over in laughter, her silver white hair falling around her face.

"Very funny, Tonks," Harry growled. "You nearly got yourself hexed for that."

Tonks grinned cheekily. "Totally worth it for the look on your face, Harry."

"I concur," Snape replied smugly.

Harry glared at Snape. "Do you have anymore of what's in Draco's flask? I need about a litre."

Snape chuckled. "I believe, Lord Pryderi, that you should keep your wits about you seeing as the purpose of this event is to choose your lady."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Harry grumbled. "So, how was the ferry ride over?"

Snape looked thoughtful for a moment. "It was very enlightening."

"And tasty," Tonks added, wrapping her arms around Snape's.

Harry blinked and then gaped at the pair. "On a public ferry?"

Snape smiled serenely. "We took the special ferry that offered the extended ride and package deal. It made for a wonderful afternoon. It seems Muggles do this type of thing all the time."

Harry was absolutely gobsmacked and had no idea how to respond.

"Dinner, Harry," Tonks supplied with a mock glare. "He's talking about dinner. What did you think we meant?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all," Harry back-peddled. "I'm glad you're enjoying each other's company. Will you be staying tonight and join us for brunch tomorrow?"

At Severus' nod Tonks said, "Of course." She then paused waiting for Harry to take a drink. "The rooms do have silencing charms, right?"

Harry nearly choked to keep from spraying butterbeer all over them. "I'm going…over there…somewhere before you kill me. Enjoy the party."

"Before you leave, Lord Pryderi," Snape said. "Regretfully, I have to inform you that there are rumors of another meeting sometime between now and Christmas, possibly within the week. I will notify when I know the time."

Harry grinned evilly. "Excellent. I have time to plan this one."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Why does that make me afraid?"

Harry chuckled and held up his wand. "Just so you don't get in trouble." He then walked away into the crowd, hoping to find Ms. Morgan. He hadn't been able to find her since she was announced at the beginning of the night. As he casually searched the room, he kept feeling like someone was watching him closely. He turned to see Ms. Savalas and her escort, who was glaring daggers at him. Harry decided to suspend his search for a moment and find out what the problem was.

"Ms. Savalas," Harry greeted her cordially. "I've not had the pleasure of speaking to you this evening. Are you and your escort enjoying the party so far?"

Ms. Savalas smiled. "Angelo never enjoys himself this far from home but he insisted he come with me."

"Ah, and Angelo is…?"

"I am her brother," Angelo answered brusquely. "Her very protective, older brother who is here to see to her best interest."

Ms. Savalas looked at Harry apologetically. "I'm sorry, Lord Pryderi. My brother does not like the idea of my not marrying into another Greek family. Papa sent the contract years ago when I was but a babe. I was flattered to receive the invitation and wanted to come and meet you."

Harry smirked. "And now that you've met me?"

Before she could answer, Harry was attacked by a mop of blond curls and rapidly spoken French.

"Thereyouare,Harry!I'vebeenlookingalloverforyou!I'vemissedyou!Thankyouforinvitingme!" Gabrielle said in a string of without a breath.

Harry was finally able to ascertain who was attached to his chest and get in a word. "Gabrielle, English, please, and breathe." Turning back to Ms. Savalas and Angelo, who was glaring even more intensely now, he coughed nervously. "Ms. Savalas, Angelo, I'd like for you to meet my sister-in-law, Gabrielle Delacour."

Angelo's glare lessened a bit at the mention of sister-in-law. Harry briefly turned back to Gabrielle. "I'm glad you made it and we will spend some time together while you are here, but tonight I have things to attend to. I believe Fleur is in the courtyard with Susan and Collette, if you'd like to join them."

"Okay, thanks Harry!" Gabrielle said, pecking him on the cheek. She then turned to Ms. Savalas and chirped a quick, "It was nice meeting you!" before skipping off.

"How do her parents keep up with her?" Harry muttered as he watched Gabrielle cross the room. He then turned back to Ms. Savalas. "Sorry for the interruption. Now where were we?"

She smiled. "You asked me how I felt about you since I'd met you." Harry nodded at her in encouragement. "Well," she blushed, "I actually pictured you taller…but I'm sure that won't matter once we get to know each other better."

Harry nodded, proud of himself for not grimacing like he wanted to. "Right. Well, enjoy yourselves. I'm sure I'll see you later," Harry said as he left them to resume his search.

Harry began to make his way around the room again, stopping to chat briefly every so often, keeping his eyes moving in search of Ms. Morgan. Just as he stepped away from Hermione, he heard Luna excitedly call his name. When he turned to her, he saw that she was dragging the object of his search across the room towards him.

"Harry! We have to go to Seattle!" Luna said, almost bouncing in place.

Harry bit back a chuckle. "Why do we have to go to Seattle?"

He could see the stars forming in Luna's eyes. "Shopping," she said almost reverently. "Look at this wonderful dress!" Luna exclaimed as she turned Ms. Morgan in a circle with the hand she had yet to release. "And she tells me she got it at a consignment shop," Luna whispered conspiratorially.

"Okay…" Harry responded cautiously. The dress in question was black with a corset style top and fitted skirt that flared at about her knees. The top was covered in black lace with tiny skulls woven into the pattern, with matching lace trim in a larger size along the hem of the skirt. The top also plunged dangerously low in the front with only small strings of beads crossing the separation. She also wore black gloves that ended above her elbows with the same lace trim and arm bands trimmed with more lace and bows served as "sleeves". Harry could definitely see why it would have caught Luna's eye. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off it, or the girl wearing it. She was just shorter than him with clear blue eyes and black hair that was swept up off her neck but left down in the front to frame her face and when she turned her head, he caught the glint of something metallic in her left eyebrow.

"Oh, Harry, this is Ella. Have you met her yet?"

This time Harry did chuckle. "No, I haven't. It's a pleasure, Ms. Morgan."

"Ella, please, Lord Pryderi. I'm only called Ms. Morgan at school…and when I'm in trouble."

"Harry, then, for same reasons," Harry grinned. He then turned to Luna, who was still admiring Ella's dress…and holding her hand. "Luna," Harry coaxed, "I think she might like to have her hand back."

Luna looked down as if just realizing she still had Ella's hand. "Huh? Oh, right. Sorry about that. I'm going to go find Fleur now, okay?"

Harry stopped her. "When you find her," he whispered, "tell her Courtney and Myrtia."

Luna looked surprised. "Myrtia?"

Harry nodded. "She's shallow and her brother hates me because I'm not Greek."

"Right," Luna said. "Courtney and Myrtia…and have Angelo checked for wrackspurts."

Ella looked concerned. "Wrackspurts?"

Harry grinned. "Sometimes it's best not to ask. So, the mystery of the evening: The Muggleborn who attends without an escort and manages to avoid me for most of the night."

"Is that a problem?" Ella began. "My not having an escort, that is."

"It's unusual," Harry responded. "Even those of age will normally have a guardian of some sort present, just to look after their interests."

"Do I need a guardian? Someone to protect my interests?" Ella asked coyly.

"No, you're perfectly safe. I was just remarking on how…unconventional it is."

"You don't strike me as someone who's much for convention."

"You've got me there. So, since you've avoided me all night, have you had the chance to meet the rest of the family? Aside from Luna, of course."

Ella nodded cautiously. "They are all very polite but with the exception of Luna, they seem…distant."

"They're likely avoiding forming any kind of attachment to anyone too soon," Harry replied. "This evening was for first impressions mainly. Luna tends to dive right in and you hooked her for certain with that dress."

Ella looked a bit concerned. "I wonder how she would feel if she found out that the skirt is separate."

Harry swallowed…hard. "Really? I think she would find that even more fascinating."

Ella looked at him. "You haven't said what your first impression of me was."

"You, my dear Ella, are an enigma. And thanks to my chosen sister Hermione, I can't let an enigma pass me by without trying to solve it. Now, I ask the same question of you."

Ella looked thoughtful but before she could answer, the herald shouted out, "The midnight hour has arrived and the revel must come to a close. Please make your way to your assigned guest rooms and we will gather again tomorrow for brunch."

"Well, Lord Pryderi, it seems as if your answer will have to wait. I bid you good evening," Ella said with a slight curtsey and turned and headed for the stairs.

Harry could only stare after her, nearly vibrating with frustration and want. At that point, he was almost certain it wouldn't take the entire five days to make his final decision.

End Notes (courtesy of Dylan): Alright folks, I know it's pretty obvious who's probably going to get chosen at this point, but please bear with us. There is actually some story here in the next little bit that's pretty important. I also looked at my notes for the Granger solution and realized there wasn't enough there for a whole other story, not even a one shot really. So, we're going to work it into some later chapters. Hope you liked Hermione's brief introduction to Harry Jr.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Fluent in nine languages)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Shopping Enthusiast)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Emerging Bi-Sexual)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Engaging Paramour)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

(Climbing Mount Alena…or is that climbing and mounting Alena?)


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's note: Woo hoo! We're finally legal! Someone get this chappy a jager bomb! I know, folks, this is going to be more of that boring plot stuff, but we did try to get a few good jokes in here. (Hey! There's some steamy stuff, too! –Raina) And for those of you who possibly wanted it, someone gets dumped in the channel! Enjoy!

Chapter 21

Harry followed a gingerly walking Luna down the stairs to brunch the next morning. "I'm sorry, Luna," he whispered contritely.

"Oh, no, I'm not complaining," she assured him. "And if she's going to cause that kind of reaction, Ella's got my vote."

Before Harry could respond, he was accosted at the foot of the stairs by a doe-eyed Courtney Kelly. "You're, like, sending me home?" she all but whined.

Harry sighed. He hated moments like this. "Yes, Courtney. I'm sorry, but I just don't think it would work."

"But, like, why?" This time she did whine.

"I was told by one of my wives that if she heard you say like one more time she was likely to kill you."

"Really?" she squeeked. "Who?"

"Your BFF, Susan," Luna answered for him.

This seemed to be just too much for the young girl to handle and she fled back towards the guest rooms. Harry rubbed his temples. "I really hate dealing with drama."

Luna giggled. "Ready to face the final five, Lord Pryderi?"

"Lead the way, Lady Black," Harry replied.

The five actually turned out to be four when they encountered Dobby standing just outside the dining room holding a letter for Harry. "Lord Pryderi sir, Dobby be finding this on Ms. Kimura's bed, but no Ms. Kimura."

"Thank you, Dobby," Harry said as he took the note. It briefly explained that while the family was grateful for the opportunity to meet everyone, this was not something that Saika felt she was ready for or comfortable with. Her father, who had been her escort, had formally released Harry of any obligation from the marriage contract and they had left early that morning to return to Japan. "Well, that's over half that have made this easy on me," he said and then turned to Fleur. "What's the plan for the day after brunch?"

"There will be a carriage ride with you and your prospective wives and a chaperone after brunch," Fleur began. "The afternoon will be spent on more leisurely pursuits, perhaps in the game room. After a light tea, we will all retire to our rooms to prepare for dinner at about seven this evening."

Harry nodded. "Sounds like fun. Everyone tuck in." As they began to serve themselves, he could hear the conversation from down the table. Tara was commenting on just about everything in a non-stop stream of chatter.

"Oh my," she said in a very strong southern drawl. "Everything is so different from home. I mean, it all looks good, but we would have gravy and biscuits, grits with cheese, bacon and sausage. What are those? Bangers? Just looks like a big ol' sausage to me…"

Harry's annoyance was continued later in the carriage ride. Again, Tara monopolized the conversation with a non-stop comparison to everything at home. He was very tempted to tell her that if home was so great, why didn't she just return now. His decision that she was the next to go home was finalized when he heard her casually mention her father whipping their house elves. Not wanting to cause a scene, since he wasn't sure he had control of his temper at the moment, he decided to wait until after tea to have Dobby escort her out. Then tea time came.

Everything started off well enough. Tara seemed to have quieted down a bit, making Harry wonder if someone had said something about it to her. About half way through Tara dropped her fork. Being ever-present to help the ladies as Harry had asked her to, Winky was there in an instant to retrieve it and clean it for her. "Winky be cleaning this right away, Ms. Butler," the little elf said with a smile.

"Get me a new fork," Tara said dismissively.

Winky looked confused. "But this one is being all clean, just like new."

Tara looked aghast and disgusted at the same time at being talked back to by a house elf. She raised her hand as if to strike Winky and began, "I said get me a new fork, you miserable-" but her tirade was ended when Harry was at Winky's side in an instant, grabbing Tara's wrist and the fork.

He glared murderously at the young witch and jabbed the fork into the table in front of her to release some of his anger and keep from jabbing it into her. "D-d-d-d-"

"Dobby?" Fleur supplied.

Harry could only nod as the elf appeared. Upon seeing the scene and the cowering Winky, Dobby's eye widened to the size of softballs. "H-how can Dobby be of…service, Mistress…Flower?"

"Winky," Harry said barely above a whisper, "go tell Draco and Blaise they get their wish and take yourself a calming draught and lay down." He then turned to Dobby. "Dobby, Ms. Butler will be leaving us now. Drop her in the channel."

Dobby's eyes got wider. "Mistress Flower?"

Fleur smiled reassuringly at Dobby. "She was going to strike Winky. Just make sure she doesn't drown and makes it to the main land before hypothermia sets in."

Dobby's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Dobby will be carrying out this request with pleasure." Before Tara could protest, Dobby took the wrist that Harry had been holding and they were gone.

There was a moment of shocked silence and then the other three candidates looked at each other, then Harry, and said in unison, "Thank you."

Harry nodded his head once. "I apologize for the scene. I had hoped to make it a quiet departure for her, but Winky and Dobby are part of my family."

"I beg your pardon, Lord Pryderi," Svana began, "but any who would strike a sentient being out of anything other than defense of one's own life, is pathetic to begin with."

Ella nodded in agreement. "I think we're more worried about how you're handling this."

"I'll be fine," Harry assured them. He turned to Fleur. "I'm going to check on Winky and probably do some flying. I'll be back in to get ready for dinner."

"Why don't you see if the guys would like to accompany you?" Fleur suggested. "Maybe a pick-up game of Quiddich? Victor should still be here so you could play three on three with Neville to keep score."

Harry nodded stiffly and turned to the candidates. "I will see you ladies at dinner."

H H H H H H H

Harry had forgotten how much he missed playing Quiddich. It was him and the twins against Draco, Blaise and Victor with each side constantly switching up which positions they were playing. Even without a snitch to chase, it made for a very exciting afternoon. After about a half an hour of play, Harry noticed they had drawn an audience in the back courtyard. Harry called a quick time out and brought everyone together in the middle of the make-shift field.

"What gives, Potter?" Draco drawled. "Need a break already?"

"Stuff it, ferret," Harry said with a grin.

"Here? Now?" Blaise piped up.

Harry just shook his head. "We've drawn a bit of a crowd," he continued, "and there are at least four of us that would like to impress our ladies. So, why don't Draco and Blaise play keeper and let the rest of us, well…"

"Show off a bit?" Fred offered.

"I was going to say push our skills, but yeah, that works. You in Victor?"

Victor gave him a wicked grin. "I think my skills were demonstrated thoroughly last night, but sure, sounds like fun."

Harry stared in admiration for a moment at his friend. "Right, well, let's get started, then."

So it began. The twins were working as beaters for both sides so Harry and Victor had to work twice as hard to stay on their brooms. Harry and Victor, in turn, were continually trying to out-do each other in the outlandishness of their shots at the goals. Neville, not being apprised of the new plan, simply gave up keeping score and joined the ladies in the audience. After another hour of this, Harry and company finally landed and strolled up to the courtyard.

"So Neville, who won?" Harry said with a smirk.

Neville glared at him. "Everybody."

"What?" Fred asked.

"It would have been nice if you'd told the score keeper about switching up the teams!" Neville nearly shouted. "How the hell was I to keep score?"

Draco raised an eyebrow and looked at Harry. "Gettin' a bit mouthy, isn't he?"

Harry shrugged. "I thing it's his time of the month."

Draco chuckled. "You'd know the signs."

"Comedians, the lot of you," Neville grumbled as he headed back inside.

H H H H H H H

Dinner that night was a much more relaxed affair with people commenting on the game and various players' skills. Victor and Alena said their farewells at it's conclusion and headed back home. Before everyone could retire for the evening Fleur came out with a small bowl with three folded up pieces of paper.

"What's this?" Harry asked.

"Well," Fleur began slowly, "seeing as your choices have been narrowed down far quicker than I thought they would be, I decided to change my own plans and allow some alone time with each of the ladies tomorrow. They will each draw a piece of paper, putting them in order for the day. The first will start after brunch and you will decide how much time is needed with each." With that, Fleur offered the bowl to each of the ladies in turn.

Their unfolded their papers together and found that Svana would be first, followed by Olivia, and then Ella. Svana almost seemed relieved by her placement. Before Harry could comment, Susan and Collette bounced up next to him.

"Well," Susan said in an almost too chipper voice. "Seeing as you lovely ladies have had him for the day, might Collette and I borrow him for the rest of the evening?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what you are planning."

Collette looked up at him, not quite innocently. "Just making sure your muscles don't stiffen up from all that hard flying you did earlier."

"So, are we talking a massage?" Harry asked.

Susan looked thoughtful. "Of sorts. A nice, long rub down is defiantly in order. Good night everyone," Susan said as she and Collette steered Harry towards the stairs.

H H H H H H H

The next morning Harry found himself quickly ushered into his study by his lawyer. Who knew being the Lord of four houses had so much work involved? After going over the accounts, consolidating assets, delegating some authority and picking out an appropriate gift for the Patil/Granger/Patil wedding there was a knock at the study's door.

"Enter," Harry said without looking up.

"Please excuse the interruption, Lord Pryderi," Svana began. "Fleur sent me up with a plate of food for you and your council."

Harry blinked and looked at the time. "Wow, we have been at this a bit. Thank you Svana. We should be done shortly and you and I can spend some time together."

Svana fidgeted for a moment and then her face set in determination. "If you both have a moment now, I'd like to talk to you about something."

Harry looked at the Goblin. "We good here, Skin?"

The Goblin shrugged. "You've already made my week. Continue."

Harry nodded at her encouragingly and offered her a seat. "What seems to be on your mind?"

"Honestly, this whole contract business," Svana began. "I had no idea my father had submitted one until we received your invitation. I am flattered that you would consider me for Lady Pryderi, but…it's not what I want to do with my life."

At this, Harry flicked a galleon at the Goblin, who caught it with practiced ease. "I understand. May I ask what you would like to do?"

Svana glanced at the Goblin and then back at Harry. "I'd always thought to help my father run his company and then take it over when he retired. He still has the idea of making me a proper Norwegian lady, but I just don't think I'm cut out for that."

Harry sighed again as he sent another galleon towards the Goblin. "This is getting expensive," he muttered.

"Never bet against a Goblin on financial matters," Skin muttered back.

Svana raised an eyebrow. "You bet on me?"

Harry had the grace to look sheepish. "Let's not dwell on that. Is your father against you being a part of the company?"

"I honestly believed he hoped that I would find some nice young man that he could groom to do what I want to do."

"But you have the knowledge and experience," Harry pressed.

Svana nodded. "I've been in his office or study since before I could walk. I learned to read with his contracts instead of the normal children's books. This is what I want to do, but I can't get him to see past the fact that I am his daughter and not his son."

Harry smirked. "Perhaps I could offer him a bit of incentive for changing his outlook."

Svana looked confused. "I don't see how."

"Allow me to be frank," Harry began. "Your marriage contract was only part of the reason I invited you here. Your father's company has hands in many applications and even a few Muggle military contracts. I would like to expand the application of some of these ideas into the wizarding world. My family is prepared to offer a rather lucrative contract to your father in regards to the current state of affairs in wizarding Britain on one condition."

"And that condition would be?" Svana asked.

"I only want to deal with someone I'm familiar with," Harry said with finality.

Svana blinked. "Me?"

Harry chuckled. "Unless there's someone else in your father's company that I know. And no fair buying Grunnings."

Svana wrinkled her nose. "We'd never buy that bad investment. It's been basically hemorrhaging money since they put that new clod in charge of sales."

Harry grinned. "Well, then, Ms. Dahl, perhaps we should iron out the contract during our time this morning."

Svana looked as if Harry had made every one of her dreams come true with that statement. "Harry, I could kiss you right now."

Harry smiled smugly as Skin flicked a galleon back in his direction.

H H H H H H H

By two, Svana was on her way home, contract in hand, though not the contract her father was expecting and Harry was off to spend time with Olivia Martin from Australia. The afternoon was enjoyable enough and they did have some things in common like Quidditch and their extreme dislike of potions. Harry couldn't find anything wrong with her, per say, but things just weren't clicking. Nothing really drew him to her. Not like Ella.

Harry silently cursed himself for letting his mind wander towards the mystery girl. How could he explain to everyone that he'd all but made his choice on the first night? It all seemed unfair to Olivia. This nice and friendly, but completely uninteresting, to him at least, young lady. And was it really fair to Ella? Was he drawn to her or was he drawn to the mystery about her? Would he lose interest once the mystery was solved? The questions distracted him until tea.

Harry racked his brain. He knew he needed to talk this out with someone, but whom? Hermione and the Patil twins had left to take care of some last minute planning, not to be back until late that evening. He didn't want to involve any of his wives in this, either. He trusted Fred and George's opinion, but that would mean bringing in Angelina and Romilda, two of the biggest gossips in their year. Likewise Neville was out because Hannah would go straight to Susan. That left Blaise, Draco, Tonks, and Severus. Harry tried to come up with a hundred reasons why he didn't want to go to Blaise or Draco but kept coming back to the same one: he didn't want to get caught in a room alone with them. Who knew what they would try after the incident with the overpowered friendship spell?

Harry sighed as he went to the only two people left who could possibly help him. _Definitely still too much sighing,_ he thought to himself. He finally found them in the conservatory.

"Severus, Nym," he began, "Can I pick your brain for a bit?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "That depends on what this concerns, Mr. Potter."

Harry quickly and silently cast several privacy spells. "It concerns the mess that I'm in and how I may be bollocksing it all up worse than when I began." At Severus' nod he continued. "I think I haven't been fair to one of my prospective brides. In truth, I don't think I've been fair to any of them. You see, Ella has had my attention from the beginning. I don't know why and I don't know how but part of me thinks it's the mystery about her, all the unanswered questions. I'm afraid that if I have all these questions answered, will she still be interesting to me?"

Severus blinked. "I believe the world is coming to an end. A Potter had an introspective thought."

Tonks smacked him on the arm. "Be nice, Sev. Harry's trying and he did come to us for help, not harassment."

"What would make him do a foolish thing like that?" Severus asked.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Leaving out the women I'm currently attached to, think about the other people in this house for a moment. Also, the two of you are instructors at Hogwarts. You're supposed to help the students out when they ask for it."

Snape smirked. "I'm on holiday, Potter, and I don't recall Nym or myself ever teaching a relationship class."

"Please, Sev," Harry begged. "I'm really stuck."

"Relax, Harry," Tonks began. "You say that you're afraid that when you get your answers there might be nothing there. So ask the questions before you're at a point of no return. You're a good guy and any girl would be lucky to have you, even with having to share you with four others. You just have to do the very simple, but very hard thing and face what you're afraid of."

Severus looked surprised. "My Nym, that was very insightful."

Tonks shrugged. "It's what Minerva told me about Moony."

Harry nodded. "But it's right. I'll spend some time with her after dinner. I'll ask her then. I'm going to head up and think a bit before I have to change. Thanks guys."

As Harry reached the bottom of the stairway, he saw Ella heading towards him from the opposite direction. "Hi," he said as she stopped in front of him. "I thought we'd spend some time together after dinner so we wouldn't feel rushed to be somewhere."

"Sounds good," she responded. "I was just heading up to have a soak in that gorgeous bath tub that came with my room before I got changed."

Harry looked confused. "Heading up? I thought you guys were on the first floor?"

"No, Fleur moved us to the second floor yesterday since there was only three of us left. I'm the third door on the right."

"Oh, well then, let me walk you to your room, Ms. Morgan," Harry said with mock gallantry as he offered his elbow.

Ella barely stifled a giggle as she took the offered appendage. "Thank you so much Lord Pryderi."

Harry made a face. "Have I mentioned how much I dislike titles?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Have I mentioned how much I hate being called Ms. Morgan?"

Harry nodded. "Point taken. Shall we go?"

They chatted lightly as they made their way to Ella's room. Once there she slipped inside but didn't get the door quite shut. Harry knew he should step away, but couldn't quite make himself when he caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror beginning to get undressed. Ella looked up and caught him watching. She then smiled, said "See you at dinner," and waved her wand to close the door.

Harry shook his head and made his way to the master suite. Yes, he was going to need the privacy of his own room but maybe not just for a lie down after all.

H H H H H H H

After taking his own soak in his own tub and having a bit more of his own private naked time, Harry dressed and made his way down the hall for dinner. As he passed Ella's door he heard a rather expressive list of curses seemingly directed at an article of clothing. Stopping, he knocked. "Ella, is there something you need help with?"

A few seconds later, the door was flung open and a rather irritated looking Ella stood in front of him. "Do you know how to do up a zipper?"

Harry looked confused. "Um, yes?"

"Fine," she said as she spun around. "Since we must dress for dinner then you can zip me up."

Harry gazed upon the bare back presented to him and had to bite his lip to stifle a groan. When he looked down to find the end of the zipper, he caught the edge of what looked to be a tattoo high on her hip. Swallowing, he dutifully zipped up the dress and stepped away from her before he gave in to the temptation to see if her neck tasted as good as she smelled. "There you go," he coughed out.

"Thank you," she said as she let her hair fall. "I'll be down as soon as I put on my boots."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Boots?"

"Don't worry. These aren't the ones I was wearing the first night. These are actually presentable."

Harry nodded. "Right. I'll see you at dinner," he said and headed out into the hall again.

Dinner seemed to interminably long to Harry, made no shorter by the fact that the person he desperately wanted to talk to was seated right next to him, and he couldn't address any of his concerns because Olivia was seated on the other side of him. As the meal ended, Harry stood and offered Ella his hand. "My lady, would you join me for a walk in the greenhouses?"

She smiled and took his hand. "I would be delighted."

They entered the greenhouses in silence. Harry led her to a seating area at one end where the glass was clear and they could see the night sky. They sat for a moment as he tried to find a way to begin. "I have to say," he finally admitted, "you have me stumped. Everything I learn about you just seems to bring more questions."

Ella laughed softly. "You make me sound so much more interesting than I am. I'm just Ella from Seattle."

"Alright then, Ella from Seattle, how about we answer some of those questions."

"Sure. I honestly don't have anything to hide."

"Okay," Harry began. "Since you're a Muggleborn, how did your parents find out about the protocols for marriage contracts?"

A shadow flickered across Ella's face. "They didn't. I sent it in."

"You sent it in?" Harry asked, surprised. "Why?"

Ella stood and began pacing. "When I first entered the wizarding world, all I kept hearing about was this Harry Potter and how great he was supposed to be because of something that happened when he was one. I live in Seattle. We have a lot of overnight celebrities there. People that become famous overnight and burn out way too fast. They always seem to die alone and here I saw a kid being made a celebrity before he knew what the word was. Someone my age, someone probably dealing with some of the same screwed up shit that I've been dealing with. I just thought he needed to know that someone out there worried about him even though they didn't really know him."

Harry chuckled. "It may have made life easier the last five years if I had known someone out there cared. Then when you found out you had the possibility of becoming one of five wives?"

Ella smiled back at him. "If even half of what I've heard about in the media is true, you'll need every one of them to keep you out of trouble."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "And do you think you're up to the task?"

"That's for you to decide, now, isn't it?" she replied.

'Yes, I suppose it is," Harry said softly. "Now, back to my other questions. Why did you decide to come unattended?"

Ella shrugged. "It honestly didn't occur to me that I should have one. I'm really used to being left to my own devices."

"Were you avoiding me at the party?"

She bit her lip. "Yes, but just because I was afraid I was going to have to dance."

Harry laughed out loud at that one. "No fear there. I avoid dancing at all costs."

"My father was a minister," she offered tentatively. "A very conservative one, at that. Dancing wasn't allowed so I never developed a taste for it."

"It wasn't allowed where I lived, either," Harry told her. "How about we move to some lighter questions? Like, what's your favorite kind of music?"

"Punk, rock-a-billy, some metal, most types of rock. Not real big on most of the wizarding bands I've heard. They're a little to bubble gum for me."

"Any dreams for what you'd like to do after school?"

"I'd like to continue my inking. I've really only been in it about a year, but I really enjoy it."

Harry nodded. "Now for the big one, the question that you never answered the other night. What was your first impression of me?"

She grinned and rolled her eyes. "Oh what I wouldn't give to have that herald come back. This is going to sound silly and girlish and despite what I've worn to dinner, I'm not like that. When I saw you march into the main hall and instantly come to your friends…no, your family's defense, it was like, yeah, I want someone who will do that for me. Then I watched you at the party and I saw this goofy, insecure…boy that would joke around with his friends, was awkward around girls and completely wore his heart on his sleeve and I though, yeah, that's someone I'd like to know better. Then when you talked to me at the end of the night and it felt like I was the only person in the world that mattered to you and everything else just seemed to slip into the background, I remember thinking, yes, I could definitely fall in love with this guy. And just as the herald called for the end of the night, I realized I had."

"Wow," Harry replied, stunned.

Ella sighed and turned away. "I know it's completely silly and girlish and unreasonable to think that I've fallen for someone I hardly know but as ludicrous as it sounds, I'm afraid it's happened. I understand if Olivia is more what-"

Harry stood and faced her, placing his finger on her lips. "It's not silly and it's not unreasonable because I have a confession of my own to make. I've had an insane need to kiss you since I first saw you and I think now I'm going to give in to that need." Harry then leaned in and closed the small distance between them and claimed her lips. He kept it soft and gentle to begin with, but when Ella ran her hands up his chest and sunk her fingers into his hair, he couldn't help but want more. It was Ella who ran her tongue across his lips, requesting entry, which he gladly gave.

Time seemed to stop as they explored each other with kisses and tentative touches. All too soon, Harry had to pull away to regain control of himself. Even though his mind was made up, he didn't think it needed to be consummated in the greenhouse. "It's getting late," he whispered. "We should probably go back in."

Ella nodded, though obviously disappointed, and allowed Harry to lead her back into the house. As they walked back into the manor, they found it was later than they realized, everyone else having already retired for the evening. When they reached Ella's door, Harry kissed her hand. "I guess this is good night," he whispered.

Ella smiled and opened the door. "Help me with my zipper before you go?"

Harry stepped inside her room and heard the door close quietly behind him. Ella had walked over to stand in front of the mirror and pulled her hair to the side. Harry walked up behind her and slowly slid the zipper down her back. She made no move to stop it when the dress began to fall from her shoulders and land in a pile of silk on the floor at her feet. What few garments she had on underneath soon joined the pile as she faced Harry. She wound her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his.

"Harry…please…"

H H H H H H H

End notes: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happens next so we'll leave the details to your fevered imaginations. Yes, you're getting two chapters in one week. No, we're not going to try and make a habit of it. We've just had part of this planned out for a while so it flowed rather quickly. We do have a beginning to the next chapter but no real direction as of yet. Thanks for sticking with us all this time. And note, just because the wives are chosen doesn't mean the story's over…or the harem's finished.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Fluent in nine languages)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Shopping Enthusiast)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Emerging Bi-Sexual)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

Ella Morgan, Future Lady Pryderi (Currently testing broom)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Engaging Paramour)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Yes, we know it should have been Morozova, but that was part of the joke. Sorry it took so long. If you want details, read Dylan's profile. We should be getting back more to this. Also, we are working on another story that we are looking for a home for, but Adult Fanfiction doesn't seem like a good fit. If anyone has info on good free websites we can set up to post stories on, send us a private message. Enjoy!

Chapter 22

Harry woke the next morning to find Ella curled into his side. He smiled at the thoughts of what they had done the night before. The smile quickly became a frown as the haze of dream quickly burned away in the harsh light of reality. "Oh bugger," he muttered

"Nuh uh," Ella murmured as she snuggled deeper into his side. "Exit only."

"Ella," Harry hissed as he desperately tried to untangle himself from her. "We've got to get up."

"Comfy," Ella protested.

"Ella, Fleur's going to kill me!"

Before Ella could respond they heard shouting out in the hall. "That sounds like Fred or George," Harry whispered.

Ella cocked her head up. "Which one was with the Vane girl?"

Harry bit his lip to stop the immediate snarky remark. "That would be Fred."

"Oh," Ella said sleepily, laying her head back on Harry's chest. "He probably just found…what is her name? The other girl that's left?"

"Olivia?"

"Yeah, that's her. He probably just found Olivia in his girl's room."

Harry blinked. "And you know this how?"

"They slipped off together every chance they had yesterday. Figured they were either making out or had a really nasty drug habit."

Harry was saved having to respond to that by a knock at the door. "Harry, Ella," Hermione's voice filtered through the door. "Just wanted to let you know that Ms. Martin has been asked to leave and Romilda is leaving too. Fred wants to go home so George and Angelina are escorting him so he doesn't splinch himself. Katie and the other Harpies are waiting in London to…console him."

Harry couldn't help himself. "Go Fred."

"Oh, and one more thing. Fleur expects you down by lunch. See you later." They could hear Hermione's footsteps fading as she walked down the hall.

Ella propped herself up on her arms on Harry's chest and looked down at him. "So, we have until lunch…"

"Um, yeah, we do," Harry said. He knew there was something else he was concerned about but the way Ella was pressed up against him, he couldn't for the life of himself remember what. "What time is it now?"

Ella glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Eight."

"Oh, so, we've got some time."

Ella nodded and grinned. "Any ideas on how you'd like to spend that time, Lord Pryderi?" Ella purred as she slid her body on top of Harry's so his legs were between hers.

"I'm sure I'll come…up with something," Harry said, returning her grin as he pulled her in for a kiss.

H H H H H H H

Harry and Ella made their way to the dining room about a half an hour before they were expected. After another roll in the sheets, they had ventured into the shower. Harry thanked whoever was responsible for magically heated water. He was also spared the walk of shame by Dobby who had left him a clean set of clothing on Ella's bed. At least he hoped it was Dobby.

When they walked into the dining room they saw money changing hands, with most of it apparently going to Susan and Luna. "I don't know whether to be offended or amused," Harry whispered for only Ella to hear.

Ella smiled and when she looked up, she saw Susan staring at her expectantly. "Well?" the blond asked.

Ella looked thoughtful. "A little slow on the take off, but over all a pretty smooth ride."

Harry groaned. "You told her?"

Susan just grinned. "Harry, I'd tell the Prophet if I thought they wouldn't screw the story up."

Harry rolled his eyes and addressed the room at large. "Okay, so how many of you figured this out before today?"

All hands in the room went up, even Snape's and Tonks' at the other end of the table. "And you couldn't clue me in?"

"And where would the fun in that be, Mr. Potter?" Snape drawled.

Draco snorted. "And we wouldn't have gotten to see that hick cow dumped in the channel."

Blaise smiled wistfully. "Yeah, that was a good memory."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Harry surrendered. He then turned to Ella and took both her hands. "Ella Morgan, would you do me the honor of becoming my Lady Pryderi?"

Ella stared at the ceiling as if having to think it over. "Shouldn't you be on bended knee for this?" she asked with a glint of humor in her eyes.

Before Harry could respond Luna piped up from across the table. "Oh, if he's getting on his knees we need to leave the room."

"At least Hermione, Draco, Blaise and Severus," Fleur said silkily.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at her. "What about Tonks and the twins?"

Susan smirked. "That's up for negotiation."

Ella looked a little surprised. She bent down and whispered to Harry, "Is it always like this?"

Harry smiled. "Hmm, mostly, but sometimes they really misbehave."

H H H H H H H

During lunch it was decided that since all the events were finished, the group would relocate to Charmer's Cove early to have a few extra days to settle in before the holiday festivities began in earnest. Hermione and her twins said their goodbyes, promising to meet up again at the Weasley's party. Snape and Tonks also said their farewells and made to leave, but not before Severus leaned over and whispered into Harry's ear.

"I'll owl you as soon as I'm aware."

Harry smirked. "Wouldn't dream of missing it."

Before Draco left he gave Harry a very serious look. "So did you and Granger come up with a date?"

Harry nodded. "The 23rd, if that will work for you."

Draco looked thoughtful. "The sooner the better. That will work. Where should we meet?"

"Painin Thearse. You and Blaise are already keyed in to the floo and we can be assured it will be private. 2 pm?"

"We'll be there. Tell Longbottom I'd like him there too."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Just what are you planning, Malfoy?"

Draco smirked. "Let's just say it will be memorable."

As Draco disappeared into the floo Harry muttered, "Now I'm scared."

When all the guests had finally left Harry gave Ella the address to Charmer's Cove so she could floo in with him. When they arrived, Harry had to catch her as she stumbled out of the floo.

"Sorry," Ella said, smiling sheepishly. "So not used to that."

"It's okay," Harry said brushing some soot from her shoulder. "It took me a while to get the hang of it, too. Come on. Let's get you settled on a room so Dobby can bring up your bags."

Ella looked momentarily confused. "You don't share?"

Harry chuckled. "Of course we will spend time together," he assured her, "but everyone has their own space as well. And besides," he said with a grin, "there's no way I could keep up with all of you at the same time every night."

Upstairs they found that the others had decided to keep their rooms from previous trips to the home so Dobby had put Ella's bags in the last remaining room in the private wing. Harry noticed that there was only a weekender sized duffle and a small carry on. "Ella, is this all you have?"

Ella blushed slightly. "Um, yeah. I didn't expect to be here this long, remember? Most of what's in there is shrunk down so it's more than it looks, but still…"

"Time to do laundry?" Harry asked.

Ella nodded. "Probably should, especially if there will be many more dinners to attend."

Harry smiled. "I'm afraid so. Dobby?"

The small elf popped up in front of him. "Yes, Harry Potter, sir? How can Dobby help?"

"Can you make sure Ella's clothes are cleaned and then placed in her closet and dresser?"

"It would be an honor to serve the future Lady Pryderi." This time when Dobby disappeared with a snap of his fingers, Ella's duffel bag went with him.

Ella grinned as she picked up her carry on and began to unpack it on the top of the dresser. "That is completely awesome. I was wondering how I was going to get my stuff cleaned."

Harry nodded. "Dobby is great, and we've helped each other out over the past few years. It makes him happy to take care of us so he and Winky have become part of the family as well."

Ella smiled in return. "How long before he's do-" She was interrupted when Dobby popped back in with her clothes either on hangers or folded neatly. He directed them to where they needed to go and then popped back out. "He's quick, too."

Before Harry could respond Luna stuck her head in the room. "Hi Ella! Do you need any help unpacking?"

Ella turned to the door. "Hi Luna. No, Dobby just cleaned everything and put it up for me, but thanks."

Luna pouted as she bounced into the room. "Oh poo, and I wanted to see if you'd let me borrow those boots!"

Ella laughed. "Of course you can. You can borrow anything as long as you leave me something to wear."

Luna squealed with delight and dove into Ella's closet.

H H H H H H H

Dinner was a much more casual affair than previous evenings, with Harry and Fleur going over the events of the next few weeks. "Alright," Harry muttered as he looked down at a schedule. "Draco on the 23rd, Weasleys on the 24th, your parents and Gabrielle on the 25th, Hermione's wedding on the 25th, Madam Bones on the 27th, the Malfoys on the 28th…" He paused and looked at Luna. "Luna do we need to put some time aside for your father?"

Luna shook her head. "No, but we should think about Ella. Like she said, she wasn't planning on being here this long."

Harry winced. "Oh, I completely forgot about that," he said softly. Turning to the newest member of his family he smiled gently. "I'm sorry Ella. We can pay for your way home if you'd like so you can spend Christmas with your family."

Ella glanced away nervously. "Um, yeah. About that…"

"Is there something wrong?" Fleur asked with concern.

Ella bit her lip. "The family thing is a non-issue."

This time it was Luna that stepped in. "How so?"

"My folks kind of freaked when they found out I was a witch."

Harry could feel his anger start to build at the mention of that word. "Freaked? Freaked how?"

Ella looked over at him cautiously. "In the fundamentalist preacher throwing out his only daughter and telling her to never return sort of way."

There were gasps of disbelief around the table. Susan and Collette exclaimed together, "That's horrible!"

"Where do you live?" Susan continued.

Ella shrugged. "At the school there are about a half dozen of us that are there full time. We're wards of the NPMC until we finish school."

Harry was seeing red. He wanted to kill them but knew there was no way he could touch them legally…unless…" And what would happen if you were married before then?"

Fleur shot Harry a glare. "Harry…" she said with a warning note in her voice.

"Well, I guess I would be an emancipated minor," Ella said, seeming to miss the tone of Fleur's voice.

Fleur repeated her warning. "Harry, no."

Ella seemed to catch Fleur's tone this time. "What's going on?"

When Harry didn't respond, Fleur tried a different angle. "It would not be fair to Collette."

Collette jumped into the conversation. "But what if I agreed with him?"

Ella looked like she was trying to follow a tennis match. "What are you all talking about?"

Fleur continued to direct her words to Harry. "This is an impulsive, rash decision," she said in her most authoritative voice.

It was Luna that piped up next. "No, impulsive and rash would be going and killing her parents, which it looked like it was his first thought."

"And still sounds like a good idea," Susan muttered.

Ella slammed her hands on the table. "What. Is. Going. On?"

Harry looked at her calmly. "Ella, my dear, how do you feel about a Goblin ceremony?"

Not willing to admit defeat, Fleur tried again. "Harry…"

The change of subject seemed to catch Ella off guard. "I'm fine with it. What does that have to do with anything?"

Susan jumped in. "How long does it normally take you to pick out a dress?"

Fleur turned to her sister-wife. "Susan! Don't help him!"

"And there is the matter of getting the right rings. I'll help with that," Luna offered.

Harry watched as the meaning of what they were discussing washed over Ella. "Wait, dress, rings…" She paled slightly.

"And we'll have to contact Hermione and the twins. They'll kill us if they miss another one," Collette reminded them.

Ella pushed back from the table, a look of fear coming over her face. "Wait, wait, wait. When are you thinking this is going to happen?"

Harry looked thoughtful. "Hm, I'm pretty sure I can get Ragnar to do it this afternoon but to give you ladies time, we'll say day after tomorrow?"

"WHAT?" Ella exclaimed in shock.

Luna nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that should work."

"Two days to plan a wedding?" Ella screamed. "Are you people insane?"

Susan stood and wrapped her arm around Ella's shoulders. "Ella, let me introduce you to the Potter Platinum card."

Harry looked at Ella with concern. "Unless you've changed your mind…"

"Harry, just because she's agreed to marry you doesn't mean she's agreed to marry you today!" Fleur growled.

Ella still looked bewildered. "Yeah, what she said."

Harry calmly turned to Fleur. "I didn't say today, I said two days from now. And I'm not saying she has to move in with us. It will just give us more ability to help her than we have right now."

Ella paused at his statement. "Help? What kind of help?"

Fleur sighed in exasperation. "Harry, remember that whole saving people thing? You're trying to do it again."

"No, she's already agreed to be a part of our family so therefore I'm just trying to help a family member that is in need," Harry countered.

"What help are you talking about?" Ella asked.

Susan chuckled. "Am I going to have the only family that is going to get along with Harry?"

"My dad gets along with him," Luna chimed in.

Susan turned back to Luna. "Luna, your dad's nutters."

"True."

Ella finally lost her patience. "What. Kind. Of. Help?" she said, punctuating each word with a slam of her fist on the table.

Harry turned to her with a smile that had a slightly evil bend to it. "Well, besides the fact that you're going to have your tuition paid for, regardless, I can have your parents introduced to some associates of mine that do not take kindly to child abandonment."

Ella cocked an eyebrow. "Associates?"

Collette perked up. "The law firm of Skinem and Thellscreem. The finest Goblin law firm in the world and on retainer to the Potters and all associated houses."

"Well, they do delight in their jobs," Fleur mused.

Harry's grin widened as he saw the shocked yet intrigued expression on Ella's face. "So Lady Pryderi, are you in?"

H H H H H H H

Harry watched in amusement as Ella paced back and forth in a white wedding dress. She had been fine, seemingly, until the Goblins told them the ceremony had to be delayed until a representative from her school arrived. That was when she began pacing.

"This is dumb, this is dumb, this is so dumb…" she muttered with each pass of his chair.

"Ella! Stop pacing!" Luna chided as she came back into the room. "You'll ruin the hem of your dress!"

Ella stopped and glared at Luna. "I'm about to be torn a new one by a representative from my school and you think I should be worried about my dress? Luna, I did this all behind their backs."

Harry heard Draco snort. "She'll fit right in."

Harry leaned back and looked at Draco. "Just why did I agree to let you be the best man at this one?"

Draco smirked. "I helped you tie your bow tie."

"Right." Just then, Fleur entered with one of the last people Harry ever expected to see. "Flint?" he choked out. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"

Marcus Flint looked back at him. "Potter? I was sent here to oversee the marriage of one of my school's students to some tosser named Lord Pryderi. What are you doing here?"

Harry smirked and raised his hand. "One tosser, present and accounted for."

"You're kidding," Flint deadpanned.

Harry chuckled. "No. It's a long story."

Ella gaped at the two of them. "Harry, you know Coach Flint?"

"He was Slytherin's Quidditch captain the first two years I was at Hogwarts."

Flint grinned back. "And he was the seeker that made my whole team look like fools. And speaking of looking like fools," he continued, turning to Ella. "Just what in Merlin's name were you thinking running off without telling anyone? We've been combing the school and city for days."

Ella blushed. "Well I originally thought I would only be gone for a day and then one thing led to another and…here we are?"

Marcus' eyes turned cold. "One thing led to another?" He glared at Harry.

Harry held up his hands in surrender. "I had several candidates there as potential Lady Pryderis. I wanted to get to know them better before making a choice. I assure you my intentions were completely honorable throughout the entire process."

"And you managed to knock her up in three days?" Flint shot back accusingly.

"What? No!" Harry said emphatically.

Marcus looked confused. "Then why are you getting married so quickly?"

"I want to be able to take care of her," Harry began. "I want her to have the same advantages the rest of them have and the only way I can do that is if I'm her husband."

"Rest of them?" Marcus asked.

"It's all part of that long story. When this is all said and done we'll go have some drinks and I'll tell you all about it. Now, are going to allow us to be married today?"

Flint looked back at Ella. "Is this what you want?"

Ella bit her lower lip. "Well, it is a bit sooner than I planned, but yeah, it's what I want."

Flint grunted and then looked at Ragnar. "As representative of The White School, guardian of Ella Morgan, I give consent for this ceremony to proceed." He turned to Harry. "Don't bollocks this up, Potter."

H H H H H H H

That afternoon found Marcus Flint doubled over in tears laughing as Harry described to him the situation he'd been dealing with for the last six months. "Stop," he gasped. "Please stop…can't take any more."

"Wow," Draco drawled. "And you haven't even gotten to cancelling Albus' chocolate frog card."

Marcus looked up at Draco. "So that's what happened to it. I was wondering why I had blank cards in my collection."

"Yeah," Blaise said with a grin. "I'm just wondering what he's going to do the second half of the year."

Just then a plain brown post owl swooped in and landed on the table in front of Harry. It stuck out its leg for him to retrieve the scroll tied to it. Harry read the note as he absently fed the owl a piece of sausage.

_Tonight. 8pm._

A slow grin stretched across Harry's face. He looked around the room to see that all his wives were in attendance. "Ladies, tonight at eight Uncle Tom's Cabin continues."

Ella wrinkled her brow in confusion. "Harry, why are you studying tales written about slavery in the American South?"

Harry smirked. "I'm noticing some interesting parallels."

H H H H H H H

As Harry once again took over Voldemort's body, he found himself looking at a sea of gray-black cloaks and skull masks. Merlin this is dreary, he thought then grinned. Perhaps we need some more color.

"I believe we are in need of a wardrobe change," Volde-Harry said with a flourish of his wand. A flash of magic flowed through the room turning the dark robes techno-color tie-dye. A couple more wand flourishes and a variety of legends that seemed to match the robe's wearer appeared.

"My Lord?" called out a voice.

Harry chuckled to himself as he looked to the navy and orange starburst that had the legend Once you go Bat, You never go back. "Yes Severus," He replied in a casual voice, "Is there something wrong?"

Snape looked down at his robe then back to Volde-Harry as if to say What do you think? However it was Murphy that was the one to respond. "My lord, how are we to inspire fear in our enemies dressed like this?"

Volde-Harry turned to respond to Murphy and almost lost it as he read the legend I'm so bad they named a law after me. He had to compose himself somewhat before responding. "Perhaps that is where we are going wrong. We need to redefine our goals and how we obtain victory. From now on I forbid anyone from attacking Muggles or Muggleborns."

"But my lord," called out Rastaban, who's red, yellow, and green splotched robes sported the ledgend Rasta-Mon. "Isn't our mission to ensure blood purity and control of the world so that our families will be safe?"

Volde-Harry slammed his fist down on the arm of the throne and noticed with some amusement that he didn't feel a thing. "No Rasta-mon, um, Rastaban," he growled out, "Our battle is over wand envy. Haven't McNair, Nott and Goyle told you this? I can't believe this. I would wager that they didn't even carry out the mission I gave them."

"I did my lord," Murphy offered up.

Volde-Harry looked at Murphy. "My, you are eager about this, aren't you? I'm beginning to wonder about which side of the fence you land on."

"I'm beginning to agree with you," Voldemort responded in his head.

Volde-Harry sat back and thought for a moment. "Next meeting, you will have your wife present. Then we'll know for sure."

"Y-yes my lord," Murphy stammered.

Harry looked around the room again. "And take off those silly masks! It's ridiculous. We all know each other. Merlin, I'd say this is practically a family gathering. Oh no, wait! Let's make it a game! Who can guess the most identities based on the legend on their robes!" With another wand flourish everyone had parchment and self-inking quills. "Write them all down and we'll tally them up in a bit. You have fifteen minutes and Severus, Murphy and Rasta-ma- I mean Rastaban don't count. Go!" He then conjured an hour glass that began playing the music to a Muggle game show to mark the time.

He noticed that during the time, four or five robed figures slipped out the door thinking their exits unseen. "_Oh dear, Tom. It looks like some snakes are abandoning the nest already. Perhaps I should try a bit harder."_

"_How could you possibly humiliate me any further?_" came the response from Voldemort.

"_Is that challenge I hear?"_ Harry cackled madly in their shared mindscape.

"_Oh bugger,"_ Tom muttered. "_What have I done?"_

As the time finally expired, Volde-Harry banished all the papers over to Snape. "Severus! Tally these and have the answer ready by the time I am finished with the ritual we will now perform. The top sheet is your answer key."

"Yes, my lord," said the much relieved Severus.

Volde-Harry then turned to the remaining assembled Death Eaters. "Now, form a circle and remove your masks." He stepped down from his dais and walked to the center of the circle. "This is very important. You must follow my instructions or face dire consequences. All together now, put you left foot in." All the Death Eaters nervously obeyed. "Now, put your left foot out." Again, everyone glanced around nervously before complying. "And lastly, for this part, put your left foot in and shake it all about."

Volde-Harry could have sworn he heard the quill drop and a snort from Severus' corner of the room.

End Notes: You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself about and that's what it's all about, folks!

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Fluent in nine languages)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Shopping Enthusiast)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Emerging Bi-Sexual)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Broom tested, Ella approved)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Engaging Paramour)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (Why does this all sound gay?)


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Wow, I look back and it's been a year since we started this story. There have been some bumps and bruises and a few people that have been less than pleasant to deal with but by and large it's been a great year. I've come up with a few twists and turns to throw at you guys in the near future, but nothing I'm quite ready to give away yet. Happy Anniversary and have at!

Chapter 23

_Many people point to potions and compulsion charms to explain the whirlwind courtship and marriage of Ella Morgan to The Boy Who Conquered. They also point to his traveling to the North Pacific Magical Collective for two days after their marriage as further evidence. Why else would Lord Potter travel to such a back-water nation than under compulsion, they reason. These people are, of course, morons. As anyone who has had to combine two households into one can attest, there comes a time when someone's stuff has to be moved._

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger._

H H H H H H H

"I can't fucking believe you!" Ella exclaimed as she stormed into the living room. "What ever happened to 'I'm not asking her to move in'?"

Harry sighed as he followed her into the room. "I wasn't asking that then and can we go back and continue this in private?"

Ella rounded on him. "Oh no, Lord Pryderi, this is a big decision and we handle all big decisions as a family. Don't we, Fleur?"

Fleur turned an exasperated face to Harry. "What have you done this time, Harry?"

Harry looked around the room to find similar looks on all the girls' faces. "I only asked her if she'd be willing to transfer to Hogwarts."

"With the transfer papers in your hand," Ella shouted. "It was like it was a foregone conclusion."

Susan snorted. "Bravo, Harry. Who knew you could get your head that far up your own arse."

"Exactly!" Ella continued her rant. "Did you think about my life, my plans, my obligations? No. As soon as I agree to be Lady Pryderi you send off for the paperwork."

Harry blinked. "Wait, what? No! I just went back to the office at Painin Thearse and grabbed a set. Ella, if you want to stay at your school, that's fine, I'll just have to make sure you have more security."

Ella looked at him incredulously. "You just have forms like this lying around in your office? What, you're on the board of governors or something?"

Harry have her a lopsided grin. "Well, yeah. Me, Neville, Draco, and Susan."

Ella gaped and turned to look at Susan. Susan shrugged. "It normally doesn't come up in polite conversation."

Ella turned back to Harry. "And you're just now telling me this?"

Harry scratched his head and tried to look sheepish. "I really didn't think it would be this big an issue. I was just going to make the offer and see what you thought."

"And the paperwork?"

Harry shrugged. "I was hoping you'd want to stay."

Ella let out a sound somewhere between a growl and a groan. "Fine. I'll think about it but if I agree you have to come to Seattle with me and help me pack."

"Okay," Harry replied.

"I'll help, too," Luna chimed in.

"And after Christmas you're taking me shopping," Ella continued. "All day, wherever I want, no complaining…just you."

Harry looked a bit nervous. "Okay…"

"I also reserve the right to amend this agreement at any time without warning," she said with finality. "Now, I'm going to my room. I've got a lot to think about."

Harry watched as she walked away. "Well," he commented after he heard her door slam. "That went better than I thought it would."

Fleur sighed and headed towards her and Harry's room. "I'd best start penning a letter to Minerva. We'll need to expand the married quarters again."

Collette looked thoughtful. "I hope she gets sorted into Hufflepuff."

Susan smirked. "With that attitude? Nah, Slytherin all the way."

H H H H H H H

When Ella missed lunch, Harry grew concerned. After a brief discussion with Winky on who's kitchen it was and her doubt in Harry's ability to cook for himself, Harry gave up and had Winky prepare a plate for Ella. Taking it up himself, he cautiously knocked on his most recent wife's bedroom door. "Ella? I brought you some lunch."

Ella opened the door and smiled at him sheepishly. "Oops. Um, do you want to come in?"

Harry stepped inside and handed her the plate. "Eat," he commanded playfully.

As she tore into her food, Harry noticed a white board covered in all manner of writing. The top was dominated by two words. On the left Hogwarts and on the right White. Beneath each was a series of names. Harry was somewhat surprised that the number of names under Hogwarts was dramatically larger than under White. He looked back to see Ella watching him. "I'm sorry," he said, blushing slightly. "I see you're still working out your decision."

Ella set her plate down. "Actually, I wrote that out just after I came in here," she confessed. "It's pretty shocking to realize you've made more friends in a week than you have in five years of school."

Harry swallowed. "What about your obligations?"

Ella chuckled. "My obligations consist of my cat Misto and an apprenticeship that I'd likely have to leave in six months anyway. Priss will understand and Misto would be coming regardless. So when it comes right down to it, it's more of who I'm leaving behind."

Harry cleared his throat and looked back at the list uncomfortably. "So, who are Yoshi and Max?"

Ella smiled. "Yoshi's been my best friend since first year and Max has been trying to get in my pants since third."

"I have feeling I'm not going to like this Max guy," Harry muttered.

Ella snorted. "Max is a girl Harry, and though sometimes she's a bit over zealous, she's still one of my best friends."

Harry wrapped his arms around her waist. "You know, if you decide to transfer that doesn't mean we can't go back for visits or that they can't come here."

Ella smiled and kissed him softly. "I'm transferring to Hogwarts Harry. You can call off the security task force that was going to protect me around the clock."

Harry grinned. "What task force?"

H H H H H H H

"How many shoes can one person own?" Harry grumbled as he pulled what had to be the fifteenth pair out from under the bed.

"Is that a complaint about your new bride, Lord Pryderi?" Snape drawled from the desk chair where he sat petting Misto, a long haired white Persian cat.

Harry looked up at him from the floor. "No, that is a very valid question. And speaking of my wives, where did they run off to?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Lady Pryderi said something about retrieving some clothing borrowed by a Max person."

"Oh," Harry said as he went back to his directed task. "I wonder if she lent anything to her friend Yoshi."

Snape snorted. "Unless the young man is a cross dresser, I highly doubt it."

"How do you know it's a boy? She said Yoshi was her best friend since first year."

"One, Mr. Potter," Snape began in lecture mode, "Yoshi is a male name. And as for the second, how long have you and Ms. Granger been friends?"

Harry groaned in realization. "That was a rather stupid assumption to make."

Harry was spared any further comment from the snarky Professor by the return of Ella and Luna. When they saw him on the floor by the bed Ella looked at him quizzically. "Harry, what are you doing?"

"Getting your shoes from under the bed like you asked."

"Are you a wizard or not?" she smirked. "_Accio shoes_," Ella said and with a flourish of her wand, directed them to the trunk.

Harry frowned. "Well, yeah, if you want to do it the easy way."

Both girls laughed as Harry stood. The laughter was cut short by a voice that was akin to a barn owl's. "Morgan. Five demerits for having an unattended boy in your dorm."

Ella rolled her eyes. "Figures she'd stay over Christmas. We're not unattended, Patsy. There is a professor here with us."

The older student who bore a strong resemblance to someone Harry did not like, stuck her head in the room and glared at Snape. "Him? What's he a professor of, how to look like a commoner?"

Both Harry and Luna's eyes went wide and they stepped back as Snape stood to his full height and handed Misto to Ella. He turned to the unfortunate Patsy seething. "I, child, am the Potions professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a school whose history of academia stretches back farther than the existence of this country. Furthermore, I am one of the foremost Potions Masters in the world, which makes my value more than any so called high born noble save for that of Lord Potter and his wives, one of which you have just insulted. What is your name?"

Patsy was under the full effect of the Snape Death Glare. "P-p-Parkinson, sir."

Snape sneered. "I have a Parkinson in my house at Hogwarts. Am I to assume you are related?"

The girl swallowed and nodded. "S-she's my s-second cousin, sir."

"Ah," Snape drawled. "So stupidity does breed true. I believe you said five demerits. What is the usual punishment for such an infraction?"

The girl looked nervous. "Usually a detention for each demerit, sir."

"I will talk to Coach Flint about you attending these detentions in Lady Pryderi's stead." When the girl paled even more at the title, Snape's sneer grew. "Consider it a going away present for her. Now, get out of my sight."

The girl nearly ran into the door jamb to get away from him. Before they could all settle down, another voice could be heard coming from the hall. "Hey, Ella, what'd you do to make the queen bitch ru-oh fuck! Demon!" A young Asian man slid to a stop just inside the door staring at Snape.

Ella burst out laughing. "It's ok, Yoshi. He's a friend." She glanced at Harry's incredulous expression. "Or ally at least."

Snape smirked. "Let's say retainer for the time being."

Yoshi seemed to compose himself. "Right. So how'd the crazy plan of going to France work out?"

Harry chuckled. "I'd say rather well."

Ella held up her hand with the wedding rings on it. "Definitely better than expected."

Yoshi was at her side in a second. "Damn girl! Look at that rock! Max is going to lose it! That's one hell of an engagement ring."

Ella bit her lip. "Actually, it's the whole set."

Yoshi blinked and then looked into Ella's eyes. "Max is so gonna kill you. I'll leave roses at your grave." He then turned to look at Harry and noticed the state of the room. "Ella, why does it look like you're packing?"

Ella fidgeted. "I was gonna come find you when we were finished. I'm transferring to Hogwarts."

The room went deathly quiet. Yoshi calmly walked back out into the hallway. Harry glanced at Ella. "Should we…"

Ella held up her hand as if she were listening, then they heard a shout, "Max, get your ass over here right now. Ella's done something stupid."

"Fuck," Ella whispered.

The unmistakable sound of a floo connection activating was heard from the common room down the hall. Ella seemed to become more nervous as each second passed. "I didn't want it to be this way…" she mumbled under her breath.

Harry walked over and placed an arm around her. "It will be ok. They're your friends. They may not like it at first, but they will understand eventually."

A boyish looking teenage girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans walked into the room brandishing a wand. "Okay Ella, what did you break, transfigure, or hex this time?"

Snape looked at the young girl with a raised eyebrow. "Break?"

"Transfigure?" Luna asked from the other side of the bed.

"Hex?" Harry asked from beside her.

Ella tried to look sheepish as she held up her hand again. "Um, I went and got married." She then nervously pointed at Harry. "To him."

Max paused and then walked over and took Ella's hand. "Wow, nice set."

"Yeah," Ella choked out.

Max looked her in the eyes. "You're happy? You want this?"

A smile drew across Ella's face. "Yeah."

Max looked back down again. "You're leaving." Ella nodded. "We can come and visit, and you'll visit us."

"Absolutely," Harry answered for Ella. "I'd never keep her from her friends."

Ella smiled in relief. "And you wouldn't believe his house."

Max snorted, then looked at Harry. "So you're Harry Potter."

"Yeah," Harry answered cautiously.

Max studied him for a second before continuing. "I pictured you bigger."

Harry scowled as Snape snorted. "Bigger?" Harry said incredulously.

Max grinned. "Yeah, you know, the whole ten feet tall and shooting lightening bolts out your ass."

That got a full fledged laugh out of Snape just as Tonks walked through the door. "What did I miss?"

H H H H H H H

Snape and Tonks made short work of packing and shrinking the rest of Ella's belongings and the group headed out to lunch with Max and Yoshi in tow. Max led them to her favorite café on the main street in the Muggle village of Port Angeles. She and Yoshi then went about embarrassing Ella with all manner of stories from her childhood. Harry desperately tried to keep from laughing at her expense, but it was a losing battle.

As their lunch orders finally arrived, Ella slammed her hand on the table. "No more stories!" she ordered, "or there will be detailed accounts of the shocking amount of hair products that a certain boy has and the shrine to a Gryffindor that a certain girl has."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Well, Mr. Potter, it seems your fan club spans two continents."

Ella grinned. "Oh it's not Harry."

Max fell down on her knees next to Ella, grasping at her shirt. "God Ella, please no. I'm sorry. I'll never speak a word of any of it again."

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, now you have my interest peaked. So who is it? Neville? Ron? Wait, you're into girls, right? So it's got to be…" Harry's grin widened as he came to a possible realization. "Nah, it couldn't be." He looked at Ella. "I mean she's been in the papers a lot but usually in association with me and Ron."

Ella grinned back. "Oh yes, and Max is about to get her little heart broken in just a couple of days."

Max froze. "What do you mean a couple of days? What's going on?"

Ella looked over to Luna. "Luna dear, do you have that…document I asked you to bring?" Luna nodded and handed over an envelope that Harry instantly recognized.

Max gingerly opened the envelope and pulled out the card inside. After reading it through, she began to shake. "But no, she can't. They're all girls…and it's only…" Her face hardened in determination. "I've got six days. I can stop this."

Harry blinked. "Excuse me?"

The gleam in Max's eye was almost manic. "I just hop an international portkey, race through England, find her and get her to see that I'm the one for her."

"Max…" Ella warned.

Harry looked over at Snape and grinned. "And you say I have outlandish plans."

"No, Mr. Potter," Severus drawled. "I say you don't plan anything at all. She at least has an outline, however doomed it may be."

Ella groaned. "Max, do you really want me to start enumerating all the holes in that plan?"

Max glared. "What holes? It's perfect."

Ella began counting off on her fingers. "One, you do not currently possess a passport. Two, even if you did manage to get to England, you don't know where she lives. Three, Great Britain island is about the size of Washington State. And four, she's in love with them."

Max looked at Ella incredulously. "How can you be so certain about that last one?"

"Because Hermione's my best friend," Harry supplied, "and Ella's spent the last few days getting to know her and her future wives."

Max deflated. "Oh, yeah there is that. I guess I missed my chance."

"Great," Yoshi grumbled. "Now I'm gonna have to look at teen magazines with her to find her next hear-throb."

Ella grinned. "Just look at it as the next step in your metro-sexuality."

Harry took a sip of his drink, trying to regain his composure. "Well what's next in our day?" he asked.

Ella looked down at her watch. "Priss should just be opening up and her shop's just down the street. After that we pop over to Seattle for Luna's bribe and then find a hotel so we can get an early portkey out."

"Why are we going to Seattle?" Tonks asked. "Why not the local magical community?"

"It's just easier," Ella explained. "By going to Seattle, it's easier to find an international portkey location…and we avoid the local magical beings around the village."

"Local magical beings?" Luna asked.

Yoshi smirked. "Oh, just a pack of horny shifters and a coven of moody vampires. The whole thing plays out like some cheesy movie."

H H H H H H H

While Max and Yoshi introduced Luna and Tonks to some of the more interesting shops in Port Angeles, Harry, Ella and Snape entered a brightly lit shop with all different types of drawings on the walls.

"Hi honey. I'm home," Ella shouted out into the empty shop.

"Great," came a female voice from the back. "Now get your shoes off and get to cooking."

Ella chuckled nervously. "Um Priss, we're in mixed company."

A feminine mop of purple hair popped out of a doorway. "Oh crap, customers. I'll be right there!" The woman hurried up towards the front. "I apologize. We're just opening up and my apprentice has been gone for a couple of days." She glanced at Ella. "Why don't you go set my table up, kid, while I see what these nice gentlemen want."

Ella winced. "Um Priss, these aren't customers. They're here with me."

Priss looked at Ella and then to the two men, finally settling on Harry's face, namely his forehead. "Wow. Oh," Priss muttered. She looked back at Ella. "Are you going to finish out the year?"

Ella shook her head. "It's too much of a risk. I came to say goodbye."

Priss nodded. "You'll need your rig."

"Rig?" Severus inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Priss looked up at him. "Her tattoo gun and all its parts. I get one for all my apprentices."

Ella looked confused. "I don't have my own rig. I've been using one of yours."

Snape looked absolutely indignant at Ella. "You mean you've been tattooing people?"

"Oh hell no," Priss declared. "She works on pig's legs and oranges right now. She has promise and I hate to see her go, but she's no where near ready for the real deal yet." She then reached behind the front counter and pulled out a brightly wrapped box. "Here you go kid," she said as she placed it in Ella's hands. "Merry Christmas, and do me proud."

Ella held the present almost reverently. "Thank you," she choked out.

Snape coughed. "We must meet up with the others. We still have a long day ahead of us."

Once the group was together again, they returned to the school to utilize the floo connection. Max and Yoshi said their goodbyes and the rest flooed into the magical quarter of Seattle. Following the girls into one of the shops, Severus pulled Harry aside. "Lord Pryderi, a word."

"What is it, Sev?" Harry asked.

"It is about your wife's chosen profession."

Harry blinked. "What about it?"

Severus seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "It may be inadvisable for her to continue on the path of art that she has chosen. There are some that would see it as unseemly for someone of her new station."

"Severus," Harry admonished. "I am not going to ask her to give up something that she loves. And those that have a problem with it will just have to get over it."

"Even if one of those is your first wife?" he challenged.

Harry shot Severus a glare. "I told them I wouldn't play favorites. It goes for her, too."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Severus drawled. "And may I request your wand be willed to me when you die?"

Harry smirked. "Actually, I was going to leave you Kreacher."

H H H H H H H

Harry had never been so happy to see a hotel room in his life. What started out as "a few stops" turned into a whirl wind tour of what had to have been every clothing store in the greater Seattle area. He wasn't entirely sure a time turner wasn't involved somewhere. As he collapsed on the bed he heard the distinct rustling of shopping bags from across the room where he had dropped them. He cracked one eye open and attempted to glare at his wives. "Just what are you two doing?"

Luna smiled innocently. "We were just going to give you a fashion show, Harry."

Harry groaned. It wasn't that he didn't like Luna's taste in clothing. Actually, he liked it quite a bit. It was just…"I'm really kind of knackered, guys. Can we wait 'til we're back at Charmer's Cove?"

Luna looked at him with big puppy dog eyes and a slight pout. "Please Harry? Just one?"

"One each," Ella added. "Then I promise we'll go to bed."

Harry sighed. "Fine. Just make it quick."

The girls disappeared into the bathroom and Harry took the opportunity to change into his pajama bottoms and turn down the bed. Bed, singular, he finally realized. He groaned again. He should have known something was up when Luna and Ella insisted on taking care of getting the room themselves. Now he had sent them off to change into Merlin only knew what. He glanced at the bathroom door and then sprinted out the room door and down the hall to Snape's room.

"Snape!" Harry called as he pounded on the door. "Snape! Open up!"

The door was jerked open just as Harry was about to pound again to reveal a very annoyed Severus Snape wrapped in a hotel bathrobe. "What, Potter?"

"Please tell me you have one of the twins' vials," Harry pleaded.

Snape just glared at him before shutting the door in his face. Harry was about to return to his room when the door swung back open. Snape thrust his arm forward. "Here. Now do not interrupt us again until the sun is well over the horizon."

"Ah, right. Thanks Sev!" Harry said as he turned to leave.

He had only gotten a few steps down the hall before Snape called out again. "And Potter, you might not want to drink the whole vial. You've been up for nearly twenty-four hours and one should sleep sometime."

Harry nodded and headed back into his room. The first thing he noticed when he stepped back into the room was Ella leaning against the corner post of a four-poster king sized bed wearing a very short robe and stockings. The second thing he noticed was that the bed was now a four-poster. Finally he saw Luna lounging on the mattress of said four-poster with what looked to be a very fluffy feather trimmed robe wrapped around her, smiling at him impishly.

While Harry gawked, Luna sat up. "We really hope you like this combination, Harry. Ella and I came up with it earlier. We call it sugar…" When Luna said sugar, she dropped her robe down to her waist showing a very translucent creamy colored thin-strapped gown underneath.

"And spice," Ella finished, dropping her robe to the floor, uncovering only a garter belt. "What do you think?"

Harry looked back and forth between his two wives and down to the potion in his hand. He briefly considered Snape's warning and then downed the entire vial. "Sleep's overrated," he said and made his way towards the bed.

End Notes: Next chapter: The last you will ever see of Draco Malfoy in this story.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Fluent in nine languages)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Sugar)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Emerging Bi-Sexual)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Spice)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Malfoy**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Intimidating on Two Continents)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (I'm a boy but my Mom won't admit it)


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Wow, this one has run a bit longer than I intended. On a side note, there has been a…request that I change a joke earlier in the story due to the individual finding it offensive. I will not for several reasons which I will not enumerate here. I will say this though. I will not be threatened into censorship. As I have said before, mine and my wife's writing is not everyone's cup of tea. If you do not like, you need not read. Now, have at.

Chapter 24

_Another issue that has come up over the years as to the events of December 23, otherwise known as the day the Malfoy line died. It is humorous in a couple ways, the first being that the French Malfoys were very much alive and well. It is also humorous that no one actually died that day and that the title was simply passed onto the next male heir in line. No, what people should actually see this as a death of is the holding on to ages old ideals that were proclaimed by the house's equally small minded head, Lucius Malfoy. As my dear aunt Draco says, may the bastard be reincarnated as a dung beetle for all the troubles caused by his shite._

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger._

H H H H H H H

Harry, Hermione and Neville sat quietly in the hall at Painin Thearse waiting for the last guests to arrive. The hall had long since been returned to the elegant condition it had been in before the party a few months ago and Harry was contemplating the possibility of making the place his family's primary residence in Britain. _ Of course that would mean we'd actually be _staying_ in Britain,_ he mused. The fact that Luna was already planning a honeymoon once all of them were wed and graduated that would be more a world tour than a simple getaway meant that they would be out of the country at least a year. He only hoped that her enthusiasm didn't upset the others too much. He was finally brought out of his musing by Hermione.

"How was America?" the young witch asked.

Harry smirked. "Memorable."

Hermione arched an eyebrow. "Is that all we get?"

Harry's smirk grew. "Very memorable."

Harry was spared from any further questioning by the floo flaring to life and depositing Draco and Blaise before them. Draco dusted himself off and nodded to the three present before looking at Harry. "Are your lovely wives going to be joining us?"

Harry shook his head. "I figured you'd want whatever this was to be private."

Draco shrugged and took a seat on a nearby divan with Blaise. "It's not important but appreciated. Thank you."

"Alright," Neville broke in. "Now that we're all here, just what is this about?"

Draco grinned. "This is about the best day of my life." Without further preamble, Draco raised his wand and declared, "I, Draco Malfoy, take full Lordship of the British house of Malfoy with all the rights and duties it grants. In front of these witnesses I hear by disown Lucius Malfoy from the house of Malfoy on the grounds of ignorance, incompetence, endangering the wizarding world and following a half-blood lunatic." At the flash of magic, Draco's grin widened and he hopped to his feet. "Now on to the presents."

"Hold on," Harry shouted. "How is this possible?"

"Well," Draco drawled. "With my father in Azkaban someone has to take care of the properties and holdings until he would be either acquitted or Kissed. With his marriage to my mother being annulled, that left only me. Even though I'm technically a bastard, I'm the last of his line."

"Technically?" Neville said with a raised eyebrow.

Draco scowled and turned to Harry. "He's getting mouthy. 'Bout damn time. Anyway, being the last of the line I was allowed to hold regency until any disputes to my claim could be addressed."

Harry cocked his head. "And I take it those disputes have all been addressed?"

Draco chuckled. "The last dispute fell through when they found out that Nott was impotent. So now can I get to the presents?"

Harry had to fight back a laugh at the impatient look on Draco's face. "Fine, go ahead."

"Finally!" Draco exclaimed. "First to Magus Granger," he said as he set a box that was about a foot square and wrapped in shiny silver paper in front of her. "That is every book from the library at Malfoy Manor, plus a 300,000 galleon account card at Flourish and Blotts."

Hermione did a rather impressive imitation of a goldfish. "Draco! This is too much!"

Draco smirked. "It would have been more if you hadn't slugged me in third year. Now, to Lord Longbottom," he said, turning to Neville and handing him an envelope. "That is the deed to Malfoy Manor. My Mother had some very impressive gardens that I think you will be very interested in, plus I figured you'd need something that size in the future that wasn't also inhabited by your grandmother. My only advice is to have it combed by a Goblin security and curse breaking team…Lucius was a sick, sick man."

Neville was dumbfounded. "Where are you going to live?"

Draco shrugged. "There is a villa in the South of France I'll be completing the paperwork on later tonight. A cozy little love nest for two," he said taking Blaise's hand. "Just a couple more things to finish and we can go take care of that. Now for Lord Black. I have to tell you, Harry, you're the worst person to shop for."

Harry smirked. "You know, Draco, I do live to make your life difficult."

Blaise snorted. "I can see why you had a boy crush on him for so long, Draco."

"Hush you," Draco admonished. "Like I said, I had a hard time trying to figure out what to give you so then I decided I'd actually do something in your stead." Draco then handed Harry a ledger. "That is a recording of every dark artifact found in the Lestrange and Malfoy vaults. By my order they've all been destroyed."

Harry opened the ledger and flipped through it. "Draco, there has to be hundreds of entries here."

"947 to be exact," Draco said matter-of-factly. "That doesn't count what that Goblin team will find when they sweep the Manor for Neville."

Harry nodded at Draco. "That sure is a kick in the teeth to old Tom."

Draco straightened and bowed. "A pleasure to be of service, Lord Black. There's only one thing left to do." Again he raised his wand. "I Draco here by renounce the British title of Lord Malfoy. May the title be accepted by a worthy heir." There was another flash of magic signifying the change of status.

As this happened, Neville groaned. "I was right, you are a bastard Draco."

Harry blinked in confusion. "What's going on?"

Neville looked at Harry and sighed. "By Draco renouncing his title and becoming Draco Black, the bastard, it automatically falls to the next blood relation in line that is able to sire an heir."

"So who would that be?" Hermione asked. "Crabbe? Goyle?"

Neville scowled and looked at Hermione. "Me."

There was a moment of silence before Harry burst out in laughter. "Boy, this is funny when it happens to someone else." Neville looked at him confused. "Two titles, Neville," he continued. "Two wives."

Draco chuckled and shook his head. "Not quite, Harry. When you gave Neville Bella's head, you also effectively handed over the Lestrange family."

"Oh shite," Neville cursed. "I forgot."

Harry nearly fell out of his chair in laughter and even Hermione was finding it difficult to breathe. "I'm sorry, Neville. It's just…well…look at the bright side. You already have three girlfriends."

"Funny," Neville grumbled. "All comedians, the lot of you. Did you happen to leave me any money with these titles, Draco?"

Draco looked momentarily thoughtful. "Well, I couldn't touch any of the Lestrange money so it's still there waiting for you, but the Ministry will probably drain the rest of the Malfoy vaults for me renouncing my title. Lucky for you I thought about that and moved all stocks owned by the Malfoys in any businesses to the Longbottoms. Congratulations, you're almost as rich as the Potters."

Neville nodded and then scrunched up his forehead in confusion. "But how are you going to pay for that villa now?"

Harry snapped his fingers in realization. "The money Sirius left you."

Draco smiled. "Yep, and there's only one thing left to do before I can access that." He then turned to Harry and knelt on one knee. "I Draco Black, swear my fealty to the Ancient and Noble house of Black and the Noble Scion which leads it. His life is my life, where he orders, I will go."

Harry looked at Neville. "Is there something I'm supposed to do?" he whispered.

Neville rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Harry. You either accept him or deny him. If you accept, you have to give him a position in your house."

"Position?" Harry asked.

"I suggest you clarify that, Neville," Draco whispered harshly. "Considering what blonds normally do while kneeling in front of Lord Black, it might make Blaise jealous."

"A job, Harry. Although…" Neville faded out.

"He does make it tempting to refuse." Harry muttered, then louder he said, "I accept you back into the Ancient and Noble house of Black, Draco Black. Henceforth you shall hold the position of Lord's advisor. After all, I can't keep relying on Neville for everything."

Draco grinned. "Wow, a promotion. I was sure you were going to give me whipping boy."

Hermione smirked. "That would make Blaise jealous."

H H H H H H H

_It is truly startling that so little is written on the disappearance of Albus Dumbledore. As the supposed leader of the light for so many years, one would think that there would be some mention of his sudden departure from the war. As it stands there is only one footnote before my research and that is in a humorous account given by Ron Weasley where he claims that Dumbledore invested him with a special power to "save the world when Harry Potter failed". Of course, everyone knows Ronald Weasley is an idiot. Unfortunately, most people mistakenly believe that Dumbledore graciously passed the torch to the Boy-Who-Won, or that his years finally caught up with him. The truth, however, is far more disturbing._

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger_

H H H H H H H

Harry walked into the Weasley house with some trepidation. It had been nearly four months since he'd had to be civil to Ron and nearly two months since he'd last talked to either of the elder Weasleys. He also wasn't too sure how Molly Weasley would react to him bringing five women to dinner.

"It'll be alright, Harry," Luna whispered. "She thinks of you like her son."

"No," Harry whispered back, "she thought of me as the man who was going to marry her daughter."

He could feel Collette wincing behind him. "Should we keep a clear way to all the exits?"

Susan snorted. "Nah, we'll just throw Ron in her way so Harry's safe."

Ella squeezed Harry's arm. "I thought you two were friends."

Harry scowled. "I really don't want to talk about it."

Just then Molly came in from the kitchen and smiled. "Harry dear, it's so great to see you…and your lovely wives."

"Mrs. Weasley," Harry said with a nervous smile. He was somewhat surprised when Molly came up to him with her arms outstretched as if to hug him but then stopped short.

"Um, I guess a hug would be a bit awkward now," Molly confessed.

Harry stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the Weasley matriarch. "A hug from you is never too awkward."

Molly instantly brightened and returned the hug. "Thank you, dear. Now, come inside and say hello. We're still waiting on Ginny's…guests."

Harry just smiled politely and he and his wives followed her into the living room. Looking in, he saw that Hermione, the Patil twins, Severus, Tonks, Remus, Kingsley, and the entire Weasley clan, including Percy's new wife Penelope, were already gathered for the party being sociable. Well, most of them were being sociable. Snape and Tonks were in the corner seemingly in their own little world. As he passed by, he heard part of a discussion among Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George.

"I can't believe it," Bill sighed.

"She looks happy," Fred murmured.

"Even happier than she was with Remus," George added.

"Makes you wonder what he's packing downstairs," Charlie mumbled thoughtfully.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Charlie, noting that the other brothers had done the same.

Charlie looked around confused. "What?"

Harry was saved from explaining their discomfort by Remus approaching. "Ah, Harry, glad you could make it. How are things?"

Harry smiled sheepishly. "They're good, Mooney. May I introduce my new wife, Ella?"

Remus nodded at Ella. "Lady Pryderi, I presume?"

Ella smiled. "Ella's fine. I understand you were friends with Harry's parents."

Remus nodded again. "And it seems that Harry has inherited James' impulsiveness."

"I actually had a reason this time, Mooney," Harry growled.

Remus smirked. "I'm sure you did, Pup, but you could have let your last remaining Uncle at least know you were getting married…again."

Harry rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Fine, I'm sorry. So where are Neville and Professor McGonagall? I thought they were supposed to be here."

Remus smiled. "Lord Longbottom is humoring Arthur out in the garage. It seems he got his hands on a Muggle lawn mower and is eager to show it off to someone. Minerva is upstairs with Albus, waiting on you."

Harry sighed. "I guess we should get this over with, then."

"I want to come with you," Susan declared as he started for the stairs.

Harry paused, and then nodded. When they opened the door to the room, they found Albus sitting in a rocking chair and Minerva sitting across from him in an obviously conjured high back chair. Harry cleared his throat. "Professor?"

Dumbledore looked at Harry and smiled, his eyes twinkling madly. "Harry, my boy, you've come back."

Harry paused before crossing his arms. "I came to listen. I'm willing to hear what you have to say as long as you're honest with me."

Albus looked thoughtful for a second before nodding. "Of course. I should have been honest with you from the start. You'll see that everything's for the greater good. Where to begin?"

"How about at the beginning?" Susan suggested.

Albus looked at Susan with unfocused eyes. "Oh, Ariana, of course, the beginning."

Susan looked momentarily confused and was about to say something when she saw Professor McGonagall's sharp shake of her head.

"Well, it seems that I've found how Tom was able to cheat death the way he has," Albus continued. "He has tied his core to powerful magical artifacts called horcruxes and that the only way you can truly destroy him is to destroy all the horcruxes. They are extremely powerful and dark artifacts and after a consultation with an esteemed associate, I believe that one of those horcruxes is buried in your forehead, Harry."

Harry blinked. "My forehead? You mean my scar?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. It's very clearly a curse scar and likely holds a piece of Voldemort's soul. Now, I believe he can be defeated but only if you are able to sacrifice yourself. It's sad that you've had Goblin ceremonies and all your wives will die with you, but you can clearly see why it's for the greater good."

Susan looked aghast. "That's the biggest crock of-"

Harry held up his hand and cut her off. "You said you contacted an esteemed associate. Perhaps we can get his name to corroborate this."

"Of course," Albus said with a smile. "Xenophilious would be delighted to talk to you."

"Xenophilious Lovegood?" Harry asked as reality began to sink in.

"Yes, that's him. He has a wonderful paper."

Harry struggled with the next phrase he wanted to say. "So, after I'm dead, how am I supposed to kill Voldemort?"

Albus sighed and looked indulgently at Harry. "Harry, we can't kill Voldemort. We must bring him back to the light so he can see the error of his way."

"Professor," Harry started innocently. "I've been in Voldemort's head. He's a monster. There's no redeeming him."

"Everybody can be redeemed, Harry. Why, just look at Gellert."

"Gellert?" Harry asked. "Grindenwald?"

Albus nodded. "Of course. There were many that said that when I defeated him I should have killed him outright. Instead I used irony. I locked him up in his own prison. In a year he was completely redeemed."

"Sir, Grindenwald's still in his prison according to the history books."

"I just talked to him the other day," Albus insisted.

Harry froze. "Gellert Grindenwald has escaped?"

"No, Harry. He came to visit me. He does that every now and again. Just like my dear sister Ariana behind you. He just needed to be shown the error of his ways."

Harry looked thoughtful. "Well I guess his minders would have been able to talk some sense to him. It's possible."

"Oh no, Harry," Albus said shaking his head. "I couldn't trust anyone to be near him lest they be swayed by his charismatic presence."

"Then how did he eat? I mean, someone must have been taking him food."

"He is a wizard, Harry. He could create food."

"So you left him with his wand?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"No, that would have been too dangerous," Albus explained. "He could have escaped."

"He was able to do magic wandlessly?" Harry hedged.

"No, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall interrupted. "He couldn't." At the look of shocked realization on Harry's face, she simply nodded.

"Was there at least w-water?" Harry asked, but Professor McGonagall shook her head no.

He looked back at Susan who was turning a sickly shade of green. "Oh Merlin! I know it's possible, but…oh Merlin, this is Albus Dumbledore! The leader of the light!"

Harry looked back at Albus, only to find him smiling serenely out the window. "Professor?"

Albus looked back at Harry and smiled. "Oh Harry, you've come back!"

"Actually…I was looking for Professor McGonagall. She's needed downstairs." Minerva nodded and followed them out. Once the door was closed, Harry rounded on her. "What the hell?" he whispered harshly. "Remus said he was acting a little off but that's round the twist!"

Professor McGonagall sighed and nodded. "I've had a feeling for some time that there was something wrong with him and being away from Hogwarts only seems to have confirmed it. I took the liberty of contacting Madam Bones to check out Grindenwald's prison. They found Gellert's mummified corpse laying on his bed."

Harry shook his head. "I just…can't believe it. I looked at him as a grandfather."

He felt Susan place a hand on his shoulder. "We can't let anyone know about this," she said. "Not right now, anyway."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Agreed. I've made arrangements for Albus to be taken to St. Barnabas' quietly."

"St. Barnabas'?" Harry asked.

"St. Barnabas' Asylum for the Catastrophically Insane," Susan supplied. "It's a dirty little secret among the pure-blood families. When a family member is too unstable to handle by the household, they're sent there."

Harry looked at the door to Albus' room before nodding sadly. "I'll talk to Ragnar and make sure his care is paid for."

"What about his seat on the Wizengamot?" Susan asked.

"I'll contact his brother, Aberforth," Minerva answered. "If nothing else, he can decide who to give proxy to."

"That's good," Harry said. "I'm going back to the party." He walked downstairs to find Neville just coming in. "Hey Nev, have they started the house scan?"

"No, they won't start until after the first of they year," Neville replied. "Do you have any idea what a Cadillac converter is?"

Harry snorted. "Not a clue," he said as they returned to the living room. "By the way, how did me giving you the head make you the title holder of…" Harry glanced around the room as he heard several snickers. "That came out wrong."

"Oh no, Mr. Potter," Snape drawled from across the room. "Please go on about how you gave Mr. Longbottom head. I for one am very interested as I'm sure your wives are."

Harry took a breath. "Let's try this again. How did me giving you Bella's severed head in a box grant you the title of Lord Lestrange?"

Neville chuckled. "The joy of wizarding pre-nups. The house of Black was able to insist that Bella be the only person that could sire the Lestrange heir in the marriage contract. So when she died, it would have fallen to you, as you were the victor. When you gave me her head as a symbolic gesture of the alliance of our families, it would just be assumed that you were also handing over the title to me. Sort of like spoils of war."

"Ah," Harry said with comprehension. "Sorry about that."

Neville shrugged. "It's really not that bad. Hanna, Lisa and Su all really get along and now I have a title for each of them."

Harry snorted. "Just wait until they gang up on you."

Fleur wrapped her arms around him from behind. "Is that a complaint, husband dear?"

Harry grinned. "Oh no, not a complaint. I'm not that stupid."

Fleur kissed him on the cheek and patted him on the head. "Good answer."

They then heard a commotion coming from the kitchen. "I will not have you flaunting around two men like some scarlet woman!" they heard Molly shout, followed by a sharp crack that sounded distinctly like a wooden table being split in two.

"I've had it!" they heard Ginny shout. "I'm sick and tired of your Merlin damned double standards. Harry comes here with five wives. Neville's dating three women. Hell, Percy had to get married quickly because he knocked up Penelope Clearwater and let's not forget that four of your sons all went after the same woman but I'm a scarlet woman for not choosing between two men that actually like me for me? And don't think that I haven't noticed that you've been snubbing Hermione all evening. Just because we're girls means we can't make our own decisions?"

"I just want you to find a good boy to settle down with," Molly said in a more calming tone.

"Did you happen to think that I might not want to settle down?" Ginny seethed. "That I might actually want to try and have a career of my own? Do more with my life than taking care of a house and pushing out kids?"

"I just want you to be happy."

"No, you wanted me to be Mrs. Harry Potter and I bought into it for a while, but the truth of the matter is that I'm too selfish to be what Harry needs and as Hermione has proven, all your dreams of the nice big happy family were not built on the realities of the situation. I'm just not Harry's type and not only is Ron too dumb for Hermione, he's also got the wrong parts."

"Ginerva Weasley! That's just about enough-"

"You're right, Mother, it is." Ginny walked into the living room from the kitchen to an audience of silently staring family and friends. "I'm sorry you had to hear that, but it needed to be said. Dinner's on the floor," she said and then walked out the door.

Fred and George briefly looked at each other after she had left. "You know," Fred said thoughtfully, "Tom makes a great steak and kidney pie at the Leaky Cauldron."

"I believe you're right," George answered back before turning to Percy. "Would you and your wife care to join us for some brotherly bonding?"

Percy looked thoughtful. "Sure, if Bill and Charlie come along. Maybe we can sort out the Dragon handler's wand issues."

Both Fred and George staggered in shock and Bill exclaimed, "Wow! Percy made a joke! The first round's on me."

H H H H H H H

Christmas morning found Harry being woken in a manner he was not really accustomed to as of late. With a loud "WOOMF!" that jarred both him and Fleur awake, he felt his other four wives jump onto the bed and yell various forms of, "Wake up! It's Christmas!" followed quickly by a very groggy Fleur saying, "Harry, I love you, but I'm going to kill your wives."

"Let me wake up a bit and I might help you," he murmured back.

"Come on, Harry, Fleur," Luna pleaded. "It's our first Christmas together when we can start all new traditions."

"Christmas breakfast," Collette offered.

"Presents with the family," Ella added in.

"Taking turns snogging Harry under the mistletoe," Susan suggested.

Fleur cracked an eye open and looked at Susan. "We have to be at my parents' at six. There isn't enough time for that."

"Rats!" Susan muttered.

Harry frowned. "Why isn't there time for snogging under the mistletoe?"

Fleur snuggled up against Harry. "Because we all know that none of us intend to just stop at snogging."

"Ah," Harry sighed and sat up slowly. "So I guess we should at least eat breakfast before opening presents."

As if on cue, Dobby and Winky popped in carrying two large platters of food. "Breakfast is being ready per orders Mistress Moon," Dobby chirped happily.

Harry's frown turned into a scowl. "Great, even the house elves are being chipper."

The next half hour descended into an impromptu breakfast in bed which in spite of his grumpy mood, Harry was actually enjoying. He even enjoyed the joke rule made up by Luna in the middle of the meal where everyone had to be fed by someone else. As the last bits of food were finished and Harry licked syrup of Collette's fingers, Luna produced a large bundle and laid it in front of Harry.

Harry looked at the package then back at Luna. "What's this?"

Luna smiled shyly. "It's your Christmas present, Harry. The one I had Arceneau make for you."

Harry cautiously opened the wrapping to find a pair of boots, arm bracers and wrist length gloves; all bearing a combined crest of all Harry's houses. As he picked them up, he looked at Luna. "Luna, this is…"

Luna took one of the bracers and put it on his arm. "This is wizarding armor, Harry. Normal armor wouldn't do much against spells, but this is charmed to defend against anything short of the Avada. I know you won't stop until the war is over and couldn't run away even if we were willing to ask you, so I wanted to make sure you were safe even when we couldn't be there."

Harry smiled and kissed Luna. "Thank you. Now what's with the new crest?"

Luna beamed as she ran her hand over the shield like symbol. "I just took the main symbols from each of the houses and put them together. It all sort of works for you also. The Potter stag for nobility, the Black grim for ferocity and loyalty, the Aucoin lion for courage, and the Pryderi stallion for endurance." The last bit earned chuckles from around the room.

"And a Fleur-de-lis to represent Fleur of course," Harry added. "But why is it all on a white background?"

Susan blinked and looked at it before laughing out loud. "Luna, you minx! Fudge is going to have a coronary!"

Harry's frown made a return. "What did you do?"

Luna giggled. "Actually, Fleur had to help seeing as it took some behind the scenes manipulation."

Fleur smiled as Harry turned to her. "It was actually a rather remarkable plan that allowed you and Neville to make some substantial increases in your standing."

"How does this relate to a white background on my crest and Susan's outburst?"

"Argent Harry," Susan chided, "not white. In the wizarding world, heraldic colors still have a lot of significance. Three in particular are very controlled: Purpure, or violet which can only be used by royalty, and the metals Or and Argent, or gold and silver which can be used by nobles but only in small amounts."

"Okay," harry said slowly, "So what does it mean when the whole field is silver?"

"Oh nothing much," Collette said biting her lip. "Just that your highness' had a designer that thought a field of Purpure would be tacky."

Harry blinked then screamed. "Your what!"

"I told you he'd react like this," Fleur chided.

Luna shrugged and looked at Harry. "You are now High Steward of the Kingdom of Cymry, acting instead for the High King until his return. It was a rather elaborate land swap that also made Neville High Steward of Alba and made several minor houses believe they were getting the better ends of the deal."

"Wait," Harry begged, "Cymry? Alba?"

"Wales and Scotland," Susan offered. "What did you offer for them to give up their lands?"

Luna smiled. "Mostly some properties in and around London. It's amazing what people are willing to give up for social status. We got most of Godric's Hollow for Number four Privet just because the ponce wanted to own the home Harry Potter grew up in…Oops."

Harry looked at Luna. "You sold my Aunt and Uncle's house for part of this little scheme? And just where are they living? I hope not in one of our properties."

Fleur chuckled. "Of course not Harry. They are currently guests of the Ministry of Magic…In your special prison. "

Harry blinked. "You had my aunt and uncle arrested?" At the corresponding nods he continued. "And sold their house?" Again Luna and Fleur nodded. "And where is Dudley staying?"

Luna's smile turned down right malicious. "He was put into Mrs. Figg's custody. He was memory charmed to believe his parents died in a drunken car crash."

"What about his Aunt Marge?" Harry asked.

"Incarcerated," Fleur supplied. At Harry's startled look, she continued. "That wasn't us. It would seem she was involved in an underground dog fighting circuit."

Harry sat there stunned. "Wow," he finally whispered.

Fleur looked at her husband with concern. "Harry, I know you might be upset, but I had asked professor Snape to introduce me to your relatives. After I saw how horrible they were, I had to do something. I couldn't just let them go unpunished."

Harry shook his head and laughed. "No Fleur, you misunderstand. You and Luna have already given me your hearts and apparently a kingdom. Then you tell me that the people that tormented me growing up are getting what they deserve. I'm thinking that I under bought for Christmas this year."

Luna blinked. "What do you mean, Harry?"

Harry blushed. "Well, I kinda blanked this year and just bought a bunch of jewelry for everyone."

Harry watched in amusement as Collette, Susan, Luna and Elle scrambled off the bed and bounded for the living room. He then turned to see Fleur look at him with love and concern in her eyes. "Are you sure you are good with this?"

Harry smiled. "My Aunt and Uncle? Absolutely. The new title? We'll see when we have time to talk about it. Now, how about we go watch the others tear into their presents."

Fleur smiled and laid back. "In a bit. Right now, I want to start a tradition of my own."

Harry smirked and looked down at her. "And what tradition would that be?"

Fleur smiled seductively. "My husband ravishing me on Christmas morning."

H H H H H H H H

End Notes: Wow, no more Draco Malfoy….of course I didn't say it was the last of Draco Black, did I?

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi, High Steward of Cymry**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Winner of the best Christmas Present award)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Sugar, First Runner-up)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, will get more nookie time soon…promise)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Spice)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Patil (Engaged to be Married)

Padma Patil (Engaged to be Married)

**Neville Longbottom, Lord Longbottom, Lord Lestrange, Lord Malfoy, High Steward of Alba**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Black (Now officially a Bastard)**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2…may have wand issues)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Intimidating on Two Continents)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Clearwater (Engaged and Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Bewildered, but strangely enjoying herself)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (Dude looks like a lady…or is that the other way around?)


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Thanks for your continued support and patience. After a roller coaster couple of months in real life, things look to be settling down in the next several weeks so hopefully (crosses all accessible fingers and toes) we'll be putting out more regular chapters by September. In the meantime, why not check out some really great writers like Old Crow and robst right here on . I also recommend anyone posted in my favorite authors section. (End shameless unrequested plug) Enjoy!

Chapter 25

_A footnote in history that is of some significant importance to this author that most people completely overlook is the wedding of Magus Granger to the last daughters of the Patil house. The significance of this wedding was that it was the first public event attended by both Lord Potter and Lord Longbottom in their roles as High Stewards. This political title is important in that they essentially become a law unto themselves. Another key point was that all members of the side of the Light were in attendance. In short, this was the party before they collectively ruined Minister Fudge's remaining career._

Excerpt from The Second Wizarding War: The True Story _by Abhilasha Granger._

H H H H H H H

Harry chuckled as he stood next to Hermione. "You just need to relax, Hermione."

Hermione glanced at him nervously. "Relax? Relax? What if they change their minds? What if they say no? Or worse, what if they say yes and my job falls through? How will I support two wives? And Padma wants kids. How are we going to have kids? What if-"

Harry cut off her rambling protests by placing his hand over her mouth. "You are not allowed to go into a hysterical fit and pass out on your wedding day. Padma and Parvati will kill me if I let you. They are going to marry you, the Goblin job is going to go through fine, and even if it doesn't, worse case scenario you work for me and Neville. As for the kids…we'll figure that out when the time comes, but that time is not now. The three of you still have another year and a half of school left to finish. Now if I hear one more what if, I'm sticking your lips together until the service. Are we clear?"

Hermione glared over his hand and nodded.

"Good. Now I'm going to remove my hand and we are going to wait for Neville and your wonderful ladies to walk down the aisle and we're going to have a nice, simple ceremony. Any questions?"

Hermione swallowed before whispering, "What if Ronald shows up?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I believe Ginny's instructions to the Goblins included physical violence."

Just then the music changed and the door at the end of the room opened. Harry noticed Hermione's breath catch as she saw Neville with a twin on each arm, both dressed in beautifully decorated traditional wedding saris. "They're magnificent," she whispered breathlessly.

"Yes, they are," Harry responded.

"And they really want to marry me."

"Yes, they do."

"I'm the luckiest woman on the planet."

"Yes, you are."

As they came up and stood on either side of Hermione she looked over to Harry. "Um, you can unstick my feet now."

Harry chuckled as he spun her around on the lazy susan they had stuck her to. "Not on a bet."

H H H H H H H

As wedding feasts go, this one was rather impressive. Harry wasn't sure if it was the food or the company but he hadn't been this relaxed at a wedding in, well ever. Perhaps it was the fact that this was the first one he had attended where he was not the groom. A smile crept across his face as he watched Hermione try and fail to tame the grin that seemed to take up permanent residence on her face. He continued to scan the table and noticed that two of his wives were missing.

"Collette," Harry began with just a touch of concern in his voice, "do you know where Luna and Susan are?"

Collette thought for a moment and her brow wrinkled slightly. "They went to the loo, but that's been a while now. I hope they're not ill."

Harry decided to use the communication ability in their wedding rings to contact Luna to see if everything was ok. If one of them was ill he would have no qualms about cutting the evening short. He concentrated on Luna and spoke her name in his mind. _Luna?_

"_Ow!"_ he received back in Luna's voice. _"Oh Harry, you have lousy timing."_

"_You and Susan have been gone a while," _he sent back._ "Is everything ok?"_

Luna sighed. "_Yeah, we're fine. Give us 15, 20 maybe 30 minutes and-wait…"_

Harry heard what sounded like a door opening and another voice shrieked,_ "What are you doing? Have you no decency?" _He recognized the voice as Daphne Greengrass. He then heard Susan answer,_ "Us? You're the one dragging Creevy by the lips into the ladies loo."_ Harry realized by the change in Hermione's expression that those voices weren't heard only in his head.

Luna, sounding a bit frustrated, sent back, "_We'll be right out."_

Harry watched as a scowl replaced the giddy smile that had been on Hermione's face. It was looking like an early night was a good idea after all.

H H H H H H H

Harry was fairly certain that this wasn't what the minister had in mind when he arranged this little meeting with the new stewards of Cymry and Alba, but he was really starting to enjoy upsetting the expectations of others. Coming along with Shack, Amelia Bones and Mad-Eye in tow as well as an hour early was also very helpful. As was dosing the fraud's secretary with veritaserum. Once properly persuaded, she happily divulged all of Fudge's wrong doings. What bothered Harry the most was that she was actually happy and smiling while doing it.

Harry looked at the director of the DMLE. "Madam Bones, are we sure that she's under the effects of Veritaserum?"

Amelia snorted. "Oh, quite sure. You haven't dealt with the stuff much, have you?"

Harry shook his head. "Fudge's pet death eater tried to slip me some last year, but no actual experience with it, no. I thought it made the person emotionless."

Amelia shook her head. "Only when it comes to something they don't want to talk about. When it's something they want to get off their chest, the feeling is quite pleasurable. More so with the eagerness to tell you what they know."

The secretary stopped in the middle of a sentence and shuddered, emitting a low throaty moan. Amelia chuckled. "Wow, she's really wanted to roast Fudge for a while."

Neville looked up from the ledger the young witch had informed them of not ten minutes earlier. "Well we have more than enough with this. It details every slush fund, illegal war chest and off the books business he's been a part of. We might want to start marching the Death Eaters through the Veil. We'll need the prison space."

Draco snorted from his position near the secretary. Lord Black's advisor was dutifully documenting the secretary's every word. "Bet there's a line in there just for Nott's contributions. He and Lucius had a competition over how much of the Ministry they owned."

"Which one?" Neville shot back. "Junior or Senior?"

Draco blinked. "Theo already has a line in there?"

Neville nodded without looking up. "From before we started Hogwarts. Looks like it was to make an incident of accidental magic disappear. Of course the 'accidental magic' was him 'accidentally' using his older sister's wand to torture her to death."

Draco shook his head. "I knew I didn't make Anastasia up."

Harry was increasingly becoming uncomfortable as the secretary appeared to have another orgasm. "You know, this is kind of disturbing. Perhaps we should find out why she's so…eager to see Fudge sent up the river."

Moody smirked and turned to the girl. "Alright lass, why are you so willing to turn on your boss?"

The Witch's face became neutral suddenly. "I am a loyal ministry employee," she responded emotionlessly. "I worked my ass off and two years ago I was promoted here from the stylus pool. I thought I was finally getting to a position that my hard work had earned me. Then Minister Fudge informed me that my duties were of a more delicate and private nature. He made me do things…things that should never be forced on a witch. He also told me that I had better keep doing these things or I would find myself completely unemployable. He showed me the ledger and said that he would make sure no one would hire me."

Harry felt his blood run cold. "What kind of things did he have you do?"

The girl paused before replying. "He had a schedule. Menage e trios Mondays. Tit fuck Tuesdays. Wedsnesday was of course hump day. Oral reports followed by oral sex on Thursday. Finally, there was freaky Friday. Literally anything goes. One time he took an empty Ogden's bottle and shoved it up my-"

Her words were interrupted by the Minister's door slamming open and a very irate Minister of Magic screaming at the top of his lungs, "Just what the ruddy Hell is going on here! Potter, just what the Hell are you doing here!"

Harry smiled coldly. "I believe you have a meeting scheduled with myself and Neville. We just came a little early to have a chat with your lovely secretary."

Fudge gaped. "You and Lord Longbottom are the High Stewards! How!"

Harry chuckled. "While they may not be on the level of Magus Granger, my wives and fiancée are all very clever and bright ladies. It's amazing what can be done by a coven of very bright witches."

Fudge had finally noticed the ledger in Neville's hand and sneered. "So that's how it is. You come here early so you can get some leverage on me. Make me toe the line while you run rip shod over pure blood society. You might want to note some of the names in there. There's no way you'd ever get a conviction and all you've accomplished is making an enemy of me."

Harry looked at Neville a second before both young men burst out laughing. "Oh this is going to be more fun than I thought," Neville finally choked out. "He thinks we have to go to the Wizengamot."

Harry took a second to compose himself before he explained. "You see Cornelius old chap, when there are Stewards in place, they assume the authority of the Crown. We are the regents set to rule wizarding Britain until the True King returns. Now, there are potentially three High Stewards: Cymry, Alba and Britain. The Irish don't fall under our rule due to the fact that Eiru at the time was its own kingdom. Now, since Britain was always the part of the realm that was the most unstable, The High Stewards of Alba and Cymry were give the charge of keeping an eye and dispensing justice whenever the Stewardship of Britain was vacated."

Fudge seemed to pale a bit at those words. "And just what does that mean?" he asked.

"Oh nothing much," Harry replied casually. "Just that we're judge and jury until a new High Steward of Britain is named. Does the accused have anything to say in his defence?"

H H H H H H H

Harry stumbled out of the floo to be caught by Draco. "Good assist," he muttered.

"How else am I supposed to grope my Lord without getting in trouble with my boyfriend?" Draco shot back.

"Lunch is ready," Luna called, cutting off any further comments. The three young men entered the dining room to find Luna, Fleur, Susan, Collette, Ella, and Blaise already seated at the large round table. They took their seats and Dobby and Winky brought in lunch.

"That was the most fun I've had since everyone thought you were the heir of Slytherin," Draco drawled once everyone had settled in.

Harry grimaced. "Everybody finds out you're a Parselmouth and they instantly think you're evil."

"You're a Parselmouth?" Ella asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Luna answered. "It really came in handy when he was trying to hunt down the basilisk."

"I wouldn't have even known what to look for if it wasn't for Hermione," Harry admitted.

Ella scrunched her brow in confusion. "Wait, you hunted a basilisk? When was this?"

"Second year," Draco supplied. "Bloody Gryffindor."

"I was more trying to save Ginny than actually hunt the basilisk," Harry said in defense. "That just kind of came along with the ride. Damn thing nearly killed me too."

"Please tell me you took a rooster with you," Ella said without much hope.

"Rooster?" Harry said with real confusion.

Neville snorted. "And people say I'm useless in Care of Magical Creatures. Didn't really matter, though. All the roosters on the grounds had been killed already."

"Ginny still has trouble eating chicken," Luna added. "But I wouldn't worry too much, Harry. Slytherin probably would have protected against that weakness."

Ella whipped her head around to face Luna. "Slytherin? As in Salazar? What did he have to do with this?"

Luna shrugged. "It was his basilisk."

Ella looked at her in disbelief. "Harry killed a 700 year old basilisk?"

"Like I said, I didn't have much choice," Harry explained sheepishly. "Tom was killing Ginny and none of the professors believed us. I did have help. Fawks clawed its eyes out and I had Gryffindor's sword."

"And we all owe a huge debt of gratitude to Fawks," Susan declared. "Otherwise, you'd be a corpse, husband dear."

Ella was dumbfounded. "Wait, what? What do you mean a corpse?"

Harry sighed. "Susan, did you have to bring up that part?" He turned back to Ella. "I had to stab it in the roof of its mouth to do any damage because of the hide. As I was thrusting up, it tried to clamp down and a fang stabbed me in the arm."

Ella blinked. "Roof of its mouth? How big was this thing?"

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "Um, roughly between 18 and 20 meters."

All the women attached to Harry exclaimed at once, "HARRY JAMES POTTER!"

Draco looked at Harry with new respect. "Wow, remind me never to piss you off again, Potter."

Neville chuckled. "I thought you would have learned that from the dragon in fourth year."

"DRAGON?" Ella shouted, her glare at Harry intensifying.

Harry held his hands up in surrender. "Another story for another time. Yes, it was a huge basilisk and if it weren't for Fawks crying in the wound I would have died. He did and I didn't. End of important part of the story."

Everyone went back to their lunch when Ella suddenly broke the silence. "What happened to it?"

"Pardon?" Harry asked.

"What happened to the basilisk corpse?" she asked again.

Harry shrugged. "I suppose it rotted. It has been nearly four years."

Draco shook his head. "Doubtful. Magical creatures decay slower than regular creatures, plus as old as it was, its magic and the magic of Hogwarts would have preserved it longer."

Ella nodded in agreement. "As long as you didn't rupture the poison sacks, it should still be viable. Who would it belong to?"

Fleur chose this moment to speak up. "Praetor bellica." When she received blank looks from around the table she continued. "Harry vanquished it so it's his."

Ella looked around with a slightly maniacal grin. "So, who's up for some spelunking and carving up a 700 year old basilisk?"

H H H H H H H

The group decided to wait until the morning of the day the students would return to the castle to explore the chamber so that Hermione would have the chance to go with them. The exploring group consisted of Harry, Ella, Susan, Hermione, Draco, Blaise and Neville. When they got to Myrtle's bathroom Harry opened the tunnel and they all looked down.

"I'll go get Crabbe and Goyle to break our fall," Draco offered.

"Draco!" Hermione chided. "We are not going to harm other students."

Draco raised an eyebrow at her. "You really consider them students?"

Hermione huffed. "In theory, but that's beside the point. Harry, how did you and Ron get down here before?"

Harry glanced at her uneasily. "We made Lockhart go first to make sure it was safe and…then we rode our brooms."

Hermione paled. "You flew?"

Blaise patted her on the shoulder. "It's okay, Hermione. We all know how you feel about riding brooms. You know," he began to the group, "Slytherin wouldn't have just jumped down there or had a broom on him at all times and Tom sure as hell wouldn't have. There has got to be another way. Try saying stairs and see what happens."

Harry looked at Hermione who shrugged and turned back to the tunnel. He hissed out the word stairs in Parsletongue and after a few seconds they heard a grinding noise coming from the bottom of the tunnel. Soon they saw the top-most steps of a set of spiral stairs rotating towards the bathroom floor. After locking and charming the bathroom door so no one would interrupt them they headed down to the chamber.

"Ah! What is that smell?" Draco exclaimed as they got close to the main chamber.

"Oh Ella! We might be too late!" Susan said.

Ella stopped and sniffed a little more. "No, that smells like rotting flesh, not spoiled poison. Maybe something else got in and couldn't make it out."

"We'll find out soon enough, it's just ahead," Harry told them. "Maybe bubblehead charms would be in order?"

Entering the main chamber, they found that the basilisk was still in good condition but the several woodland animals that had found their way into the large area were not so lucky. A few banishing spells and freshening charms later, everyone was able to breath without the bubblehead charm. While Draco, Ella, and Blaise carefully harvested the poison sacks and other valuable parts, the others explored the chamber more fully. They found a library, which Harry assured Hermione they would pack up so she could study at her leisure, what was apparently a dueling room, and a bedchamber that looked like it hadn't been used in a very long time. Susan spotted a wardrobe and headed over to see if there were any clothes left to give them an idea of the time frame. She and Hermione noticed an ornate carving on the inside back wall of the wardrobe. When Harry looked at it he realized that it was the same design as the one on the main door of the chamber from the tunnel. He took a chance and said open in Parsletonge and it swung open into another room. They heard voices raised in a heated argument and several insults as well.

"Really, how many times were you hit on the head in sword practice, Godric?" a female voice asked sarcastically.

"Oh such a fine use of that 'wit beyond measure'," another female voice shot back.

"Can we get back on subject, please?" a male voice insisted.

"Great Godric. We were going to get to see two birds rip each other's cloths of and you stop it," another male voice drawled.

The group outside the wardrobe looked at each other in confusion. Harry drew his wand and stepped through the opening to find a mostly blank room with four paintings, one on each wall.

One of the male paintings looked at Harry. "Well, it looks like we have company. Perhaps he can answer our heated debate."

Harry looked at the painting. "And you are?"

The man in the painting bowed. "I am Salazar Slytherin. In the other paintings are my colleagues Lady Rowena Ravenclaw, Lady Helga Hufflepuff, and Sir Godric 'Merlin dropped me on my head as a child' Gryffindor."

"Hey!" the other male painting protested while the two ladies snorted.

By this time the others had entered the room as well. Hermione stared in wonder at the sight before her. "The Founders Portraits! We've found the Founder's Portraits."

"What do you mean 'found'?" Rowena asked.

"Um, we can get to that in a minute," Salazar interrupted. "Perhaps you can aid us in our debate about the Black Death. Namely, what was the cause?"

"The Black Death?" Harry asked. "You mean the Black Plague?"

"Certainly," Salazar said. "Rowena and I have contended that it had to be a magical vector for it to have moved so quickly. My colleagues, on the other hand, believe a divine origin is the only explanation. Perhaps there have been some insights since we have been in this discussion."

"You're both wrong," Harry commented. "It was rats, or rather, fleas on rats."

"Rats?" Helga said in shock. "Rats took out a quarter of Europe?"

"Well, the bubonic plague, which was carried by rats and fleas. It all got worse when people started blaming magic. They started killing the cats which meant there was nothing to kill the rats."

"And where did these rats come from?" Rowena asked incredulously.

"The Crusades," Hermione answered. "They stowed away on ships bound from the Middle East back to Europe. It was really a mundane thing that caused hundreds of years of witch hunts and the eventual issuing of the Statute of Secrecy. Oh, and by the end it was over half of Europe."

"What is this Statute of Secrecy?" Godric asked. "How long have we been having this argument?"

"Well," Harry drawled. "It's the late twentieth century and you four have been missing since, well, the founders' deaths. Hermione?"

"Um, roughly seven hundred years," she said after a moment of thought.

"Seven hundred years?" the three painting exclaimed and then turned to glare at Salazar.

"Hey, hey, hey, you said you wanted to be secure," Salazar defended himself. "The Chamber is secure."

"Perhaps it would be best to get you some air since you've been cooped up down here so long," Susan offered. "Might I suggest the Great Hall?"

All four brightened at the idea and Salazar exclaimed, "What a wonderful idea! Now we can see what later generations did with our glorious school."

H H H H H H H

Later that evening the founders looked down from their new home above the staff table at the students enjoying the return feast.

Salazar looked out across the Slytherin table incredulously. "Just why did I get all the pompous jackasses?"

"And why are first years sitting with seventh years?" Rowena wanted to know.

"Who picked those dreadful colors?" Helga asked.

"Why are there only four tables?" was Godric's inquiry.

It was Hermione that answered. "Well, the tables are for the four houses. How was it set up originally?"

"It was seven tables," Godric exclaimed. "Everyone ate with their year mates. It cut down on bullying. And what's this about four houses?"

"One for each of you," Draco supplied. "The Sorting Hat decides what house we belong in during the opening feast of our first year."

Rowena looked at Draco. "Sorting Hat?"

Blaise stepped in to answer. "It's a relic from your era. I believe the history is that the four of you created it together."

Salazar looked thoughtful. "A hat from our time that we created together…"

Helga looked aghast. "You don't think they could be using…oh they wouldn't have…"

All four yelled at once, "Bigby! You fool!"

Hermione looked at Harry. "That was a little too well rehearsed."

The Sorting Hat popped into the room on the table in front of the portraits. "Crap, they found you," the Hat muttered.

"Bigby Killraven!" shouted Rowena. "Just what stupidity have you been up to this time?"

"I have just been providing the service they asked me for. I did not tell them anything, I just did not correct their inaccurate assumptions," Bigby shot back.

"So in other words," Salazar sneered, "you're a con artist…again."

"I was at one time a very talented wizard," Bigby returned, "until four do-gooders decided I needed to be taught a lesson."

Godric rolled his eyes. "The talented part is highly debatable, my former apprentice. I still have not worked out the tactical advantage of your Offending Digit spell."

Harry made a mental note to mention that one to the twins.

Hermione raised her hand. "Um, not to interrupt the scolding or anything, but how was the school supposed to be run?"

Rowena sighed. "It was all put down in the curriculum manuals."

"Curriculum manuals?" Neville asked.

"Yes," Helga added. "Every student was supposed to get a copy once they were able to be mass produced."

"What curriculum manuals?" Harry asked a bit more forcefully.

"Honestly!" Godric declared. "We each completed one and gave them to…"

All three paintings once again turned and glared at Salazar. "You said you wanted security!" he exclaimed for the second time that day. "How was I supposed to know we would all die within hours of each other?"

Rowena pinched the bridge of her nose as if she had a headache. "So where, dear Salazar, did you deem was the perfect secure location for our manuals?"

"There's a secret compartment in the library in the Chamber," he supplied. "Whoever opened the doors to the Chamber will be needed to open it as well."

"I'm on it," Harry muttered as he wrote down the instructions to find the correct bookcase. "By the way, where did Parsletonge come from?"

Salazar smirked. "Oh that one's easy. I'm descended from Alexander of Macedonia. You know that whole story about his mother being impregnated by a snake? Well it turns out one of Phillip's generals was a Naga."

H H H H H H H H

End Notes: Next chapter: more fun with the founders and Fleur has a hissy fit. (Not sure what that means? Ask your Southern American friends. They all know you don't have one, you pitch one. –Raina)

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi, High Steward of Cymry**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Fewest lines in a chapter since showing up in the story)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Broke the bathroom cherry)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Bet you weren't expecting that)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Holds record for longest engagement)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Basilisk Opportunist)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Granger (Will not make joke about Doublemint twins)

Padma Granger (Will not make joke about Doublemint twins)

**Neville Longbottom, Lord Longbottom, Lord LeStrange, Lord Malfoy, High Steward of Alba**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Black (Now officially a Bastard)**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2…may have wand issues)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Intimidating on Two Continents)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Weasley (Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Dragging her boy into bathrooms)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnigan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (More from these two in the future. Just keep reading!)


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: We know, we know. 700 year old portraits that have been sequestered in a room with no influence from the outside world wouldn't speak in modern English. Have you ever tried to read 700 year old English? Not fun. We'll just say it's a bit of Hogwarts' magic that allows everyone to understand each other and go with it.

Chapter 26

Reverend Joseph Morgan was woken up early the morning of January 3rd by what sounded like the destruction of his home. Staggering to the window he found to his shock that that was exactly what was going on as he saw two dozen five foot tall men pulling the siding off his house. Quickly grabbing his bathrobe he stormed down the stairs and slammed open the front door. "What in God's name are you doing?" he shouted.

Another man that had been standing off to the side in a three-piece suit holding a clip board calmly walked over to the distraught man. "Excuse me, sir," the man began. "Are you Joseph Morgan?"

"That's Reverend Joseph Morgan," he hotly retorted. "And just what are you doing to my house?"

The man smiled. "Ah, Mr. Morgan I'm Mr. Theilscream of the law firm of Skinum and Theilscream. May we continue this discussion inside?"

"I won't continue anything until you tell me what's going on!" Reverend Morgan shouted.

The lawyer pinched the bridge of his nose. "My associates here are part of a reclamation team. I am sure you do not want this spoken of in pubic. May we go inside?"

"Reclamation team?"

"Yes. It will all become clear to you when we have our discussion. If I may?" the lawyer requested again, motioning towards the interior of the house.

"Fine," Reverend Morgan snapped as he stepped back to allow entrance. "This better be good."

As soon as Mr. Theilscream had entered the living room he turned and handed Reverend Morgan a packet of papers. "This is the paperwork of a judgment against you determined by the courts at Gringotts in the matter of Lord and Lady Pryderi against Reverend Joseph Morgan and his Church of the Universal New Testament."

Reverend Morgan blinked in confusion as he opened the packet and looked at the papers. "What do you mean court of Gringotts? And I don't even know this Lord and Lady Pryderi. What is this all about?"

The lawyer straightened his tie. "This is about the personal injuries that you personally and by extension your church inflicted on Lady Pryderi during her life. Primary in these are the charges of disinheritance, slander, verbal and physical abuse, and one we at Gringotts take quite seriously, child abandonment. You have been assessed whatever Lord Pryderi feels is appropriate for the damages you have done to his new bride."

"Child abandonment," Reverend Morgan said defensively. "I've never abandoned any of my children."

The lawyer raised an eyebrow. "Except Ella Morgan, the current Lady Pryderi."

Reverend Morgan's face hardened into a glare. "So you're one of them devil worshipers."

"No, Reverend Morgan," the lawyer said calmly as a wicked smile spread across his face. "But I have been called the devil." At that he snapped his fingers and reverted to his true Goblin form. He reached into the bag that appeared at his feet and pulled out a well used hack saw. "Now, let's discuss the final terms of your payment for your crimes."

H H H H H H H

Harry walked into the Headmistress' office holding four thick tomes followed by Hermione, Draco, Neville and Susan. The five of them noticed at once that all the portraits and the Headmistress' attention were focused on the area above the fireplace. There had always been a large painting with an ornate frame with nothing but four very individual chairs in it hung there for as long as any of the previous headmasters could remember. Now they found that painting inhabited.

"I can't believe it," McGonagall said in awe. "You've found them."

"Ah, finally," Helga sighed. "A good sturdy Scottish lass to lead the children."

"And an apparently keen intellect as well," Rowena added.

"A firm but fair hand," Salazar complemented. "I approve."

"Not to mention a real looker," Godric chimed in, earning glares from the other three. "What?"

Blushing deeply, the headmistress turned her attention to Harry and company. "I believe you said you made more miraculous discoveries this morning, Mr. Potter?"

Harry placed the tomes on her desk. "These are the curriculum manuals created by the founders. I think you'll notice a rather large gulf between where we're supposed to be and where we're at."

Hermione placed a smaller book on top of the larger ones. "This is a student handbook that all first years are supposed to receive their first night in the castle. Of course it bears no relevance to the way things are run now, but would be a great help to everyone once things are updated."

"How drastic of an update are we talking about?" the Headmistress asked cautiously.

"Very," Draco spoke up. "All the way down to the way the tables are situated in the Great Hall and where students sleep. If these ideals had been in place all along, we might never have had any dark lords to deal with at all."

McGonagall paled. "Have we really strayed that far?"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "It's more like someone started the school off on a different track all together."

Harry noticed movement out of the corner of his eye in the portraits. It seemed to him that one of the former Headmasters was trying to sneak away. Fortunately, Harry wasn't the only one who noticed this.

"Going somewhere, Mordie old boy?" Salazar called out.

For the second time that day Harry heard an ancient relic curse. "Fuck!" came from the painting inhabited by Hogwarts' first Headmaster, Mordenkinen. "Only to get closer to properly welcome you back, my Lord Slytherin."

"Wow, all these years and he's still a sniveling little toe-rag," Helga remarked.

Rowena fought to keep a smirk off her face. "Would you care to explain to us, Mordenkinen, why Bigby is still in the castle?"

Mordenkinen chuckled nervously. "Well, you see, we…uh…needed some kind of direction and couldn't find the curriculum manuals that you all said you were working on and well, he couldn't hold a normal job. Really, what did you expect me to do with him? It was a cruel fate you subjected him to."

"You win, Salazar," Godric sighed. "We should have transfigured him into a piece of wood."

Hermione looked appalled. "You were going to transfigure the hat into a piece of wood?"

Godric blinked. "What? No, Mordie. Sal said he'd be more useful that way."

Salazar rolled his eyes. "I believe I said he'd be less trouble that way. And why didn't you go ask my daughter to look in the Chamber? She was a Parslemouth. She could have opened it for you."

Harry blinked. "Your daughter?"

Salazar looked down at Harry. "Helena."

"And here's where I get into more trouble," Mordie muttered.

It was Hermione's turn to blink. "You mean Helena Ravenclaw, the Grey Lady?"

Salazar looked in outrage at Rowena. "Oh, this is just great. It's bad enough you won't take my name, but now our daughter doesn't even take it? And what's this Grey Lady crap?"

"Um, she's the Ravenclaw house ghost," Draco supplied.

Rowena pinched the bridge of her nose. "Do I even want to know why my daughter is a ghost, Mordenkinen, let alone not using her father's name?"

"Well…." Mordie hedged. "It may have something to do with…the fact that she took a vow of silence after you lot died and refused to pass on until your portraits were found. And, well, Slytherin had gotten a lot of bad press so I may have…edited accounts."

"Bad press?" Salazar glared at Mordie. "What do you mean bad press?"

"Well, there was the falling out between you and Godric," Mordie said defensively. "And the rumors about why Lady Rowena wouldn't take your name. Then there's the whole purity issue."

"Purity of purpose is absolutely vital!" Salazar exclaimed, rising from his seat. "What is there to question about that?"

Hermione quirked an eyebrow. "Purity of purpose? Not purity of blood?"

Salazar snorted. "Please. My mother was a first generation witch. Godric's more of a pureblood than I am. And you only have to look at pure bred dogs to see the foolishness in that line of thinking. On top of that, if I was into blood purity, why would I marry a first generation witch?"

"Guilty," Rowena chimed in.

"So, what was the argument with Godric about?" Harry asked.

Salazar smiled smugly. "Why, who had the prettier wife, of course. An argument that neither of us could win or lose."

"Flatterer," both ladies chimed in.

"Right," Harry said. "Getting back on topic. The changes that are going to have to be made in the curriculum elsewhere are going to cost money, more than Hogwarts has. As a member of the Board of Governors, I feel it is my duty to help alleviate that cost. I propose selling what is left of the basilisk carcass to the Goblins and using part of the proceeds to set up a fund for that purpose."

"Basilisk carcass?" Salazar asked. "What basilisk carcass?"

Harry winced. "Um, the one in the Chamber of Secrets…that I had to kill."

The room was silent for a second. "You had to kill Hissy?" Salazar nearly whispered. "Why? She wouldn't hurt anyone. I had to convince her it was ok to eat the deer from the forest."

"Let's just say she wasn't herself," Harry began, trying to placate the saddened man. "I'll tell you the whole story when we have more time."

Susan blinked. "You named the basilisk Hissy?"

"Of course," Salazar replied indignantly. "I named it after my best friend, Godric 'Hissy Fit' Gryffindor."

"If you weren't dead already," Godric grumbled.

Draco opened his mouth several times in an attempt to speak before finally succeeding. "Again, back to topic. One change that we can easily make soon is the arrangement of the tables in the Great Hall. I recommend that all other changes be phased in over the course of the next seven years. It won't be popular for a while, but something tells me it's the right thing to do. By the time Potter's kids get here no one will realize it was ever any different."

"So, what do we do about the Hat?" Neville asked.

Helga was the first to supply an answer. "Anybody got a match?"

H H H H H H H

That night found Harry and Neville sitting at the table in Harry's married quarters completing their duties of High Stewards. Their current argument centered on the position of Chief Witch or Wizard of the Wizengamot.

"No," Harry said with finality.

"But Harry," Neville pleaded, "we need someone we can trust in that position."

"I'm sorry Neville," he responded. "I just don't think your gran is a good choice."

"Oh? And why not?" Neville said, offended.

"She had no trouble with you being thrown out a second story window because it would either prove you weren't a squib or take care of the problem," Harry dead panned.

Neville deflated a bit. "Right. So who's your choice?"

"Abe Dumbledore," Harry said with a smile.

Neville opened a butterbeer. "Ok, I've got to hear this. Why do you think the owner of the Hog's Head would be a good choice for the head of the Wizengamot?"

Harry started ticking off reasons on his fingers. "First, he carries the name Dumbledore. While not as revered as his brother, it still has some weight. Second, his age will make him more acceptable because he's not perceived as being part of the youthful coup we've pulled in the last few months. You have to admit, we've sort of pushed the old guard out. This will make it at least appear that we're not trying to change society overnight. And third, he owns a bar which means he has experience settling disputes, mediating arguments, and listening to all sides of the story."

Neville nodded. "That sounds like a fair assessment."

Harry waited until Neville was taking a draw off his beer before continuing. "Not to mention he can see through any bullshit story that anyone tries to palm off on him."

Neville coughed for a few minutes while he tried to regain his composure after choking on his beer. "Damn it Harry that went up my nose."

Harry chuckled. "Alright, alright, who do we have for the new minister of magic?"

"Well," Neville drawled as he slid a portfolio over to Harry, "After going through your exhaustive list of qualifications including but not limited to free of corruption, competent, and no direct ties to us, I've come up with a very short list. I have to say that the competent qualifier took out a lot more than the corrupt."

"And the direct connection to us?" Harry asked.

Neville sighed. "Took out the other three people on the list. She's the only one that meets every criteria."

Harry opened the portfolio and began to leaf through it. "Wow, she kept her department under budget and effective in spite of Fudge and Dumbledore's interference. Well liked and respected by all of her peers. Had someone trying to bribe her arrested. What's Wizarding Families Department?"

"They investigate claims of child abuse and neglect," Neville explained. "They also handle adoptions and guardianship applications."

Harry snorted. "Well, that explains Dumbledore's interference. Any black marks against her?"

Neville grinned. "Does dating Sirius Black for three years during and after Hogwarts count?"

Harry grinned back. "I'll bet Remus knows her."

H H H H H H H

The next morning found Harry in the Headmistress' office trying to field questions and negotiate between the founders and the Headmistress on just how they should proceed.

"And just whose bright idea was it to spread the dormitories out so far?" Helga asked indignantly. "I mean, Hufflepuff near the greenhouses? My allergies would go haywire!"

Salazar snickered. "Putting Godric in a tower? How's that fear of heights coming, old chap?"

Godric looked a little green. "I wouldn't know. I spent the night in the great hall."

"At least they put my group near the library," Rowena replied. "Though their obsession with studying does bother me a bit."

Salazar smirked. "I would have thought you'd prefer the dungeons, dear."

Rowena shot him a saucy smile. "Only for you, dear."

Harry winced. "Okay…we move the dormitories closer together and the Hufflepuffs away from the greenhouses. Probably should move the Slytherins out of the dungeon, too. Next, on to the topic of classes. The curriculum manuals said that you had eight specialties. Currently we teach five of those. We don't have a teacher for Alchemy, Healing, or Martial Combat. We do however carry Care of Magical Creatures, Astronomy, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Divination as well as Muggle Studies. The last Alchemist I know of was Nicholas Flamel and he passed away several years ago. I think that may fall under the heading of lost art."

The four looked thoughtful. "Runes and Arithmancy seem very useful," Rowena said after contemplation. "I personally would have no argument about them staying."

"As does Care of Magical Creatures," Helga added. "It makes more sense to raise these creatures than to hunt them down every time you need potions ingredients."

"Divination is a waste of time and materials," Salazar groused. "You either have the gift or you don't. I also see Astronomy as unnecessary in magical training."

"We used to call it the kissing tower," Godric said wistfully. "It's what it was built for."

"Fine traditions of Hogwarts," Harry muttered before continuing. "No one mentioned Muggle Studies."

"Well, it might be useful if you told us what a Muggle was," Godric requested.

Minerva blinked. "I suppose you wouldn't have used that term in your time. It's how we refer to non-magical humans. What you call a first generation witch or wizard would commonly be called a Muggleborn now."

Salazar seemed to be trying to wrap his mouth around the phrase. "Muggleborn. Sounds more than a little derogatory. Sort of like the stable boy and the milk maid stumbling around and happening upon it by accident."

"There are worse phrases," Harry replied. "Ever hear the term 'mudblood'?"

Salazar glared and turned to Godric. "I told you we should have cut Mordred's tongue out."

Godric sighed. "He was Arthur's son, bastard or not." He turned back to Harry. "Is the course up to date with current times? It couldn't hurt to be able to blend with the non-magicals when necessary."

Harry chuckled nervously. "I've not taken the course myself, being raised in a non-magical household, but I've heard that it is…severely outdated."

"I'm sure Magus Granger was exaggerating when she said it was a hundred years out of date," the Headmistress said defensively.

Rowena raised an eyebrow. "A hundred years? And this coming from the mouth of a Magus? Perhaps this Muggle-raised young man could quiz you on some of the advances that have been made in the last hundred years."

Harry shook his head. "This is going to be ugly. Let's start with an easy one. True or False, Muggles have been to the Moon?"

McGonagall straightened up proudly and said, "False." Her confidence became shaken when she saw Harry wince again. "Right?"

Harry shook his head. "The American space program put man on the Moon in 1969."

The quiz went downhill from there.

H H H H H H H

Harry finished filling out the last of the paperwork and slid it back to Theilscream. "That should be the end of it."

Theilscream looked over the papers. "It really is amazing, Lord Potter, that you have found the Founders' portraits. You're quickly going from just being a hero to almost God-like status."

Harry chuckled. "I'm letting Hermione take credit for that one. No intentions of being deified just yet. Anything else we need to take care of while I'm here?"

The Goblin straightened the papers and put them off to the side. "Not really, but I would like to inform you that we've already handled Mr. Morgan and Mr. Skinum is going to handle Lord Patil later this evening."

Harry grinned. "So did you use the old arm and leg bit?"

Theilscream's grin widened. "Oh yes sir. Right down to the hacksaw."

Harry was laughing now. "I bet he passed right out."

The Goblin looked somewhat thoughtful. "Well, he screamed a bit first, but yes, he did pass out as well."

Harry wiped a tear from his eye as he kept laughing. "I can't believe some people are so gullible as to think you'd actually take their arm and leg."

The Goblin's smile faltered a bit. "I beg your pardon, Lord Potter?"

Harry tried to get his laughter under control. "I mean, yes, you're really great warriors and fearless and brave but to actually take someone's arm and leg…that's just sadistic! Only a real monster would do something that horrific."

Theilscream laughed nervously. "Of course, Lord Potter. What kind of monster would do that? If you'll excuse me for a moment, I just remembered I have an errand I must send someone on."

Harry watched as Theilscream quickly headed to the door and barked urgently at another Goblin passing by. After a rather animated discussion Harry saw him hand what appeared to be an arm, leg, and a spool of thread to the Goblin outside the door. Harry turned back around in shock, desperately trying to will the image of what he just saw out of his mind.

A few seconds later Theilscream returned to the desk with an overly friendly smile plastered on his face. "Is there anything else we can do for you today, Lord Potter? I would like to catch Mr. Skinum with some last minute instructions on his objective if we are finished."

"Th-that's quite alright," Harry said shakily. "I believe we're done here for the day."

H H H H H H H

Harry stumbled out of the floo in the suite and into the sounds of shouting.

"Take your hands off my gun, you bitch!" he heard Ella say menacingly.

"You are a noble lady now. You cannot be associated with a profession of crooks and sailors," Fleur shot back with a condescendingly authoritative tone to her voice.

"What, were you bourn in the seventeenth century? All sorts of people have tattoos now."

Harry looked over to see Ella and Fleur struggling over a device both were holding. Luna, Collette, and Susan were seated at the table watching in shock.

"I'm doing this for the good of the family," Fleur responded.

"Harry didn't seem to have a problem with it when he was at the shop," Ella said in defense.

"Harry was not always raised in the magical world and is unaware of some of its older customs. I will not have our family drug through the mud by some common tramp."

The sound of the crack was almost as surprising as finding Collette standing over a downed Fleur glaring down at her. "How dare you?" the normally mild mannered girl spat. "You talk about traditions and propriety and then you have the audacity to call one higher than your station a tramp? It is only our husband's love for you that is keeping you alive right now. He has already said he would support us in any profession that we wish. Who are you to veto that decision?"

"She shouldn't be doing it. It's a commoner position," Fleur weakly countered.

Collette sneered. "Like clock making or pretending at being a milkmaid? You're as bad as those people who ruined our homeland. Our society is sick and needs to be shown another way. Harry is doing that and he's allowing us to follow our dreams no matter what society says is acceptable. Remember, dear sister-wife, by wizarding traditions the four of us should be sleeping in his bed and you in your own room."

Fleur hung her head in shame. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Harry had come up behind Collette and wrapped his arms around her to try and help calm her down. "Fleur, you have a point. I don't know about all the older customs in wizarding society. What you forget is that I don't care about them. I'm not concerned about how things have been done, but how they should be done. Voldemort could be taken out tomorrow but unless there are significant changes in the attitudes of the purebloods and even bigger changes in the ruling body we'll just have another dark lord in fifty or sixty years. Ella loves her art. Is it the traditional brush and canvas or chisel and stone art? No, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful or worthy of admiration."

"I was just trying to help," Fleur said in a small voice.

"I understand that," Harry said. "But you have to understand that the 'family name' will never come before someone's dreams. I'd hand back every title if it meant we were all happy." He could feel Collette start to shake in his arms. "Collette, are you alright?"

"I just want to go lay down, Harry," she answered in a small voice. "I just want to be held by you and my sister-wives." Harry turned to lead her towards his bedroom with the other four following. Collette turned to Fleur. "No, I'm still too angry to be that close to you right now."

Fleur looked stricken. Harry couldn't help but try to offer some comfort and reached out to take her hand. "Give her some time to calm down and we'll all talk more later." She squeezed his hand and nodded and headed off towards her study. He turned back to Collette and tightened his hold on her. "Husband?"

Collette blushed. "I know we're not married yet but I feel it's only a formality. You are my husband."

Harry grinned. "And how long has this been the case?"

The blush deepened as she bowed her head into her chest. "Um, since opening feast."

Susan giggled. "So, should we move the wedding date up?"

Collette shook her head. "No, it would break maman's heart. We'll just have my honeymoon over the summer."

Luna stepped in front of Collette and kissed her softly on the lips. "No, we'll have our honeymoon over the summer."

"Yeah, I didn't get one of those either," Ella said with a grin.

About an hour later Harry came out of the room and found Fleur still at her desk. "So, you want to tell me what all that was about earlier?"

Fleur set her quill down and stared at the desk. "My family was very traditional. Not pureblood supremacists, but more how things should be done and who you should associate with. I fight with it on an almost daily basis but I can't deny the programming is still there. Do you know what started the feud with the Potters, Harry?"

Harry shook his head. "Only thing I know is that it was a matter of honor."

Fleur snorted. "Ignatius Potter was sent a marriage contract for the first daughter of the Delacour line. He declined it in favor of a barmaid with, and I quote, 'great cooking skills and a huge set of jugs.' What offended my ancestor the most was the fact that she was a commoner and a Muggle."

Harry blinked for a second. "So there was a three hundred year old blood feud over the fact that one of my ancestors liked large bits?"

Fleur sighed. "More or less. That's the upbringing that I'm fighting, Harry. When I saw the tattoo gun I'm ashamed to say I lost my composure. I've also been feeling a bit out of sorts, but it doesn't excuse my behavior. I'm sorry."

Harry nodded his acceptance. "From now on, if you have an issue with something like this, talk to me first. It's not much fun for me when I have to play referee."

"I will. Harry, how do I make this up to Ella and Collette?"

"Right now, give them some time. Collette's feeling betrayed and Ella…she's an American. They tend to be action oriented. When you get the chance look at what she's doing and see it for what it is, an evolving form of art, not what the past tells you it is. I think that will go a long way to mending things with Collette as well. Whatever you do, do not ask the Goblins for help!"

H H H H H H H

Harry, Neville and Draco were discussing strategy the next morning over breakfast in the great hall when Hermione stormed up to them, eyes blazing. "Harry James Potter just what the hell is the meaning of this?" she demanded as she thrust the morning's edition of the Daily Prophet in his face.

Harry took the paper from her to place it at a readable distance and saw the headline _**Champion Seeker Victor Krum Dates Magical Transgender**_. He snorted. "Wow, Alena really was a man…at one point anyway."

"Why didn't the marriage contract catch that?" Draco asked.

"Probably because they changed her gender before they offered the contract," Neville offered. "Magic would have considered her a woman so there was no violation."

Harry smiled at Hermione. "Thanks Hermione. You just proved that I really dodged a bullet with that one."

Hermione huffed and jabbed her finger at the paper. "Not that one, you idiot." She flipped the paper over and bored her finger into the smaller article at the bottom of the page. It read _**Lord Patil Bankrupted as All Debts Called In At Once**_. "What did you do?"

"Oh, that," Harry said evasively. "Why do you assume it's me?" She just looked at him with her hands on her hips. "Right. Well, in my defense it wasn't just me. Neville and Ragnar helped too."

Hermione turned her glare on Neville who smiled sheepishly. "It seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"Paupering my wives' father seemed like the right thing to do?" she asked unbelievingly.

"Look, Hermione," Harry began. "He said some horrible things about them and basically threw them out of the family. It made them sad and you feel like you'd done something wrong by being happy. Nobody does that to my family and gets away with it."

"I didn't ask you to do anything, Harry. I can take care of my wives."

"I have no doubt of that, Hermione," Harry countered. "You are my best friend and any attack on you is an attack on me."

"And any attack on Harry is an attack on me," Neville added. "Friends look out for each other and Ragnar said this was a lot more effective than staking him out for the ants."

"Staking him out for the ants?" Hermione gasped.

"They even bought the honey for it," Draco chimed in. "By the way, Blaise says thanks for the late Christmas gift."

"You…I…aaargg!" Hermione turned and stormed off muttering about pig-headed chauvinistic men sticking their noses where they didn't belong.

"I told you she'd be pissed," Draco said in a sing-song voice.

"Yes," Harry conceded, "But as predicted she was also speechless."

Neville grinned. "Wait until she hears about the Magus Support Fund. They'll probably be able to hear her in Diagon Alley."

H H H H H H H

End Notes: Promise! Next chapter more Volde-Harry and…exotic dancing! Sorry about the seriousness in the middle but sometimes it's necessary. An entire box of chocolate frogs to anyone who can spot the Marauder Speak at the beginning of the chapter!

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi, High Steward of Cymry**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Sufficiently cowed)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Planning summer Honeymoons)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Still trying to workout "Hissy")

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Don't make her angry. You won't like it.)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Next time on Hogwarts Ink…)

**Magus Hermione Granger**

Parvati Granger (Double the Pleasure)

Padma Granger (Double the Fun…Damn it!)

**Neville Longbottom, Lord Longbottom, Lord LeStrange, Lord Malfoy, High Steward of Alba**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2)

Su Li (Mate #3)

**Draco Black (Now officially a Bastard)**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion…covered in honey)

**Nymphadora Tonks**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2…may have wand issues)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (More screen time to come)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Weasley (Expecting)

**Colin Creevy**

Daphne Greengrass (Valentine surprises to come)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1)

Zach Smith (Slice #2)

**Seamus Finnegan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (Cat's out of the bag…or is it cat's in the pants and snake's out of the bag…whatever.)


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or most of the characters used in this story. JKR does. If I did, I don't think Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows would exist. This story also has vulgar language, alternative lifestyles and scenes of a mildly graphic nature, hence the Mature rating. If these don't sit well with you, then please do not read. Reviews are appreciated. Flames are not.

Author's Note: Yeah, we know. Sorry for the delay. Not going to go into specifics, but suffice to say it's been a pretty unusual six months. The New Year has brought a new resolve to write so keep your fingers crossed for more regular updates. Parts of this chapter are clarifications of how we see things such as life debts working and a bit of foreshadowing. Enjoy!

Chapter 27

Reverend Joseph Morgan was thankful. Sure, he'd lost both his house and his church in a freak storm that had only hit those two buildings. Yes, a bank error had completely wiped out both his and the church's accounts. He was thankful to be alive along with his wife and his son. He was thankful to have two arms and two legs. In fact, he was so thankful that he did not think about the fact that one arm was not the same color as the rest of his body and that one leg was two inches shorter than the other. Yes, as Reverend Morgan thought back on it, he was very thankful that things weren't…worse.

H H H H H H H

Harry was eating breakfast with Hermione at the Gryffindor table when they were accosted by the one person that neither wanted to deal with. "I've had it!" Ron shouted at the two of them. "I formally call in the life debt the two of you both owe me!"

Harry arched an eyebrow at the red head. "What life debt?"

"First year!" Ron continued. "I saved you both from that troll! Therefore you both owe me a life debt!"

Harry snorted and glanced back at Hermione. "Care to field this one, oh brightest witch of her age?"

Hermione smiled viciously. "Most certainly High Steward Potter. Shall I explain before I dismember?"

"Please."

Hermione stood and glared at Ron before casting the sonorous spell on her voice. "Ronald Bilius Weasley, before you start making demands and casting aspersions you had better have your facts straight. First and foremost YOU DO NOT GET A LIFE DEBT FROM SOMETHING YOU CAUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Ron looked outraged. "I didn't let the bloody troll in the castle!"

"NO," Hermione countered at the top of her magically amplified voice. "YOU JUST HUMILIATED ME IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSEMATES TO THE POINT THAT I HID IN A BATHROOM! IF HARRY HADN'T GONE AFTER ME WHEN HE HEARD ABOUT THE TROLL WOULD YOU HAVE EVEN BOTHERED!"

Ron swallowed nervously. "Um well…I mean…I still didn't let the bloody thing in."

Hermione calmed a bit but kept her amplified voice. "Point second, in order to receive a life debt one has to actually place themselves in danger with no thought of recompense to incur a life debt."

"Huh?"

"They can't expect anything in return, you dolt!" Hermione seemed to gain some pleasure at Ron's wince. "And finally, the person who owes the life debt knows they owe the life debt instinctively. There is no need to remind them and by tradition they are the ones who declare it, as your father did."

"Actually, Hermione," Harry interrupted, "that is more of a debt of honor."

"Still, he declared it to you. You did not demand it from him." She turned back to Ron. "Now on to the next matter. Just what is it that you have had it with?"

"This snit that you two have been in since the beginning of the year!" After being reminded of his original purpose, Ron seemed to gain some steam again. "I didn't do nothin' wrong and you've turned the whole bloody school against me!"

Harry suppressed a grin as he watched Hermione twitch at Ron's choice of wording. Much to his delight it featured in her lead off statement.

"Your atrocious grammar aside, first you harassed me about something that was none of your business," she began, punctuating each point with a jab at Ron's chest. "Second, you made light of Harry's difficulties this year, acting like he'd won some bloody lottery, never once considering that he may never have a normal relationship now thanks to that manipulative old bastard. You even tried to profit from his misfortune with a stupid betting pool." At this point, Ron had started to back up, attempting to escape the dreaded poke which was now accenting several words. Hermione just followed him. "And you have the gall to think you can just say 'Sorry!' and it will all be fixed! Harry should have let you hang when Sirius grabbed you and that stupid rat!"

"But Sirius wouldn't have really hurt me," Ron protested weakly, rubbing at the now bruised spot on his chest.

"We didn't know that at the time, you idiot!" Hermione screamed back at him. "And for that matter, how many times have we had to come to your rescue? How many times have Harry and I come to your defense? How many times have we forgiven your jealous outbursts, rude behavior and unfounded accusations? What's it going to take to get it through that thick skull that there are more important things in our lives than you?"

Ron hung his head a bit. "But I miss you guys."

Harry snorted. "Translation, he's in danger of flunking. Merlin, you are a complete waste, aren't you? And to think I fought to keep you in this school."

As Ron gaped at Harry, Hermione chuckled. "Well, you did have a convincing argument, Harry. Draco was just being petty and as a disciplinary action it was a bit harsh."

"You were going to expel me?" Ron squeaked in indignation.

Harry sighed. "No, three other governors and Headmistress McGonagall wanted to expel you. I fought to give you at least until the end of the year. It seems that no good deed goes unpunished. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to finish my breakfast before class."

Shortly after Ron had stalked out of the Great Hall, Harry was dive-bombed by a snowy white missile. Hedwig then circled around to land in his, thankfully, mostly empty plate and barrage him with screeches and nips, making her displeasure at his lack of attention as of late very well known. She even went so far as to batter him about the head and shoulders with her wings and snap not so gently at his fingers and nose.

"Ow! Ow! Hedwig! What has gotten into you?" Harry shouted as he tried to shield himself from a sharp beak and even sharper talons. "I'm sorry! Whatever it is I'll not do it again! I'll get you rabbit for dinner all week and you can stay in the suite instead of the owlery!"

Hedwig stopped her assault and turned her back to him hooting as if to say, "That's a start."

Hermione snickered. "Looks like someone's been neglecting his familiar," she said with a sing-song tone.

Harry blinked and then groaned. "Oh I'm so sorry, Hedwig. It's been a right barmy year. I promise we'll go flying as soon as the weather clears up. Forgive me?" He tentatively held out a piece of bacon towards her back.

Hedwig turned her head to look at him in that creepy, 180 degree turn way that owls do so well. She glanced down at the bacon and then back at his face as if trying to discern his sincerity. She finally deigned to turn around and begin nibbling on the bacon as Harry stroked her head.

While Harry was busy making up with Hedwig, he failed to notice the large school owl making its way towards him. It landed gracefully on the table beside Hedwig and stuck its leg out to deliver the note tied there. As Harry went to retrieve the note with his free hand, he noticed Hedwig straighten up and begin to preen and fluff up her breast feathers. It even looked like she was glancing, dare he say it, coyly over her shoulder at the other owl. Finally relieved of its burden and nibbling on the last of Harry's bacon, the school owl looked over at Hedwig and puffed up at the attention. They moved in close to one another and the large male (confirmed by Hermione) owl nipped gently at Hedwig's head as she rubbed against his chest. They took off with a flourish and headed out the Great Hall windows.

Harry watched them soar out of sight. "I'll never understand birds," he muttered under his breath. Upon opening the note he found a date and time written in Severus' now familiar scrawl along with one line. _Murphy's bringing his wife._ "Brilliant," Harry cackled.

H H H H H H H

A couple of hours later Harry found himself summoned to the entrance hall. Seeing a very smug Headmistress and an almost giddy Luna waiting by the main door, Harry was instantly nervous. "Um, Headmistress, Luna, is there a reason I feel as if I should be running for my life?"

"Not at all," Minerva responded. "It is just that I have been able to find an answer to the most difficult of the Founders' requests."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Really? And what request would that be?"

"I found someone to teach Alchemy."

Luna hopped up and down laughing. "Nicholas and Perenell are alive Harry!"

Harry blinked. "As in Flamel?"

Luna looked in danger of giving herself whiplash when she nodded in the affirmative. "They pulled a fast one on Dumbledore. They've been hiding out waiting for a good time to get on with their lives."

"And they want to teach…at Hogwarts?"

Professor McGonagall smirked. "I was able to coax them with the idea of encouraging the curiosity and wonder of alchemy in the younger generation and possibly reviving a dying art."

"And the debt of gratitude they owe you didn't hurt any either," Luna added in, grinning.

Harry groaned. "You know I don't like being used as bait."

"But you're so good at it, my boy," came a voice from outside as the entrance doors opened. A middle-aged couple walked in dressed for the Scottish winter. The man, who had spoken, looked rather jovial and spry for his apparent age and his companion had a look of love and great patience on her face. "One should always play to their strengths," the man said laughingly.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Nicholas, quit picking on the poor boy. I swear, why must you find someone new to torment in every generation?"

Harry schooled his face in as neutral an expression as possible. "Lord and Lady Flamel, what an honor."

Nicholas snorted. "None of that Lord crap for me, thank you very much. I quite like being the richest commoner on the block. Titles come with too many responsibilities."

"Among other things," Harry heard Perenell mutter under her breath.

Harry chuckled. "I'm beginning to understand that all too well but with the responsibilities come some rather good things that I'm inclined to keep." The last was said with a glance at Luna whose expression made it clear that he was going to be a very lucky Lord that night. "Shall we head inside to discuss the requirements for your class?"

The group headed towards the Headmistress' office chatting amiably. Once Perenell stepped through the door to the office Salazar's voice boomed out, "Ah Melora, Orlando! So nice of you to join us!"

Nicholas visibly winced and Harry heard what he thought was a muffled "Fuck!" from Perenell. He turned to see the Founders chuckling from their portrait. "Ok, what am I missing?" he asked after looking back and forth between the two groups.

Godric gave out a bellowing laugh. "Only the fact that you didn't tell us royalty was showing up. We find ourselves underdressed."

"Royalty?" Harry inquired to the room at large.

"Uncle Salazar," Perenell pleaded. "We have lived as Nicholas and Perenell for nearly 700 years. Please let the past rest."

"Let the past rest?" Salazar stood from his chair. "My name was drug through the mud. Our school was left to founder. Our society is in tatters because those with a duty to uphold it left and you want me to let the past rest?" He turned and looked at Harry. "Lord Potter, may I introduce you to Sir Orlando of Thessely and his wife Melora, Arthur's daughter.

Harry's confusion showed plainly on his face. "Arthur's daughter?"

Professor McGonagall paled. "As in King Arthur?"

"One and the same," Rowena offered. "You are in the presence of Arthur and Guinevere's daughter. As the oldest surviving child of Arthur and his wife it stands to reason she is also the Heir Apparent to the throne."

"NO!" Perenell shouted out. "That is not what it means!"

"You see!" Salazar shouted back. "This is exactly what I was talking about! She has no respect for duty or heritage. With her father and brothers dead she should be the one guiding Britain but no!"

"The sword rejected me!" Perenell shouted. "That is why Bedavier threw it into the lake."

"Martial weapons and aqueous rituals should have no place in the choosing of the ruler of the land," Rowena stated imperiously.

"Be that as it may, Britain would not accept me now," Perenell said with finality. "There is no way to fake the lineage paperwork and the truth would just get me locked up. Besides, the current ruling family isn't doing too bad a job, for the non-magicals at least."

"And what of the magicals?" Godric asked indignantly. "Should they just be left to rot? I mean, Harry and Neville are good stewards but there needs to be a king!"

"When the king is needed the sword will appear and choose the true ruler of Britain," Perenell said with a huff.

Harry suddenly looked pale. "Um, Perenell, could you describe this sword?"

Perenell looked thoughtful for a moment. "Roman gladius, yellow blade, bronze handle with 'Crux Mors' written across the pommel. Why?"

Harry sagged with relief. "Oh, no reason. Just making sure it wasn't Godric's sword. I pulled it out of a hat a few years back."

"You pulled a sword out of a hat? What? Were there no rabbits around?" Helga quipped from her chair.

Harry looked sheepishly at Helga. "It's actually part of another story that we haven't had a chance to go over yet," he answered her while glancing meaningfully at Salazar.

Salazar looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to Harry. "You pulled Godric's sword out of a hat to kill Hissy? Which hat?"

"Well, um, in my defense, I didn't know he had a grudge against you and Fawks brought the hat to me." Harry backed up as he saw Salazar's eye begin to twitch.

"That moth-eaten rag should count his blessings that I no longer have a body," Salazar growled. "And just what was causing Hissy to act like that in the first place?"

Harry chuckled nervously. "Um, he was under the control of your heir."

Salazar blinked. "Heir? What heir? I only had one child and that was Helena."

"Voldemort," Harry answered. "He was descended from the Gaunts."

A soft voice from one of the portraits mumbled, "And now is when I get in trouble again."

Salazar sputtered with rage. "Gaunt? What in Merlin's name would cause people to believe that I would have anything to do with those inbred Picts? Mordenkinen if you had anything to do with this…"

"See, told ya," Mordenkinen responded. "In my defense, it was actually Bigby that said he was your son."

Rowena raised an eyebrow. "But you did nothing to correct him. Furthermore, you allowed an entire line to believe they were descended from my husband based on nothing more than the word of someone who's shown us nothing but animosity. Just why shouldn't we have your portrait burned?"

Headmistress McGonagall cleared her throat. "Excuse me, but could we possibly get back to the matter at hand?"

"Quite right," Godric declared. "Let's get back to how Melora's been shirking her duties as rightful heir to the throne."

Minerva pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Actually, Nicholas and Perenell have agreed to teach Alchemy here at Hogwarts so I would thank the portraits not to antagonize the new professors."

"And you four have a lot of room to talk," Luna said to the portrait. "You're the heads of four major families and none of you have an heir."

As the founders began to look guilty Harry leaned down and kissed his wife. "Found me an Alchemy teacher and made the founders eat their words. What did I do to deserve such a brilliant wife?"

"Oh Harry, it's not what you've done. It's what you're going to do tonight. Many times, I hope."

H H H H H H H

"Hey Tom, the beard show up yet?" Harry quipped as he slipped into Voldemort's mind.

The mental image of Tom Riddle eyed Harry cooly. "The meeting does not even start for five minutes. Could you at least let me torture my minions once?"

Harry snickered. "Oh Tom, I'm trying to remake your image. You should be thankful. People no longer think of you as a murdering blood-thirsty psychopath."

Tom rolled his eyes and scowled. "No, they just think I'm daft. Such an improvement, Potter."

Harry grinned. "Just wait. When I'm done they'll think you're bat shit fucking insane."

Harry slowly gained control of Voldemort's body as the Death Eaters began arriving. By the time Murphy walked in, Tom had been reduced to a sulking, pouting observer in the back of Volde-Harry's head. Harry was about to make some ridiculous demand when he was stunned by the vision that walked in behind Murphy. Six feet tall with a body built for sin and every movement promising sexual pleasures beyond imagination. And the crown jewel for Harry was the mass of wavy blond hair cascading down her back. "Mighty Merlin's ball sack, Murphy! I told you to bring your wife not a Playwizard pin-up," he exclaimed while trying not to drool.

Murphy looked to have a mixture of confusion and fear on his face. "But, my lord, this is my wife."

Volde-Harry looked at the woman, then at Murphy, then back at the woman, then back at Murphy. "Naaahhh, really?" He looked back at the woman. "You're really married to him?"

The woman looked a bit fearful. "Y-y-yes, my lord."

"Willingly?"

"Y-yes, my lord."

Harry looked between Murphy and the woman again before returning to her. "Why?" he asked in honest confusion.

The woman blushed. "May I speak privately to you my lord?" Harry motioned the woman closer and leaned down so she could whisper to him. "The truth is, my lord, he's hung like a horse!" she whispered excitedly. "He's nearly as long as my forearm and half as thick!"

Volde-Harry blinked, looking down at the arm the woman proffered to him. "Really?"

The woman nodded. "There are times when I can't walk right the next day."

Volde-Harry sat up. "Well, Murphy, I'm not sure why you're here. You obviously don't have any reason for wand envy. In fact, I'm a bit envious of you right now. I'm willing to bet that Potter would be envious of you, even."

"Th-th-thank you, my lord," Murphy stuttered in relief.

Volde-Harry leaned back contemplatively. The real Voldemort groaned at what he saw was to come. "It occurs to me that these meetings are far too stuffy. I ask you to show up, you grovel and bow while I pontificate, and you really get nothing in return. Perhaps we should have some entertainment." Harry watched as some of the men in the room began to chuckle at what their "master" had insinuated. "Perhaps some dancing." He noted that both Murphys were beginning to pale at his line of speech. "Some exotic dancing." At the bawdy cheers, Volde-Harry conjured a table in the center of the room. "Murphy! Get your ass up there and start dancing!" With a flourish of his wand a disco ball appeared above the table throwing sparkling light across the dingy hall and suggestive music began playing.

"M-m-my lord?" Murphy asked as his wife began cowering behind him.

Seeing her fear, Harry decided he needed to be more specific. "No, no, not you my dear. You're a guest. Come sit next to me. That table has your husband's name all over it. Murphy, get your Irish ass up there and show us what wand envy is all about!"

As Murphy climbed up on the table and timidly began to move, Harry decided to give him a bit of motivation. He shot a tickling jinx at Murphy's bottom before shouting, "Come on, get into the spirit of it, Murphy! Give us the full Monty! And why are the rest of you just standing around? Cheer him on!" When Murphy had disrobed down to his shorts (who knew that he was partial to thongs? Who wanted to, really? And that skin! Some of the ghosts at Hogwarts weren't that pale!), Volde-Harry conjured a large black umbrella over himself and Mrs. Murphy. He then leaned over to her and said, "Just watch. I'm gon' make it rain up in here!"

Harry noticed that Snape's eyes widened perceptively at this statement and the professor promptly disappeared just before the leprechaun gold began to fall from the ceiling.

H H H H H H H

"I've never seen anyone disappear so fast in my life!" Harry said as they entered the Great Hall for dinner. He was regaling the group, which consisted of his wives, Draco, Blaise, Neville, Hermione and her wives and oddly enough, Professor Snape, with the tale of his latest escapade as the Dark Lord.

"I'll thank you to remember, Mr. Potter," Snape began dryly. "I was raised Muggle and that term has been in use for a very long time."

Harry looked over at Snape. "Really?"

Snape looked evasive. "Well, no, actually I just heard it last week when Nym wanted to go to a strip club."

The entire group paused and considered this new side of their professor. Draco was the first to break as giggles seemed to explode out of him. Snape's death glare only seemed to fuel the laughter that had infected the entire group. "Buffoons, the lot of you," he huffed as he stomped off to the staff table.

The group calmed themselves as they made their way to the end of the Gryffindor table. After they had seated themselves, Headmistress McGonagall stood and requested everyone's attention. "Before dinner begins tonight, the Founders would like to make an announcement. Lords, Ladies, the floor is yours."

Helga cleared her throat and stood from her chair. "It has come to our attention that we have been lax in our most sacred of duties as Lords and Ladies: the continuation of our lines. Since we are currently unable to do it the old fashioned way," she paused as snickers were heard from the upper years, "we have decided to choose the best exemplars from Hogwarts to represent our families. Since I am the first to speak, I will be the first to choose. I, Lady Helga Hufflepuff, choose Nymphadora Tonks to be my heir and to carry my lineage through her daughters."

From her seat at the staff table, Tonks whipped her head around to stare at Helga so fast those around her could hear the bones crack. "You've got to be shittin' me!" She slapped her hand over her mouth when she realized her slip and then stared down the table at Snape. If possible, he was paler than normal. Before anyone could react further, Godric stood from his chair.

"Classy choice there, my dear. I, Lord Godric Gryffindor, choose, oh, I don't know, um, oh why not. Lord Neville Longbottom…Malfoy…Lestrange…High Steward of Alba. Damn lad, you have a lot of titles. So I'll give you another one and make you my heir." Godric then gave a jaunty salute and winked in Neville's direction. "Good luck, son."

Harry chuckled. "I believe that makes us tied for titles, Nev."

Neville grinned back. "There's still two more to go, Potter."

Rowena was the next to stand. "I guess it's my turn now. My decision was simple. Wit beyond measure. I, Lady Rowena Ravenclaw choose Magus Hermione Granger to be my heir and to carry my lineage through her daughters. I am confident that she is clever enough to find her way around any obstacles to that end."

Glancing at her wives, Hermione slowly lowered her head to the table and began to bang her forehead on it.

Padma shrugged. "At least she's keeping a rhythm."

Finally Salazar stood. "I guess mine was the hardest of all. I must insist that my heir carry all those traits that I hold dear: cunning, ambition, purity of purpose, and a little flair for the dramatic. Seeing all these traits seem to be lacking in my own house I've had to cast my net further afield. Imagine my surprise when I find my ideal heir in the house of the lions."

Harry gripped the edge of the table and began contemplating how one could cause a magical portrait to feel pain.

"Raised in a non-magical household, how daunting it must have been to come to a world he knew nothing about. Almost from the beginning he strove to show how he was the equal of everyone here. That even without the advantages of being born in our society, he was just as strong, intelligent, and driven as the most noble pure blood. It also doesn't hurt that he has managed to charm one of my snakes into his embrace."

"Why that ba- wait, snake? There aren't any Slytherins in my family," Harry mumbled to himself.

"I, Lord Salazar Slytherin, choose Colin Creevy as my heir."

Complete silence blanketed the Great Hall until Daphne Greengrass was heard shouting, "I'M GOING TO BE LADY SLYTHERIN!"

H H H H H H H

End Notes: Next chapter Valentine's Day hijinks, Hermione's heir solution, and the resolution of the Death Eater problem for Percy Weasley. As an aside, the slice comments were in reference to the slices of white bread in the Ginny Weasley sandwich.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi, High Steward of Cymry**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Not feeling herself.)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Able to shame the founders with a single sentence.)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Still trying to workout "Hissy")

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Don't make her angry. You won't like it.)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Next time on Hogwarts Ink…)

**Magus Hermione Granger, Lady Ravenclaw**

Parvati Granger (Double the Pleasure)

Padma Granger (Double the Fun…Damn it!)

**Neville Longbottom, Lord Longbottom, Lord LeStrange, Lord Malfoy, Lord Gryffindor, High Steward of Alba**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1, Lady Longbottom? Or is it Gryffindor?)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2, Lady Malfoy?)

Su Li (Mate #3, She likes the LeStrange…)

(Mate #4 ? We're up for suggestions.)

**Draco Black (Now officially a Bastard)**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion…covered in honey)

**Nymphadora Tonks, Lady Hufflepuff**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2…may have wand issues)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Blame it on the rain…)

**Percy Weasley**

Penelope Weasley (Expecting)

**Colin Creevy, Lord Slytherin**

Daphne Greengrass (Is it confidence or delusion?)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1, Slightly stale)

Zach Smith (Slice #2, Fuzzy green specks on the crust)

**Seamus Finnegan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (Even with a gender change, fewer wand issues than Charlie)


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: Look, if you didn't know that I don't own Harry Potter, his friends or half of the jokes I use in this story then there is no help for you. The characters belong to JKR, Scholastic, and Warner Brothers. I make no claim on their properties and am just playing in a sandbox that they have so kindly provided. No money is being asked for or given. Please no sue. The jokes belong to whoever thought them up (Mostly Monty Python, the Zucker Brothers, and whoever else has made me fall over laughing at one time or another) unless you don't recognize it. Then it's likely mine. Especially if it takes more than a second to understand it. Is this Bawdy? Yes. Is it offensive? Probably. Don't like? Don't read. Reviews Appreciated. Flames are not. Also, if you don't know the meaning of the word farce, please look it up. I'm tired of explaining it to the small minded who like to bitch about the impossibility of the story.

Authors Note: Don't worry folks, the above will only be for this chapter then we'll switch back to your usual disclaimer. Also, on a note that was in some of our reviews: Belay kept tripping our spell checker and when we looked up the definition what we found was that it meant to stop, cancel or DELAY! Now, do we have an overly finicky spell checker? Probably, but I didn't change the meaning of what I wanted to say.

Interlude: Push The Cart

Warden Percy Weasley walked solemnly behind the baggage trolley filled with small animal cages as it was pushed into the veil room. Stepping to the side of the cart as it was brought to a halt, the young man stood patiently as the snickers from around the room died down. Many thought his job had been a joke. Today they would learn the truth. His heart filled with nearly as much pride as the morning he had seen his daughter being born. Actually, her birth completely outstripped any feeling this event could garner, but he finally understood what his father meant about bringing a job to completion and for the right reason.

Straightening up and taking as authoritative a stance as he could manage, the young warden read from the sheet. "By order of the Ministry of Magic, the High Stewards of Alba and Cymry, and the August body of the Wizengamot under authority granted by Her Royal Majesty, you have been found guilty of crimes against the crown. These crimes range from rape and murder of British citizens to the abuse of minors under the protection of the British government to ultimately treason and sedition. For these crimes and due to the inability of our current wizarding prison to effectively detain you or your compatriots, an alternative correctional facility was created to detain you."

Percy heard a collective gasp from the crowd as he was certain they had figured out just what that prison had been. "You were to live the rest of your natural lives as transfigured creatures in a prison maintained by a trusted ministry employee. If you had lived out this term you would have been cared for through the remainder of your life. However, the escape attempt November last has caused the High Stewards to review this decision and with the power granted to them have determined that you are to be put to death in the most humane way possible. I therefore carry out the sentence of death by veil as proscribed by High Steward Longbottom and High Steward Potter. May whatever god you worship have mercy on your soul. Push the cart."

Interlude 2: Push the Friendship

"Hurry up, Tracey!" Daphne called behind her as she raced up the steps.

Tracey Davis grumbled sourly as she followed her childhood friend into the Gryffindor Common room. "Why on earth do I have to be here? It's not like any of the Gryffs are going to do anything to you. And shouldn't your boy be meeting you downstairs to take you into Hogsmead? That would at least be respectful. "

Daphne blushed and smiled. "Colin and I aren't going to Hogsmead, Trace. We're leaving from McGonagall's office to visit my parents. He's going to ask for my hand."

Tracey blinked and stared at Dphne horrified. "What? But he's a Muggleborn!"

Daphne scowled. "He's Lord Slytherin, and my father's bigoted opinions won't matter since he's currently in prison for being a Death Eater. I wanted you to be the first to know and…I kinda wanted you to be my maid of honor."

Tracey looked at her friend incredulously. "But you and Creevy? Creepy Creevy? The kid that stalked Potter for the better part of three years?"

Daphne sighed. "Please Trace…I think I'm in love with him."

Tracey looked at her best friend and tried to find some shred that she was kidding and finding none finally surrendered. "Fine, but I don't have to like the little tosser. He'd better not ever hurt you."

Daphne grinned and hugged Tracey before running up the stairs to the boy's dorm. "Great! Now I need to see if Colin is ready to go!"

Tracey watched her friend disappear up the stairs before collapsing into a couch. "Just great," she muttered to herself. "Just fucking great."

"Problem?" inquired a voice from the other end of the couch.

Tracey looked over to see the youngest Weasley looking up from a book. It registered in her mind that the red-haired girl was still in her pajamas. It also registered in her mind that today was Valentine's Day. "Shouldn't you be off banging Hufflepuffs today?" She asked bluntly.

Ginny just shrugged. "They're getting too possessive. I figured I'd break it off before it got to jewelry and I'd have to break something else. Good job trying to avoid my question by the way."

Tracey turned away feeling caught. "Why is it any of your business, Weasley?"

Ginny sighed and shut her book. "Honestly it isn't, but Colin is sorta my friend and I really rather you not hurt him if that is at all possible."

Tracey scowled. "Don't you mean Daphne not hurting him?"

"No," Ginny replied with a slight drawl, "I'm pretty sure I mean you. Daphne is obviously all doe-eyed and hopped up on those fuzzy feelings and endorphins that most people attribute to that accursed four letter word love. You however tend to follow her around like a puppy hoping her mistress will deign to scratch her very persistent itch. Add to that the fact that she's spending all her time with her beau and not even bothered to throw her unintentional pet a bone, that makes you one irritated and cranky bitch."

Tracey turned back and gaped at Ginny. "Where in Merlin's name did you get all that?"

Ginny smirked. "Harry's godfather left me some Muggle science books. Mostly psychology and biology, but there were also a couple on chemistry that were really interesting. They basically showed me that most of what we feel is just a reaction to what our bodies crave. So, seeing as you are obvious to anyone that is paying attention, which means pretty much no one besides myself and maybe Luna, want to come clean and see if I could possibly help?"

Interlude 3: Push the Date

"I'm afraid to say that it's as true for you as Lord Potter," Amelia Bones said sympathetically to the young man in front of her. "You must be wed to a wife for each title by or on your date of Majority."

Neville groaned as he sat back in his chair. "But I only have three girls, and I haven't even asked any of them to marry me. Damn Harry, damn Draco, and double damn Godric Gryffindor. Gran would have a coronary if I had goblin ceremonies like Harry, but a church is right out due to the number and there's no one in the ministry with the authority after the housecleaning."

Amelia looked at him with some sympathy. "I wish I had better news for you, but sometimes that's the way the biscuit breaks."

Neville nodded sadly and stood. "I'll contact Gringotts in the morning through Harry. Now I just have to find another woman that would be willing to take part in a multiple marriage and share a bed with us. "

As the door closed behind him on the way out, Amelia pulled out a small compact and opened it. "Barfly!" she called out and was pleased to see the face of the owner of The Three Broomsticks appear in the mirror. "Sorry to bother you at this time Rose, but I wanted to give you a heads up. Neville is a little stuck on a fourth wife, but is likely going to propose to the other three at the very least in the next couple days. Are you prepared for your part in the next step?"

Rosemerta smirked. "The target has been acquired and is more than willing."

Amelia chuckled. "Really? How did you convince her to attempt seducing a younger man?"

Rosemerta snorted. "Seduce? Amelia, the girl has been willing to sell herself to Longbottom since the Ministry Six incident. The girl has it bad and the title would just be icing on the cake. Now I got to get back to work. I'll let you know how things work out."

Amelia chuckled as Rosemerta's face faded from the mirror and closed the compact. It was rare that the Bones Matriarch interfered like this and many would accuse her of being more than a little manipulative, but in order for the wizarding world to survive one would have to take drastic measures. She looked down the list of titles that had been opened by the Death Eater executions earlier and sighed. She was going to make some people very happy…or annoyed depending on how she divied up the twelve hereditary Lordships that stood out on the list. Titles that could now be awarded due to the houses committing treason against the people they had sworn to defend.

Amelia wondered idly if The High Stewards would be willing to offer suggestions as to who should have these honors.

Chapter 28

Valentines morning started with Harry's absolute favorite way to wake up and Susan repeating her demonstration of proper oral sex, this time in front of Ella. Ella then felt the need to perform an impromptu exam of her own skills purely to make sure that she had "gotten everything down and not missed any". This was followed by the now on shaky legs High Steward being helped into a shower by Collette who proceeded to wash his back. Then his front. Then…well I'm sure we all know where that went.

As Harry managed to keep from collapsing long enough to stagger to the toilet, he caught Luna sauntering in with a far too happy smile on her face. "Good morning my husband," she said with a giggle, "ready for your day?"

Harry winced a bit and glanced at Collette before turning back to Luna. "You might need to give me a moment, Luna. I think Susan, Ella and my little shower buddy here may have over worked me a bit this morning."

Luna shook her head and looked at Collette. "You were told not to break him."

Collette tried to look contrite, which even may have worked if she wasn't bouncing slightly on her feet and hadn't had a very hopeful gleam in her eye. "I am sorry my Lady Luna. Does this mean I should be spanked?"

Harry had to fight back a chuckle as Luna arched an eyebrow at the French blonde. "Why would I do something you'd enjoy when you're misbehaving?"

The snicker came out when Collette's shoulders slumped and she began to pout. "You are not being any fun today Luna."

Harry frowned as he saw Luna pinch the bridge of her nose. It was then that he noticed that Luna was looking more tired than usual. Add to that the fact that she was being the serious one and Harry was certain something was definitely wrong. "Luna…" He started but was cut off by her soft smile.

"I'm fine Harry," Luna whispered. "Fleur was feeling a little under the weather this morning and asked me to make sure you kept your schedule this morning. So I have to be serious Lady Luna instead of Luna Black, trouser snake tamer on Valentine's Day. Fleur said she'd make it up to me and I'm going to hold her to it. As for the three who broke my Harry…" Luna scrunched her nose and glared at Collette. While still very cute on the petite blonde, the look had a certain mad menace to it. "I will deal with you three later, and you should not forget the Lovegood family motto."

Collette suddenly became slightly pale and ran from the bathroom. Harry blinked and was about to say something when Luna shook her head and beckoned for him to follow. "Later, right now we have a meeting with Neville and then one with Hermione. If you're a good boy, I'll sit on your lap during Hermione's meeting and wiggle."

Harry chuckled and began to stand. "And if I'm naughty?" He quipped.

Luna paused and looked thoughtful. "Then I suppose that I'd have to strip down naked in front of her and give you a boob job under the table."

Harry stumbled and gaped.

Luna smiled back as Harry dreamily. "Or would you have me ride you while I made out with your best friend?"

H H H H H H H

Harry's brain came back online as they entered the Three Broomsticks. Deciding not to ask Luna just how she was able to get him dressed and to the meeting on time without his brain registering…well honestly much of anything for the entire trip. He instead made his way over to the table currently being occupied by his second best friend. No definitely not his best. That would be Hermione, especially after the image that Luna had firmly planted in his head. Harry shook his head, clearing the image of Hermione and Luna before it threatened to shut him down again.

Neville looked up and waved them over, seeming to have some heavy load to bear. "What's wrong, Nev?" Harry asked as he sat opposite his fellow lord.

Neville's shoulders slumped. "I just got back from an early meeting after Percy's midnight executions. The good news is that due to the veil and a pushcart nabbed from King's Cross, there are no Death Eaters in the Ministry's custody. On a bit of a sour note, there were two individuals that were accidentally executed that were not supposed to be."

Harry frowned. "Accidentally executed?"

Neville swallowed and looked a bit sheepish. "Um…someone placed your aunt and uncle on the cart by mistake."

Harry blinked in shock. "My aunt and Uncle are dead?"

Neville winced. "Um…yes. We also received word that Marge Dursley was also killed, that one being a gang beating by the women in her cell block. It seems they didn't look kindly on all her talk of bitches and drowning pups."

Harry shook his head. "And Dudley? What has Mrs. Figg said about him?"

Neville bit his lip. "Er…seems he's severely allergic to kneazle hair. He's in a coma at the children's hospital. They don't expect him to recover. As for Mrs. Figg, she's in ICU at Saint Mungo's."

"Saint Mungo's!"

Neville's nervous laugh did little to calm anyone down. "Well, when the Muggles found out about the number of cats living at the house, they sent animal control. Mrs. Figg breeds half-kneazles to sell, so she began fighting off the animal control people to protect her income. Since her house is named as a magical household, the Aurors arrived at her frantic call. Since it was a Muggle neighborhood, the Obliviators showed up. Finally, a half dozen Unspeakables popped over with a tub of popcorn just to watch the chaos."

Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "That doesn't explain why Arabella Figg is in the ICU at Saint Mungo's."

Neville sighed. "I was just getting to that. Well first the Aurors detained the animal control people, then the Obliviators wiped their minds…before the Aurors had a chance to question them. Then Mrs. Figg confessed that she was technically breaking the Muggle health codes with all the cats there. The lead Auror then went about arresting her only to find that the penalty was actually just confiscating the cats and leveling a fine. Well, then the lead Auror bitched about what they were going to do with a bunch of cats."

Luna who had until that point been quiet perked up. "Harry, can we get a cat?"

"What about Misto?" Harry asked.

Luna waved her hand dismissively. "She's busy being nailed by Crookshanks."

Harry blinked. "We'll see," he evaded. "Let's get back to how Mrs. Figg ended up in Saint Mungo's"

"Right," Neville agreed. "Apparently there were several suggestions offered up including the local Chinese restaurant. This caused Mrs. Figg to become agitated, only to become violent when one of the Unspeakables explained the Chinese restaurant."

"What about the Chinese Restaurant?" Luna asked.

"Later," Harry promised.

Neville raised an eyebrow but continued. "Anyway, Mrs. Figg then tried to brain the lead Auror. The other Aurors tried to stun her, which caused the cats to come to her defense. The Obliviators sided with the Aurors, for once, then the Unspeakables decided to even the odds by casting tripping jinxes at the Obliviators. In all the chaos, Arabella was hit by a bad combination of spells and broke several bones. The cats ended up getting euthanized due to being severely damaged by all the spells flying. The lead Unspeakable, Obliviator, and Auror on the scene are currently confined to desk work by Amelia until we can determine who cast what spells. Needless to say, she's annoyed."

"She's annoyed?" Harry growled. "My mother's remaining family has been wiped out and the one person that showed me kindness before Hogwarts is in Saint Mungo's. I'm bordering on murderous. Granted, they weren't the best people on the planet, but I didn't want them dead. I want to know what idiot put my aunt and uncle on the cart. I want to know who threw the first spell at Arabella. I want to know who neglected to tell me that my cousin was in the hospital, and I want all three put to training Security trolls for the next four months!"

Neville swallowed. "Well, it's really only two. Dawlish was in charge of the animal control fiasco and cast a Reductor at Arabella when she charged him. Then while on desk duty Percy had him collect the cages and Dawlish just cleaned out all of Warden Weasley's 'pets'. As for who was supposed to tell you about Dudley being in the hospital, she's currently in the hospital herself and the ministry didn't know until yesterday."

"Wait, Arabella never told anyone that Dudley was in the hospital?"

Neville shook his head. "I think she was afraid of losing the stipend she was getting for his care. Anyway, it might be for the best if we shipped her off to Saint Bartimus' like Albus. She was more than a little cat obsessed."

Harry sighed. "Fine. Thanks for telling me, Nev. I know it wasn't easy for you."

"Oh, no problem Harry. You can make it up to me by arranging four goblin marriages for me before my birthday."

"What?"

Neville glared at Harry. "Four marriages. Of course, I could have done it on my birthday if not for the fact that I'm the best man in the wedding of the century the next day. But wait, you already knew that."

Harry gaped for a second before responding. "Um…Why can't you do this?"

"Because I don't have your resources, connections, or organization. Not only did I only get money from one family, namely the Longbottoms, but I also have to use a substantial part of that money to care for my parents. Also, goblins don't just have weddings at the last minute for anybody and don't get me started on the twin organizers Susan and Collette."

"He's right Harry," Luna chimed in. "You really don't realize how good you got it."

"Whose side are you on?"

Luna shrugged. "I'm always on your side, Harry. It's just that Neville needs your help and you're not acting very Harry-like. Where is the saving people thing? Does it only work for girls and injured parental figures?"

Harry was frankly shocked at what he was hearing. "What? No! That's not it! It's just been a while since I thought of Neville needing help and no one has ever asked me to plan a wedding, let alone four."

Neville groaned and held his head. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's just that I haven't even asked any of the girls and then Amelia tells me that I'm just as stuck as you were. On top of that, we've arrested everyone that could have possibly either fixed it so I didn't have to get married so fast or done the deed for a favor. Not that I would have gone down that road, but damn it I wanted to be more romantic, or at least less rushed."

Harry clapped him on the shoulder. "That's ok, mate. I understand. At least you know who three of the four are already and aren't starting from scratch. I'll send a letter to Ragnok when we get back to the castle and see what he can set up. Do you want to do all four at once?"

"Harry, it's not polite to talk about one's sex life in public," Luna lightly chided him.

Neville snickered. "At least this time he didn't announce to the world he was giving me a head."

Harry dropped his head in his hands. "Snape was right. Buffoons, the lot of you. Back on track. Do you have any idea when you want this to take place?"

Neville looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, to answer your first badly worded question, I suspect it would be best if each had their own night and spending that night in the castle with classes the next day seems to just kill the romance to me. I'm up for suggestions because waiting until June just seems to be cutting it close."

"What about spring hols?" Luna offered. "It's an auspicious time seeing it's the birth of the new year and every little girl dreams of the perfect spring wedding."

Neville nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a great idea, Luna. We'll have the time off from school so we won't have to stay in the castle either."

Luna smiled and nodded back, waiting to time her next comment perfectly. When Neville picked up his butterbeer and took a drink she said cheerfully, "And since it's also a time of high fertility you can get on with the baby makin'."

Harry was now the recipient of Neville's butterbeer shower. As he cast the cleansing charm on his face and robes he tried not to think about the golden color of the liquid. Before he could comment, a shadow fell across the table. He looked up to find the one thing no one really wants to see. A nervous Auror.

"Hello Hestia," Harry greeted the young witch cautiously. "To what do we owe the honor of your presence?"

Harry quickly edited his assessment of Hestia. Her hair was immaculately brushed. Her robes were freshly pressed. And the final piece, she was shifting back and forth on her feet as if she had a desperate need for a bathroom. No, this was not a nervous Auror. This was an Auror that was scared of doing the wrong thing and having everything come down on top of her world.

"I, um…" Hestia started uncertainly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, seemingly to calm herself. When she opened her eyes again she straightened her stance and began anew. "I'd like to have a word with Lord Longbottom in private, if I may."

Harry looked over at Neville with a raised eyebrow. "Sure, Ms. Jones. Luna and I have another appointment anyway. Neville, dinner in the suite tonight?"

Before Neville could answer Luna cut in. "Make it tomorrow night. Harry's going to be otherwise entangled this evening."

Neville chuckled. "Don't you mean engaged?"

Luna looked thoughtful. "No, I'm pretty sure we have enough rope that entangled is the correct word. Come on Harry. We shouldn't keep Magus Granger waiting."

Harry blinked twice before responding. "I think I'm going to enjoy this Valentine's Day."

H H H H H H H

Harry and Luna arrived at the Granger suit just as the door slammed open and a very irate Parvati Granger stormed out. She stopped long enough to give Harry a Snape-worthy death glare and then continued down the corridor. Harry looked at Luna. "Any idea what that was about?"

A few seconds later, Padma walked out of the door. "Hermione's waiting inside for you. I'll go track down my belligerent, irrational sister."

Harry looked into the doorway and saw Hermione sitting at a table, head in hands, rubbing her forehead. "Is this a bad time?"

Hermione waved them over to the table. "Have a seat. I don't believe there will ever be a good time to discuss this so we might as well get it over with."

Harry sat down across from his best friend with a look of concern on his face. "Hermione, what's wrong?"

Hermione took a deep breath to steady herself. "Parvati is uncomfortable with some information that Padma and I found. You know that since I am now Lady Ravenclaw I have to have an heir. What you may not realize is that that heir has to be biological. In other words, I have to get pregnant."

"Ok…" Harry replied cautiously. "I take it that Parvati isn't a fan of the test tube baby route?"

Hermione snorted. "Oh she'd love that route if we could take it. Unfortunately, all the research shows that something in the invitro process almost guarantees a squib. No, I'm going to have to do it the old fashioned way. To make matters more interesting, Padma wants a baby, too."

Harry shrugged. "Ok, get with Draco or Blaise or someone else you really trust. A mild lust potion and there you go."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, lust has something to do with why Padma's mad."

Harry blinked. "You lost me, Hermione."

"The spell you accidentally hit me with last fall, Harry. I may have been less than honest about how it was affecting me and now it's part of my magic, so while I've always loved you as a friend, now it's…"

"You want to jump on my husband's broomstick?" Luna supplied.

It was Hermione's turn to blink. "Crass, but accurate."

Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times before responding. "Care to run that by me again?"

Hermione groaned and thumped her head on the table. "In the simplest of terms, when the spell was redirected at me, my magic reacted to keep me from being harmed. Now if I'd come out right then and said that…ah hell with it. If I had told you that I wanted to be taken like a bad school girl right there in front of everybody it would have been undone. No harm, no foul. Instead, like a stubborn Gryffindor, I felt I could fight it and that it would make me a stronger person if I could overcome a simple lust spell. By Christmas I realized that my will power was not as strong as I hoped and I went to Poppy to see if she could help. That was when I found out that by trying to fight it off all I had succeeded in doing was incorporating the spell into my own magical core thereby ensuring that not only do I want to shag you senseless, my magic will reject the possibility of getting pregnant by anyone else."

Harry was horrified. "I'm so sorry, Hermione. This must be wreaking havoc on your marriages."

Hermione smirked. "Actually, Parvati enjoys playing The-Boy-Who-Lived shoving his Elder wand into me. It's the probable reality of it that ticks her off."

"Ooo, I like that one," Luna mused. "We'll have to add it to the list."

Harry again found himself momentarily speechless. "List? What list…nevermind. So you and Padma need my help to father a child and Parvati wants my…"

"Bits in a basket? Yeah, that about sums it up," Hermione finished for him. "But actually, Padma is leaning more towards Neville, so you could be spared that one."

Harry's brow furrowed in concern. "I'd really like to help you Hermione, but is this even legal? I mean, wouldn't that make the child a bastard?"

Luna brightened. This was part of the conversation she knew. "Oh no, Harry. You see, we just have to set up the standard courtesan contract and everything will work out."

"Courtesan contract?" Harry's left eye began to twitch.

"Yes," Luna chirped. "It's all really straightforward. We just have to set in the number of years, allowed sexual acts, disallowed sexual acts and the standard clause that the child would have no claim on your fortune or titles since it's being bred as an heir to another family line." She paused and looked thoughtful. "We should also put a clause in there about reciprocation with the wives over lost nookie time, but that can be hashed out in negotiations."

Harry gaped. "Negotiations? Luna!"

Luna looked at Harry innocently. "You want to make sure everyone is treated fairly, right Harry?"

Harry shook his head in resignation. "How do these things keep happening to me?"

H H H H H H H

Harry flopped down on the couch in his suite, glad that the day was finally over. Could things get any more surreal? Harry groaned as he realized what he had just done. Never give Fate an opportunity to prove itself.

"'Arry?" Fleur asked as she came into his field of vision. "Are you ok?"

Harry looked up at her and smiled before frowning in concern. "I should be asking you that. Luna said you were sick this morning."

Fleur winced then sat down next to him. "I'm fine now but it will likely be reoccurring for a few more weeks. It also brings up something I need to talk to you about." She took his hand in hers. "I think that we need to look for a new defense teacher for next year."

Harry's concern turned instantly to worry. "Is there something wrong? I thought you liked the position."

Fleur nodded. "I like the job very much but it would probably not be best for someone in my condition."

"Condition? Are you sick? Do we need to see Poppy?"

Fleur shook her head and smiled reassuringly. "I've already been to see her and she assures me everything is normal. Harry, I'm pregnant."

H H H H H H H

End Notes: Ok, who didn't see that one coming? Now, we've wrangled most of the plot bunnies that have been plaguing us and have decided to cull the heard. Be on the look out for the file they are currently residing in appropriately named Hasenpfeffer. Basically, if someone doesn't adopt them, they're cooked.

Updated Harem count:

**Harry Potter, Lord Potter, Lord Black, Lord Aucoin, Lord Pryderi, High Steward of Cymry**

Fleur Delacour- Potter (Wife, Not feeling herself.)

Luna Black, Lady Black (Wife, Pimpin' ain't easy)

Susan Potter, Lady Potter (Wife, Oral Instructor)

Collette Malfoy, Future Lady Aucoin (Engaged to be Married, Shower buddy with a spanking fetish)

Ella Pryderi, Lady Pryderi (Wife, Eager pupil)

**Magus Hermione Granger, Lady Ravenclaw (Contracting out Potter Stud service)**

Parvati Granger (Pissed)

Padma Granger (Scoping out the Longbottom)

**Neville Longbottom, Lord Longbottom, Lord LeStrange, Lord Malfoy, Lord Gryffindor, High Steward of Alba**

Hannah Abbott (Mate #1, Lady Longbottom? Or is it Gryffindor?)

Lisa Turpin (Mate #2, Lady Malfoy?)

Su Li (Mate #3, She likes the LeStrange…)

(Mate #4 ? Could there be an Auror in the family?)

**Draco Black (Now officially a Bastard)**

Blaise Zabini (Draco's Italian Stallion…covered in honey)

**Nymphadora Tonks, Lady Hufflepuff**

Remus Lupin (Shagged, then hexed)

Bill Weasley (Conquest #1)

Charlie Weasley (Conquest #2…may have wand issues)

Fred and George Weasley (Conquest #3)

Severus Snape (Blame it on the rain…)

**Percy Weasley (Warden, Executioner, Proud Papa)**

Penelope Weasley (Doting Mother)

**Colin Creevy, Lord Slytherin**

Daphne Greengrass (Is it confidence or delusion?)

**Ginny Weasley**

Ernie McMillan (Slice #1, Slightly stale)

Zach Smith (Slice #2, Fuzzy green specks on the crust)

Tracy Davis (Exploration has its benefits)

**Seamus Finnegan**

Dean Thomas (Bottom)

**Victor Krum**

Alena Morozov (Even with a gender change, fewer wand issues than Charlie)


	29. Author's Note

Author's Note:

We're about to make a lot of people very unhappy. The good news is that we are not abandoning either Harem or Jade Potter. The bad news is that we are putting them on hiatus for now. Why? With Harem we have hit a creative wall and need to go back through the chapters and find all the loose threads that are dangling so we can weave them back in. Jade, well, Jade needs some work. It's either not going where we wanted or it's taking the really long way around and that was not the original intention. There are also some Vespa sized plot holes in it that we need to figure out how to fill. The long and the short of it is that right now, they aren't very much fun to write. We are writing, make no mistake, but just not on those two.

On a side note, the poll results are in and using the Olympic standards of knocking out the two highest and two lowest scores, the winner is the Vegas Marriage Challenge. (This is a good thing since this is what has occupied Dylan's mind for the last several weeks. –Meirha) Seriously though, we do have ideas for all 4 top results and we took the hint and abandoned the Harry/Spooks idea. (Shame really, I thought _When Harry Met Harry_ would be a great story title. –Dylan) The HP/Twilight is still going to be posted on Meirha's site (hopefully soon –Meirha) but you'll find the others here, or on ficwad. Haven't decided yet.

So, yeah, that's the long and short of it. We appreciate all the reviews and the encouragement to continue but when it's not coming, it's not coming. We enjoy these stories too much to force it just to get a chapter out. It wouldn't be fair to the story and more importantly it wouldn't be fair to you, our readers. For your understanding, here's an Olympic inspired snippet from our writing process.

Luna emerged from her bedroom carrying a stack of documents on Muggle paper. Everyone watched as she carefully placed them in a project binder and slipped the binder into a padded envelope. She then put on her traveling cloak and started towards the door.

Meirha looked up from her typewriter and gazed curiously at the young blond. "Luna, what do you have there?"

Luna paused and looked at the writer. "It's a formal protest to the International Olympic Committee."

Dylan turned his attention to the conversation. "What are you protesting?" he asked curiously.

Luna squared her shoulders. "China being allowed to use robots on their diving team."

Dylan and Meirha blinked and looked at each other before Meirha turned back to Luna. "Luna, Dylan wasn't-"

Dylan placed his hand on Meirha's shoulder. "No, no. Let's see where this goes."


End file.
